


Goodnight, Love

by saraid



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 127,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saraid/pseuds/saraid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair fall in love and then figure out what that means for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is finished. It's taking me a bit to get it posted on AO3 because I'm line editing, but it will all be here eventually. 
> 
> This began as a serial written in 1998, for someone I was in love with at the time, and was then gathered into a long story, and later published as a zine in 2005. It has been edited for sappiness.

Friday, August 22, 1997

Blair Sandburg rolled over restlessly. Something was missing, something he couldn't sleep without, but he couldn't place it. Irritated, he rolled out of the bed, landing solidly on his feet and padding out to the darkened living room.

He sighed deeply.

Jim was on stakeout, as he had been for the past three nights, and Simon had decreed this one a no-Sandburg zone. The higher-ups were making nervous noises about his constant presence at Jim's side and the captain thought a break would give them time to find someone else to harass. He hated not being with Jim, but the detective wasn't alone and they weren't doing anything really dangerous. Just boring. But he still missed him.  
Although they'd realized they were falling in love with each other months ago, they still hadn't moved past that awkward what-do-we-do-next stage.

"Man, this sucks,” he spoke crossly to himself, going to the kitchen and digging in the fridge, not really wanting anything, but restless enough to consider looking. 

Finally settling on a beer, the young anthropologist slumped on the couch. Closing his eyes and sipping at the bitter drink, he coaxed his mind to calm with images of earlier that same evening.

He'd gotten home just as Jim woke up. He'd gone up to check on him in time to see Jim open his eyes and Jim's smile had been a welcome haven after his frustrating day dealing with office politics and filling out a grant proposal written by a bureaucrat with stock in the paper industry.

"Hey, Chief." Jim half-sat, the blankets falling to his waist, and opened his arms in invitation. With an audible gulp Blair had slid up the bed and settled gingerly on that broad chest, Jim's arms coming around him, holding him snugly.

Jim had cuddled him before, but always in the chair or on the couch or the balcony. He'd never been in Jim's bed this way, close to him, the big man's heart thumping steadily under his ear.

He liked it.

"Mmm."

"This is nice." Jim shifted and Blair became aware of his own arousal, knew Jim could feel it and smell it. “We should have done this before."

"It feels just right." Blair snuggled deeper into the embrace, one hand resting on Jim's chest, the other tucked beneath himself. His hair trailed across Jim's neck and shoulder and he wondered if his friend liked it. Nervously he reached the free hand and began pulling it behind his ears.

"Leave it." Jim's voice was suddenly husky as his fingers stopped Blair's, gently pushed them aside and then tangled in the wayward mass of curls. "I like it."

“Are you sure? Sometimes it tickles..." Blair trailed off when Jim began massaging his scalp through the curls, and closed his eyes with a purr. "I love that, Jim."

“You never said anything...but I thought you might." Jim chuckled, but his voice still had that dark sexy quality that Blair heard so rarely. 

“We should do this more often.” The words were said carefully. Blair was having a harder time keeping things easy than Jim was. He just wanted to dive right in and go for it, but Jim believed that they needed time to make the adjustments, get more comfortable with each other first. Of course, Blair could occasionally get him to get a little carried away...he tipped his head back, lips slightly parted, wetting them delicately with the tip of his tongue the way he knew would drive Jim crazy. 

“You little tramp." Jim scolded, but he took the offer, covering Blair's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply, tongues meeting, dancing in the wet heat until Blair let slip a groan and Jim pulled back, his fingers digging into Blair's scalp just enough to let the younger man know that he was definitely interested, despite his next words. “We'd better get out of this bed." 

Grinning wryly, Blair had allowed himself to be hefted to the floor - Jim really liked to manhandle him and the smaller man thought it was kind of sweet, in a Jim sort of way - and watched his partner as he got up and picked out what he was going to wear that night.

The rest of the evening had been pretty average, Blair remembered, opening his eyes and taking a large swallow. He'd cooked dinner, they'd watched some TV, and then Jim had had to leave. All of it normal, completely within the bounds of their new relationship.

So why can't I sleep? He finished the beer and stood to get another, but the shrill ringing of the phone stopped him dead in his tracks.

Three a.m. Oh God, this can't be good. He leapt across the room and grabbed it before the second ring finished.

"Blair Sandburg,” he blurted, terrified.

"Hey, Chief. I was right, you are up."

"Jim! Thank God. No, I just got up. For some reason I can't sleep, man."  
A soft laugh from the other end let him know that Jim was smiling that gentle smile he loved.

"I know. I realized that I forgot something before I left. But I couldn't call until Brown took a break."

“You did?" Blair thought furiously. He could take whatever it was to Jim if his car would cooperate....Jim's whisper sparked through him.

"I didn't tell you goodnight, love."

"Man, Jim." Blair sighed, and smiled. “You're right. How could I sleep without hearing that?" 

"Not well, I know." Jim's chuckled again, softer this time. “I know you need to hear it, Chief. As much as I need to say it."

“You know, Jim," Blair let his voice get low and husky, the way that made Jim growl at him. "I think tonight I need to hear it again."

“Will you go to bed - and go to sleep - if I do?"

“Yes." Blair was reduced to a sigh.

"Promise?"

“And dream of you."

"Then go to bed, Blair. Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight, Jim."

A fine tremor ran through his hand as Blair hung the phone up. He clutched it in the other and brought both to his mouth, pressing them to his lips to suppress the shout of joy that was rising in him.  
Then he went to bed, and slept, with Jim's name on his tongue.

 

Saturday, August 23, 1997 

"Damn.” Trying to work his door key to his fingers from his palm, Blair was hindered by the weight of the canvas bag, the straps cutting into his wrist. He'd gotten grocery shopping down to an art form, buying just as much as they needed for the week, and it almost exactly filled the four large canvas tote bags he took with him to avoid the fill-the-landfill-or-kill-some-trees issue of paper-or-plastic. Unfortunately that meant that adding just a few extra items made the bags too heavy, and he'd picked up a couple of extra six-packs and a package of notebooks, in addition to other things.

"Ouch!" he blurted as the key slipped and the strap twisted, cutting into the skin. "Damn." With a sigh he put the bags down - all of them, his hands were starting to cramp - retrieved his key, and opened the door before picking them all back up.

He shut the door behind himself with his foot, trying to do it quietly. If his mild outburst on the landing hadn't woken his love, then Jim needed more sleep.

He checked the time before putting the groceries away. Several items were left out to take to the bathroom and when the rest were safely stored the young man leaned on the counter and picked up one of them, turning it over in his hands thoughtfully.

Maybe he was pushing things. How was Jim going to react when he saw this in the medicine cabinet?

The box of condoms looked very benign, sitting serenely on the countertop. Blair laid the tube of personal lubricant down next to it and considered.

I'll just put them in the cabinet and wait until he notices. Then he'll know I'm willing and we won't have to have that conversation.

That brought a smile to his face as he gathered the supplies and put them away in the small bathroom. Jim didn't mind talking about things as much as Blair had thought he would. 

That chore completed, the anthropologist reviewed his mental list of tasks for the day. He'd been to the library, picked up the book he'd been waiting to come in on inter-library loan. Dropped Jim's grey suit at the cleaners, he'd need it to testify next week in the Harrewood case. Returned the videos. Dropped by the station for a couple of hours to finish up some paperwork that Jim hadn't had time to get to. Bought groceries, checked his email. Now he had to choose; read the book - the translated diary of a German missionary which he hoped would have some corroborating evidence for another account, or finish writing that midterm he had to give next week.

"Better finish the test. The book will wait,” he said aloud.

With another sigh he grabbed a beer and his laptop and settled on the couch, little computer balanced on his crossed legs, beer cold against his groin.

After a half hour he finished the beer and ran a hand through his hair. This was not what he wanted to be doing. But Jim needed his sleep, and this test needed to be written....he hadn't spent near enough time with his love lately and it was getting to him. Not being at the station with him, watching him leave for the stakeout alone every night while Blair kept house and went to school and did his thing...he missed that casual contact.

He found himself looking at the stairs speculatively.

I could go up and work at his desk. If he wakes up then he's done sleeping, right? Or maybe I could help him get back to sleep....that brought a slow smile to his face. Motivated, he got up off the couch and went quietly up the stairs. 

Jim was sleeping neatly on his back, sheet pulled just to his pecs, one arm flung out to the side. Remembering yesterday, Blair grinned.  
Carefully he stacked the two extra pillows and sat gingerly on the other side of the bed, legs bent, laptop propped on his knees. The big man beside him stirred but then lay quiet.

This is much better. Blair got to work, typing with gentle touches, being as quiet as he could.

"Hey." 

The gentle voice startled Blair out of his thoughts. His movement displaced the laptop, but it was caught as it slid to the bed, Jim's large hand balancing it until Blair took it and hit the key to save his work. Then he snapped it shut and leaned to set it on the floor beside the bed before turning to look at Jim.

"Hey yourself. Sleep well?"

“You tell me. How long have you been up here?"

Blair checked the clock and made a face. It was past dark.

"Um...about three hours. I just wanted....you know, to be close to you."

"I think I knew you were here,” Jim said. The tone of his voice made Blair meet his eyes, and his breath quickened when he saw how dark they were, the bright blue now ocean-deep. "I was dreaming of you when I woke up."

“What did you dream?" Blair heard his words, husky and low, wondered what it was about this man that made him react so quickly. He leaned onto his elbows, rolling to his side, his face only inches from Jim's.

"This.” Those big hands came up to cup his face and Blair closed his eyes as Jim's lips covered his. He opened his mouth and sucked Jim's tongue in when it was offered.

They kissed slowly for long minutes. Blair felt his cock harden and shifted, going to his stomach, his chest pressed to Jim's, resisting the urge to rub himself into the bed, unable to stifle the groan that rose in him as Jim's hands slipped up to his head, fingers sinking deep into his hair, freeing it from the elastic band, combing it over his shoulders.

"More,” he sighed when Jim pulled back, studying him. "Please, Jim."

“You taste really good." Jim kissed him lightly, tongue just dipping in to touch the roof of Blair's mouth before he pulled back again. "Like sunshine and summer days,” he did it again.

Blair spread one hand flat on the broad smooth chest, and rubbed a gentle circle, the tips of his fingers brushing a nipple that was already hard and sensitized. 

"Mm!" Jim hissed and his hands tightened on Blair's head.

Deliberately Blair repeated the caress.

"Sandburg." Jim warned softly.

"Do you like it, Jim? You like me touching you?" now Blair pressed himself closer to Jim's chest, scooting a leg next to Jim's, feeling the heat of the larger man through the sheet. "Do you know how badly I want to touch you?” He purred now, Jim's hands picking up the rhythm they'd left.

"Oh Jesus, Blair." Jim was breathing quickly and his voice was thick. "Don't push, love. Please don't force it."

"Just stepping up the intensity." Blair breathed as his eyes closed and his mouth searched blindly for Jim's again, finding and devouring it. 

Blair felt the instant when Jim made the choice. One of the big hands slid to Blair's shoulder and then to his back, and his mouth opened unbelievably wide beneath Blair's, inviting the younger man to take all that he could.

Rejoicing inwardly, Blair gave himself up to that kiss, trying to meld them together like Vulcans, one mind, one body.

There was no way to tell how long it went on. All Blair knew was that one minute he was eating Jim alive and the next his lover was gently but firmly lifting the smaller man, hands at his waist, and setting him off to his side while Jim sat and climbed out of the bed.

"Jim?” Fingers touching swollen lips, his own breathing loud in his ears, Blair stared at his lover, wide-eyed. He didn't know how adorably confused he sounded.

"Right here, love." Jim leaned over the bed to drop a kiss to the top of his head, hand briefly stroking Blair's flushed cheek.

“We were getting a little carried away there."

"Is that so bad?"

"No, it's not bad at all. We have the rest of our lives, love. Let's enjoy this."

"I don't particularly enjoy frustration." Blair grumbled, following Jim out of the bed and down the stairs.

"Think how great it's going to be when we finally make love." Jim crooned, turning on the last step and catching Blair in his arms, their height difference temporarily cancelled.

Nuzzling his neck, Jim made soft contented sounds.

Holding Jim's face to his neck, Blair spread his legs slightly for balance and moaned softly. Jim raised his head and grinned at him.

“We are going to be so good together."

"If I survive this." Blair retorted. Jim released him and headed for the bathroom.

"I'd better get a move on if I'm not going to be late,” he said over his shoulder. 

"I'll have dinner in fifteen minutes." Blair promised, moving into the kitchen and throwing together the ingredients for a taco salad. With chips and beer and mild salsa, he had it on the table and ready to go by the time Jim came down from getting dressed.

"I noticed you got everything on the list,” Jim said as he sat and filled his plate. Blair gave him an inquisitive glance.

"Deodorant, shaving cream..." Jim trailed off.

"I got a couple of extra things, too.” The younger man said carefully, pushing his hair back behind his ears to eat.

“Yeah, I saw that."

Blair looked up and their eyes met. Jim's were warm and mildly embarrassed. Blair grinned suddenly. 

"Is that okay, man?"

"Of course it is, love." Jim raised his bottle and took a long drink. "But I know you were never a boy scout."

"There are other groups who believe in being prepared." Blair teased now.

"Like detectives." Jim agreed.

Dinner was over quickly and Jim had to leave. Blair was running the dishwater when he felt the heat at his back. He straightened and leaned, Jim's arms coming around him automatically. Blair wrapped his arms over Jim's, closed his eyes, and sighed.

"I wish there was music on,” he sighed."I want to dance with you."

"Everything in its own time." Jim whispered, nuzzling into his hair. "I won't be here to say it when you go to bed, and I don't know if I'll be able to call. Do you mind if I say it now?"

"Hmmm, no, of course not." Blair lay his head back on Jim's shoulder, exposing the line of his throat, breath catching when the older man took the hint and nuzzled there as well.

"Goodnight, love." Jim whispered, placing a tender kiss at the juncture of neck and shoulder before releasing him and pulling away. "Get some sleep tonight, okay?"

"I will, Jim." Blair leaned on the sink and watched him grab his coat and go out the door. "I love you."

He whispered it so quietly he thought that even his sentinel wouldn't hear him, but Jim stopped halfway through the door and gifted him with that smile, the one that made Blair's bones melt and puddle in his shoes.

"Goodnight, love.” The man said again. Then he was gone, out the door, and Blair stood staring after him until he became aware of the warmth soaking the front of his shirt and jeans and realized that the sink was overflowing. 

 

Monday, August 25, 1997 

The Cascade PD Major Crimes bullpen was quiet and dim, almost nine o'clock on a Monday. The only bright light came from the captain's office, where slatted blinds let it through in yellow streaks that striped the floor.  
Voices could be heard inside.

“Aw, hell, Simon.” Detective James Ellison drew his hand back behind his head and made as if to throw his pen, but restrained himself and rested his head on the clenched fist instead.

"It's not my call, Jim.” His tall captain stood and poured another cup of coffee.

"I thought this was going to blow over." with a grimace Jim accepted the cup Simon offered. “What is this again?"

"Mocha Espresso.” Simon sipped his with obvious pleasure, smirking at Jim's wrinkled nose. "It's pretty good. About twice the caffeine, and we'll need it tonight." 

"I like coffee that tastes like coffee." Jim took a swallow, suppressing the urge to grimace at the overly-sweet flavor. “And I like having my partner beside me when I'm forced to work through the night. Again.” The big man stood. Simon might be taller but Jim was more heavily muscled and had more of a predatory presence. Simon watched as he prowled the office restlessly. 

“We're making progress. All we have left to do is get this stuff organized and we'll be ready in the morning." 

“We'll get this to that prosecutor in Texas on time if it takes all night." Jim ran his fingers through a stack of black-and-white computer images, fanning them. "I guess if Blair has to be in the doghouse, now's a good time for it." 

"It's not anything he did, Jim." hastening to reassure, the captain hoped to head off an angry outburst. He knew well how protective Jim was of his unofficial partner, how defensive the man could get when people belittled Sandburg or didn't take him seriously. "His hospital bills from that Quinn fiasco really put it over the top. You know they've been looking at his involvement with a jaundiced eye ever since." 

"How much trouble can he get into here, Simon? You let him come in and do paperwork Saturday." 

“And got an ear-chewing I can still hear!" Simon sat in his chair at the table, leaning forward. "Just give it a couple more weeks, Jim. They're gonna get distracted and we can start working him back in, a little at a time." 

“And what about me in the meantime?" Jim spun and Simon saw that he wasn't going to avoid the outburst after all. 

“What about you? How long has it been since you zoned out? You don't need Sandburg behind you anymore, Ellison. You like having him there, you're used to it, but you don't need it." 

"It's not that simple, Simon.” The unintentional pun brought a flash of grin that vanished almost instantly. "He thinks of ways to use my abilities that never occur to me. I'm more effective when he's with me." 

“And this has nothing to do with your personal feelings.” Simon drew the words out and then raised his cup in front of his face, sipping, while he watched Jim's response. 

Suddenly the younger man was very still, drawing into himself. He gathered his dignity around him and sat slowly, facing Simon with that closed-off look that the captain knew too well. 

But he didn't deny Simon's words. He would never deny Blair that way.   
He just answered, in a calm, steady voice. "No. I'll admit that I like having him around because of how I feel about him. But I needed him before and I need him now." 

"Thank you for not trying to bullshit me." 

"I know better." now Jim managed a fleeting grin. 

"How is he taking this separation?" 

"He's keeping busy. Says he's gotten a lot done on his dissertation. The loft is really clean." Jim shrugged. "He misses me. As much as I miss him. And this past couple of weeks hasn't helped much, working all night and all evening every day." 

"It's your job, Jim. It was worth it, too, to catch this creep, wasn't it?"   
Reaching across the table, Jim's big hand ruffles the pictures, disrupting the symmetry of the pattern he'd formed minutes ago. It was a collection guaranteed to chill any good man's heart; little boys, dozens of them, naked, being touched and touching in ways that they shouldn't have even known possible. The man who'd taken the pictures had destroyed all the evidence at his home, but they'd made a connection between him and a 'buyer' here. The stakeout had all been about waiting for the man here to download and print the images he'd bought. Then they had traced his credit card number back to the man in Texas....it had been scut work, mostly, but well worth it. 

"Even Blair would think so." 

"So what is it between you two?” The black man picked up an image and filed it into a case with the others. Taking the hint, Jim picked up his folder and added a note. They worked quietly for several minutes before Jim spoke. 

"If you're asking whether we're sleeping together, the answer is; 'not yet'. I want to...I think he wants to, but we're waiting." 

"That's a good idea. It's going to be hard, you know. I'm not going to be the only one to figure it out." 

“We'll keep it to ourselves as long as we can." Jim went behind Simon's desk and sat, fingers on the keyboard, typing in the notes he'd handwritten. Then his head snapped up and he stared at the door. 

“What?” Simon followed his glance. 

"Sandburg's here." Jim glanced at the table with worry. 

"Meet him out there.” Simon stood and began gathering the images into an untidy pile while Jim left the office. 

Blair stepped off the elevator and glanced around. It was quiet up here tonight. Across the hall in Vice was as loud and busy as it was at noon, but major Crimes looked deserted. 

"Sandburg?” He heard Jim's voice just before the door opened. 

"Hey, there,” he knew the grin spreading across his face was goofy, but he couldn't help it. "I thought I'd bring you some dinner. If you haven't eaten already?” He held up the small ice chest that was by his side. 

"Not since lunch and that was wonderburgers." Jim took the chest and opened it as they walked into the bullpen.

"Sandburg. Damn, I love you." Jim exclaimed when he found two large tupperware containers of chili and a foil-wrapped chunk of cornbread. 

"I know you do." Blair stopped in the middle of the room and faced Jim. "I brought enough for Simon too. So when are you coming home?" 

"In the morning." Jim frowned as Blair's face fell. "I've got to get this finished." 

“And I can't stay." with a sigh Blair brought a hand up and stroked Jim's jaw lightly. 

"I'm sorry." Jim caught the hand and pressed is face to it. Then he glanced at Simon's office. "C'mere.” Setting the open chest on a nearby desk, he used the hand to pull Blair into an embrace, snuggling the shorter man's head under his chin. 

"mmmmmm." Blair closed his eyes and relaxed into him. 

“You said it." Jim chuckled and closed his eyes as well. He let his hands sink deep into the long curls and rub at Blair's scalp, scenting deeply. "I've missed you." 

"I've missed you more." Blair challenged contentedly. 

"Silly.” Tilting his love's face upwards, Jim treated them both to a deep, hungry kiss. By the time he let go they were both panting slightly. 

“You better get back to work." Blair stepped away. 

“Wait a minute.” There was a strange look on Jim's face as he stopped Blair with a hand on his arm. “What are you wearing under that coat?" 

"I didn't come up here naked, if that's what you're asking."   
Blair grinned, but unzipped his long leather coat, revealing several layers of shirts over worn jeans. Then he looked at Jim curiously. "So?" 

"Give me one of your shirts." Jim rested his hands on his hips, watching his lover with hot eyes. Blair blinked, then grinned slightly. 

Awkwardly, he took off his coat and unbuttoned the top shirt, an over-sized flannel that hung loosely on him. Jim watched his love as he slipped the shirt off over his square shoulders, slightly bashful movement, and then held it in one hand, his eyes questioning the bigger man. 

“Yeah, that's what I want." Jim lifted the shirt from his hand and bundled it up, bringing it to his face to close his eyes and inhale deeply.   
Blair's scent flooding his nostrils and sent a tingle of electricity through him that landed in his groin. Jim opened his mouth and took a gulp of air, filling himself with it. 

"Jim. Hey, man, Jim. C'mon, man, open up the rest of them, listen to my voice...." 

The bright blue eyes flew open and Jim chuckled self-consciously. 

"Oops. Simon was just asking me how long it's been since I zoned." 

“You must be suffering from withdrawals." Blair teased gently while Jim shook the shirt out and put it on over his button-down, leaving it open. What was big on Blair fit him just right. He tilted his head and sniffed at the shoulder. 

"I'm way below my average daily requirement of Sandburg. This should help." 

They stood and stared at each other for a few minutes. Then Blair sighed and glanced at the office. 

“You better get back to work." 

“Yeah." 

"I've got that book to read." Blair walked around Jim, keeping his eyes on his love's face as he did. 

"Do me a favor?" Jim stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. 

“Anything you want." Blair answered, hearing his own voice getting rough. 

"I thought...even though I'm not gonna be there....maybe you could sleep in my bed tonight?" 

Blair's eyes widened and something flared deep in them, something Jim was afraid to put a name to. 

"I'd like to think of you there." Jim dropped his voice as well. 

"I'd really like that." Blair's answer was a sigh, barely audible. 

"I had to say it on the phone last night." Jim's mouth twitched and his hand on Blair's shoulder drew the smaller man a step closer. 

“With Brown standing outside the car." Blair smirked. Jim's hand pressured him closer, and then he was an inch away, Jim's heat flowing out to envelop him. 

"In the morning, Jim?" Blair sounded lonely. 

“As soon as I get out of here." Jim promised, and drew him closer still, bodies touching lightly. 

"That seems like a long time, man." 

"Shhhh." Jim's lips pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and then dropped to whisper into his ear. "Say goodnight, love." 

"Goodnight, Jim.” His breathing was quicker now. 

"Goodnight, love." Jim nuzzled briefly at the ear and then lifted Blair and moved him away, hands on his waist holding him until he caught his balance. 

They stared at each other for a minute, then Jim grabbed the chest and clicked the lid closed. 

Blair sighed one last time, then gathered up his coat and left, Jim's eyes on him the whole way out. 

“Love you, Jim.” The whisper reached the waiting Sentinel even from behind the closed elevator doors. 

 

Tuesday, August 26, 1997 

Blair curled up and hugged the extra pillow close to his chest. Damn, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Jim had come home this morning, like he'd promised, but he'd had to leave again right away when a suspect was spotted. They'd had enough time for one good kiss and then he was gone, out the door, a lonely Blair trailing in his wake an hour after, going to school.

And now Blair was here, trying to sleep, almost eleven o'clock and no sign of Jim. He could call the station again, but the last time Simon had snapped at him.

“We're busy here, Sandburg! Jim is fine and I'll send him home just as soon as I can."

It had sounded like he was scolding one of the officer's wives, as he occasionally did when they pushed too hard. And that didn't make Blair feel any better at all.

It was almost midnight when his thoughts finally settled into something less than a whirlwind and he thought he could rest.  
When he heard the first creak on the stair he thought it was just his imagination, overworked from sexual fantasies about Jim... but there it was again.

Nervously he sat up, back to the railing, and reached for the lamp.

"It's just me, Chief.” The voice was exhausted from three days without sleep, but totally recognizable. Blair bounded out of the bed and wrapped himself around his love, his sudden weight causing Jim to stagger. 

Turning quickly the bigger man fell back on the bed, landing with Blair on top of him. He wrapped his arms just as tight around his roommate and heaved a great sigh.

"I was afraid I'd be too late,” he nuzzled into Blair's hair, tousled from his attempts at sleep.

"Too late for what?" Blair's words were muffled because he was rubbing his face into Jim's chest. The big man was still wearing Blair's flannel shirt over his own. 

"To snuggle up with you in my bed for the first time." Jim gently lifted Blair off his body and set him to one side. Blair stretched out on his side, head on one outstretched arm, and watched as Jim got up, turned on the lamp, and started to undress. 

"So this is what we do next?” He couldn't keep the teasing out of his voice.

"If you like." Jim's eyes on his were briefly worried, but Blair's response eased him.

"Oh, I like. I definitely like, man." 

The deep blue eyes swept Jim's form and came to rest on his face and the older man felt an absurd impulse to blush but fought it down. When it was under control he flipped back the covers and slid beneath them.  
Blair joined him, lying on his back, and Jim curled over and around his sturdy body, his head on Blair's shoulder, an arm and leg over him. Blair's hand stroked through his short spiky hair.

They rested quietly, absorbing this new level of intimacy.

"I never thought it would be this soft,” Blair said, so softly Jim had to turn to his hearing to catch it.

"The bed?" now Jim was teasing.

“Your hair, goof." Blair leaned down and Jim leaned up and their mouths met in a tender kiss that lasted long minutes, neither of them willing to break it to breathe. Jim felt Blair's breath streaming out of his nose, warm and moist and surprisingly sweet. Finally they broke apart and Blair shifted Jim back down, resuming his head rubbing.

“You're exhausted, love. I hope Simon gave you tomorrow off."

“Yeah, he did." but Jim didn't sound too happy about it. Blair waited patiently, knowing that he'd tell the rest when he was ready. "But I've got to go out of town this weekend. Prisoner transfer."

“And I can't come." Blair sighed. Jim shifted a leg and his thigh rubbed over Blair's groin, drawing a deep sigh.

"That feel good?" 

"Uh-huh." Blair's sigh turned into a moan as Jim pressed down. "I was beginning to wonder."

“About what?" letting his hand slide over Blair's chest, Jim discovered the sensation of curly chest hair under his palm. He sighed and shifted minutely closer.

"If you...if we... were ever gonna...go any further.” The smaller man's hips wriggled in slow motion beneath Jim's legs. His hand stilled in Jim's hair. 

“What, you think I'm a saint, Sandburg? You think I could resist this indefinitely?" one long finger circled a hardened nipple and Blair's head tilted back. He arched slightly, urging Jim on.

Jim stilled and placed a tender kiss on Blair's chest. The hairs tickled slightly and he snuffled a minute before laying his cheek back down, pressing close, listening to the increased heartbeat.

"Shhhh." Moved his leg past Blair's groin, leaving behind the stirring hardness with regret. “We need to sleep now."

"Jimmm." Blair moaned softly. "How slow are we gonna take this, anyhow?" 

"Since we've never talked about it, I thought we'd just do things when they felt right." Jim answered thoughtfully.

"Maybe we need to talk about it." Blair shifted again, then seemed to gain control of himself, and he settled back into the pillows, his hand again stroking through Jim's hair, fingers spread.

“We will." Jim promised. His eyes closed and he rubbed his face into Blair's chest. “You ready to sleep now?"

“Yeah. It's nice to do this, here, with you."

"It is, isn't it." Jim agreed. He was quiet, waiting for Blair's words.

They came slowly, as if tonight the younger man felt more weight attached to them here, in Jim's bed, with Jim in his arms.

"I love you, Jim."

"I know you do." Jim gave the body under him a little squeeze.   
"Goodnight, love."

There was no answer. Because motor-mouth hundred-miles--a-minute-mind Sandburg had fallen asleep as soon as he heard the words.

 

Thursday, August 28, 1997 

“Aw, Jim." Blair made a face and climbed out of bed, still wearing only his boxers, when he heard the door open. Padding down the stairs, he gave his love a sweet smile as the bigger man practically staggered into the loft. "I thought you were going to be home last night."

"I tried." exhaustion colored his voice as Jim draped himself over Blair's sturdy form. The younger man's smile widened and he braced himself to take the weight, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and holding on. After several long minutes he shifted, moving to Jim's side, and led him to the couch.

“You don't wanna go upstairs and get into bed?” He settled Jim on the couch, pulling off his shoes and covering him with the throw from the back. Jim shook his head, relaxing into the cushions. With one hand he pulled Blair closer, and then, with a quick twist of his wrist, tumbled the student into his lap.

"Hey!" with that mild protest Blair cuddled up and began nuzzling at Jim's neck.

"It's a good thing you've got class this morning, otherwise you'd know what a fraud I am." Jim's hands restlessly caressed Blair's back and sides, cool on his warm skin. Blair sighed and wriggled.

"I know you're tired." Blair wriggled again, more deliberately this time. "But you'll be wide awake by the time I get home this afternoon."

“And packing to leave first thing in the morning."

“You had to remind me." Even white teeth flashed as Blair nipped Jim's shoulder.

"Hey! Ow. I'm not 100% edible, you know." 

"So how much of you is edible?" leaning back, Jim's hands on his waist catching his weight, Blair grinned.

“You'll find out later." With a sigh Jim lifted the younger man and set him off the couch, Blair shaking his head at the whole operation. "I can move, y'know"

"I like moving you.” The way he said it, sweet and non-defensive, made Blair lean back to give him a quick kiss, just a warm touch of lips. 

"I've gotta get ready for school." 

"God, it sounds like I'm cradle-snatching."

“You wish." Blair turned his back on Jim with a smile, feeling the other's eyes on him. He walked toward the bathroom with an exaggerated wiggle.  
When he was done he came out expecting to find Jim already asleep, but instead he was watching, waiting for Blair to emerge. 

"I thought you were tired.” Towel around his waist, another over his hair, Blair grinned again as Jim's eyes wandered his damp body.

"Never too tired to look at you." Jim sighed. "Maybe too tired to do anything about it..."

Tucking the leading edge of the towel into the wrapped edge, Blair walked back to the couch to lean and open his mouth to Jim, who eagerly took the offering, his tongue stroking Blair's hungrily.

"Now I've really got to go." Blair pulled away with one last kiss, and his face softened as his voice dropped to a whisper.

"Goodnight, love."

"Have a good day." Jim answered, his eyes slowing closing as he lost the battle against sleep. "Goodnight."

Forty-five minutes later Blair was going out the door, but stopped.  
Returning to the couch, he pressed a kiss to Jim's closed mouth and smiled when the older man smiled in his sleep and whispered his name. "Blair." with a sigh.

 

Monday, September 1, 1997 

Blair was so tired he was moving in slow motion, but he snatched the phone up before the first ring even finished.

"Jim? Man, where are you?!"

The man on the other end didn't quite laugh, but Blair heard it in his voice as he answered.

"I could ask you the same thing, Sandburg. I've been trying to reach for hours."

"I had to finish up some research at the library. Then I called the hotel and they said you'd checked out, so I thought you were on your way. I went to the store so I could make a nice dinner and ran into Becky, remember her?, that blond TA, and she needed help with this paper she's writing, her word processor ate it..,” he paused for breath and Jim spoke up quickly.

"There's a big storm, the planes are grounded, I'm stuck at the airport and I hope you didn't help her with anything else."

"Huh, wha?!" Blair almost squeaked in indignation, but then realized that Jim was teasing. “You know better than that, man,” he scolded, not thinking it was too funny. "So, does this mean you're, like, not gonna be home tonight?"

"They say it'll clear up by morning." Jim's voice dropped. "I'm sorry. I wanted to come home to you tonight." 

"I wanted you to." Blair sighed deeply, cradling the phone to his face with both hands. "I thought we would...you know."

“Yeah." Jim sighed now too, as if he was deflating on the other end of the line. "I know."

"So, you gonna say it? I've been waiting for it." Blair perked up a little at the thought. But his love didn't answer right away.

"Jim?"

"Hang on. I'm thinking." 

Settling back into the couch cushions, phone pressed close to his ear, Blair restlessly twisted an errant lock of hair around his index finger.

“What are you wearing?” The question caught Blair by surprise and he sat up a little.

"Huh? Um, just a T-shirt and boxers man. I was going to hit the sack soon if you didn't show. Whhhy?” He drew the word out cautiously, wary, of the response.

"'Cause I want to put you to bed." Jim's voice dropped even lower. Blair had to strain to hear it now. He sat forward, focusing on those words and the reaction they caused in his anatomy.

"Tuck me in and tell me a story?” He hedged, wondering if Jim had something more .... intense....in mind.

"I think the story will have to wait, there's a line of people a half-mile long behind every phone." Jim chuckled low in his throat and Blair felt a flush start in his toes and work its way up his body. "But definitely tuck you in. Are you ready for bed?" 

“Yeah." Blair whispered at Sentinel-level, exhaustion returning full-force.

"Then go on up the stairs. Lock the door, turn out the lights, and listen as I tell you how much I miss you."

The familiar shapes of the living room became obstacles as Blair tried to lock up while Jim told him, so softly, how much he had missed him, how much he'd wanted him, how good knowing Blair was waiting for him at home made him feel. As Blair began navigating the stairs Jim let his voice get rough and thick.

"I never knew I could miss somebody, love. Not since my mother...I never missed anyone the way I miss you."

Making the last step Blair stopped and took a deep breath to center himself.

"I went around all weekend feeling like I'd forgotten something. Something I had to do. Something terribly important. I would stop and think about it and realize that it wasn't something I'd forgot..it was you. You weren't beside me, where you belong." Jim must have heard him stop moving because he stopped talking for a few seconds and listened. “You upstairs?"

“Yeah.” A little stronger this time, to let Jim know that he was still here.  
"Fold back the covers on your side...I like saying that, 'your side'. Carolyn and I used to argue about that. She thought that claiming a space in the bed as mine meant that I didn't want to share it with her. But you know better. The bed is ours, so it doesn't matter who sleeps where or what we call it."

"It's ready." Reaching with his free hand Blair fluffed the pillows on his side, the right side of the bed.

"Now slide in. Pull the covers all the way up, I know you get cold at night and I'm not there to keep you warm."

Following the instructions, Blair grinned. This was intensely arousing, but amusing, too. He'd never imagined Jim to be the romantic type, much less playful, but he was thrilled to find that he was both those things, under the right circumstances.

"I'm tucked in tight,” he announced, laying back on the pillows, phone still at his ear.

"Light out?" Jim asked.

“Yes, but there's a little bit of moonlight coming in from the skylight." Blair sighed.

"I know it's pretty, but close your eyes.” The voice was so low, so beautiful in its power.

Blair did, with another sigh.

"Okay. You're going to sleep now. I have to find an empty chair and a cup of coffee, but I'll spend the rest of the night thinking about you, there, in our bed, warm and snug and dreaming of me." 

"I will dream of you.” Despite himself Blair felt his thoughts slowing. Jim's voice was reminding him how tired he was, what a long day it had been. "I always do."

"I like that." Jim sighed the words. "I've got to get off soon. They're forming a lynch mob. I should be back by dinner tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting.” Sleepy-sweet promise.

"Good." Jim paused. Blair perked up just a little.

"can't sleep 'till you say it..."

The deep chuckle sent a thrill shooting through Blair and he squirmed, waking from his drowse.

"Damn, Jim."

"Lie back." Jim order softly. "Close your eyes. Tomorrow we're going to talk about where we go next, is that okay with you?"

"I've been waiting for it." 

“You ready to sleep now?"

"Uh-huh. Snug as bug." Blair grinned slightly, remembering the childhood words.

"Then go to sleep."

"I love you, Jim." 

"I know you do. Goodnight, love." 

Jim listened as the breathing on the other end slowed and evened. The people in line behind him muttered and frowned, but he shifted his jacket so his gun was visible and the unrest devolved to surly silence.

"Blair?” He whispered, hoping his love hadn't dropped the phone.

“Aha.” Snuggling sounds as the younger man cuddled deeper into the bedclothes.

"Turn off the phone, love."

"hmm. Love you, Jim."

"Goodnight, love,” Jim said again, just before the connection was broken.  
The dirty looks he received as he gathered his things and relinquished the phone didn't even come close to wiping the smile off his face. 

 

Tuesday, September 2, 1997 

His backpack thumping heavily against him, Blair jogged up the stairs. He wanted to get in and get things ready before Jim got home...cook a nice dinner, tidy the place up....change the sheets.

Key in the door, he was startled when it swung open. A large hand relieved him of his burden and then he was pulled face-first into an unyielding surface...that smelled really good.

"Jim! You're early!" wrapping his arms tightly around the taller man's waist, Blair hung on as he was thoroughly hugged.

The outside air chilled his back and he realized that they were giving a show to anyone with a ticket. "Hey, man, the door,” he said, quietly.

A well-placed snap-kick took care of that problem and then Jim lifted the smaller man high, off his feet. To maintain his position Blair had to wrap his legs around Jim's waist, and move his arms to his shoulders. He clung tightly, not so afraid of Jim dropping him, but feeling terribly awkward and vulnerable in this new position.

"Blair?" big warm hands rubbed slow circles on his back and Blair raised his head, realizing that Jim must have heard his heart speed up, perhaps smelled the change in his body chemistry. "Is this okay?"

Deliberately lying his head back on the broad shoulder, Blair closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

“Yeah, Jim. This is good."

He felt the chuckle roll through Jim's chest and it brought a flush of arousal. He hadn't been hard before but now his cock was making up for lost time. He wiggled slightly, knowing Jim could feel it pressed to his hard stomach.

"Just different. You know?" Keeping his eyes closed, Blair tilted his head and parted his lips, offering. 

He felt the change of gravity as Jim turned slowly to lean back against the door, and held on a little tighter, maybe, but then his love's hands slid down his back and crossed under his ass, giving him some support so he didn't have to cling so tight, and Jim's mouth covered his.

His tongue stroked over and under Blair's and the younger man remembered to breathe through his nose so the kiss could go on and on....at last Jim pulled away.

Opening his blue eyes, Blair studied him, catalogeuing his condition.  
Jim was panting slightly and his bright blue eyes showed the beginnings of a daze. His arms slid until he was cupping Blair's ass with his hands. Giving in to the urge that suddenly took him, Blair wiggled again, this time moving his butt, making those hands dig in and grip.

"Uhn,” he grunted, surprised by the intensity of the sensation. 

"It's all different." Jim's soft agreement made him look away as thoughts flooded his mind.

Does he feel the same way I do? Does he like the way I look, or is it just a sentinel-guide thing? Will I be enough for him? He's had beautiful women...

“Your face is so expressive, Chief. Sometimes I think I can read your mind just by watching it.” Carefully Jim lowered him.

Blair's legs automatically went down, feet searching for the floor, and he was standing again. "Go clean up and I'll take you to dinner."

Halfway to the bathroom Blair stopped and turned around, more worry in his eyes than he knew.

"Um, Jim?"

“Yes, love?” The bigger man stopped at the foot of the stairs, hand on the wall.

“You want me to change clothes or anything? I mean, where are we going?"

“Wherever you want, Sandburg." Jim shrugged but his smile was sweet and Blair felt foolish for his fears. "I just want to take you out and enjoy your company."

"Like a date?” He needed it clarified. Needed to know what to expect, so he could plan.

“Yes, Chief. A date. That you're going to be late for if you don't hurry."

Blair went into the bathroom and closed the door without another word.   
Changing into a comfortable pair of jeans and a denim shirt that he knew would show off his chest, Jim sat on his bed for a few minutes while he waited for Blair to emerge.

He'd felt the sudden tenseness in his friend's body when he picked him up. Smelled the surge of adrenalin that had nothing to do with desire.   
Did I frighten him? Is he having second thoughts? Maybe I shouldn't be so damn physical. He shook his head in frustration. It seemed natural to him to pick Blair up, to move him around, to hold him tightly. But he'd never been like this with women he'd dated. Certainly not with Carolyn, who wouldn't have tolerated it. Was it because Blair was smaller and younger?  
Or because his distinct beauty made him seem somehow fragile?

Not just his beauty. His attitudes, his outlook. He would be so easy to hurt, and not just physically. Getting up from the bed Jim went back downstairs. Seeing the pack where he had dropped it, he picked it up and hung it on the rack beside his coat. Blair's coat was probably lying on the bathroom floor by now. He could be afraid that he's going to get hurt if we go on to sex.

That thought brought him up short. Perching on the arm of the couch, Jim explored it.

He was bigger than Blair and stronger, but the anthropologist was no wimp. What he lacked in size he made up for in determination and dedication. He'd followed Jim through miles of northwestern forest with a concussion before finally admitting that he was in pain and needed to rest. And even then he'd worried that Jim would think less of him as a man for it.

There was no doubt in Jim's mind that Blair was a man. Despite the long hair and earrings and tendency toward emotionalism, there was nothing effeminate about his partner. That wicked five o'clock shadow was enough to put that idea to rest.

His train of thought was derailed by Blair coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. Looking past him Jim could see that Blair had made at least a token effort to leave the small room tidy.

"I'll be a couple." with that Blair ducked into his room and shut the door just as firmly as he had the bathroom one, leaving Jim with a delicious mental picture to entertain himself with. 

He took Blair to one of his favorite Thai places, carefully ordering bland things. Blair just gave him an awkward half-smile and shook his head a little.

They talked about the conference, the trouble Blair's friend Becky was having with her webpage that he was still trying to fix.

"I managed to get an earlier flight." Jim explained his early arrival. "I only had to pester the ticket agent for four hours to do it. I think she would've cheered if my plane went down in the storm."

Blair frowned. It was obvious he didn't like that line of thought. Jim reached across the table and took his hand.

"Hey,” he said, dropping his voice, going intimate. "I missed you."

Now Blair's hand tightened on his and his eyes came up to meet Jim's.  
"I missed you, too."

"But you didn't seem entirely happy to see me." when Blair started to protest Jim gave his hand a sharp squeeze and finished what he had to say.

"Noooo...you didn't like it when I picked you up like that. You never seemed to mind before."

"It was always something quick before. Just to move me around. Not to....hold me.” Glancing nervously around the dim room, Blair broke out into a sweat.

"If I do something you don't like I want you to tell me." Jim encouraged. Then he waited patiently while Blair searched for the words to frame his response.

"It's not that I don't like it...,” he grimaced and his other hand joined the first, both wrapped around Jim's now. "But I don't know what to expect. I was comfortable with being held, and kissing you...but now that isn't enough,” he admitted it with a glance from beneath long lashes that made 

Jim draw in a quick breath.

“You want more.” The older man clarified carefully.

"But I don't know what I want.” Suddenly bashful, Blair looked down at the table, pulling one hand away to trace the pattern in the marble with an artistic finger.

Jim's other hand came up and caught the finger, covering and stilling it.

"Blair. Look at me." Jim's voice was full of love and faith. It allowed Blair to raise his eyes once again. "I'm as lost as you are here. The only thing I'm sure of is that I won't ever hurt you. If I do anything - anything - that you don't like, all you have to do is say so."

"It's almost as if we're choosing roles." Blair complained softly. "I've never been cast in this one before. I don't know if I'm cut out to be the submissive."

"I don't know much about sex between men, but I do know there don't have to be roles." Jim smiled slightly. "It's not like we need a top or a bottom."

Blair found a grin for that, and shook his head ruefully.

"I don't know what you see in me, man. What is it about me that would make you throw away everything you've ever learned about love?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Jim stood and pulled Blair up with him, then close to him, almost-but-not-quite-touching.

“You want more, huh."

“And I know you do." Laying a hand on Jim's stomach, Blair grinned up at him.

"So we need to figure out what more is."

“We should go home and get right to work on it." Blair agreed.

"I can live with that."

They left the restaurant with arms around each others' waists, grinning like idiots. 

 

The loft was dim, lit only by the bathroom light shining through the open door. That faint illumination halo'ed the figures that lay on the couch, so intertwined that they might have been one. But the light couldn't hear the throaty whisper that broke the rhythm of two men panting slowly.

"Jim....oh, man, Jim..."

"Hmmmm?" raising his head from Blair's chest, Jim eyes his lover speculatively. Was he pushing too hard too fast? The nipple ring had turned out to be a huge turn-on for Jim and a very sensitive erogenous zone for Blair.

The strong hands tightened on his head and insistently pulled him further up, where Blair's mouth waited for him, open and needy.

When the kiss ended Jim was feeling fuzzy from lack of oxygen and loving it. He slumped down, covering Blair with his body, and felt the smaller man's arms come around him somewhat gingerly.

"hold me tighter,” he whispered into Blair's neck, feeling the goose bumps rise under his lips. The arms around him tightened. “Ahhh..,” he worried briefly about being too heavy, but then decided that Blair would tell him if it were a problem. And he was taking some of his weight on the elbow at Blair's side.

"Huhhh." Blair heaved a sigh and shifted, spreading his legs a bit, letting Jim settle further between them. The movement brought Blair's cock into direct contact with Jim's belly while Jim's erection, so fierce it was almost painful, ground into the couch cushions. "Oh, mannnnnnn." Blair groaned low. 

Jim felt the throb in Blair's cock clearly, and his own answered in kind.

"I want you,” he spoke a little louder now, wanting to be sure Blair heard him. "I want you so badly."

The compact body beneath his tensed, but then relaxed a bit. Not as much as before the words, but better than when he said them.

"I...I want you too.” It seemed to be hard for Blair to talk about this. He was still pretty young, maybe he'd always been a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. Jim wondered.

"I know you've said that before..,” he left the statement open-ended, hoping Blair would add something.

"I usually don't have to." Blair squirmed slightly and Jim leaned a bit more on the elbow, detecting a trace of unease in the movement. "I mean, I know what I want, they know what they want and they just...y'know, do it."

"But that's not love, sweetheart." Jim objected softly. “And I want to make love to you, not just have sex."

"Jim...." Blair shifted again, clearly not comfortable with the subject. "I know you think I talk everything to death, but there are some things I just don't talk much about."

"So now's your chance.” Said it lightly, feeling sure that the younger man would retreat from the issue.

"Not tonight, okay, Jim? I just want to lay here and hold you and be glad you're back."

"That sounds good." Jim let the subject drop. They had time, plenty of time, to discuss what they were going to do next. But for now...he rolled off Blair and stood, offering a hand to pull the younger man up to a sitting position. "But it would be even better in bed."

Blair looked up at him from under those lashes and took his hand.

“You sure, man? I mean, it's got to be frustrating you... it's sure as hell frustrating me."

“We'll both live with it." Jim promised. "Come on to bed."

Blair stood and they walked hand-in-hand up the stairs. 

Cuddled together in the bed, Jim lay awake listening to Blair breath softly. The younger man had pillowed his head on Jim's chest and fallen right to sleep.

The closer we get to actual sex, the more nervous he gets. Maybe we should stop this now, before it's too late and we lose our friendship over it. he thought, idly playing with Blair's hair. We were doing so well, what happened?

Blair moved a little and smiled in his sleep. Turning up his hearing Jim just caught the name that whispered over his lips as he slept.

"Jim....mmmm, love you...."

He tightened his arms around the smaller man and grinned into the darkness. As long as Blair was dreaming about him he would believe they were meant to be together in every way. They could work around both their inexperience, their mutual fears ...as long as they were together.

He kissed the top of Blair's head, then turned his head to rub his cheek into the curls that lay heavy like silk on his skin.

"I'm here, Blair. Goodnight, love." 

 

Wednesday, September 3, 1997 

It was the best thing in the world, Blair decided, as he pressed himself back to the warmth that held him, waking up in the arms of someone you love.

It was also something he'd never really done before.

Jim was still sleeping soundly, chest rising and falling evenly at Blair's back. Carefully the smaller man turned in the arms that wrapped him loosely and opened his eyes, filling them with the wonder of waking up to his Sentinel.

His fingers a bare half inch from Jim's skin, Blair traced his features in the air and watched him sleep. Trying to understand the connection between this man and his feelings.... but they were so tightly bound together that proved impossible.

Just a few days ago I was pushing him, pressuring him to go further. Now I don't know what I want.

The thought upset him so badly that he said it aloud.

"Now I don't know what I want."

"So we'll wait until you do." Jim's whisper startled him and he looked up to see the bright blue eyes watching him as he'd watched Jim.

“You're awake."

"I am.” One of Jim's big hands ran up Blair's back and sank into his hair.

"I was just thinking." Knowing he sounded defensive didn't make it any less so.

"Last night made me think too.” Their faces were close enough to kiss but neither made the move. They remained serious and quiet. “About what we want...from work, from life, from each other..."

“You know I'm going to have to leave someday, man. Maybe as soon as I finish. There's no guarantee Rainier will have a position for me. And I have to do research, it's, like, such a part of what I do. What will we do then?"

"Other couples survive long separations." Jim shifted to lie on his back, pulling Blair up and tucking him under his chin, Blair's slender hand stroking gentle circles over the broad smooth chest. “We're strong together, you and I."

"I'm just afraid.” Safe in Jim's embrace, Blair could admit that. After a night in his strong arms even Blair's most determined fears seemed manageable.

"Tell me what you're afraid of, pet.” A squeeze from the arms around him. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you? In bed? Or leave you or turn against you...I wouldn't do any of those things, you know that."

"I'm afraid that I'll never be able to leave you.” The voice shook as he said the words. "I don't know if I can give up everything I've worked for to be with you."

"I'm not asking you to." Now Jim sat, pulling Blair around, a hand on the thickly-stubbled chin so he could meet his eyes. "I wouldn't let you."

"Even if I wanted to?" looking down, Jim's hand still holding his face, Blair shivered, a fine tremor running through his sturdy body. Relenting, Jim gathered him close and held him tightly.

“You've got to trust this, love. Trust us. We'll be good together in every way that counts. If you can't leave without me then I'll come with you. We'll work something out."

Blair was still and silent in his arms, but Jim detected a slight easing of the tension under his hands.

"But that doesn't answer my other question; do you think I'm going to hurt you when we make love?"

A silent headshake, curls brushing his chest, they smelled so good...Jim had to pull himself back.

“Are you sure? It wouldn't upset me, love. I could understand."

"I can't imagine ever being afraid of you, Jim,” Blair said with little-boy honesty. "I'm still not sure what I should do here, but I know you won't hurt me."

"I can think of things to do." 

Laying back on the pillows again, Jim maneuvered Blair until the younger man was lying on top of him, his legs between Jim's, their groins pressing together. Blair quickly adapted to the situation and lowered his head to suckle Jim's neck, his hands resting lightly on the older man's hips.

“Ahhhhh..." Jim sighed appreciatively. "That's good.” Then he moved to reciprocate, hands in Blair's hair, kissing and nuzzling the younger man's neck and shoulder, tongue taking a few leisurely moments to explore the silver hoops and the ear they adorned.

After a good half-hour of this both men were hard and panting. Blair pushed himself up on his elbows, staring down into Jim's flushed face, his deep blue eyes just a little wild.

“What next, Jim? Where do we go from here?"

Studying his young lover, Jim felt a shudder run through him, ending definitively in his cock. His hands spasmed tighter on Blair's head but he didn't flinch.

With a muffled grunt Jim thrust his hips upward, meeting the pressure of Blair's pelvis and erection, and Blair gasped in shock. Their cocks were separated by two very thin layers of cotton and nothing else.

Holding Jim's eyes with his own, Blair echoed the movement, and then, suddenly, they were grabbing and holding and rubbing urgently against one another. Gasps and pants and low moans punctuated the activity.

Feeling the tightness in his balls that signaled impending orgasm, Jim slid his hands down Blair's back and took his square hips in a fierce grip, forcing him to stillness.

"Jim....wha'...?" Blair opened eyes that were now more black than blue.

"I think that's enough for now.” Gently Jim lifted the smaller man to the bed beside him and rolled to his feet, looking down at him. Blair's arousal was clearly obvious, the tip of his engorged cock peeping out from beneath the waistband of his boxers, a glistening drop of pre-cum hanging to it.

"Jim....oh, no way, man....” Slumping back bonelessly, Blair moaned his frustration.

“We both have to go to work today." Jim reminded gently, pulling on his big robe and belting it before sitting on the bed beside Blair, who didn't even open his eyes. "I don't want to do any of this in a hurry."

“You're trying to kill me.” Slitting one eye open, Blair judged the reaction to his accusation.

Smiling that smile, the one that would make Blair melt if he weren't already a previously-flesh puddle, Jim just leaned over and pressed a long warm kiss to the high forehead, ignoring the hair that got caught in his lips.

Then he stood back up and Blair opened his eyes again, ready to whine.

"So when can we do something..."

“We'll pick this up tonight,” Jim said softly. "I promise. You and I will begin loving each other the minute the light goes out and I say goodnight, love."

"I guess I can wait that long." Blair smiled back, still hungry for him, but happier than he could ever remember having been.


	2. Chapter 2

Thursday, September 4, 1997 

Detective James Ellison looked up from his paperwork suddenly. Across the aisle from Jim another set of detectives took note of the reaction and shared a secretive grin.

"How does he do that?" Rafe shook his head as he went back to the files he was sorting. A stack teetered on the very edge of his desk and his partner reached to steady it as he answered. 

"I think they're psychic." Brown moved the stack over until it wasn't hanging off the edge anymore, but it still wobbled.

"That would explain how the little guy got into Ellison's bed."

"No, I've heard some things about Ellison-the-great.” Using his hands on the desk to push himself away, Rafe watched with resigned amusement as the stack toppled over and files slid across the smooth surface, the first one coming to rest with an inch hanging off the other side. "He wasn't such a good boy when he was in Vice."

The bullpen door opened and Blair bounced in, backpack swinging jauntily from one shoulder, other hand clasping a brown paper sack that issued a delicious smell.

“Whatever." Brown dismissed Rafe's words. "Ellison's a lot happier now, that's all I know."

He too pushed away from his desk, into Blair's path, spreading his arms out on either side to block him.

"Gotta pay the toll, Hairboy,” he looked stern, but the twinkle in his eye proved that he was playing.

Looking comically distraught, Blair hid the sack behind his back and batted his eyelashes at the big black man.

"Oh, no! I'm caught. I must get these supplies through, oh, will anyone help me?” He delivered the plea in a breathy voice complete with puppy-dog eyes. Watching the performance from his desk, Jim rolled his eyes and snorted.

"No help for you." Brown warned, shaking a finger at him. "Pay the toll and you can go free."

Hesitantly Blair pulled the bag out from behind his back and opened it, looking around nervously. 

"But all I have is baklava...and it's still hot from the bakery. Surely that's not enough to get past you?"

Rafe perked up at the mention of the warm treat and Brown threw him a grin.

“Well...,” he seemed to consider it. “You don't look big enough to do any real damage...perhaps I could let you pass for...two pieces."

"Then I won't have enough to feed my wife and ten children!" Blair protested.

“When did this become 'Gone With the Wind', Sandburg?" Jim asked loudly, sounding annoyed, but grinning. "Feed the man and get over here before I have to write this report myself."

"Can't have that, can we." Blair grinned and reached into the sack, pulling out two wax-paper wrapped pieces of the honey-covered sweet. "Good thing I bought enough to share."

Brown and Rafe's thank-yous were muffled by the bites they took.

Blair perched on the corner of Jim's desk and pulled out a third piece, unwrapping it in his hand.

"They were just pulling it out of the oven when I came in and I knew you like it,” he said, holding it out to Jim. But instead of taking it from his hand the bigger man leaned over and took a bite from the corner, letting his lips brush the fingers that held it.

"Jim." Blair hissed, shifting, instantly aroused. “What are you doing?"

Jim glanced around the bullpen. This late, the only ones there were he, Rafe, and Brown, and he knew from eavesdropping on their conversation that they already suspected the relationship.

"Making you feed me.” His smile was teasing, and Blair took it as a challenge.

“After last night I didn't think you'd ever eat again.” The younger man squirmed to a more comfortable position and broke a corner off the pastry, offering it to his love.

Jim took it in his mouth and then closed his eyes, thinking about the night before. Blair had cooked a dinner that consisted entirely of finger foods and they had sat on a blanket on the living room floor in front of the fire and fed each other, at first by hand and then, as they got carried away, by mouth.

"I may make it a rule only to eat when you feed me,” he opened his eyes again, seeing the memory there in Blair's as well.

Blair's fingertips rushed lightly over his pursed lips, ostensibly to remove crumbs, but Jim knew better.

"Last night was wonderful." Leaning closer, braced on one arm, Blair whispered the words.

"It was, wasn't it." Jim leaned forward as well, no longer aware of his surroundings. With Blair's scent filling his head and his heartbeat thundering in Jim's ears, the bullpen ceased to exist. 

“Are you sorry we didn't go any farther?" another whisper, this one close enough to brush Jim's cheek with warmth. He closed his eyes and his lips parted slightly, inviting.

"No...slow and easy, love. Like I told you." Jim opened his eyes and pulled back reluctantly, seeing the loss on Blair's face as the younger man took the hint and backed off as well, his feet hitting the floor as he slid off the desk.

Brown and Rafe were industriously working on files.

Blair worked on the report while Jim did a database search for information on a suspect.

The night before had been wonderful. But just when Blair thought his body was going to take over and he wouldn't have to listen to his mind anymore, Jim had stopped, pulling away from Blair and putting distance between them, with that gentle smile on his face.

“We have all the time in the world, love,” he said when Blair objected rather loudly. "Slow and easy."

Now Jim worked beside him like nothing had changed. Even when Blair brushed against him he didn't react.

He never says he loves me...just that one time. Just says 'I know you do.' when I tell him. What does that mean?

Combined with his renewed insistence that they take things slow, Blair was afraid it meant that Jim didn't feel the same way he did...or at least not as strongly.

Suddenly the room felt too small.

Recognizing the sensation and knowing that a panic attack would follow if he didn't get out of here, Blair hopped up from the desk, grabbing his coat and pack. Jim stared at him, startled.

"I just remembered - I've got to get to the library tonight and get some research done for the class I'm subbing next week. "The guy I'm taking over for lost all his notes when his apartment burned."

"Can't you do it during the day tomorrow?" Jim gestured at the report. "That has to be turned in by then."

"It's pretty much done, Jim. Just write the closing and sign it. Ten minutes, max."

"Blair, I have got to hang around for these search results." Jim frowned. "I may not be home until really late."

"That's okay. I've got an early class tomorrow, I'll just go on to bed.” Turning to leave, Blair wasn't surprised to feel Jim's hand close on his wrist, turning him back.

"Is something wrong?” Said so quietly, Blair couldn't help but wonder who he was afraid would hear.

Hair flying, Blair shook his head.

"No, I just got a lot to do, man."

“Well, if you have something to do, then you have something to do." Jim's sigh proved he wasn't happy about it. But he seemed willing to accept. "D'ya mind if I say it now? It would make me feel better about you going home to bed by yourself."

Blair's eyes softened and he felt like he was being mean, running out on Jim when the big man needed him. But his chest was still tight and he knew he'd be fighting for air soon.

"Of course I don't mind,” he said softly. “You can say it when you get home, too."

"But you'll be asleep.” Glancing around the room, Jim tugged on Blair's arm and moved him closer. "I like to see your face when I say it."

"Oh.” A little sigh escaped Blair's lips and he lowered his eyelids to hide the emotions that churned through him.   
How could Jim not mean it when he did things like this?  
One big hand came up and brushed the tousled hair back behind an ear, stroking as it went, then cupping the side of his head.

"Goodnight, love.” The words were low and filled with promise. Blair felt an answer run through his body, leaving him tingling.

His hand came up to cover Jim's.

"I l -love you." When his voice broke he knew he only had seconds left. "I've gotta go, Jim."

Nodding once, the older man pulled his hand away from Blair and turned back to his desk. 

Blair jogged out of the bullpen and took the stairs, unable to face an elevator while this worked up. When he finally made it to the parking garage, he leaned against the hood of the Volvo, panting, trying to get his breathing under control. 

He didn't say it. I said it. Why didn't he say it?

Finally breathing easily again, he opened the car door and stood for a minute, looking at the ceiling above him, knowing Jim was up there, working. 

"I love you,” he whispered. "I need to know if you love me...as much."

He got in the car and drove off. 

In the bullpen, Jim stiffened and cocked his head. Had he heard Blair's voice....?

"Ellison, go home.” The voice at his shoulder startled him and he slammed his hearing down as it boomed into his ears.

"That report will wait. Hairboy might not." Brown delivered is advice and walked away.

Shaking his head to clear the ringing, Jim wondered what Blair had been saying....he was certain he'd heard something.

 

Friday, September 5, 1997 

"Blair?" Jim opened the door, worried. It was just past three a.m., and he couldn't detect any sign of his love in the loft.  
He'd begun reaching for him with his senses as soon as he parked the truck, but there wasn't anything here; no heartbeat, no breathing, no Blair.

He said he had something to do at the school. Jim calmed himself, feeling worry step in and set up shop. He probably lost track of time or fell asleep at his desk.

Well, Jim wasn't going to go to bed without the man he loved, not as long as they were both in the same city. He'd decided that a week ago. With a resigned sigh he turned around and went back out to the truck, locking the loft door behind him. 

 

Unaware that he was mumbling under his breath, Blair continued straightening his office.

"...if he really loved me, he'd say it, right? I wouldn't be the only one saying it. he's such a big guy, why does it bother me when..,” he finished clearing his desk and moved on to the filing cabinet, still mumbling.

The files he was filing had been sitting in a stack since before he'd met Jim - in fact, he was pretty sure this was the stack he'd had to clear off the chair so Jim could sit down that first fateful day.

That memory made him pause in mid-file, hand suspended in midair, file clenched tightly in it.

Jim had lifted him then, shoved him against the wall. Blair had been frightened, but pissed as well. All of his life he'd had to deal with bigger guys who thought he was fair game because of his size, his attitude, the way he dressed and wore his hair. He'd learned, out of necessity, to avoid them when he could and to talk his way out of things when he couldn't...but it didn't always work.

Who was the last guy to beat me up? dropping the forgotten files into an heap on the floor, he backed up a few steps and sat on his desk, elbows on knees, thinking, absentmindedly brushing hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ears with both hands. 

Roger Breen. The name brought an embarrassed flush. Damn, I'd almost forgotten that. 

Ignoring the chagrin, he summoned the memory and went over it carefully.

Roger Breen had been a senior in Blair's class when Blair was fifteen. Blair had just transferred into the school, grateful that his mother had decided he should finish high school in the US, and determined to prove himself. Which he did by beating the socks off the class valedictorian, a girl named Amanda Sharp.

He'd been too naive to realize that the rest of the class at the small school might not take this well. After the first semester poor Amanda was in tears. Blair didn't gloat or anything, he'd learned the value of keeping his head down and his mouth shut, but Roger, Amanda's football-playing boyfriend, had decided to take matters into his own hands. 

It hadn't been too bad, as far as beatings went. The worst the young Blair had ever experienced, not helped by the fact that Roger was over a foot taller and nearly a hundred pounds heavier than the not-quite-in-puberty-yet Blair. 

Little and skinny and awkward, there'd been no question of defending himself, with words or otherwise.

Roger had picked him up and literally thrown him into a wall....several times. Blair had ended up with a broken arm that required pins and a massive amount of bruises.

Wow. No wonder I reacted that way when Jim held me like that. the realization dawned on Blair as he sat. It must have subconsciously reminded me of Roger.

Moving to his chair, Blair flicked on his computer screen and pulled up his journal, ready to explore this revelation.   
So that's one problem solved, he thought as he typed a quick paragraph about Roger Breen. But what about the other?

Why doesn't he say he loves me? I say it and he just smiles that smile... his fingers stilling on the keyboard, Blair tried to decide if he were being fair to Jim. Thinking aloud often helped him organize his thoughts. 

"Do I need to hear those exact words? I mean, he says other things....like 'goodnight, love'. And it seems really important to him to say that. Maybe he has been saying 'I love you' and I just haven't recognized it every time."

He resumed typing, wishing his fingers could move as fast as his thoughts. When he finished putting his meanderings down in cyberspace he felt better.

Leaning back in his chair he switched screens and idly began checking his email, not really caring about it, just needing to do something mindless to unwind a bit. Most of it was silly stuff, just hi-how-are-you notes in his personal account. He had two, one for private stuff and a second for school-related. The second one was where his anthropology mailing lists and research questions went to. He knew several people that often replied to both, depending on what they had to say. There were several forwarded posts containing really bad jokes and he read through them chuckling ruefully.

“What is the world coming to?” He laughed quietly as he read a 'hey, you, out of the gene pool' report on a burglar who dropped his clothes in the front yard of the house he was robbing, then ran away and left them there when he was discovered ...leaving his wallet and ID in the pants. "I wish all of our cases were that easy."

"Sandburg?"

The quiet voice at his door startled him. He was the only one here, nobody stayed here this late, but he never felt the flash of fear a voice at the door this late would normally cause.

My body knew it was him.

"Hey, sweetheart,” he looked up with a bright welcoming smile.

Oh, god. Look at him. And he called me 'sweetheart'. Jim felt his heart turn over, wished Blair could hear it the way the big man could hear Blair's as it sped up in response to Jim's presence.

Crossing to the desk, Jim leaned over his shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his face sensuously into the thick curls.

“You weren't home when I got there,” he mumbled into the hair.

Blair's hands came up and wrapped over Jim's as he tilted his head back, leaning back.

"I'm sorry,” he said it meekly. "I thought I'd get this place cleaned up and then I got distracted,” he gestured expansively with one hand that returned quickly to hold to Jim's muscular forearm.

Jim glanced around the crowded room. He noticed haphazard patches of tidiness among the usual hit-by-a-hurricane disorganization.

"Just makes it more noticeable,” he teased, beginning to nuzzle into the long hair, scenting deeply, going lower to breath warm air over the top of an ear, making Blair shiver slightly.

"Guess I should just stick to my old ways, huh?"

"If that means you're finished and ready to come home.” Delicately Jim nibbled on the upper curve of that ear, drawing a low groan from his love.

“Ah, Jim, that feels nice. I like that." Blair pressed himself back harder, knowing Jim's strength would be there to catch him, he wouldn't let him fall even if the chair went over. 

"It'll feel better at home.” The promise was breathed into the tingling ear.

"Take me there." Without losing Jim's arms around him, Blair stood and stepped around the chair, to wrap himself closer and lift to his toes, pressing hard against his man, face buried at Jim's neck, eyes closed as he rejoiced in the feelings that swept him. "I love you!"

I'm safe here. He could do anything and I'd know it was okay. Understanding the root of his fears had freed him from them.

“Love?" Jim held him, a bit confused by this sudden, impulsive outpouring of affection. 

Blair tilted his head back and grinned at him mischievously.  
"Take me home, sweetheart." 

And Jim did.

 

Saturday, September 6, 1997 

Rolling onto his back, Blair sighed with contentment. The sky above him was darkening to purple in twilight and the stars were beginning to come out. Jim was beside him, still napping, a warm presence that the smaller man instinctively snuggled closer to. 

They'd had to go into the station after they got home, an urgent call from Simon waiting on the answering machine. He'd told Jim to bring Blair, it was time to start working him back in, and the rest of the night had been spent questioning witnesses in a date-rape case. 

But they'd found and arrested the guy with little fanfare by lunchtime. Simon had told them to blow off the paperwork and take some time off. And then Jim had suggested packing a cooler and taking a drive into the mountains. They'd taken a dirt road into the woods and come out on the side of a hill that looked down over the city. After spreading the blanket and eating, they cuddled and necked a little and, eventually, fell asleep, feeling safe out here in the middle of nowhere. 

Now Blair felt rested, and incredibly horny. Curling up on Jim's chest, he let his hair tickle over the big man's neck and face, grinning when Jim stirred, his hand coming up to brush it away and then settling on Blair's back, fingers spreading wide. 

Sliding one leg over between Jim's Blair let him feel his erection, pressing it into the muscular thigh. 

"Good morning,” he said softly, a little shyly. "Did you get enough sleep?” He didn't look up, but Jim's other hand reached to tilt his face where the older man could see it. 

"More than enough.” His voice was already deep and husky.   
Blair shivered. “Are you cold?" 

“A little,” he admitted. "But I'm sure you can do something about that." 

"I'm sure I can, too." Jim smiled and Blair felt his bones dissolve. When he got up from this blanket there would be a pool of melted Blair let behind. Then Jim sort of pushed at him and he frowned. 

“What?" 

"Lie down, love. I'm going to get up and start us a fire." 

"It's okay to move me, Jim. I really don't mind.” 

Understanding that Jim had taken his reaction to being picked up to heart, Blair hastened to explain that he was over that. "In fact, I really kindof like it. It just took me by surprise.” That wasn't entirely true, but close enough that he could get away with it. 

“Well, then." Jim's hands closed on his waist and he was shifted to the blanket, grinning like an idiot. 

"Do we really need a fire? There are more blankets in the truck." 

Suddenly the watery moonlight was blocked as Jim loomed over him on hands and knees. 

“We both know I see pretty well in the dark, but I want to be able to really see you. And I want you to see me." 

"Oh, man." Blair sighed, one hand twisting itself into the front of Jim's shirt, pulling him down. "Kiss me." 

In answer Jim covered Blair's mouth with his own, opening it with his tongue and leaning low, digging a hand into the loose hair that had woken him. 

They broke for air and Jim pulled away. 

"I'm going to build a different fire now.” His voice was so low and rough it seemed to travel right through Blair's body to his cock. 

“Want me to gather wood?" Blair's wasn't much better. 

The look Jim gave him should've been enough to set the blanket afire. 

"I want you to lay there and look at me like that." 

All Blair could manage in response was a groan. 

He watched avidly while Jim retrieved lighter fluid, matches and small spade from the truck, then gathered enough deadfall to burn through the night. Fortunately there was a fallen tree near where they parked. 

He dug a deep, wide hole, needing it large because they had no rocks to line it with, and then lay on his stomach at the edge, carefully piling stripped bark and dead leaves. 

Within minutes he had a small blaze. Feeding it larger branches and then, finally, a log, he returned to the blanket at last. 

Blair opened his arms and Jim crawled into them, covering the younger man with his body. 

"Too heavy?” His hands slid up Blair's arms to clasp his hands. 

Blair squirmed lightly under him and tried a breath. 

“A little,” he admitted. Jim drew one arm back down and leaned on an elbow at Blair's side. 

"Better?" 

"Perfect." Raising his head, Blair opened his mouth and claimed Jim's hungrily. 

They kissed deeply, until both were out of breath, then they broke apart to stare at each other. 

Jim brought their clasped hands down and stroked Blair's jaw with the back of his hand. 

"I knew you'd look spectacular in firelight." 

“You've seen me in firelight before.” A faint blush rose on Blair's face and he turned his head away. 

"But I didn't realize what I was looking at then.” Taking advantage of the movement, Jim began licking and nuzzling the exposed neck. "The man I love." 

"Oh, man, Jim. I love you, too.” Gently wiggling his hand free, Blair began opening the buttons on Jim's shirt, stopping after two and slipping his hand into it to search out and tease a hard flat nipple. 

"Mmmm." Jim bit his neck gently, then harder. Blair hissed.   
“You like that?" 

“Yessss." Blair felt his cock twitch, knew Jim could feel it too, as it was pressed to the bigger man's stomach. "Harder." 

Taking him at his word, Jim opened his mouth wider and sucked a chunk of tender flesh into his mouth, gnawing on it gently. 

"Oh, man, that's gonna leave a mark..." Blair groaned and squirmed but didn't actually protest. His erection was becoming painfully hard. In an effort to relieve the pressure he began moving his hips, grinding his cock into Jim's hard stomach, free hand going to clutch Jim's denim-clad ass. 

"That feels so good, love." Jim shifted to return the pressure, his cock hot and hard against Blair's leg. "Oh, yeah, that's it, rub yourself on me,” he went back to sucking on Blair's neck. Satisfied with the first mark, he moved to the juncture of neck and shoulder to begin another one. 

“Ah!" Blair grunted. "Jim, man, we'd better stop or I'm gonna...!" With a major effort he forced himself to stop moving, just laying beneath Jim panting heavily, one hand inside his shirt, the other still clutching Jim's ass. 

Jim continued moving for several minutes, making little hungry noises. When he stopped he pulled away, sitting down beside Blair and gazing at him with dilated, ocean-deep eyes. 

"Take your shirt off,” he husked, bringing up his knees and hanging his arms over them. 

Captivated by those eyes, Blair moved to a sitting position and slid the flannel shirt off his shoulders, then raised the T-shirt over his head with hands that suddenly trembled. 

Setting them to the side with more care than the act warranted, he looked back up at Jim. 

"Now your jeans." 

Bashfully Blair stood and peeled out of the tight jeans. He'd chosen them because he liked the way Jim's eyes followed him when he wore them. 

He was wearing boxer briefs beneath them, the black cotton fitting tight, his cock straining against the soft fabric. 

Jim reached out with one hand and delicately traced that length. Blair's legs trembled and he locked his knees, hands on his thighs, fingers digging in. 

"c'mere." 

Blair practically fell into Jim's arms, latching onto his mouth like a drowning man seeking air. Jim tumbled backwards and yielded to the onslaught, both of his hands cupping and caressing Blair's round, firm ass. 

They were thrusting against each other in earnest now, and Blair didn't think he'd be able to stop if it went on even one more minute, but he didn't care. When Jim tore himself away the younger man growled in frustration and dove for his neck. 

Jim's hands framed his face and insistently tugged his mouth away from the warm salty skin. "Slow down, love, hang on. Give me a minute to catch up." 

"Can't wait, Jim..." Blair panted. "Too close to stop." 

"I can tell." Jim slid a hand between them and closed it over the bulk of Blair's throbbing cock. 

Blair shouted and thrust into the hand, eyes closed, head thrown back. Immediately Jim took it away. 

"Nooooooo!" Blair wailed. "Jimmm!" 

"Hang on, hang on love." Jim muttered, wriggling out from beneath Blair and snatching off his clothes with no finesse at all. By the time he was naked Blair had rolled to his back and was stroking himself roughly through his briefs. 

Jim dropped to knees beside him and moaned. "Oh, god, you look so good doing that..." 

"Don't want to do it alone." Blair gasped, reaching his other hand to tug Jim closer. "Kiss me!" 

“Yes." Lying next to Blair, embracing him impatiently, Jim took Blair's mouth, his tongue tangling with the younger man's, and pushed Blair's hand away from his cock. "Let me,” he growled. 

"please....." Blair gasped as Jim's hand tugged down the waist of his briefs and his erection sprang free. "ohhhhh...,” he moaned. 

Jim wrapped his hand around the pulsing length, mildly surprised by the thickness of it, and pumped experimentally. 

"Harder!" Blair gasped. "Tighter, Jim, oh, lord," 

Increasing the pressure, Jim pumped again, getting a low moan instead of words, and then his hand was moving quickly, Blair's tongue thrusting into his mouth, giving him the rhythm his friend wanted. 

It wasn't long at all before Blair pulled his mouth away and threw his head back, arching into Jim's hand, hips lifting into the strokes, one hand scrabbling in the blanket, the other clinging to the back of Jim's neck. 

“Almost...almost,” he moaned again, beginning to sound frantic. "Jim, oh, shit, Jim, morrrrre...” His breath caught on a sob as he fought to reach his goal. 

Aware that Blair was stuck somehow, worried that he'd done something to cause it, Jim wracked his brain for something else to do, and the memory of that night on the couch rose up, saving him. He leaned over Blair's arched, thrusting form, and closed his mouth firmly over the left nipple, tongue tugging on the gold ring. 

Blair howled to the night sky and Jim felt a gush of hot fluid over his hand, running down his wrist. Conscientiously he milked the cock and was rewarded with a final spurt and groan from his love - now his lover. 

Sitting back, he brought his hand to his mouth and began licking the semen off, from his elbow down. 

Eyes half-closed, Blair watched sleepily, his breathing taking a long time to settle back to a normal pattern. 

Finishing his clean-up, Jim cuddled close, pulling Blair's limp form into his arms, the curly head heavy on his chest. 

“You liked that,” he observed with a quiet chuckle. "I never figured you for a roll-over-and-go-to-sleep lout like me." 

"Man, you killed me." Blair sighed, one hand moving restlessly. "I'm dead. Gone." 

“You won't mind if I abuse your corpse for my own pleasure, will you?" 

"Mmmm, Jim.” Tilting his head in a way that was starting to feel very familiar, comforting, Blair offered his mouth. "Give me a bit and I'll take care of you." 

They kissed deeply, bonding, for long minutes before Jim spoke again. 

"I can handle it." Jim smiled at the pun. "If you don't object to what I want to do." 

The dark eyes widened slightly, but Blair just gazed at him and smiled a tiny, shy smile. 

"I'm game for anything, sweetheart,” he whispered. 

Jim didn't ask if he was sure. He just gave him another kiss and then pulled Blair on top of himself. 

"Put your legs together,” he instructed. Blair did, lying between Jim's spread legs. Jim pulled him higher up his body so that Blair's groin was just above Jim’s. His cock, long and satiny, poked at Blair's thighs. 

Understanding, Blair parted his legs enough to take it between his thighs. He tightened them around it and Jim groaned, his hands grabbing Blair's ass and holding it tight. 

"Like this?" Blair breathed the question across Jim's lips. 

"Exactly like this..." Jim panted. "Goddam it, you feel so hot. You fit me so well..,” he opened his mouth and Blair found that this position put him even with Jim's face so they could kiss hungrily while Jim thrust between his clenched thighs. 

The big hands on his butt held him in place while Jim pumped between his legs. The friction cause a pleasant heat in Blair's groin, though he didn't get hard again. He hadn't expected to, that orgasm had drained him for the night. 

Jim was groaning into his mouth and pumping faster. Blair slid a hand down to roll a nipple in his fingers, feeling the stiff little peak grow harder, hearing Jim's groan get deeper and louder. 

Lowering his mouth to the taut neck, Blair bit and sucked at the cords that stood out there, whispering words of encouragement that he knew his Sentinel could hear. 

“You look so wonderful...so strong and sleek, glowing in the firelight...I want to feel you come, hear you scream my name when you give it up for me....scream my name, Jim, scream my name when you come, tell me how I make you feel..." 

Jim's thrusts doubled in strength and his fingers dug deeply into his skin as he moaned. 

"Blair...Blair...I'm gonna come, love, I'm gonna come all over you...oh, love, oh, god, BLAIR!" 

The friction between Blair's legs was suddenly eased by thick creamy fluid coating the backs and insides of his thighs, splattering on his ass as Jim went limp beneath him, his hands falling away, eyes fluttering shut. 

He barely responded while Blair cleaned them both off with his T-shirt, banked the fire, and retrieved more blankets from the truck, folding one to use as a pillow and then lying down and covering them both warmly. 

Rolling to his side, Jim smiled sleepily when Blair spooned around him, his arms wrapped securely around Jim's chest, head nestled on his shoulder. 

"Jim?” Fingers circling a nipple lovingly. 

"Mm-hm?” He wasn't quite ready for words yet. 

"That was perfect." 

Okay, he needed words now. 

"It was,” he agreed, hand covering the one playing on his chest. "How do you feel?" 

"Great. Exhausted, sleepy, warm, happy." Blair cut off the list and Jim felt his smile against his skin. “Loved." 

"Me, too,” he laughed that soft laugh, the one Blair had never heard before they fell in love. "Think you can sleep now?" 

“A herd of moose couldn't stop me.” That brought a chuckle from both of them. "I love you, Jim. I never knew it was possible to love anyone like this." 

Jim tightened his hands over Blair's arms, hearing a hint of tears in the sleepy voice. 

"I know. It makes me feel strong,” he said. 

“You make me feel safe." Blair answered. He was almost asleep. 

"Good. I love you.” Hearing Blair's heart do a triple-beat at the words, Jim wondered if something was wrong. “Love?" 

"I'm fine, sweetheart. Go to sleep.” The younger man sounded slightly more awake, but still close to sleep. "Goodnight, Jim. I love you." 

"I know you do. Goodnight, love." 

 

Sunday, September 7, 1997 

"Just a lazy day at home, huh?" 

Blair looked up from his notes and grinned sheepishly. "It's not like hard work or anything." 

Sitting on the corner of the couch that wasn't covered with papers or files or books, Jim shook his head. “We've only been home two hours. I thought you were going to catch some more sleep.” A broad hand rested tenderly on Blair's head, stroking the pulled-back curly hair. They had slept late on the hill, woken together and eaten the last of the food for lunch, and then, finally came home. 

Blair closed his eyes and sighed. "Man, Jim. If I was smarter this would scare the shit out of me." 

The hand stopped and pulled away abruptly. The dark blue eyes opened and stared, startled, as Jim got up from the couch and went into the kitchen, digging into the fridge. 

"Jim? What'd I say, man?" 

Coming up with a beer - not offering Blair one - Jim popped the cap off and waved it in the air before drinking. 

"It's nothing, Sandburg." 

Eyeing him carefully, the younger man tried to decide if this was something he should pursue. Maybe he is scared by this.

I mean, I can't imagine Jim Ellison being afraid of anything, but he's messed up one relationship already... 

"I'm not scared, Jim. If you just want to take things as they come and go with the flow, that's okay with me,” he offered what he thought his lover wanted. 

Jim started visibly, the forcibly relaxed. He took another long swallow of his beer before speaking. "I want you to be comfortable, love. We don't have to talk everything to death and set rules. Not if you don't want to." 

It is making him anxious, Blair decided. And so, although he wanted nothing more than to throw himself to his knees and propose, he found a very different sentiment coming out of his mouth. 

"That might be best. If we start setting limits and trying 'manage' it, that could destroy the best parts, the spontaneity and fun." 

With a grimace Jim finished the beer. “We've got to quit buying this imported stuff,” he tossed the bottle into the recycling bin. 

All the changes he's made in my life...how will I stand it if he leaves? Could I let him be with someone else if it meant he'd come back to me? 

The thoughts made him more uncomfortable, so he went back to the couch, sitting on the coffee table and reached to run a finger along Blair's jaw. 

“You need to shave.” A gentle observation. 

"I'll do it before I come to bed.” A husky promise. 

“You'll be coming to my bed?" 

Blair closed his eyes slowly, then opened them again. 

"If you want me to. We don't have to...you know, do anything." 

Is he tired of me already? Jim was pathetically thankful that Blair couldn't hear his heart as it went crazy for a few seconds. He pulled his hand away and stood, walking around the couch, Blair's eyes following him. 

“We'll do whatever we both feel like. Okay?" 

Oh, shit. Maybe it wasn't as good for him as it was for me. Blair felt panic rise and saw that Jim heard it. 

The bigger man smiled. Not the melting smile, but a loving smile nonetheless. 

"I need you in my bed, beautiful. So I can hold you and tell you goodnight, love." 

Taking a deep breath, Blair smiled back. But he knew it didn't have the confidence of before. 

“At least then I'll be able to sleep." 

"I'm going to run some errands." 

"I'll be here when you get back." 

Jim grabbed his coat and keys and walked out the door. Behind him Blair sighed deeply. 

With the closed door between them, they both thought the same thing at the same time. 

What just went wrong? 

 

Monday, September 8, 1997 

"Jim, can you step into my office for a few minutes?” Simon stopped in front of Jim's desk on the way back from an errand.

"Sure, captain.” The big man stood and followed Simon into the office.

"Coffee?"

"Nah.” Shaking his head, Jim sat stiffly in a chair.

Pouring himself a cup, the captain sat behind his desk and studied his best detective.

"How are things going between you and Sandburg?" 

The question startled Jim, who glanced away immediately as he answered.

"I guess you could say they're progressing,” he said it hesitantly, as if trying out the concept.

"Did you have a good weekend? I dropped by late Saturday night. Was kindof surprised when you weren't home."

“We went up to the mountains." Jim was looking at the floor now, and his voice was still unsure. "Ended up camping out."

"Sleep in the truck?” Simon understood that it had been a spur-of-the-moment thing.

"No...under the stars."

"Very romantic, Ellison."

The bright blue eyes snapped up and stared at Simon.  
Warm dark eyes reassured him that he was talking to his friend and not just his captain.

That reassurance was what allowed detective Ellison to open up about what he was feeling. He couldn't have done it with anyone else, but Simon...Simon was his friend.

"It was wonderful,” he said wistfully. "I really know now that I love him, Simon."

Sipping his coffee, the captain considered the words. He didn't want details, but...

"Did you...?” He trailed off delicately.

“Yeah." now Jim ran a hand over his face, mildly embarrassed. "Not everything, you know. But...yeah. And it was perfect."

He paused and Simon drank his coffee, waiting for him to finish. "Blair said it was perfect.” There was a stunned pleasure in the words.

"So what's wrong now? You came in this morning looking like your dog died."

So that's what this is about. Jim understood Simon's concern now.

Simon waited, patiently, possessing a manifest quality of stillness for such a large man.

If I can't trust Simon, who can I trust? The thought ran a few laps round Jim's head before he spoke again.

"That's just it, Simon. I don't know. One minute everything's wonderful and we're ass-over-teakettle in love and the next he's talking about being scared and not wanting to make a commitment or set limits."

"He's still pretty young, Jim.” Drinking his coffee, Simon watched Ellison's face. "I'd bet you're the first serious relationship he's ever had."

"How do I know if it's serious to him?"

"Oh, please.” Simon snorted into his cup. “You don't see the way he looks at you. Or notice that he's always just close enough to you to barely touch you - always."

"But last night he said he was scared...and that he didn't think we should have rules and stuff."

"Maybe he thinks that's what you want."

“Why would he think that?"

"Honestly, Jim. You must realize how hard it is for me to accept the idea of you with a man. Think about Sandburg's ego - what there is of it - and tell yourself that he's not having the same problem."

Jim was staring at Simon as if he'd grown horns and sprouted a tail.

“Who are you and what have you done with my captain?"

“What did you do when he told you those things?” Simon ignored the feeble attempt at humor and Jim dropped it.

"I couldn't face him...so I went out and drove around for a bit. Then I went home and we went to bed. I didn't try anything and he didn't offer. This morning he was still asleep when I left."

"So you didn't talk about it.” Setting his cup down, Simon shook his head. “You know better than that, Jim. And Sandburg - I thought he had to talk everything to death."

"Not the important stuff, Simon. He almost never talks about the important stuff."

"The two of you have something too special to let it slip away because of something stupid, Jim. You have to talk to him.” Picking up a file, Simon waved at Jim in mock irritation. "Don't come to me for advice and then ignore it, mister."

Jim stood, allowing himself a small smile.

"I will, Simon. I think we just got our wires crossed somewhere."

“When you get off. I'm still waiting for that report on the Padeson case."

“You'll have it." 

 

"Blair?" pushing through the door, Jim hung up his coat and listened.

There. That sound...the steady rhythmic beat...coming from above his head.

Standing and listening, Jim thought.

It's not that late. He's in my bed, and he's not asleep. What's going on here?

Going up the stairs, deciding that that's where the answers were, Jim called the name again, more quietly this time.

"Blair?"

"Right here, Jim." 

Topping the stairs, Jim paused and grinned.

If he'd been expecting a seduction scene, he certainly wasn't getting that.

But, in every way that counted, this was better.

Blair was scrunched up against stacked pillows, wearing only a pair of ragged sweatpants, his hair pulled back, glasses sliding down his nose. With a pen in one hand he was scribbling over a yellow legal pad that lay on the bed beside him and typing on the laptop balanced on his knees with the other.

There were several books lying around him, some open, some not.

He looked up at Jim and grinned back.

"Thought I'd get some work done, since I didn't know what time you'd be home."

"I should have called." remorse filled Jim's chest, but Blair blew it off.

“You didn't know I was waiting. I could have called you, too. Did you eat?"

“We ordered burgers at the station." Jim grinned wider at the face Blair made. “You?"

"I grabbed a salad." Blair began gathering books from Jim's side of the bed and stacking them unsteadily on the nightstand.

“Why don't you get comfortable and join me."

“Well, since it is our bed...." eagerly Jim started stripping, but he caught Blair's quick intake of air and looked up, shirt half-off.

“What?"

“You said our bed.” The dark blue eyes were shining, those pouty lips slightly parted.

“Well it is, isn't it?” Getting the shirt over his head, Jim decided that this was his opening. He stretched out on his side next to Blair and reached to stroke a fingertip across a cheekbone. “You know that, don't you love?"

Blair ducked his head and only a Sentinel could have heard his mumble.

“Wasn't sure you wanted me like that."

"Like what?" Jim was startled, Didn't I prove that Saturday night? Wait a minute... "Oh, love,” he moved to gather the younger man in his arms. "Let me make this clear, okay? Perfectly crystal clear. This isn't a game to me. I love you. I want you be a permanent part of my life."

Blair just snuggled to his chest and didn't answer, but Jim could hear his heart rate rising.

"This is it for me, Blair. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"It doesn't scare you?"

"The only thing that scares me is the thought that you might leave." Jim whispered the sentiment into the ear he could see.

Then he kissed it softly.

Blair shivered in his arms.

"I thought you were having second thoughts,” he admitted, sounding very young. Jim had to consider Simon's words. "I didn't want you to stay with me because you thought you should."

This probably is his first serious relationship. He's always moved around, gone to school....he's never really settled down before.

"I'll stay with you forever, love. Because I love you."

The deep sigh from the body in his arms made Jim wonder what Blair had been thinking.

"I love you too, Jim. So much...it does scare me."

“You'll get used to it." Petting the pulled-back hair, Jim shifted to hold him more comfortably. “After awhile you'll start to wonder how you ever lived without it. I do."

"How you lived without the fear?"

"How you lived without the love. It's so much bigger than   
the fear, love. You've just got to learn to look past it." laying his cheek on the curly hair, Jim closed his eyes and sighed. “After you do that for a little while it fades away."

"I can handle that." Blair turned in his arms to face the older man. "Sorry if I'm being a mush."

"S'okay. I like you mushy." Jim began gently untangling from the smaller man. "I'm going to get ready for bed and then I'm going to snuggle you close and hold you all night. Will that be good?"

Head on the pillows, eyes wide, Blair smiled shyly. "That would be great, Jim." 

He watched while Jim finished changing into boxers, then shimmied out of his sweats while the older man was in the bathroom. When Jim came back upstairs Blair was waiting, curled under the covers, his hair loose around his shoulders.  
Jim slipped in behind him and pulled him close, pressing Blair's smooth back to his muscular chest. 

"Mmmmm." Blair sighed and snuggled into the embrace.

"Tired, love?"

"Didn't sleep well last night."

“We'll sleep fine tonight." Jim predicted. “And every other night for the rest of our lives."

“And we'll be together?" Blair was getting sleepy. Jim reached to turn out the bedside lamp.

“Yes, love. We'll be together."

"That's what I want, Jim."

"Then we want the same thing." Jim grinned into the darkness as Blair wiggled against him. They could always fool around in the morning, but tonight was for comfort, bonding.

“Love you Jim....” It was amazing, how fast the kid could go to sleep once he let himself.

Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and settled into his own pillows, closing his eyes with a sigh. He was surrounded by Blair...his scent, his heartbeat, his supple warmth...this was as close to perfect as he'd ever gotten.

One more kiss to Blair's head, and then Jim let sleep come for him as well. The words lingered on his lips as he slipped into warm dreams.

"Goodnight, love."

 

Wednesday, September 10, 1997 

"Simon, this stinks." Jim gave his captain a vivid frown.

Dropping his poker hand to the table, the taller black man sat back in the kitchen chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

He was wearing a Kevlar vest over his button-down shirt, and a headset. He watched as Jim stood and began pacing.

"I barely had time to fall asleep, and now I've been stuck here for thirty-six hours. Blair's going to start thinking I don't want to be with him."

Glancing at the closed bedroom door, Simon shook his head, urging Jim to be quiet. Stopping in front of the door, Jim scowled at it, crossing his own arms over his Kevlar. He had a tight black T-shirt beneath it, and was wearing his baseball cap backwards over the headset, as was his habit. He wore his usual weapon, and a second in a shoulder holster.

"This isn't my fault, Jim.” The captain said calmly. "This is a very important witness and the mayor demanded that my best people be assigned to him. He'll be moved tonight and then I'll give you two days off to make up with Sandburg."

Crossing to the window, Jim peeked out through the closed curtains, spotting the surveillance van at the far corner, watching the small safe house. Watching Jim, Simon's eyes widened and he pulled his headset off, holding the tiny mike in his hand.

"Dammit, Ellison. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about the headsets."

"Neither was I." Jim looked rueful, but then shrugged brusquely. "I don't care."

"Neither of us said anything incriminating.” Simon added.

"I said I don't care, Simon. I'm going to be with Blair for the rest of my life and I'm not going to hide it the whole time, either."

Coming back to the table, Jim gathered the cards and began shuffling for another hand. Looking worried, Simon put his headset back on.

I wonder what those guys in the van made of that conversation, Jim thought as he cut and dealt the cards. Maybe it's a good thing Sandburg isn't spending much time at the station right now.

Simon picked up his cards and grimaced.

“After everything I've done for you, Ellison, I deserve a better hand than this..."

"Not as long as you make more than I do, captain." Jim teased in kind, relaxing just a bit.

I can't even call Blair and tell him goodnight. But I'll make it up to him when I get home. 

 

Putting away the last dish, Blair wiped the counter with the dishcloth and hung it up to dry, then took a long look around the loft.

"This sucks,” he said aloud, because he was feeling lonely and out-of-sorts.

Jim had been called from their bed not an hour after they got to sleep Monday night and that was the last Blair had heard from him. Taggart, bless his heart, had called to give Blair an update this evening, telling him that Jim was guarding a witness as Simon's partner and he should be home sometime tonight - and that Blair wasn't to worry.

"I'm not worrying." Blair told himself. "I'm just lonely."

Hearing the whine in his voice he shut his mouth. 

I'd better find something else to do.

Thirty minutes of channel-surfing later convinced him that he didn't want to watch TV, so he decided to go on up to bed and read for a while. He'd finished the German missionary report, and didn't really have any class work to be done, so he could actually read for fun.

Although he usually slept in boxers, he didn't feel like hunting for his favorite pair right now, so he just stripped to his boxer briefs, dark green ones. His hands lingered at his groin as he wriggled out of the jeans, and he felt his cock stir.

No, I'm not going to do anything about that. Jim will be home tonight and then I'll think about it.

“What to read?” He pondered. He had a stack of journals in his room that he should get through, so he went back down and started going through them. "Oh, hey."

A wide smile broke across his face as he picked up the three plain envelopes. Sitting on the edge of his bed - the only spot that was clean - he opened the one labeled 'Friday' in Jim's neat block lettering, and pulled out a card.

The picture was a sleek black panther lounging on a tree limb, looking sleepy and sated.

Inside there was a brief handwritten message;

I wish I was there instead of here.   
Take this card to bed with you tonight   
and listen closely. You'll hear me say   
goodnight, love.  
\- Jim.

Blair sighed and held it for a few seconds before tucking it back into the envelope. Then he opened the one that said 'Saturday'.

Another panther, this one stalking through the trees, eyes glowing green among the underbrush.

One day closer to being back. Are   
you thinking about me? I know I'm   
thinking about you. Put this one   
under your pillow.  
Goodnight, love  
\- Jim

Dark blue eyes began to sting. Crossly Blair wiped them on his sleeve and put the card away. He debated looking at the last one, and then did anyhow.

The panther was sitting now, staring calmly into his eyes from a backdrop of cliffs.

The message was short; I'll be home before you wake up, so go to sleep quickly. Tomorrow I'll tell you goodnight myself'.  
This time it said 'love, Jim'.

Wiping his eyes one more time, Blair put all the cards back onto the shelf. He didn't feel like reading anymore, so he went up the stairs and curled into the big bed by himself, closing his eyes and wishing for dreams of his Sentinel.

 

"Mmmmmmm..." Blair purred as a strong hand caressed his curled body. There was a soft chuckling sound behind him and he turned over without opening his eyes. "Jim,” he sighed deeply. “You're home."

"I'm home.” The bigger man agreed, pulling the smaller to his chest and molding their bodies together, his hands stroking up and down Blair's smooth back, dipping to caress and cup his ass every few strokes. “Are you awake?"

“As awake as I need to be.” There was laughter in Blair's deep voice. He laced his fingers together behind Jim's neck and arched into his lover, his erection hard against Jim's stomach.

"Then we should do something about that.” Strong hands closed on Blair's hip and moved him, adjusting their positions, aligning them. “You wanna lose those things?" a finger hooked into the waistband of Blair's briefs.

"Oh, please."

A moment of tugging and Blair was nude, pressing against Jim to find that he was too.

"Feels like you had plans, sweetheart,” he murmured as he tilted his face offering his mouth to Jim, who took it eagerly.  
A simultaneous gasp as their hands settled on respective asses and hard cocks were pulled together.

Jim's strong hands kneaded Blair's ass roughly as Jim panted, trying to be patient.

Moving lower to kiss Jim's neck and bite gently, Blair stroked Jim's muscular butt gently.

"Ungh." Jim grunted, thrusting against Blair, who returned the pressure. They tried it again, and Blair rolled his head back, offering his neck.

"Harder,” he panted as Jim bit and suckled on the tender skin. “Ah, god, Jim."

The sensations were familiar even if the position was not and soon they were moving with each other in rhythm. Jim's hands till held Blair's butt tightly, he knew he was going to be bruised, and he didn't care. The rhythm sped up and Jim began groaning loudly.

“Ahhhh, Jim." Blair felt himself getting close. “Ahhhh, love."

"Come for me," Jim panted, moving up to Blair's ear, sucking the rings into his mouth. "Let me hear you. Come for me."

“Ahhhh, man. Jim." Blair groaned. "I'm gonna...I'm gonna..."

“Yes, love. Yes. Let it go, show me..."

A familiar tingling was beginning in Blair's balls. He arched further backwards, pressed harder in Jim, their engorged cocks rubbing tight together in the heat of their pressed bodies.

"Now, Jim...,” he gasped, body beginning to stiffen. "Oh, god, now...!"

Blair froze, his body jerking, head back, eyes shut tight, hands digging into Jim's ass, and the larger man felt the sudden heat and wetness coat his cock. He could feel the pulses of Blair's cock as it pumped onto him, and that was too much for his senses.

"Shit!" he shouted as he came, suddenly, harshly. "Blair!"

Still panting long minutes later, Jim reached to the nightstand for the warm washcloth he'd put there before climbing into the bed. It had been too hot for him to touch when he'd put it there, that sense dialed way down, and now it was just pleasantly warm.

Rolling Blair to his back, he smiled at his love's boneless condition. He cleaned his groin, enjoying the smell of their semen mixed so intimately, tenderly lifting and wiping the soft pink cock. Although he would've been embarrassed to admit it, he was glad Blair was circumcised, as he himself was. It just seemed...tidier that way.

Tossing the washcloth toward the rail and grinning when it slapped over it and hung neatly, he lay back and tucked Blair to his chest, tangling the fingers of one hand into the thick hair and resting the other on his slightly sweaty back.

“You alive?” He whispered.

Blair stirred slightly, pressing a small kiss to Jim's chest.  
"I might be later."

"That was really nice."

Sapphire eyes opened at stared at him in the dimness.

"I can live with nice.” He sounded unsure.

Jim wrapped both arms around the pliant warmth and hugged tightly.

"Romantic, sleepy sex is nice,” he clarified. "I love you and anything I can do with you."

"Oh." Blair smiled against his skin and snuggled closer, as if he were trying to share that skin. "Then I can do nice." 

"Now, in the morning..." Jim trailed off suggestively.

"I have a committee meeting in the morning,” a sleepy whisper, resigned.

“We're not in any hurry here." Jim kissed the top of his head, then began nibbling at the hairs that invaded his mouth. 

"There's no protein in that, Jim," Blair giggled sleepily.

"But I know what does have protein.” The low words brought a gasp. Then Jim smiled and lay his head down on the pillow, reaching to pull the covers over the two of them.  
"It's late, and we've got things to do in the morning."

"Mm-hm." 

So lovely to hold. Jim thought.

"Do you know how wonderful it is just to hold you?"

A shiver.

Jim sighed deeply, feeling as if he were filling his lungs for the first time that day.

"I love you, Jim." Blair's voice was sleepy but clear.

"I love you, too. Go to sleep, Blair."

More little snuggling movements. Another kiss to his chest. Then Blair sighed and was still.

"Goodnight, love." Jim whispered into the darkness, feeling sleep come to take him as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Thursday, September 11, 1997 

"Oh, man, I am gonna be late...." pulling away from Jim one last time, Blair sat on the edge of the bed and tried to bring his body under control. His lover's big hands closed on his hips and began rubbing again. "Jim!" fighting the urge to roll back over and give himself to the big man, Blair stood, Jim's hands falling away.

Blair looked back over his shoulder and then shuddered, realizing that he shouldn't have.

Sprawled back on the pillows, arms flung wide, eyes hot and hungry, Jim looked ready to pounce.

"I have to go to this meeting." Blair warned. "Jim, it's important to me,” he was using the serious teacher-voice that said he meant business.

"I know." With a sigh and sudden change of attitude, Jim rolled from the other side of the bed and stood, stretching.  
Blair stared.

"Go take your shower,” Jim said, his grin teasing as he scolded.

With a shake of his head Blair got up and went down the stairs. Jim heard him grumbling as he got into the bathroom.

"Make up your mind, man."

Listening to Blair as he washed was enough to put Jim into overdrive. He needs to go to work, he told himself sternly. To keep his hands busy, he stripped the bed and put on clean sheets, throwing the others into the hamper. That done, he went downstairs.

Blair was still in the shower. Tuning in, Jim didn't hear any sounds except the water hitting his body...his heart and breathing were normal....

"Blair?” He stepped over and cracked the door to call to him. You okay?"  
Under the fall of hot water Blair shivered.

“Yeah, Jim. Just thinking." 

"I'm going to throw in a bagel for you and get the coffee going,” Jim said.

"That would be great, sweetheart," Blair called back, grabbing his shampoo bottle and beginning to wash his hair.

By the time he was done and got out, Jim had a bagel with peanut butter and a cup of fresh coffee waiting for him. Pulling on his clothes, Blair remembered to grab the jeans without holes for the meeting, and the sports coat.

He sat at the table and began fighting with his hair, yanking a wide-toothed comb through it brutally.

"Hey, love.” Standing behind him, Jim took the comb from his hand. "Let me do that. You eat."

"Jim?" eyes wide, Blair turned to stare at him.

"I don't want you pulling it all out. That's what happened to mine." Jim grinned and Blair grinned back, reassured.

"Sure it is, Ellison. Whatever you say."

Blair ate while Jim carefully combed out the long hair. Blair had already rubbed the gel into it, it just needed to be untangled. By the time Blair was done Jim had it smooth and was lying the comb down.

His hands closed on the younger man's shoulders.

Blair tipped his head back, the top of it just touching Jim's stomach, and smiled up at him.

"Thanks, sweetheart.” His voice was husky.

Wrapping his hands in the curls, Jim smiled down at him. The smile faded after a minute and his voice dropped as well.

“You're welcome, love. Anytime."

They stared at each other for a long minute.

Then Blair spoke again, sounding regretful.

"I've got to get going, Jim. I won't be back until after six. Enjoy your day off, okay?"

"It won't be the same without you." Jim sighed. "Maybe I'll spend it thinking of things to do with you tonight." 

The shiver that ran through Blair was too obvious.

"Kiss me." Elegant hands came up to grasp Jim's waist.

He didn't hesitate to grant the request.

Mouths open wide, lips stretched over teeth, tongues dueling gently...it was hot and hungry and welcome. When Blair finally pulled away and stood, he had to grab the table to get his balance, Jim's hands tightening in his hair.

"Something to think about while I'm gone,” he whispered.

"There's no way I can think of anything else." Jim smiled a small, tight smile. "Goon, get out of here."

Gathering his pack and coat, Blair made it to the door before Jim spoke again.

"Hey, Sandburg." 

He turned in the open doorway, one hand on the frame, a questioning look on his face.

"Good morning, love." Jim's grin was open and loving.

Blair ducked his head, suddenly bashful. But he raised it again to look Jim in the eyes. 

"I love you, Jim."

"I know you do." Leaning back against the couch, arms crossed over his chest, Jim watched his love go out the door. 

 

Friday, September 12, 1997 

He heard the distinct rumble of the Volvo's engine just as he pulled into his own parking space. Climbing from the truck, he shut the door and watched with delight as Blair parked and jogged over to join him, backpack bouncing on his shoulder.

"Hey.” His young lover glowed with energy and happiness. His arms were wide as he approached, but then he stopped suddenly, in front of Jim, and glanced around the lot nervously.

"Chief?" Jim scanned the area, saw no threat, returned to looking at his beautiful love.

Who shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking down at the ground.

Then Jim understood. 

"Hey,” he said softly. Then he took a step forward and gathered Blair into a full-body hug. Tucking Blair's head into his neck, he sniffed his hair and sighed deeply before continuing. “You want to hug me, love, you do it. I don't care where we are."

Blair's arms wrapped tight about his waist and there was a rush of warm air on Jim's skin, making a tingle run through his body and settle in his groin.

"I wasn't sure...you know.” A tiny shrug in his arms.

"I told you. I don't care who knows.” saying it again, Jim felt the truth of the statement in his heart. To be sure that Blair knew he meant it, he lifted his head, used two fingers to tilt Blair's head up the way Jim was beginning to anticipate, and kissed him deeply.

Standing in the parking lot beside his truck.

By the time he released him Blair was hard, and Jim was harder.

"Let's take this upstairs." Blair whispered, his eyes on Jim's mouth.   
They walked up the stairs hand-in-hand.

Jim shut the door and Blair hung up his pack, then went to the couch. Sitting down, he grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV.

"Chief?" Jim looked at him over the back of the couch, confused.

“Yeah?" Blair leaned his head back to answer, grinning.

"I thought we were gonna make out,” he said it so baldly that Blair began laughing.

"I'm glad you think it's funny.” The older man turned and began walking to the bathroom.

"Hey, wait, I was just teasing." Jumping over the back of the couch, Blair caught his arm and turned him. "Come and sit with me."

Grudgingly Jim allowed himself to be led back to the couch. Blair sat and pulled Jim down beside him, then proceeded to straddle the bigger man's lap, settling a hand firmly on the bulge in his slacks.

"Umph," Jim grunted and wrapped his arms around his love, pulling him close and tight. “Are you teasing now, too?"

"Uh-uh." Blair shook his head. His hands went to his button- down shirt and he began unbuttoning it quickly.

Jim just watched, his eyes dilating a little bit. When the shirt was unbuttoned Blair shrugged it off gracefully, and then peeled the T-shirt beneath over his head.

Settling back on his knees Blair rested his hands on his hips and gazed back at Jim. 

"Oh god." 

Jim felt his cock leap to full hardness. A glance proved that Blair was in the same condition.

Patiently Blair sat, and waited.

After long minutes of staring - he'd never really just looked at the man he loved, like this - Jim's hands came up.

Blair closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

Super sensitive fingertips delicately traced his face ... eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheekbones, lips. The full lips parted beneath his touch and Blair panted slightly.

"So beautiful..." Jim breathed, hearing the increase in his Guide's heartbeat.

The fingers caressed Blair's neck, smoothed over square shoulders, and ran down his arms and back up again. The touch was light and searching.

"Jim, what are you doing?" Blair's voice was husky, dark with repressed yearnings.

"Mapping you.” Slightly firmer strokes down sides, counting off ribs silently, then feather-light brush at the waist of his jeans. 

The belly muscles quivered and Blair gasped once, opening his eyes.

"I love the way you touch me." not moving, just whispering, Jim's hands resting together on the still-shivering skin. "It's almost....reverent. Makes me feel...,” he couldn't find a word.

"Beautiful?" Jim suggested, leaning closer. "Beloved? Cherished?"

“All of those." Blair sighed. “And more." 

His body swayed like a reed in the wind, toward the force that was Jim Ellison.

Their mouths met again. A tasting, testing, searching dance this time.  
Blair's hands came to rest on Jim's shoulders, kneading gently. Jim's hands flexed and spread to hold and caress Blair's waist.

"Mmmmmmm,” A simultaneous sound of pleasure caused them to break apart and stare.

They grinned at the same moment.

Those grins signaled a change in the atmosphere. Hands on the broad smooth chest, Blair relentlessly pushed Jim back and pressed his body close to the bigger one, his groin coming into hot contact with Jim's, making the big man groan deep in his throat and rub against him, his hands sliding around to cup Blair's ass.

His mouth closed on the ringed nipple and Blair moaned, hanging his head back.

The pressure was becoming intense. Letting Jim direct the motion, Blair rode the tide that was carrying him closer to the peak. He was too involved to think about it, but Jim was as close and it quickly became obvious that they weren't going to last long if they kept this up.

"Blair, love, we need to - need - " Jim panted, unable to put it into words.

"Nooooo." Blair growled, his fingers closing tightly on Jim's nipples, pinching and twisting. "Not this time, Ellison. We're gonna sit here until we come !" he thrust harder against Jim, both of them frustrated by the layers of cloth that separated them.

"Not in our pants...." moaning, Jim was helpless to do more than protest weakly.

"I'll wash 'em." with that promise Blair pulled Jim's mouth back to his nipple and Jim's hands tightened even further on his ass and they were riding each other hard.

"Here it comes, man. Here it comes, baby. Here - almost here - almost.....JIM!!"

As his love's slender form convulsed, Jim just had time to wonder how messy it was going to be when his body answered Blair's.

"Ick, Sandburg."

Sitting up from where they had fallen to the side, Jim gave the smaller man a scolding look.

Blair tilted his head and shrugged, slightly abashed but not embarrassed.  
"I couldn't wait."

Rubbing at the wet splotch in his trousers, Jim made a face again.

“You take the first shower and I'll start dinner." Blair offered, climbing off of him with another sweet kiss.

“You don't mind?" Jim waved a hand in the direction of Blair's crotch, also damp-looking.

"I've had worse." with a grin and wink, Blair sauntered - that was the word for it, Jim couldn't call it anything else – into the kitchen and began preparing dinner.

They both got showered and chose individually to stick with boxers, Blair wearing a tank over his. Dinner was parmesan pasta with broccoli and French bread and Jim didn't even feel the need to complain about the lack of meat.

Clean up was familiar, the way sitting there and eating in their boxers after what they'd done on the couch wasn't.

“Anything good on?" Blair came out of his room, carrying a book. Jim was channel-surfing.

He stopped and studied the screen.

"Is that Rutger Hauer?"

Blair leaned over the back of the couch, his face close to Jim's. One big hand cupped his chin and pressed their cheeks together.

"Mm-hm. I know what this is." Blair's fingers caressed the back of Jim's neck. "Lady Hawk. You like Michelle Pfeiffer, right?" Abandoning the caress, Blair came around the couch and sat down. Jim immediately shifted, turning to put his back into the corner of the couch, and lifted Blair into the space between his legs.

“What? Oh." Blair tilted his head back to smile at Jim and was rewarded with Jim's special smile in return. Feeling his bones melt, the younger man dropped his book to the floor and snuggled, half-turning, into Jim's embrace, the strong arms wrapping loosely around him.

They watched the movie, which had just begun.

"She's really beautiful, huh." Blair observed when the actress' pale face was revealed in the moonlight onscreen.

"Not as beautiful as you." Jim hugged him tight, closing his eyes and reveling in the freedom to hold his love. “You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Blair."

“Ah, Jim.” A tiny sound at the back of Blair's throat, almost a sob. "This is so...amazing,” he sighed and was silent again.

After the movie they went up to bed together. Blair propped up on his side and opened his book. Lying beside him, watching him, Jim's hand took his chin and turned his face.

"I'm pretty tired, love. I think I'll crash."

"I'm going to read for a while. If it won't bother you?” The last was unsure.

"If you leave it'll bother me." Jim smiled again. "Kiss me goodnight, love."

“Absolutely.” Setting the book to one side, Blair leaned over and met Jim's mouth with his own.

Hot and sweet and wonderful...and then he pulled back, face flushed a little.

"Think you can sleep now?” He teased gently.

Lying back, getting comfortable, Jim snaked a hand over and rested it on Blair's belly, the easiest place for him to reach. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Yes. Goodnight, love."

"G'night, Jim. I love you."

The loft settled into peaceful silence, the only sounds an occasional page turning or a street noise drifting up from below.

Covering the big hand with one of his own, Blair stroked the back of it absently, a tiny smile on his lips.

 

Sunday, September 14, 1997 

After a late night call got them out of bed early Saturday morning, they spent what was supposed to be their day off following the paper trail of a group of would-be blackmailers. Falling into bed almost twenty-four hours later, there was no energy for anything other than a reassuring snuggle and quick sleep.

Blair slept late while Jim went to the gym. By the time he got back his young love was up, freshly showered and shaved, and sitting at the kitchen table writing up a grocery list.

"Oh, hey, I need some transmission fluid." passing by him on the way to the bathroom, Jim dropped an affectionate kiss on the top of his head.

"Got it,” he got a cheery response.

He was just stepping under the water when the door cracked and Blair peeked in. 

“Want to join me?” He felt slightly awkward making the offer, but visions of a wet naked Blair in his arms killed that pretty quickly.

The currently dry, dressed Blair leaned on the sink and crossed his arms casually over his chest, shaking his head slowly.

"Um, no. I don't think that's such a good idea,” he paused, watching Jim through the stall door, and the pause became a silence. Feeling oddly exposed, Jim broke it.

"Just want to watch?” He meant it to tease, but Blair blushed deeply. "It's okay, love." Jim hastened to reassure.

“Actually, I kinda wanted to talk...you know, about us."

"So talk.” If talking to him in here made Blair comfortable, Jim was willing to do it. He glanced at his love just in time to see his blue eyes lingering on the medicine cabinet door. "Oh, so that's what you want to talk about."

"Um, yeah." now Blair was embarrassed again. The words flowed out of him like a rushing stream. "I love you, Jim and I love what we've done with each other, but I don't want to rush into anything, y'know? It's just such a weird idea, man." 

"I hear that.” Thrilled to hear Blair say he liked the sex they were getting better at, Jim understood his friend's hesitancy to move beyond it. "Frankly, I don't think I'm ready for that either. We need to be more comfortable with each other, more aware of each other's responses before we try something that extreme."

Blair was watching him as he rinsed, from beneath half- closed lids. 

He's so perfectly put together. A Greek statue or a sketch by DaVinci.

"I think I'm going to read up on it,” he said suddenly, eyes drawn to Jim's cock, half-erect under the combined stimulation of bathing, warmth and Blair's presence.

What would it feel like? To have that...there.

He shifted a little, finding the thought disturbing. His erection died away.

“You know we'll never do anything you don't want to, love.” Shutting off the water, Jim stepped out of the shower. Blair handed him a towel.  
Their fingers touched when Jim took it.

The whole scene suddenly felt very intimate.

With the blue towel still in one hand, Jim gazed at Blair, who stared back.

"Come here?” Spreading his arms slightly, Jim made it a question. Blair answered by stepping forward and into his embrace.

Jim was erect and eager, but all he did was hold Blair gently.

"It will take time to get used to the idea. We won't rush."

“Are we gonna...I mean, is it going to be, y'know, you doing me?” The words were stuttered against Jim's damp smooth chest.

"If that's the way you want to. I don't know if I can...let you do it to me.” Sounding ashamed, Jim released Blair and walked past him into the loft, wrapping the forgotten towel around himself.

"It's okay. We do need time." Blair followed, not upset. "Get dressed and we'll go shopping, okay? I've got a couple extra bucks, let me take you to lunch?"

Jim gifted him with the smile Blair had come to crave, and went up the stairs.

They ended up skipping lunch as Blair ran Jim through several impromptu tests at the mall. They window-shopped some, and when Blair got excited and took Jim's hand to drag him over to an insect display from the natural history museum, there to encourage families to visit, Jim made it a point to keep hold of Blair's when they moved on. 

Blair looked up at him and his face broke into a glowing grin.

"That's nice." releasing Jim's hand, Blair bounced over to a store Jim knew he liked, Nature Wear. They specialized in handmade and environmentally-sound clothing.

The shirt Blair was looking at was alone on a little display. Woven from some type of fiber, it had beads and bits of shells worked into the stitching that decorated it.

“Wow." Blair ran a hand over the fine work. Jim read the card that said it was made by a Mombari tribesman in Brazil, where projects like this helped give the native peoples an alternative to raising cattle for cash, discouraging further destruction of the rainforest.

Jim's hand rested over Blair's, his fingers spreading to touch the material around the smaller one.

"It's softer than I imagined,” he was surprised. "Looks like it would itch."  
Grinning at his comment, Blair used his other hand to flip the price tag.  
He sighed deeply.

"It might not itch, but that would definitely hurt my cash flow." 

Jim glanced at it. It did seem a little high, but it was a unique item.

"I'll get it for you,” he said, checking the size. Even the little tag was handmade, of the same material. "This will look great on you."

"Jim, aw, no, man, I couldn't let you..." Blair trailed him as Jim picked up the shirt and carried it to the counter, already reaching for his checkbook. The clerk who had been watching them smiled widely. 

"Jim." Blair caught the bigger man's arm, stopping him. "I don't want you buying me clothes."

“Why not?" Jim watched Blair's face, heard the agitation in his voice. "I love you and I think you'll look great in this."

"But..but..." Blair spluttered, at a complete loss for words.

With a knowing grin Jim leaned close, his lips inches from Blair's. 

“And I'm already looking forward to taking it off of you." He punctuated the comment with a quick, hard kiss.

That made Blair blush and he didn't say anything else as Jim went to the counter and bought the shirt, the clerk grinning at the two of them the whole time. He handed the bag to Jim, who handed it right over to Blair. He took it without a word. 

They were almost to the entrance when Blair finally spoke. Jim had taken his free hand and was swinging the clasped extremities in the air between them.

"Thanks, Jim,” he said, very softly. "I really like it."

Jim turned his head and smiled.

“You're welcome, love."

"I'm just not used to anybody buying stuff for me..."

"I want to give you things, love." now Jim stopped, oblivious to the people that streamed around them. "So maybe you should try."

"I will." Blair smiled up at him.

"Let's get some dinner, my treat," Jim suggested, walking again. "Maybe we could catch a movie afterwards."

"I love you,” he heard the words but didn't break stride, leaning Blair out of the mall.

"I know you do." 

 

"I've never laughed so hard in my life." Blair groaned as Jim let them into the loft. "That was...god, I can't even describe it."

"It was certainly unique." Jim agreed. “Are you going straight up to bed?"

"Do you want me to?" Blair paused on his way to his room.

"If you want to. I'm going to finish catching up on my sleep."

"Then I'll join you. I have some class work to do, but I can do it up there."

After their seafood dinner Blair was content, settling into the bed beside Jim as the older man snuggled to his side, Blair's laptop open on his stretched legs.

He put an arm around Jim's shoulders.

“Would you mind if I put some music on?” He asked.

"It makes it hard for me to sleep," Jim admitted.

"Then I'll do without.” Ignoring the protesting noise Jim made, Blair petted his short hair and typed slowly, one-handed. "I love you."

“You too. Goodnight, love." Jim closed his eyes and waited for sleep. The peace and contentment of this moment were unmatched by anything in his memory.

After a while Jim dozed. There was a low, pleasant noise and he roused enough to identify it.

Blair was singing...really half-humming, almost under his breath, his petting strokes in time to the music as he repeated the verses absently.

"Goodnight, sweetheart, yes it's time to go. Doe-doe-doe- doe, goodnight, sweetheart, yes it's time to go. I hate to leave you but I really must say, goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight..."

It was distracting, but Jim didn't care. Snuggling a millimeter closer, he sighed and listened to his love's voice as he drifted to sleep. 

 

Monday, September 15, 1997 

Feeling several pairs of eyes on him, Blair straightened quickly, shutting the refrigerator door with his hip, hands full of beer bottles.  
At the kitchen table, the eyes that had been watching his ass turned back to each other and grabbing for snacks.

Passing out bottles, Blair sat and picked up his own beer, leaning back and scanning them all with feigned nonchalance. 

His chips were a sprawled pile to the side of his elbow. It was hard to tell how many were there, but it was more than Jim had.

Rafe was dealing, seven cards each, face-down, calling it out as he went.

"The game is seven-card stud, deuces wild, follow that bitch."  
Simon groaned.

"Does it have to be complicated? Why can't we just stick with something simple, like five-card draw?" 

"Because then Sandburg would keep winning.” Taggart growled. His pile was significantly smaller than Blair's.

Blair's eyes shifted to Jim, at the other end of the table. He smiled a little at him, and Jim grinned back, mellowed by three or four beers and the company.

Then the smile faded and became something more intimate, hungrier, and Blair looked down at the table, arranging his chips in a swirly, artistic pattern across the table edge.

He's nervous. Jim realized it again. Blair had been relatively quiet all evening, not making wisecracks or telling irrelevant stories about isolated pygmy tribes....I wish he could relax about this. These guys aren't going to hurt him or look down on us.

Simon had two kings showing, and a two - the wild card. But when it got to Blair he promptly turned a queen - Rafe's bitch - and so his next card became the wild card; a five.

Naturally, he had two of them, which gave him four jacks. 

Simon groaned again and folded.

Watching Blair's face light up as he raked in another pot and the guys teased him, Jim sighed.

They had gotten their first taste of harassment today. It hadn't been much, really. A uniformed officer, a woman, had caught Blair as he came into the building and trapped him in a corner. She pressed pamphlets on him that declared homosexuality to be a sin, and urged him to go to church and pray to be freed from these 'unwholesome urges', told him to cut his hair and change his life to get into favor with God again. Blair was too stunned to even point out he was Jewish.

The desk guard had seen it happening and given Jim a ring, and the Blessed Protector had arrived in time to rescue his distraught partner before his eyes glazed over.

He'd quickly extricated Blair from her clutches, thanked the desk sergeant, and hustled his lover up to Major Crimes.

Blair had been embarrassed and, mostly, pissed. Seeing how upset he was, it was second-nature for Jim to take him aside and hug him tightly for a few minutes, right there in the bullpen, and that had done more to reassure the young man than any words could.

Nobody had stared, nobody had commented. Jim suspected that Simon had made some sort of general announcement to the other detectives showing his support, but it didn't matter why they were being so nice about it. Just that they were.

He'd also called that cop's sergeant, but he didn't tell Blair about it.  
She had a right to her opinions, but there was an appropriate time and place for everything. 

Jim sighed. Now, tonight, sitting here playing poker, they were all staring. Sure, when Blair bent over at the fridge in those tight jeans...the ones with the little rip just below the butt...Jim had stared. But he hadn't expected anyone else to. Certainly not everyone else.

They were just trying to figure out what you were looking at, Jimmy-boy. he scolded himself. If you hadn't practically zoned on Sandburg's ass, they probably wouldn't have noticed. 

After seeing them all to the door, a cab waiting outside to drop them all off in turn - Jim snickered, wondering who was going to have to sit beside Brown, who had brought and ate an entire jar of garlic pickles - he came back up to find Blair almost finished with the cleanup.

The dishes were done and he was pulling out the broom, but Jim reached around him and took it right out of his hands, murmuring in a low, husky tone.

"Leave it. Let's go to bed."

Blair's eyes widened, and he smiled broadly.

"Oh, man. I was hoping you were gonna say that,” he sounded eager as he watched Jim put away the broom and then they walked up the stairs together.

They faced each other across the bed. This was the first time they had done this...come up to bed together with lovemaking on their minds. That knowledge was clear on both faces.

Jim smiled, that sweet smile. Blair was looking a little lost, a little hesitant.

"I'll go first.” The big hands began gripped the bottom of Jim's T-shirt and pulled it over his head in one smooth movement, only hiding his face for a moment.

The smile changed to a naughty grin when he held out his arm and dropped the shirt on the floor beside the bed.

That made Blair grin, which made him relax. He had his top shirt off within seconds. The he glanced at Jim, who shook his head, smiling gently. One big hand stroked the smooth chest, indicating to Blair that he needed to get to bare skin too.

Two more shirts later and Jim was gazing at the slender, muscled chest with its hint of gold.

They sat on the bed together to take off shoes, the Jim stood and Blair remained sitting to slip out of jeans.

Jim sat back on the bed, moving to the stacked pillows. He was wearing plain blue boxers, but Blair was wearing black boxer briefs again.

"I don't like those, but they look great on you,” he whispered, running a finger along the waistband.

"Enjoy 'em now, 'cause they're coming off soon." With that husky promise Blair crawled in and slid up next to Jim, who rolled to his side to pull Blair close.

“You feel wonderful,” he sighed, closing his eyes. He dialed down his tactile sense, afraid he'd get carried away and come too soon. "Smell wonderful.” His open mouth sought Blair's which welcomed the questing tongue like a long-missed relative. "Taste wonderful.” The whisper punctuated the beginning of a deep, hungry kiss. 

This time arousal built slowly, the alcohol mellowing their responses. But, after a while, both men became more aggressive, roaming hands began gripping and searching, fingers rolled and pinched hardened nipples, mouths moved to necks to bite gently as well as lick and kiss.

"More, Jim. More, please." Blair begged, his head rolling back, hips thrusting against his lover as his hands clenched the muscled ass firmly.  
With both hands on Blair's waist Jim rolled them both so that he was on top. Looking down, he saw no fear in Blair, just passionate hunger as the younger man began a sensuous movement beneath him, rubbing his body against Jim's hard one. 

"I want to feel you,” he moaned, lowering himself, letting Blair take alot of his weight. "I want you to come on me, all over me."

"Jim, oh, man, sweetheart...." Blair's hands dug into Jim's ass and he rubbed himself harder on him, his cock pressed tight to Jim's stomach, sweat providing just enough slickness to make it comfortable. 

His head was back, his body arched. Jim watched with pleasure as his love used Jim's body to bring himself off.

He kissed Blair's neck, nibbled on his ear, took his mouth in deep hungry kisses, played with and then sucked on his flat brown nipples.

His actions and the movement soon had Blair reduced to low moans and occasional gasped words.

"Jim...want you....come.....me....,” he panted as he thrust harder. "Come with me."

Again covering Blair's mouth with his own, Jim whispered into it.

“Anything you want, love. Anything you want."

He opened his senses widely again and immediately shouted and began thrusting with Blair, his sudden aggressive reaction making Blair move faster, harder.

“Yes! Jim, gods, yes, with me...with...gonna..."

Jim swallowed Blair's scream in his mouth as the younger man came with great body-shaking shudders. Feeling Blair move like that, pressed so intimately to Jim's body, was all it took for the Sentinel to come as well, his own scream thrown deep into Blair. 

"Jim...sweetheart, man, I gotta breathe soon.” A hand stroked his back in apology, and Jim roused enough to roll to the side, not completely off, but Blair didn't object, just rolled a little ways as well and cuddled back up again.

Silence descended again, and they snuggled, feeling right with the world.

"Should I go get a wet cloth?" Blair asked much later. The stickiness of their mixed semen was drying on his groin, belly and thighs, and it itched.

"Don't want you to get up.” It was a grumpy reply as Jim hugged him closer.

“You'll hate yourself in the morning, man." Blair warned.

"Don't care." burying his nose in Blair's hair, Jim inhaled all the rich scents that filled the room; Blair, sex, sweat, sex, pheromones, sex.

Well, I've jumped onto a one-track train. he scolded himself. But the feel of Blair in his arms quickly made him sigh again with happiness. Sleep was beckoning.

“You're so weird sometimes." Blair opened his eyes to stare at him in the dark and Jim leaned to give him a soft kiss.

"Go to sleep, love, so I can."

"Hm.” Tucking his head back to Jim's shoulder, Blair did what he was told, for once.

Jim waited until the young man was almost asleep, which wasn't that long...then he leaned close, his lips brushing the ringed ear, and whispered into it as softly as he dared.

"Goodnight, love."

Although he'd thought Blair too far gone to respond, he got an answer anyhow. Sleepy and slurred, but an answer that made him smile.

"Goodnight, sweetheart.

With Blair in his arms, their first challenge faced, Jim felt at peace, as he never had before he'd fallen in love with his Guide. 

As long as he had Blair there was meaning in his life.

It was a good thought to sleep on.

 

Wednesday, September 17, 1997 

"Jim!" Simon's voice called and detective Jim Ellison turned to answer. He spied his captain moving through a crowd of people milling in the hall. 

They met somewhere in the middle.

Jim grabbed Simon's arm, worried. The tall black man's heart was racing.  
He paused, giving Simon a chance to speak before the panic he felt deep inside boiled over.

"Have you testified yet? We just got a call at the station, Sandburg's had some kind of accident at the university. The nurse said it wasn't anything serious...” The captain watched with dismayed fascination as the color drained from Jim's face and the younger man gripped his arm tighter.

“Where'd they take him?!" it was almost hissed, the level of fear too strong to even be articulated.

"Mercy General. He should already be there.” Simon said.

"I'll make my excuses to the DA." Jim had already turned and was heading back to the courtroom very quickly by the time Simon remembered to move.

"Jim, wait..." 

"Detective Ellison? Am I to understand that you wish your testimony to be delayed?"

Judge Phipps sat behind his large oak desk, his lunch spread before him. They were interrupting the recess because the DA was afraid Jim's absence would prejudice the case.

Jim nodded. Simon stood beside him, ready to give support as needed.  
“A family emergency.” DA Apoerse said quickly. That was all Jim had told him.

“You wife having a baby?" Phipps fussed with a carrot stick, his eyes sleepy-looking, but Jim knew better. This was a sharp, strict man, well known for his sense of fairness and unrelenting insistence on absolute truth.

What the hell was Jim going to tell him?

"I'm no longer married, your honor." Jim chose to stick with straightforward honesty. Sort of.

Now those sleepy eyes showed some interest, the carrot stick abandoned in favor of leaning back in the large chair, hands folding over his robe.  
“A sick child?"

Jim shook his head slowly.

"No children, sir."

Simon opened his mouth to speak, but a glare shot from beneath bushy grey brows snapped it shut again. Phipps was also known for citing people with contempt for interrupting conversations in his comfortable office.

Although he cared for Jim and Blair, more than he'd maybe like to admit, he wasn't ready to go to jail for them.

The glare became shrewd as Phipps studied Jim.

"So who is it, Detective Ellison. Who is so important to you that you want me to re-arrange the entire day's testimony so you can go hold their hand?"

Jim swallowed audibly, and Simon saw that muscle in his cheek begin to jump. Mentally, he winced. This wasn't going to be pretty.

When he answered, after several long moments of thought, Jim's voice was even and calm.

"My roommate, your honor. My lover. He's my partner as well."

Simon was unable to restrain a low groan, but he covered it with a cough, not well, but he tried.

The DA stared openly, his face turning red.

“Your boyfriend? Your boyfriend is in the hospital and you cause all this trouble?! What the hell are you thinking, detect --" his rant was halted mid-word by a wave from Phipps. His mouth was still hanging open when that wave became a gesture toward the door.

"That will do, Apoerse. I'll see you after the recess."

Jim stood stolid while the fuming man stalked out of the room.

"That wasn't the smartest thing you ever did,” Simon whispered, at Sentinel level. Jim twitched.

Phipps was sitting up now, actually looking interested.

“Your lover. Tell me about him." 

Jim hesitated about half a second, then allowed himself a tiny smile.

"That could take a while."

"The short version." Maybe Simon was imagining things, but Phipps seemed almost...smiling? No. No way.

“Well, he's a doctoral candidate at Rainier, in Anthropology. He does consulting work for the department, he's worked with me for nearly three years now. He's an important part of the department." Jim looked at Simon for confirmation, and the captain nodded absently, busy trying to keep his jaw off the floor. "He - Blair - he's an incredibly smart, energetic person. He's beautiful, inside and out." Jim knew he was gushing now, but he didn't often have the chance to talk Blair up to someone who hadn't met him. And Phipps seemed to be an appreciative audience.  
"Since we met he's practically dedicated his life to taking care if me...cooking for me, making sure I get enough sleep..." Jim trailed off, worry reasserting itself. "I have to be there when he needs me, your honor. I just have to."

"Spoken like a man in love." Phipps leaned back again with an air of finality. “Alright, I'll let you testify tomorrow."

"Thank you, your honor." Jim squelched the undignified urge to drop to one knee and kiss his hand. “You don't know how much this means to me."

"I was young and in love once.” The 69-year-old judge smiled faintly. "I vaguely remember it."

They left, walking very quickly, and Jim listened to see if Phipps said anything else.

"I'll have to tell Bill the Third to take that man's class." Phipps muttered to himself, then Jim heard the distinct sound of crunching carrot. 

He smiled, and Simon just shook his head.

"Jim, this is all very strange to me,” he said as they almost trotted to the parking lot, where the truck was waiting.

“Yeah, but it feels great." Jim replied, climbing in and starting up. "Thanks, Simon. I'll call you as soon as I know everything." 

 

"Blair?" Peeking around the curtain, Jim checked his love out with his senses.

"Oh, hey, man." With an awkward shift Blair managed to drag himself to a half-sitting position. "I didn't mean to call you out of court. But Simon said you'd kill him if he didn't tell you."

"That new 'no cell phones' in the courtroom rule sucks,” Jim said, sitting on the edge of the bed, gingerly. "Doc told me you're okay, just bruised up."

“A little achy. They're waiting for the x-rays of my ribs, but he said he doesn't think any are broken."

"So." Jim scooted closer and Blair rolled his head to press his cheek to Jim's leg, sighing when a large hand settled in his hair and began stroking tenderly. "How did you manage to do this to yourself?"

"It was stupid.” The younger man combined a shrug and a wince, creating something new. "There's a blind student, Jennifer, in my 101 class - she's really interested in it - anyhow, the stairway was really crowded...some people got too close to her dog, Meggy. Anyhow, Meg was pressing real close to Jen's legs and I could see that both of them were scared - I was at the bottom of the stairs talking to Becky about her webpage again - so I was going up to move the crowd along, get them some space...and somebody bumped her. She missed the next step, Meg got tangled in her legs, and down they went."

“And landed on you."

“Yeah, well." Blair grinned, taking Jim's free hand and pulling it to his chest. "I sorta jumped in the way." 

"Blair Sandburg, the human airbag." Jim teased, leaning down for a kiss. “Was Jennifer okay?"

"Oh, man, she felt awful. She was in tears when I left. I would've just gone home, but I hit my head pretty hard and the university was worried about liability..."

"I would have made you come in anyhow.” Scolding mildly, Jim gave him another soft kiss. "So you saved me the waiting time."

Blair opened his mouth and invited a deepening of the kiss, and Jim did, after thinking about it for a minute.

"I was really scared,” he admitted when they broke for air.

“You'd know it if I were really hurt, sweetheart." Blair soothed, "I know you would. You'd feel it."

Their eyes met and passed silent acknowledgement of that fact between them.

"So how do you feel now?" A hand left Blair's hair and gently spidered down his shoulders to his chest, probing ever-so-gently.

"Mostly sore. They wanted to give me painkillers but I wouldn't take anything stronger than Tylenol."

“Well, I can't wait to get you home and into bed, where I can spoil you a bit."

"I shouldn't have to stay once they check the films,” Blair said quietly.

"Good." Now Jim leaned and lay his cheek against Blair's whispering in his ear, making his breath catch. "'Cause I don't want to tell you goodnight, love, anywhere but in our bed, not for a long time."

“Ah, Jim." Blair closed his eyes, face breaking into a grin that rivaled the sun. "I love you."

"I know you do."

They sat together, Blair leaning on Jim's side, Jim stroking Blair's hair, until the doctor finally came back to tell them everything was fine.

 

Thursday, September 18, 1997 

The air was cool, hitting his exposed torso and thighs. Exposed because he was nude, not even wearing his boxers. With a little shiver Blair reached blindly for the blanket he'd been covered with earlier, but a strong hand caught his and petted it instead. The voice of his lover floated into his ear, warm and promising.

"Ohhhh, no, love. Let me look at you, like this. So beautiful."

Warm tickling sensation on his belly, stroking in circles, translated by his foggy mind into fingers caressing.

"Jim..."

“You know it is, love.” The voice faded and the warmth left his ear, moved down his neck, snuffling and nuzzling, then licking gently, broad strokes of heat on his slightly chilled skin.

"I’m cold." not really a complaint, more of a 'wonder-what- he'll-do-about-that' comment of fact.

"I'll warm you up."

And then Jim covered him. His weight pressed Blair back into their bed, his heat seeped into Blair's skin and, with a sigh and a shudder, Blair opened his eyes and woke.

Jim stared down at him, both hands buried in the long curls that tangled around Blair's face, several long locks almost hiding one eye.

"Hi. How do you feel?"

"Sore." Blair admitted, bringing his arms around Jim to pet his sleek back. "But wonderful." 

"Mmmm." Jim leaned and tickled Blair's closed lips with the tip of his tongue. Blair withstood it as long as he could, then parted them with a soft groan and welcomed Jim into his mouth.

“Ahhh, man. Jim,” he sighed as he kissed him back. Their mouths were as wide as they could go, lips sealed together, fused, trying to bind them through saliva and desire alone.

When the kiss broke Blair was panting and Jim was breathing faster as well.

The younger man looked around. It was dark, only a tiny bit of light coming in from the sliver of moon above the skylight.

“What time is it?” He couldn't see the clock over Jim's bulk.

"Just past midnight. You've been asleep since the game started."

They'd gotten in after four. Blair had laid on the couch and Jim had fixed sandwiches and brought him beer. Then he had lifted Blair's head into his lap and stroked his head while they watched the Jags game....

"I was on the couch." Blair objected gently.

"I carried you up." 

"Did you wake me or did I wake myself?” The small, elegant hands settled on Jim's shoulders, fingertips caressing delicately.

“A little of both, I think."

Leaning for another kiss, Jim felt the wince Blair couldn't hide, and slid his body off, rolling to put them side-to-side.

"No, don't stop." Blair breathed, pushing his body into Jim's.

“You're still hurting." Jim objected. When Blair opened his mouth to protest, Jim tapped his full lips with a finger and shook his head warningly.

"I want you to just lie there. Can you do that?” Their eyes met. Jim's were warm and amused and Blair's went wide.

He nodded silently.

"Good. I've never done this before, but I'm thinking I can figure it out."  
Before Blair could ask what he was talking about Jim lowered his head and took a small nipple between his teeth, worrying it. Blair gasped and thrust up, and Jim chuckled against his skin, a hand covering the younger man's rapidly swelling cock.

Blair pushed against it and groaned louder.

Trying to control his response, Blair kept his groans low and his thrusts few as Jim suckled each tit to hardness and then began working his way down the furred belly, following the line of hair that pointed to where Blair wanted him to go.

"Is this okay?" Jim muttered as he paused just above the navel. Blair groaned and then took a minute to dig for words in his besotted brain.

"Gods, Jim...yes. This is incredible...but are you sure you want to do it?"  
One big hand closed around Blair's straining cock as Jim began nuzzling his belly, the soft fur an almost-tickling sensation on Jim's face.

"I want to taste you, love. All of you."

Blair tensed slightly as that statement registered, and Jim was immediately aware of it.

"But there will be time for everything later...and anything you aren't comfortable with now,” he trailed off, giving the younger man a chance to set any limits he might need.

"Uh, um." Blair began blushing dark red. Jim watched in fascination as the color started at mid-chest and spread upwards.

“You can say it, precious. You can tell me anything."

"I, um, I'm not real comfortable with...uh, you know..."

"Having your ass played with? I think I already figured that out.” Absently Jim stroked Blair's flagging cock, encouraging it back to full hardness. Blair allowed himself another small moan. "I won't do anything you don't like."

"I know.” Dropping his head back to the pillows, Blair took a deep breath, held it for several seconds, and then released it slowly, willing the tension to go with it.

"Better?" Jim's face was still pressed close to Blair's stomach and he heard the slight reduction in heart rate.

“Yeah. Please, keep going.” The slender, finely-drawn hands were resting easily on the covers at his sides. Jim smiled against his skin and Blair made a noise like half a giggle. 

"Ticklish?"

"There." Blair answered. Then his voice dropped and he sounded bashful when he continued. “And on my back, right over my kidneys...if you even get close with your tongue I won't be able to keep still."

"That's good to know." Pressing a tender kiss just above the navel, Jim began licking around it slowly, broad swipes of his tongue leaving a trail of wet warmth that cooled right away.

"That feels so good," Blair's whisper reached Jim's ears and he nuzzled closer, lying his cheek on Blair's belly as he licked and kissed.

When Blair was completely hard again he finally dipped his tongue into the soft little hollow and was rewarded with a gasp and an involuntary thrust into his hand. Moving his other hand up, he got a grip on Blair's hip, intending to keep him from moving too much.

"Let me get used to this before you get carried away, love,” he said. And then he licked the swollen head of Blair's cock.

Blair's hips came off the bed and he grunted, deep in his throat, an animalistic noise.

"More,” he breathed over lips that parted to suck air into his suddenly struggling body.

Jim licked several drops of pre-come off the tip of his cock, and rolled them in his mouth, testing the odd new flavor.

It was okay...a strange texture, oily and gummy. He'd get used to it, he was sure. He really wanted Blair to like this.

He glanced up after licking his way around the taut organ. Blair's hands were now clenched in the bedspread, his eyes shut tight, panting heavily through his mouth.

Those eyes flashed open as Jim looked. 

“What?! Oh, man, don't tell me you're gonna stop. I mean, you haveta tell me, but couldn't you have stopped before you got this far?"

“We're not stopping, love." Jim whispered, taking the head of Blair's cock into his mouth and sucking gently. 

"Harder, Jim." Blair hissed. "I need more stimulation...."

"I noticed." Jim released the cock to look up at him one more time. “You ready to come, love?"

"Please!" The shout must have been audible in the next building.

"Okay, okay, I get the picture." With those words Jim bent over and began working Blair's cock down his throat. Blair encouraged with moans and groans and quiet whispered comments.

"Oh, I like that. Just like that...un. And, hugh..,” he couldn't say anything else as his body tightened and he recognized the feeling. "Jim! Jim you gotta move man, I'm.....I'm gonna.....,” he tried to warn Jim, pushing at him with both hands, but the bigger man hung on stubbornly, sucking harder, cuddled up close to Blair's body.

With a shout of relief, Blair's cock pumped several spurts of hot, sticky fluid into Jim's mouth. At first startled, Jim gulped and swallowed the rest, still not enjoying the flavor but certain that he would learn to."

He swallowed several times, then slowly licked Blair's groin and legs clean...the younger man lay boneless, flat on his back, not even capable of making words yet. Jim knew the feeling, so he ignored it.

It wasn't until Jim crawled up to take Blair into his arms and snuggle him close that Blair managed to speak.

"Oh, um, man, what about you?"

"I'll be fine,” he was assured. “You can take care of me another time. You're still sore and tired."

"Ung." Jim shifted to where he could hold Blair gently.

"Kiss me." Jim leaned close and gave Blair a taste of himself still on his lips. Blair kissed him back as hungrily as he had before he came.

Then Jim lay his head on Blair's chest with a sigh.

“You need to rest. Close your eyes and tell me you love me."

With a smile Blair did just that.

"I love you, Jim. So much."

Jim pulled the covers up over them both and smiled into the darkness that was no match for him.

"Goodnight, love,” he replied with a last lingering kiss on the mouth of the man he loved.

 

Sunday, September 21, 1997 

"Jim? There you are, man."

Coming around the half-closed bathroom door, Blair stopped and studied his lover. 

“You okay?"

"I think this tie is alive, and it hates me." Jim griped, fingers fiddling with the dark striped accessory to his charcoal suit. "Tell me again why we're here?"

Stepping up behind him, Blair reached around, smiling into the banks of mirror over the line of sinks. His nimble fingers undid the stubborn knot and quickly did it back up again as he spoke, leaving it more comfortable for Jim.

"Because Simon asked you to be."

"He's never asked me before. Why now? And why both of us?" Blair let Jim fuss, knowing he had to get it out of his system. Ellison grumped and grumbled a lot, but it kept his frustration level down.

Speaking of frustration...turning Jim with hands on his shoulders, Blair offered his face for a kiss.

With a low groan Jim framed his face in both hands and kissed him deeply.

"How slow are we taking this, Jim?" Blair spoke against the clean-shaven skin of Jim's jaw after they broke the kiss. "It's been three days."

“You're still too uncomfortable with things, love." Jim answered, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "I'm worried that I'll do something that will make you back off."

"I want to be comfortable, Jim. I do. You can help me..." Blair trailed off as Jim ran a hand down his back and rested it lightly on his ass.

"That bothers you."

"No...it's thinking about the rest of it that bothers me,” he was honest with Jim, when he was talking about them. "I like your hands on me."

"I like putting them on you.” Slowly Jim tugged at Blair, backing into a stall and leaning him against the door when it swung shut. "Just knowing that I can...I can touch you, stroke you, taste you...and no-one else. It makes me see red, love. Such a wonderful thing to know."

"Only you, Jim." Blair agreed as both of the older man's hands came to cup his ass and squeeze gently. "Nobody else will ever touch me."

This kiss was hotter and longer.

“You can help me with this, Jim. Help me get used to having your hands...in places I'm not used to being touched."

"Then I will. But you'll tell me if I go too far. Farther than you're ready for."  
Blair's wide eyes, darkened with passion, stared up at him and Jim had to suppress a groan.

"I will, Jim. Just do what you want to me and we'll work it out."

It seemed the Gods themselves had heard that, because suddenly everything felt very still and calm.

Jim shook himself and then kissed Blair again, deeper, hotter, than any kiss they had ever shared before.

“We'd better get back out there before Simon misses us." Jim mumbled as they panted minutes later.

Reluctantly Blair released him and turned away, Jim's hands sliding over his body as he did so. They came to rest just to each side of his groin.

“Ah, Jim. I'm not going to be able to leave if you keep that up."

"Quickies in bathroom stalls are for later." Jim grinned suddenly. “When we've tried everything and we're jaded."

"That,” Blair said decisively as he left the room, “Will never happen."

Jim was glad he thought so. They agreed there.

The party was in full swing when Jim rejoined. Blair was standing off to one side, a drink in his hand, chattering to a petite blond. Jim watched and listened for a minute, and smiled to realize that his love wasn't even aware of the signals the woman was throwing out. He's tuned right to my frequency. Can't even pick up anything else now. 

"Jim. Having a good time?” Simon's voice at his shoulder startled him and Jim realized guiltily that he'd almost zoned on his partner's soothing heartbeat.

Accepting a glass of juice Simon had brought him, Jim nodded at Blair.

"Just watching him, captain. Sometimes he's just so.... amazing."

Dark eyes opened wide and Simon stared.

"I guess it must be true love, Ellison. Because I can't imagine you saying anything that romantic under any other circumstances."

“Yeah." Jim looked ridiculously pleased. "It must be.”

He drank his juice and watched Sandburg miss the blond's flirting and Simon watched him watch, secretly amused.

"So, why am I here this year? I've never been invited to this city shindig before. I thought only captains and VIPs were allowed." Jim remembered his earlier puzzlement.

"Judge Phipps requested that you be invited.” Simon nodded toward the elderly man, sitting in a comfortable armchair on the other side of the room.

"I suppose I should thank him."

"I think he'd rather meet Sandburg." 

 

Jim led his drowsy lover up the stairs, grinning slightly, at peace with the world. Judge Phipps was a close personal friend of the mayor, and somehow, it seemed, Jim had made an impression on him. 

And Blair had made him laugh.

If it ever came down to it, Jim knew he could count on the Judge's support, if there was an attempt to separate he and Blair at the station, revoke Blair's observer status because of their relationship.

And he had one big hand spread across Blair's ass as they walked into the   
loft.

And Blair hadn't even noticed.

“Wow...I'm really tired, Jim." Blair swayed against him and nuzzled into his chest.

"Got class in the morning, don't you?” Snuggling him close, Jim took a chance, began rubbing his ass with both big hands.

"Thas' nice, Jim..." Blair cuddled closer and Jim felt his legs giving way.

"No way, Sandburg. I'm not carrying up those stairs tonight. I need you to stay awake long enough to get up there and into bed, so you can hear me when I tell you goodnight." 

Tilting his head back, Blair mumbled something Jim didn't catch. He stroked a finger across Blair's plump bottom lip, watching with delight as the younger man shivered and opened his darkened eyes. 

"Try again, Sandburg,” he said softly. "Even I couldn't hear that." 

"....love...you forgot to say love after the goodnight..."

Giving up, Jim swung Blair into his arms and began making his way to the stairs. An arm looped loosely around his neck and cuddled close to his chest, breathing slow and even.

"I didn't forget, precious. I was just waiting to say it after I tucked you in. But I'll say it now, just in case you're completely gone by the time we get up there."

Blair shifted and Jim knew he was still awake enough to listen. 

He pressed a tender kiss to Blair's neck, just below his ear, as he mounted the first stair.

"Goodnight, my precious, beautiful, brilliant love."

Blair was fast asleep before he got to the top.


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday, September 21, 1997 

"Jim? There you are, man."

Coming around the half-closed bathroom door, Blair stopped and studied his lover. 

“You okay?"

"I think this tie is alive, and it hates me." Jim griped, fingers fiddling with the dark striped accessory to his charcoal suit.

"Tell me again why we're here?"

Stepping up behind him, Blair reached around, smiling into the banks of mirror over the line of sinks. His nimble fingers undid the stubborn knot and quickly did it back up again as he spoke, leaving it more comfortable for Jim.

"Because Simon asked you to be."

"He's never asked me before. Why now? And why both of us?" Blair let Jim fuss, knowing he had to get it out of his system. Ellison grumped and grumbled a lot, but it kept his frustration level down.

Speaking of frustration...turning Jim with hands on his shoulders, Blair offered his face for a kiss.

With a low groan Jim framed his face in both hands and kissed him deeply.

"How slow are we taking this, Jim?" Blair spoke against the clean-shaven skin of Jim's jaw after they broke the kiss. "It's been three days."

“You're still too uncomfortable with things, love." Jim answered, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "I'm worried that I'll do something that will make you back off."

"I want to be comfortable, Jim. I do. You can help me..." Blair trailed off as Jim ran a hand down his back and rested it lightly on his ass.

"That bothers you."

"No...it's thinking about the rest of it that bothers me,” he was honest with Jim, when he was talking about them. "I like your hands on me."

"I like putting them on you.” Slowly Jim tugged at Blair, backing into a stall and leaning him against the door when it swung shut. "Just knowing that I can...I can touch you, stroke you, taste you...and no-one else. It makes me see red, love.

Such a wonderful thing to know."

"Only you, Jim." Blair agreed as both of the older man's hands came to cup his ass and squeeze gently. "Nobody else will ever touch me."

This kiss was hotter and longer.

“You can help me with this, Jim. Help me get used to having your hands...in places I'm not used to being touched."

"Then I will. But you'll tell me if I go too far. Farther than you're ready for."  
Blair's wide eyes, darkened with passion, stared up at him and Jim had to suppress a groan.

"I will, Jim. Just do what you want to me and we'll work it out."

It seemed the Gods themselves had heard that, because suddenly everything felt very still and calm.

Jim shook himself and then kissed Blair again, deeper, hotter, than any kiss they had ever shared before.

“We'd better get back out there before Simon misses us." Jim mumbled as they panted minutes later.

Reluctantly Blair released him and turned away, Jim's hands sliding over his body as he did so. They came to rest just to each side of his groin.

“Ah, Jim. I'm not going to be able to leave if you keep that up."

"Quickies in bathroom stalls are for later." Jim grinned suddenly. “When we've tried everything and we're jaded."

"That,” Blair said decisively as he left the room, “Will never happen."

Jim was glad he thought so. They agreed there.

The party was in full swing when Jim rejoined. Blair was standing off to one side, a drink in his hand, chattering to a petite blond. Jim watched and listened for a minute, and smiled to realize that his love wasn't even aware of the signals the woman was throwing out. He's tuned right to my frequency. Can't even pick up anything else now. 

"Jim. Having a good time?” Simon's voice at his shoulder startled him and Jim realized guiltily that he'd almost zoned on his partner's soothing heartbeat.

Accepting a glass of juice Simon had brought him, Jim nodded at Blair.  
"Just watching him, captain. Sometimes he's just so.... amazing."

Dark eyes opened wide and Simon stared.

"I guess it must be true love, Ellison. Because I can't imagine you saying anything that romantic under any other circumstances."

“Yeah." Jim looked ridiculously pleased. "It must be.”

He drank his juice and watched Sandburg miss the blonds’ flirting and Simon watched him watch, secretly amused.

"So, why am I here this year? I've never been invited to this city shindig before. I thought only captains and VIPs were allowed." Jim remembered his earlier puzzlement.

"Judge Phipps requested that you be invited.” Simon nodded toward the elderly man, sitting in a comfortable armchair on the other side of the room.

"I suppose I should thank him."

"I think he'd rather meet Sandburg." 

 

Jim led his drowsy lover up the stairs, grinning slightly, at peace with the world. Judge Phipps was a close personal friend of the mayor, and somehow, it seemed, Jim had made an impression on him. 

And Blair had made him laugh.

If it ever came down to it, Jim knew he could count on the Judge's support, if there was an attempt to separate he and Blair at the station, revoke Blair's observer status because of their relationship.

And he had one big hand spread across Blair's ass as they walked into the loft.

And Blair hadn't even noticed.

“Wow...I'm really tired, Jim." Blair swayed against him and nuzzled into his chest.

"Got class in the morning, don't you?” Snuggling him close, Jim took a chance, began rubbing his ass with both big hands.

"Thas' nice, Jim..." Blair cuddled closer and Jim felt his legs giving way.

"No way, Sandburg. I'm not carrying up those stairs tonight. I need you to stay awake long enough to get up there and into bed, so you can hear me when I tell you goodnight." 

Tilting his head back, Blair mumbled something Jim didn't catch. He stroked a finger across Blair's plump bottom lip, watching with delight as the younger man shivered and opened his darkened eyes. 

"Try again, Sandburg,” he said softly. "Even I couldn't hear that." 

"....love...you forgot to say love after the goodnight..."

Giving up, Jim swung Blair into his arms and began making his way to the stairs. An arm looped loosely around his neck and cuddled close to his chest, breathing slow and even.

"I didn't forget, precious. I was just waiting to say it after I tucked you in. But I'll say it now, just in case you're completely gone by the time we get up there."

Blair shifted and Jim knew he was still awake enough to listen. 

He pressed a tender kiss to Blair's neck, just below his ear, as he mounted the first stair.

"Goodnight, my beautiful, brilliant love."

Blair was fast asleep before he got to the top. 

 

Monday, September 22, 1997 

I guess he's taking me at my word, Blair thought. His hands were busy, scrambling eggs, skillet in one and spatula in the other, and his lover had just walked up behind him and took a generous handful of Blair's right asscheek.

"Feels nice, love." leaning over his shoulder, Jim nuzzled at his neck and sucked briefly beneath his ear, drawing a quick shudder of pleasure from the smaller man.

"Mmm. More.” Arching slightly, Blair set down the skillet and utensil and rolled his head back onto Jim's chest. His hands went back to grasp Jim's thighs.

Smiling slightly, Jim growled softly against the soft skin and began a more serious neck seduction. His free hand went around Blair's chest, fingers brushing over a stiffening nipple, the weave of the cloth covering it adding a distinct texture for Sentinel sense to enjoy.

Long moments, sucking, nuzzling, licking, then gentle bites meant to inflame, not claim.

Blair moaned and arched further, his mouth open, beginning to pant.  
"no breakfast..,” he gasped out. “Want you..."

"How do you want me?” The rich murmur of Jim's voice made Blair's knees weak and he started to sag. Jim's hand on his ass now spread for support. Blair shuddered and turned, pressing close to him, rocking his pelvis gently against Jim's as he took his mouth.

“Any way I can have you."

Jim's answer was a thick moan. His hands closed on Blair's ass, gripping tightly, and pulled him hard to Jim's body, his mouth and tongue keeping the younger man too busy to protest.

"Jim....” A sigh, an invitation, breathed between a break for air and another soul-diving kiss.

"Mmhm?" Jim's mouth was too busy to reply, but he began slowly working them backwards, until his back hit the countertop. With one swift move he turned, lifting Blair by the waist and setting him on it, hands going to the hem of his tank top and pulling it up, head going down to lick at his navel.

"Damn!" Blair squirmed and shouted, his hands groping fruitlessly at Jim's head, the longer hair still too short to get a grip on, wordlessly urging him lower.

Tipping his head back, Jim stared up at his love, curled forward, legs spread wide, cock thrusting with enough force to tear right through his everyday plaid boxers.

"Please, Jim." Blair was now tugging his head back up, to look into his eyes. "Let's go up to the bedroom."

"Oh, yeah." Jim lifted him from the tale and set him on the floor. They walked up the stairs together.

Although they had only been up for thirty minutes or so, Jim had already made the bed. Blair lay back on the blue spread and watched while Jim pulled his boxers off and stretched out beside him, propping his head on an elbow, the other hand lightly stroking Blair's as-yet-unshaven jaw.

"Hmm." Rolling to his side to face the bigger man, Blair scooted closer and rubbed his face on the smooth skin of Jim's chest, lips brushing over his nipples, rapidly hardening. "I love the way you touch me."

"I can feel that...it almost tickles." Jim caught Blair's head with his hands and pulled him up for a kiss.

Their bodies aligned almost instinctively. Blair's hands grabbed Jim's hips and Jim's went around to Blair's ass.

They kissed and rocked gently against each other, letting the passion build slowly. After many long, sweet minutes Blair began to speed up the pace, and Jim slid his hands to the smaller man's square hips and tugged at his boxers.

“Yes." Blair sighed, shifting so he could pull them off and toss them away. The tank shirt quickly followed, and Jim wrapped his arms around his love and held him close.

"This is so amazing." Blair sighed, passion banked in the face of love. 

“You're amazing. You make me feel things I've never felt." Jim placed little kisses over Blair's face, letting the tip of his tongue trace the closed eyelids.

"Tell me." Blair smiled into his skin and Jim smiled in return.

"I never felt strong before. Invincible strong, emotionally. It's like, as long as you love me, nothing can hurt me. I'm above it all."

"Mmm." Blair purred his appreciation when Jim's hands dug into his hair and began rubbing his scalp. 

“And you want me like nobody else ever has. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me, hear it in your body when I get close to you. I don't even have to touch you, but I can hear your heart speed up and smell the musk your body releases...to tempt me." 

“Are you tempted?" Blair wiggled slightly, his cock touching Jim's in a shock of heat.

"I've already fallen." Jim slid his hands from Blair's curls, down his neck and over his back, resting them lightly on the firm curves of his perfect ass, fingertips stroking delicately. “And I never want to be redeemed."

"Kiss me.” The low husky tone haunted Jim's dreams, made him ache with need. And this time, Blair was in his arms, ready and willing to fulfill the promise of that voice.

"Forever." Jim whispered before taking Blair's mouth. This wasn't sweet and loving. Hot and hungry, Jim claimed Blair's mouth as he thrust faster against him, his hands claiming his ass as well.

Now they pushed and thrust and ground into each other, bodies straining for release, panting and groaning and moaning and grunting.

Gotta...keep control. Hold off...just long enough... Jim's thoughts were chaotic, but he could feel that Blair wasn't capable of thinking at this point.

"Jim. Jim! Oh god oh god oh god..I'm close, Jim...please, give me something...” In a response Jim was becoming familiar with, Blair pulled his mouth away from Jim's and arched backwards, panting and gasping words.

I wonder if he has this much trouble coming when he's with women? The idle thought crossed Jim's mind just as he began to bite on Blair's neck, not quite hard enough to provide the extra level of stimulation the smaller man craved, just pushing him closer to the edge.

Maintaining the rhythm with some difficulty, Jim brought a hand up and laved his own finger with his tongue. Blair's eyes were closed and he seemed lost on the plateau, stuck there until his lover did something to push him off of it.

"Here goes, love." Jim whispered and Blair shuddered, and then stiffened as the saliva-slicked finger probed his entrance and slid in to the first knuckle.

"Jim!" With a shocked shout Blair convulsed and came in hard spurts, coating Jim's groin and lower belly. The sudden feel and smell of it tripped the older man and he fell with Blair joyfully.

They floated back to earth some time later, still pressed tightly together, bodies too loose to move.

Jim's finger was still in Blair's ass.

He felt the very second the younger man became aware of it. Blair shivered. But Jim didn't move, and Blair sighed and snuggled closer to his chest.

"I don't have class until one. Would you wake me by noon?” He asked, closing his eyes again.

Jim pulled the finger free, hearing the quiet gasp from his love, and kissed the top of his head.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Not if you got stuff to do." Blair mumbled, barely audible. Jim had to grin, widely. Blair really was a hit-em-and-quit-em kinda guy.

"I want to stay. Lie here and hold you."

"Mmmmm. Good." With that last word Blair summoned sleep and it took him eagerly.

"Goodnight, love,” Jim said, not caring that Blair was asleep and didn't hear him. He grinned, stroking the relaxed body with broad sweeps of his big hands. "I love you."

 

Thursday, September 25, 1997 

"Ellison! We've got a hostage situation in Sunnyside!" 

Jim practically flung himself from his desk, so relieved to escape the growing mound of paperwork that he almost felt guilty.  
Blair sat very still, looking up as Simon, his eyes deceptively calm. Only the whiteness of his knuckles, his hands clenching the sides of his book, gave him away.

“You too, Sandburg. You can help on this one." With this off-hand   
comment Blair again officially became Jim's fulltime partner. 

Simon explained quickly in the car as he drove, lights on but not the siren.

"It's a woman and she's got her kids at knifepoint. The hostage negotiator is off this week, and the department shrink isn't answering his page, so it's up to us. There are two patrol units on the scene, one of them is trying to calm the guy down."

"Her own kids, man?" Blair sounded disbelieving in the back seat. “Why?!"  
"Didn't have time to wait for the information, kid.” Simon pulled to a halt in front of a ragged cracker-box house, desperately in need of some paint and a handyman.

An uniformed officer ran directly to them, and explained the situation.

"That's the father, over there with the sheriff,” he pointed toward a thin young man with short hair, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt under a sports coat. "He was awarded custody this morning, and he came to claim them. The kids are two and four, two little girls, Chloe and Clara. We haven't heard anything from them in the last ten minutes or so. He's watching from the living room. Every time we move or try to get close she screams and says she'll cut them."

Blair rested a hand lightly on Jim's shoulder, seeing his lover's eyes get that faraway look. Simon kept the cop talking while Jim listened.

"She says she's not going to let him have them, because he's gay and living with that guy." pointing to a third man, a bigger guy in a suit who was standing back by the green Chevy Lumina, the cop tilted his head and his dark eyes scanned Jim and

Blair quickly, giving them a once over. Simon took his arm and steered him away from his men.

"I'd like to talk to the father. What's his name? Have we run a background check on the mother?" 

Guess the troops have heard the gossip. Blair just had time to think before Jim started talking.

"They're really scared, Chief. I can hear their hearts ...beating so fast, like little rabbits'. She's just there, drinking....drinking rum. It smells strong...the whole place stinks. It must be filthy in there."

"Can you smell a gun, Jim? Gunpowder or oil or anything?"

Jim snorted and shook his head, turning his attention back to Blair.  
"No gun. No blood, either. I need to see." 

Slowly they began to circle the house. A woman's voice, strident and shrill, screeched them to an abrupt stop "STAY AWAY! THAT FAG AIN'T GETTING MY BABIES!

Jim winced and Blair clapped his hands over the older man's ears before he had a chance to. When Jim nodded that he had it under control and Blair released him.

They went back to the car. Jim leaned against it and focused his sight tightly, scanning the front window, covered by worn vinyl blinds.

"There's a crack,” he whispered to Blair, who motioned to Simon.  
“What can you see?"

“The knife...it's in her hand, just a regular kitchen knife. The kids..I can't see them from her.” A low growl of frustration had Blair rubbing Jim's shoulders, relaxing him. Simon stopped just beside them.

“There's a bottle on the coffee table....dark rum. It's almost empty. And the cap is beside it.”

“Shit, that was a new bottle. No wonder she's swaying."

Jim broke contact and looked at Simon.

"She's not going to be on her feet much longer, captain. If I could just see the kids and know they're okay we could just wait for her to pass out."

"Find a way." 

After a few minutes of thought they climbed back into the car and drove away. Pulling into the alley behind the house, Jim handed Blair the cell phone and the younger man dialed Simon's.

As quietly as they could they crept around to the side window of the house. Jim motioned for Blair to stay back and he did, whispering to Simon.

"He's up at the window." Blair watched Jim crouch low and tentatively raise his head above the sill. "He waved, so he can see something...good, he's coming back now." Blair held the phone out. Jim pulled them both further away before he spoke.

"The kids are fine, Simon. The little one is asleep on a pile of clothes on the couch and the older one is sitting in a corner with a doll. She's terrified, but not hurt."

"Then we wait. Drive back around and keep watch for us."

They did, going around the block once to lessen any suspicions the woman might have had. But she was too drunk to be thinking clearly anyhow.

“What are you going to do?!" the young father appealed to Jim, who saw that his boyfriend had come over and was holding his hand now. Jim offered his.

"I'm detective Jim Ellison and this is my partner, Blair Sandburg,” he said, watching Simon flinch at the emphasis. "I got a good look at your ex-wife through the side window. The kids are okay, they're not hurt, and I'm sure she's going to be on the floor in not too-much longer."

"That's why I got custody.” The man plunged into a nervous explanation without even giving his name. "She's been dried out three times and she just starts drinking again. I didn't want to do this to her, but I come over and I find them wandering the house, unfed, undressed, crying while she slept it off. Eight months ago I caught Clara - she's the four-year-old - trying to cook some eggs for Chloe. I was so scared..."

"From what I've seen, you're doing the right thing,” Jim said firmly.

"See, I told you that not all the cops were assholes,” the man beside him said, giving his shoulder a pat. "Just like the judge.”

“They know we'll take good care of them."

"This is my husband, Alex Harber. I'm John, John Packard.” Suddenly embarrassed, the man switched his attention to the house.

"I planted a mic at the window," Jim fibbed. "I'll know when she does anything." 

It took a little longer than Jim had predicted, but the woman, Mandy, eventually did pass out, on, the sofa, almost squashing the younger girl. Jim and Simon were able to go in and retrieve them without any response from her at all.

The four-year-old immediately screamed and burst into tears when her father ran up to them. Jim handed her over and watched while he cuddled her close, crying openly. His partner took the little one, who seemed to recognize him and smiled, too young to realize how frightened she   
should have been.

The uniforms waited until he had the kids checked out by the EMTs and got them loaded in the car and on their way before carrying the drunken mother, handcuffs on in case she woke, and loading her into a patrol car.  
They thanked Jim and Simon for their help, one of them smiled at Blair, and it was over. 

Jim had Simon drop them off at the loft. 

"Blair can give me a ride over in the morning,” he said cheerfully. "I'm beat."

"I'm sure.” The captains' dry response brought a grin to Blair's face, and a headshake from Jim. 

That night, as they cuddled in their bed, feeling comfortable and lazy, not pushed, Blair put down his book and rolled to face his lover.

“What do you think of kids, Jim?"

The cpolice gazette fluttered as Jim absently patted Blair's free hand, which was resting on his smooth chest.

"They're okay, I guess. A lot of work. Daryl drives Simon nuts sometimes." 

Taking the top edge of the newspaper in his free hand, Blair folded it down and waited for Jim to look up to meet his eyes.

"I meant, what do you think about having them?"

"Sandburg, you want to have my baby? I'm flattered." Jim deadpanned, but immediately regretted it when Blair yanked his hand away and made to roll out of the bed. "No, love, I was teasing,” he caught his arm and tugged gently, making sure that he wasn't using too much force, that Blair was staying on his own, Jim wasn't making him.

Blair allowed himself to be pulled to Jim's chest and held tightly while his lover spoke into his hair.

"I never really thought about it. Carolyn and I talked about it once and decided we weren't ready, and that was that. When I realized I was falling in love with you, it just seemed to stop mattering."

"It matters to me,” Blair said softly, his warm breath brushing Jim's neck, making his cock stir in his boxers. "I've always believed I would have children, Jim. Mine or somebody else's, that didn't matter. But I've always known that I want to be a parent someday."

Hands closed on Blair's shoulders, Jim lifted him to look into his eyes with that special, sweet sweet smile. Blair could scarcely hear him, he was too busy trying to maintain structural integrity.

"Listen, love. Give me a couple of years of getting used to us. A couple of years of having you to myself and getting used to the idea of being a father...and we'll see what we can do. Okay?"

“You would do that?"

"Not just for you." Jim could see where that was going by the worried look on Blair's face. "I want it too."

The frown was replaced by something close to adoration.

"How did you get so perfect, Jim Ellison?” He leaned to breathe the question over the big man's parted lips, feeling the heat that was pouring off both of them.

"I found you." 

Their lovemaking was sweet and soft, then harder and faster. This time, when Jim ran a hand down Blair's back to his ass, the younger man groaned without breaking their kiss and parted his legs slightly, giving access, and he again came as soon as Jim thrust a finger into him.

This time Jim held off for another five mintes, finger-fucking his love while Blair squirmed at the aftershocks the movement caused, then Jim finally came hard himself.

"I think I'm beginning to like that," Blair sighed as they settled back down after a quick wash. As had been suggested in one of the books he'd checked at the library, he'd bought a container of baby wipes, which had puzzled Jim until he figured out what they were for, and then he had laughed. He wasn't laughing now, liking the clean, antiseptic feel of them on his hot skin. "It really gives me that edge I need."

"I was wondering about that." Jim admitted, sighing into Blair's hair, loving it like this, slightly damp, smelling of sweat, teasing his sensitized skin as Blair shifted against his chest. "Is that just a problem with me?"

A head shake and then a wash of heat as the face pressed to his skin heated.

"No. But it was never a problem with women, they appreciated it, that I could go a really long time before I came. It gave me plenty of time to make sure they came a couple of times first."

Now he raised his head and peered a Jim in the dimness of the room.  
"Does it bother you?"

"No, love. I love hearing you, knowing that you need me to give you that last little bit to push you over the edge. The way you arch into me and moan, the sound of your voice when you beg me...beg me...I love that."

"Oh." Blair sounded embarrassed but pleased. "Good."

"I'm glad you like what I do to you. I love hearing it." Jim shifted them and pulled up the covers, they were cool again now.

"I'd probably love it if all you did was look at me." Bashfully Blair ducked his head again.

“You're wonderful to look at." Jim whispered the words, and his big hands stroked up and down Blair's curved back.

"Heaven to hold."

"I love you, Jim." Blair sighed, the words just not big enough to hold everything he felt.

Jim must have understood the sigh, because he chuckled and pulled Blair tighter to him.

"I know you do, Blair. I know you do."

Blair sighed again, hanging on the edge of consciousness, waiting.

"Goodnight, love.” A last kiss to the top of his head and Blair floated away. 

 

Sunday, September 28, 1997 

“You so cheated, man!" Blair scolded his love loudly as they went up the stairs, the smaller man bounding beside the larger.

Both were in shorts and sweatshirts, and those shirts were darkened with large patches of moisture. 

"I didn't use my senses to shoot, Chief.” Stopping as he turned the corner to their hall, Jim held out a hand to stop Blair, and stared down at their door. 

"I was talking about the tickling..." Blair's scold trailed off, he strained his eyes to see what Jim was looking at.

"Dammit.” The quiet expletive surprised him and he took an involuntary step backwards and to the side, taking cover behind his protector.

“What is it?" A hand spread on Jim's back, seeking contact to comfort.

Jim didn't answer, just stalked forward. When they were close enough Blair saw what he'd seen and now he stopped.

"Oh, Jim." leaning forward, Blair rested his head on his lover's back.

The door to their home had been violated, an angry red streak of hateful words scrawled down it.

"Kindof original." Raising his head, Blair read the words silently.

Fags-R-Us.

"The message sure as hell isn't." with a sigh Jim unlocked the door, glad to find it still secure, and their home undisturbed.

Closing the door behind them, Blair stood still, unsure. Looking at the floor, he shook his head slowly, sweaty hair dragging over flushed skin.

"Hey." Jim's arms were around him suddenly, his chest pressed to Blair's back, groin to his ass. Holding tight, Jim rocked them gently side-to-side. "They can't hurt us, love. It's just words."

Sighing deeply, Blair turned in those arms and joined the embrace, nuzzling into Jim's neck and closing his eyes.

“Why do those people hate to see other people happy?"

"Because they can't feel it themselves." Jim stroked Blair's back, feeling Blair do the same to him.

Another sigh, and then an unmeasured time of comfort. Holding, stroking, rocking. Reminding themselves.

Blair pulled away at last.

"I'll get the turpentine,” he shrugged. "No sense showering and then cleaning it."

"I'm gonna take a few pictures." Jim headed for the bedroom.

“Why?" Blair called as he rummaged in the utility closet.

"I'm going to file a report, Sandburg. In case this guy ever gets caught. And I'm going to have a good sniff around, see if I can pick up anything about him."

"It has to be somebody we know, man.” Coming out with the battered can and a handful of clean rags, Blair straightened.

“We've haven't exactly come out."

“And we don't need to. What we do is nobody's business. Work has to know, because they have to. Our friends need to know so they can be happy for us."

“And they are." Blair grinned brightly as Jim came back down. "Even if you and Rafe did cheat."

“You and Mr. Brown did quite nicely, thank-you-very-much. If I hadn't tickled that ball away from you we would have lost...and I have a reputation to consider."

With a snort Blair stepped into the hall and watched while the Sentinel went over the area carefully.

"No fingerprints...but he didn't need to touch it. There's a definite body odor, not one I recognize immediately."

"How many do you have tagged now?” Shifting, Blair leaned on the wall with one hip, arms crossed over his chest.

"In permanent memory?" Jim glanced up from his crouch in front of the door and frowned as he thought about it. It took time and effort and exposure to fix a person's scent into his memory permanently. "Seven. You, Simon, Rafe, John, Brown, Steven, Daryl, and Carolyn."

"Carolyn?" Blair was teasing, a small smile on his lips. “You've tagged your ex-wife, but not my mother."

"Baby-love, we weren't together the last time I saw your mother. When she visits again, I'll lock her in. After she finishes beating the heck out of me." 

"She's going to be fine with it, Jim. I'm not saying she'll accept it right away. But she'll adapt, as soon as she sees how happy you make me."  
Jim stood and leaned over Blair, hands on the wall over the smaller man's head.

"I love making you happy,” he smiled the smile that made Blair melt. The younger man knew he was the only person in the world who had ever seen that smile.

"I know. That's why this..,” he waved a hand toward the door, dismissing it. "It doesn't matter."

"I love you." 

Jim said the actual words rarely, and now all Blair could do was stare as the bigger man pulled away, took the can from his hands, and went to work removing the stain on their door.

After a few minutes he recovered, and objected.

"I was going to do that."

"This stuff stings your hands, Chief. I got it."

"Okay." Leaning with his back to the wall now, Blair watched as Jim worked, admiring the sculpted shape of him, the easy grace he moved with. though he knew he was pleasant to look at - his mind balked at 'beautiful' - he would never have Jim's grace, his style. He moved...well, it was a cliché, but he moved like some big cat. Perhaps his spirit animal, the one that lived inside him, gave him that easy balance.

Wherever it came from, Blair didn't have it and never would, although when dancing he came close. He bordered on clumsy at times, his thoughts going too fast for his hands and body to keep up.

He loved to watch Jim, just moving.

I'll have to try to keep my eyes open the next time we make love...and watch him. 

“What are we having for dinner?” He asked later, as he put the can up and set the rags to soak before washing them. Jim was scrubbing the caustic liquid from his hands at the sink.

“Are we watching the Jags game?"

"Got a sawbuck on it." Blair grinned over his shoulder.

"Then let's just order a pizza, okay with you?"

“Absolutely."

"I'm going to take first shower." Jim turned and grinned at him. "Since I did the dirty work."

"If you leave me a cold shower the effects will last until tonight." Blair threatened cheerfully.

He finished stowing the can and took a minute to tidy the closet. But, since it was Ellison's closet, Blair not really having cause to be in it much, it was already far neater that it had any right to be.

Shutting the door, he glanced at the closed bathroom door.

Well, hell. This isn't hard, Blair, he told himself. And then he smiled. But it could be...

The sudden flush of arousal was all the decision he needed. 

Jim was just turning on the water when Blair came in.

"Chief?” He was curious, and not worried.

“You know, Jim, I hate cold showers...is there any reason I shouldn't share the hot water with you?” Stopping just inside the door, Blair held himself, ready for any response.

The grin that broke across Jim's face brought an answering one of relief to Blair's.

"No reason at all, love."

Blair undressed quickly, dropping his play clothes into the hamper, noting that it was full and he should probably run a load tonight. Without hesitation he pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower stall behind Jim. It was a little crowded-feeling.

Jim adjusted the spray so it hit both of them, and turned to face Blair.  
His cock was hard and pointing at the younger man.

"Sorry.” His grin was half-embarrassed, half-hopeful.

"Don't be. I know you want me,” Blair said saucily. He flipped his hair back with one hand and reached the other for the straining erection. "I want you too,” he gestured at his own cock, which was getting off to a slower start. "Just give me a few minutes to get used to the idea.” His hand closed around the base of Jim's cock and the bigger man moaned.

"Oh, baby."

Blair leaned up to kiss him as he stroked Jim gently. Their mouths opened and Blair remembered to keep his eyes open as well, watching the play of emotions on Jim's features. “You like it this way, don't you,” he crooned as Jim's face relaxed and he gasped against Blair's lips. "Slow and easy..."

"Oh, yesss.." locking his knees, Jim leaned back to the tiled wall and Blair followed him, catching him in a new kiss. The water was pounding against Blair's back now, Jim out of the spray, but he wasn't feeling anything but Blair's hand, Blair's lips.

When the other hand slipped down and rolled his balls gently in their sac, Jim grunted and began thrusting into the stroking hand.

"Faster,” he gasped, and Blair gave him what he asked for, tightening his grip and pumping harder. Jim's hands clutched at his shoulders, then slid up to dig into his wet hair, holding his face as his tongue moved in Blair's mouth, showing him what he wanted as Blair had once shown him, and Blair followed that pattern until Jim stiffened and grunted, hips jerking almost violently.

Then Jim slid to his knees, head pressed back to the tiles. Blair would have followed, but the older man shook his head at him, meeting his eyes, hands grasping Blair's hips, still unable to speak but making his wishes clear.

Blair stood and looked down at him, his hands on the wall over Jim. He was hard and ready for whatever Jim felt like giving, but he waited until the older man had recovered his breath before speaking.

"I need to do that more often."

“Anytime you want, beloved." Jim managed to say the words without panting. “Absolutely anytime."

They shared a grin.

“You're still all hot and sweaty." Jim gave Blair's hips a little push. "Let me watch you wash."

A raised eyebrow and small shrug were his reply. Then Blair turned and grabbed the liquid soap, pouring it into his hands and beginning to lather himself.

Jim's hands caught his as they swept low across his belly, twining with them, squeezing a handful of suds to his own. Then he took up the chore, tenderly washing Blair's groin area, giving several delicious pulls to his throbbing cock, and then he urged the younger man to turn away.

Now awkward with sudden anxiety, Blair turned and braced himself on   
the other wall.

Jim's big hands were warm and gentle as they washed him, standing to start at his shoulders and work their way down. A single finger, then several, slid between his ass cheeks and Blair couldn't restrain a moan.

"I think you're beginning to like that." Jim whispered into his ear. "I think you'll like this, too." 

Water was swirled and splashed where Jim had washed, rinsing the soap, and then the big man went to his knees again, slowly, kissing his way down Blair's curved spine, continuing to the rounded muscles.

To Blair, it felt like Jim's hands were branding their shape into Blair's pale skin when he laid them on the ass cheeks, just barely grasping.

A kiss, right at the top of the crevice, the tip of Jim's tongue hotter than the water could possibly be. 

"Jim.....!" Blair gasped.

"Right here, love. Listening to you." Pressing his lips to that soft flesh again, Jim waited to for a rejection.

Blair didn't make a sound. His breathing was starting to pick up.  
Jim smiled, and Blair felt it against the skin. He took a deep breath, preparing himself. 

Gentle kisses, little nips, and then warm swipes of tongue over the smooth curves, each one getting a little closer to the goal. Blair was panting and making quiet needy sounds by the time Jim spread the cheeks apart with his hands and began licking down the exposed valley, avoiding the most sensitive spot when Blair flinched minutely as he came close.

Pressing his face to one side, Jim hummed, letting the vibration caress the skin there.

"I feel that, Jim...all the way to my cock..." Blair groaned.

"Does it feel good?" Jim asked, lips moving against that same skin.

"Yeah..."

"Then relax, love. I'm not going to hurt you. You're going to like this."   
When Blair didn't say anything else Jim leaned his face forward and pressed a tender kiss to the rosebud of his ass.

Blair jerked, and gasped.

"Jim, are you sure...?"

"Hush, precious, and let me taste you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth Jim flattened his tongue and dragged it over the pucker, enjoying Blair's squirm and moan of pleasure.

"Oh god..."

Several more broad warm licks and then Jim pointed his tongue and began delicately tickling around the edges. Blair became quieter, not louder as he'd expected, and he stopped after a few minutes to check on him, make sure he was enjoying it.

Blair's heart was racing and his breath was short and fast. Jim glanced up...the hands on the wall were spread flat, fingertips gripping the tile, first knuckle white with strain.

Before Jim had a chance to ask, Blair answered the question in a whisper.  
"I'm okay, Jim...it's just a little overwhelming. I've never felt anything like that before." 

Jim leaned to smile an answer on Blair's skin again. Blair felt it and his next words were hoarse, revealing just how much he liked it.

"Please, lover. Don't stop."

Humming again for a minute, Jim rubbed circles over Blair's ass, and then opened his mouth and returned to his self-appointed task.

More licking, alternating little flicks with broad sweeps, and now Blair was panting harshly. From the rigidity of his stance Jim understood that he was unsure if he should move.

"It's okay, love. You don't have to be so still." Jim took a few seconds to reassure, then went back to circling the pucker with the tip of his tongue.  
A grunt and then Blair's hips began moving in little circles, in time with Jim's erotic teasing.

Briefly slipping a hand between Blair's legs, Jim's hand found an erection, harder and hotter than he could remember having felt Blair, and he smiled again, returning the hand back to Blair's ass to keep him spread.

"Touch yourself,” he urged quietly. The spraying water had faded to background atmosphere as they both drew their awareness in to this intimate exploration.

"Ohhh, God." Blair groaned louder, but slid a hand down the wall, leaning his head into the tile for support, and Jim watched his arm move slowly up and down.

"That's good, love. Nice and easy."

Pulling his face back for just a minute, Jim studied his lover, watching the way the water cascaded down his back, the stream dividing into three just at the top of the valley, a narrow trickle going to either side and a larger one running down the middle.

He could taste Blair just past the chemical taste of the city-processed water. And he tasted good.

"Mmmmm,” he purred as he leaned in again and probed at the hole with the tip of his tongue.

"Jim!" Blair's shout was accompanied by a lurching thrust backwards. "Oh, God!"

Pleased with the response, Jim set himself to tongue-fucking his love properly. Varying the depth of his thrusts, stopping to circle the pucker several times, at last he let Blair's increasingly rhythmic movements set the pace. Blair's hand moved smoothly as he thrust forward into it and backward onto Jim's tongue, soon moaning regularly. 

He shifted, unable to maintain his balance, and leaned on the forearm of his free arm, even the moans becoming rough and raw as he got closer.  
"Oh, god, Jim....never...so good...I want - I want--"

"Let go, precious." Jim stopped long enough to encourage, drawing a deeper, guttural moan. "Let yourself feel it."

"Now, Jim..." Blair grunted, thrusting faster. Jim's hands tightened on his ass. "Oh, shit, now!"

The slender body jerked violently and a long-drawn, low wail poured from him.

Jim was ready when Blair crumpled against the wall, and caught him in his arms, cradled him close as Blair clung to him with closed eyes and panted harshly, seeming unable to catch his breath.

“You're so beautiful...you taste so good...smell so good... you're all I ever want from life, love. All I ever want."

"Jim..." Blair turned in his arms, sought his mouth, wanting to share this with his lover.

Jim welcomed Blair's tongue in and sucked on it gently, and felt it as the young body relaxed in his arms. 

They kissed until the water, just barely warm now, ran cold, and Blair shivered.

"Let's get out of here and warmed up." Jim stood, helping Blair awkwardly regain his feet.

"I thought that's why I came in here."

“Yeah, I think that's why you came in here." Jim punned as he stepped out, handing Blair a towel.

Blair closed his eyes and groaned softly. 

They both put on boxers and snuggled up on the couch, Jim wrapping the afghan around his still-shivering love, and cuddled back, holding Blair tightly to him.

They watched a documentary on the Masai, Blair surprisingly quiet, not adding the details Jim had come to expect during such a program. When he was still silent during the game, eating a couple of slices of pizza and drinking his beer with almost resigned calm, Jim began to worry.

Ten minutes left in the fourth quarter. The Jags were down by ten and might not make it back. Orville's replacement just didn't have the retired player's ability to inspire the team and no one had stepped up to take that role yet.

What if he's disgusted by what I did? I mean, it's weird, maybe he thinks it was gross. Jim fretted and decided that they needed to talk about it.

"Blair?" Jim didn't look at him.

"Hm?" lying on Jim's chest, warm and safe and loved.

“Are you okay? I mean, with..."

Rolling a little, Blair looked up into Jim's eyes.

"That was amazing, Jim. I've never felt anything like it. I loved it."

"Oh. Good." Jim's arms tightened on him briefly. “You were just so quiet...I wondered."

Blair's voice was low and serious, but held a note of laughter when he spoke again.

"I don't think it was disgusting, Jim. Or repugnant or revolting or offensive in any way. It was hot and sensual and like nothing I've ever felt before."  
He paused to let his words sink in. Jim nuzzled the top of his head, his smile broadening into a stupid grin. 

"It made me think that I've been too quick to reject other...things.” His courage failed him at the last second and Jim heard the hasty substitution of words.

He tightened his arms around Blair, who automatically tilted his head up for a kiss.

"Ready for bed after the game?" Jim asked when they broke apart. Blair snuggled back to his chest, and kissed Jim's chest just above the heart before he answered. 

“And my goodnight love." 

 

Friday, October 4, 1997 

Floating aimlessly in the depths of sleep, a sensation intruded on the warm softness, gently tugging Blair toward wakefulness.

Hardened fingertips trailed a teasing path from the back of his knees, over his ass, to his waist and back down again.

As they repeated their journey the tingling skin anticipated the caress and shivered in expectation.

He was awake. And hot and hard and loved. 

"Good morning, love." Jim's low voice, husky, rumbled over Blair's head. "Or can I say goodnight, to make up for the one I missed yesterday?"

“You can say anything you want, as long as you keep doing that." with a low purr the smaller man stretched carefully, not losing contact with any part of the large body he half-covered. Jim chuckled roughly and Blair settled back down and asked;

“What time did you get in?"

“Almost three. And you crawled right over, like a fuzzy heat-seeking missile.” The hand that had been lying on Blair's back in a puddle of heat moved to rub his head, fluffing sleep- squashed curls. "I love when you do that."

"Mmm. Good." Rubbing his head against the big hand, Blair wiggled his hips, invitation. His erection was pressed firmly to Jim's flank and his upper thigh covered Jim's desire. Slowly Blair shifted his leg, rubbing across the engorged organ firmly.

"Playing dangerously, precious?” Tilting the beautiful face up, hand cupping the chin, Jim bent his neck to plunder the mouth that was offered to him.

"Not around you, Jim.” The gentle smile blew Jim away.

He'd never seen that much trust in any face before. Even the children he'd rescued over the years had never looked at him like that.

"God, Blair. How can you make me feel like this? I'm nearly forty years old...you touch me and suddenly I'm sixteen again!"

Lowering his head to nibble on the column of Jim's neck, then suck lightly, before answering.

"It's the same for me, lover. I truly have never felt anything like what you do to me."

He rubbed his face sensuously over Jim's skin, knowing the contrast between spiky bristles and smoothly skin would drive his lover nuts.

"Oh, god, Blair!" he felt himself lifted by the hips, his body arranged atop Jim's, their cocks lined up. Jim's hands closed on his ass. "Like this, love?"

Arching and thrusting, Blair declined to answer. His own hands closed tightly on Jim's hips and they moved against each other in what could only be described as a perfect rhythm.

Blair spread his legs eagerly now, and wiggled his ass enticingly. A big hand slid between them and played with his balls as they rocked against each other.

A finger tickled the vulnerable rose, pressed into it slightly. Blair just grunted and began thrusting in both directions.

“You do like that." Jim crooned as he kept the pace slow. "More than I thought you would, even. Are you ready for something more?"

There was no hesitation, Blair's answer slipped right out.

“Yes, Jim, lover, anything!" the younger man sounded desperate already.

Taking him at his word, Jim slid a hand beneath the pillows under his head, and pulled out the tube of lubricant. Blair hadn't even noticed that it had vanished from the medicine cabinet.

Trying to keep the rhythm, his hands shook as he fumbled the tube open and squeezed too much onto one set of fingers.

His free hand closed tightly on Blair's hip and tried to slow his increasingly frantic stroking.

"Easy, precious, slow down, breathe a little..,” he urged and felt Blair slow with relief. "Let's make this last a bit, huh?"

Speaking into Jim's neck, Blair shuddered as cool, slick fingers probed and began to open him.

"Jim...Jim, oh gods that feels good. It shouldn't feel this good, should it?"

"It should feel as good as you want it to, love." working a second finger into his love, Jim concentrated on stretching him a little, getting him used to the sensation. Blair shuddered again, and his arms dug into the bed to go under and around Jim, holding on for dear life.

"Blair? Are you okay, love?" Jim stopped what he was doing and nuzzled the side of Blair's head, sniffing deeply in his hair, the scents filling him. Blair faced away from him, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"f-fine, Jim. I'm okay,” he wasn't very convincing.

"Do you like what I'm doing, love?" Jim asked insistently. His hands were motionless on Blair's body.

“Yesss.” The answer was a hiss. "I'm just not sure I want to."

"Then we'll wait until you are sure, love." reluctantly Jim pulled his fingers free. He'd thought they'd moved beyond this limitation of Blair's.

"No, Jim, wait." Blair pushed himself up just enough to turn his head and meet Jim's eyes. Both sets of blue were so dark with passion they would now be called black, or purple. "I like it. I do. I just get nervous, thinking about....you know."

“We'll never be able to do it if you can't even say it." Jim shook his head slightly. A small smile playing on his lips.

Blair saw it and it gave him courage.

"Thinking about having anal sex with you makes me nervous, Jim. Feeling your fingers in my ass is downright weird, but I like it. I like it."

“We're not going to be diving into hardcore sex anytime soon, Blair. Just think of this as another thing we can do, something we both enjoy, and no more. It doesn't have to lead to anything."

Pressing himself back down to Jim, arms clinging to the older man with that surprising strength, Blair raised his hips and moaned softly.

"Do it again, Jim. Touch me inside, like that...ungh.” The moan deepened as Jim did as he asked. 

Fucking Blair slowly with his fingers, Jim was thrilled to feel his young lover pushing back against the digits and forward into Jim's groin, their hot cocks rubbing tightly together. After some maneuvering, Jim found the gland and touched it.

Blair shouted Jim's name...and began thrusting frantically, trying to regain that sensation, totally lost to Jim's words as his quest became desperate.

"Jim, please, Jim, please, Jim,....need you, need you, do something......!" the last word rose to a scream and Jim figured he would have to do something or the cops would get here before they finished.

Deepening his stroke, being sure to stroke that gland with ever thrust, Jim bent his head and began chewing on Blair's neck, making the younger man's moans rise even higher.

Taking a deep breath, filling himself with that essence of Blair, Jim bit down on his neck, suddenly, unexpectedly. Hard.

Blair came so hard Jim was afraid he was going to hurt himself. The older man's orgasm was far from ordinary, but Blair remained frozen in time and space until Jim shook him and he collapsed onto the bed.

Removing his fingers, Jim wiped them with a baby wipe, and then tenderly cleaned Blair.

Blair groaned.

“What is it, love?" Jim asked quietly.

"I have to go to work..."

“You and me both.” Checking the time, Jim realized that they would just make it if they started moving now. 

He helped Blair out of bed. They shared a quick shower and dressed, with several soft kisses, belly-and-fanny pats, and general affection.

Going down the stairs, Jim slid an arm around Blair's waist. "I'll tell you twice tonight, love."

"Tell me what?” Distracted by a his pack and the time, Blair didn't stop to ask the question.

"Goodnight, love."

Blair smile that all-is-right-with-the-world smile. And Jim smiled back.   
Because. Whatever happened, as long as they were together it was true.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunday, October 5, 1997 

The road was cordoned off by several patrol cars, a crowd gathered in front of them. Two news vans, with angry crews, were parked right in front of them, arguing with the uniformed officers. 

Pulling the Volvo to a stop, Blair went ahead and parked it, deciding to go the rest of the way on foot.

He walked up to the cops as if he had every right to be there. Because he did.

"Hey, you! Hippie! What do you think you're doing?!"

Hearing the angry male voice, Blair blew it off and continued working his way through the narrow gap between the second patrol car and the high brick wall of the warehouse on the right.

He isn't talking to me. he thought, though the words brought a twinge of unhappy memory. They were words that had been directed at him in the past.

"Dammit, don't ignore me, boy!"

A large hand brutally grabbed his arm and shoved him into the wall. His head banged and his eyes filled with tears.

"Let go of me!" a shout, but he didn't strike back.

The cop was big, bigger than Jim, and really angry. His face had that dark red cast an Irishman’s gets when he's lost it.

"I said, where do you think you're going?” He shoved Blair into the bricks again, putting plenty of pressure on the smaller man's shoulder. Painful pressure.

"I'm Detective Ellison's partner, man." Blair kept his hands still and met those angry brown eyes with equally angry blue ones.

“Yeah, right."

Blair glanced down at the nametag and brought his eyes up again.

"I know you know who I am, officer O'Brian. You've been on the force too long not to have seen me before."

"I don't see any I.D.” The grip on his shoulder hadn't let up at all and it was starting to really hurt. Blair imagined what Jim's reaction to this was going to be.

"I got out of the house late and forgot it."

Actually, I left it on the shirt I was wearing last night, but Jim threw it in a corner after he peeled it off me and I didn't have time to hunt it down this morning, 'cause what he did next made me sleep late. An involuntary smile crossed Blair's lips briefly.

“You think this is funny?" O'Brian leaned close and gave Blair a goodly blast of the bratwurst-and-onions he'd had for lunch. Blair flinched and grit his teeth.

"It's gonna be real funny when Jim hears about it,” he snapped back, raising his hand and giving the man's chest a push.

"Let's just call this a misunderstanding and pretend it never happened, what say?"

Growling, O'Brian half-lifted Blair and banged him into the wall again. Blair kept his head forward this time, but the air left his lungs in a whoosh.

"Fucking little fag, we don't need you..."

Struggling to catch his breath, Blair was startled when the bully's words were cut off sharply by a brown hand closing on his shoulder and he was spun away from Blair into the car behind him.

Blair sagged against the wall that was now supporting him, gasping. His shoulder ached.

"Blair, man, you okay?" Brown's hands reached for him, turned him to sit on the car, ignoring the angry man who was regaining his feet. They were gathering an audience, but Brown waved them away, shouting at another street cop.

Blair nodded, unable to speak yet.

"Hey, Lacey, get this jerk out of my sight...and get these people back!"

"This what I get..." Blair panted. "'for being late?"

The grin that split the man's face was amused.

“You got lucky. I just went round the corner to grab your partner some candy."

"Huh?" with Brown's help Blair managed to stand steady now, and he gently shook off the assisting hands. "Jim okay?"

"The smell's pretty bad. He asked if I could grab something to help clear it out of his mouth."

"Hmm." Blair turned and stared at O'Brian, who was being stuffed sullenly into the back seat of his own squad car. “What's going to happen to him?"

"He'll probably be reprimanded. Maybe get a suspension without pay." Brown shrugged. "Do you care?"

"Not as long as it keeps Jim from blowing his top." Blair grinned and they shared a smile, both knowing the other detective's inclinations too well.

"The sooner I get you to him, the sooner you can start damage control." Brown began leading Blair down the road, to the rubble that had once housed a chemical research lab. 

 

“Ah, man, Jim, I am beat." Blair flopped backwards on the sofa and couldn't restrain a wince as his sore shoulder hit the arm. Jim noticed immediately and came to sit by his legs. Blair grinned, and moved them into the bigger man's lap, closing his eyes and letting one arm trail to the floor.

“You should let me have a look at that, love." Jim began untying Blair's boots and easing them off. Blair sighed and made an approving noise.

"Later. In the shower?” Slitting one eye open, Blair studied Jim to see if his innuendo was getting a response. A smile crept across Jim's face and he licked his lips deliberately. 

"Mmmm. That's a good idea. In the shower,” he agreed, regretfully standing and laying Blair's stocking-clad feet back down. "I'm going to run to the gym for an hour and I'll pick up some Greek on the way home, okay?"

Sighing, Blair turned over and snuggled into the cushions. 

"Then I'm going to do my world-famous slug impersonation,” he curled his arms to his chest and settled in. "Don't forget a shirt, Jim."

Leaning over him to tenderly kiss his forehead, Jim grinned.

"I won't, love." 

Blair dozed off so quickly Jim almost felt guilty for keeping him up so late the night before. Bur Blair certainly hadn't complained...Jim chuckled quietly to himself as he pulled out his gym bag and chose a flannel shirt from the stack in his closet.

Day one for this one. he thought, rolling the folded red- and-black plaid and tucking it into the bag. He is so weird sometimes. the thought brought a wider smile.

It was past six already, so he had to hurry. But they'd been busy and he'd already missed a couple of sessions this week, he really needed to do this.

He slipped another flannel shirt, this one green-and-brown - and-black, over his sweats, careful not to smell it. 

A week ago Blair had bashfully asked him if he could wear one of Jim's dirty shirts, on a Thursday, the day he usually didn't make it to the station. 

"Like you borrowed my shirt that night.” Standing naked in front of Jim, hands on his hips, Blair had been embarrassed about his request, but not the fact that Jim was devouring his body with his eyes. "So I can smell you, y'know, sort of feel like you're close."

Jim had laughed and agreed, but Blair had been disappointed. The shirt didn't really smell. So now Jim wore them before and after workouts, so they got a good dose of his body odor. It was way too strong for his nose, but Blair declared it just right.

"It's like I can smell you the way you must be able to smell me,” he 'd said, delighted, upon putting on the first three-day-workout shirt. He'd taken to wearing them whenever he wanted an overshirt.  
Jim had kissed him. 

Now Blair slept peacefully on the couch. Jim stopped to crouch beside him, brushing his hair out of his eyes, to stare at that structured face, feeling the peace within him. It was a fragile thing, this peace. Unfamiliar with it, unexpecting of it, Jim had to be careful. He had to remind himself that it was there and remember to nurture it.

Moments like these, stolen when Blair slept or worked obliviously, were the best for touching that peace. Better even than the times Blair was beneath him or over him or beside him, writhing with ecstasy, calling his name a hundred different ways. That was wonderful, but it didn't feed the peace.

Now Jim summoned it and let it fill him, felt it flowing through him, reaching every dark place of his soul and exposing it to the light of love.

Not even an asshole like O'Brian could touch it, could hurt it. 

It gave Jim such a feeling of completeness....sometimes, like now, he forgot to breathe.

Blair stirred, aware of him, and Jim stroked his face, the bristles of five o'clock shadow rough to his skin. Leaning close, he whispered into the revealed ear.

"Shhh, precious. I'll be back soon. I'll wake you with a kiss, we'll eat the things you like, and then we'll make some goodnight love."

With a soft sigh Blair smiled faintly and quivered once, barely.

"...love you, Jim.” The words often came from the depths of Blair's dreams and the peace swelled within Jim every time.

"I know you do." 

With a final kiss and a grin Jim stood, drawing the peace back in, tucking it away safely, knowing it was well and strong.

That knowledge was almost as beautiful as Blair himself. 

 

Monday, October 6, 1997 

Blair stood and stretched, stopping midway to hit the enter key. Jim glanced over from Blair's usual chair at the corner of the desk as the younger man resumed the stretch and admired the inch of hairy stomach that was revealed when the shirt pulled up. Feeling eyes on him, he finally pulled his gaze from that promising vision and raised them to meet Blair's.

The younger man was smiling, holding the stretch longer than necessary, hands locked behind his head.

"Thinking about last night?” He said the words very softly. An answering smile crept over Jim's face.

"Thinking about tonight,” he teased.

Sitting, Blair kept his arms up and leaned back in the chair, ostensibly watching the computer screen, where he was running a net search on white supremacist groups, trying to link an assault suspect to one of them.

"It's going to be a while before this finishes. Want to pick it up in the morning?"

Glancing at the clock, Jim sighed. It was past seven already.

"I need to have this report done and to the DA by eight tomorrow morning, and there's still at least a couple hours work on it."

The disappointment was clear on Blair's face, but he swallowed it down and smiled again, bringing his arms down and reaching for his pack.

"S'okay. I've got lesson plans to work on anyhow."

Jim looked around. Simon had left an hour ago, to see a hockey game with Taggart. Brown and Rafe had dates. Everyone else had families to get to. Once again, he and Blair were the only ones left in the bullpen. 

"Let's go out, Chief. Do the date thing. We haven't in a while, I can always come in early to finish the report."

Pausing in his search through the pack, Blair looked up at him. It was easy to see how much the prospect pleased him.

"Really, Jim?"

“Yes, love.” It was totally foreign to Jim, this feeling of second-hand happiness. The feeling he got when he made Blair happy was somehow better than when something made him happy.

Not second-hand. Overflow. It's like there's too much in him and it just spills over to me. he thought, standing and reaching for his jacket. And I just soak it up. his grin spread wider as Blair tidied his things and grabbed his own jacket.

"I was talking to Helen, down in Juvie the other day, while I was waiting for that fifteen-year-old, the burglary kid. Her son's gay, and she wanted to tell me that she's really glad to see us coming out here at the station."

Walking down the hallway, Blair reached for Jim's hand and squeezed it, to reassure himself, Jim thought, but the younger man just nodded, not speaking.

"She told me about this club he works in He's taken her there for dinner, so it must be nice, and I'm willing to bet it isn't too busy on Mondays."

“A gay club, Jim?" A sideways look, doubtful.

"It's discreet, Blair. Very low key, and the food is supposed to be great."

"I don't know, Jim...I don't want to get caught up in the gay 'scene', ya know?” They got on the elevator, still holding hands.

When the doors closed Jim took the step that brought him close to his lover and leaned to speak against his neck.

"They have a dance floor and a jukebox full of slow songs."

A quick indrawn breath as the warm air of Jim's words flowed over his neck, then Blair turned his head to capture the older man's lips with his own.

A warm, lazy exploration, thorough, and Blair pulled back when the floor dinged.

"I think I'd like that." 

 

They chose not to go home and change. Jim said it wasn't a tie-and-jacket place, and Blair was actually in slacks today instead of jeans, because he'd had a meeting with his advisor that morning. Though he looked nice in the dark grey trousers with the cream-colored button-down shirt, Jim decided that he liked the jeans better. They fit tighter, and he could count on glimpses of his love's smooth flesh in the frequent rips and tears. 

The restaurant, 'The Brave Little Bistro', was tucked away in the bottom floor of an office building downtown. There were no windows and Blair hesitated at the door, which was rather plain.

Jim took his hand and smiled and pushed through it. 

Medium lighting, bright enough to see but dark enough so that the candles on the tables flickered cheerfully. Small round tables seemingly scattered at random around a slightly raised dance floor. Fabric-covered walls occasionally accented with small framed prints: Dali, Monet, O'Keefe.

A brightly lit antique jukebox held place of honor behind the dance floor. 

The upper half pulsed with sixties-style lights, but it was quiet now.

"Party of two?"

A young black man, not particularly handsome, but friendly- sounding, appeared in front of them, next to the easel that held a backlit glass listing the specials. Blair was reading over them. 

"Stuffed baked snapper. Calamari with oyster sauce. Vegetarian primavera...."

“Yes, two, Frank." Jim agreed, reading the nametag. "I work with Helen Ruark, her son works here. Could we be seated in his section?"

“Alfie, yeah. We don't have a smoking section, I hope that's okay?” He led them around to the right of the dance floor, Jim leading a quiet Blair.

"That's better than okay." Jim was pleased. Even the slightest hint of cigarette smoke would drive him to turn down his nose and he never enjoyed a meal as much that way. 

They sat. Blair was glad Jim didn't try to hold his chair or anything butch like that, though he knew his lover would have for a woman. They had adapted surprisingly well to being two men together, in an equal relationship. 

Blair ordered Chablis, planning on having the snapper. They shared a glass while sharing an order of stuffed mushrooms, and then Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of quarters, laying them on the table between them. Blair stared, and then chuckled.

“At the gas station." 

Jim nodded.

“You pick first."

After giving him a long, distinctly sultry look, Blair took the roll and made his way to the juke. He made several choices in only a few minutes.  
The first song was playing by the time he made it back to the table, and Jim grinned up at him.

"Very nice, Chief,” he stood and took Blair's hand, leading him to the empty dance floor.

I like the way your sparkling earrings rest against your skin so brown I'd like to sleep with you in the desert tonight with a million stars all around 

"I never thought of you as a country fan." Jim whispered in his ear as they moved slowly over the floor. He lipped the dangling silver hoops as he spoke.

"Mmm." Blair snuggled closer. He was only too happy to let Jim lead here. "It suits the mood, man."

Jim just smiled on the top of his head and kissed his curls. 

Dinner was wonderful. They shared their observations of the competition Brown and Rafe were involved in over a new clerk in Records. It had escalated from them vying for her phone number to alternating dates. 

Tonight Brown had asked her sister out, just to annoy Rafe.

"Jim, what's that?" Blair peered over at the far wall. That area wasn't well lit, and he could just make out what seemed to be a sign over a large section of....something.

Focusing, Jim's eyes widened in surprise. 

"Come look."

He stood and they walked over together. When they were close...about three feet from the wall, a motion sensor turned up the light, so they could see the attraction.

It was pictures. Polaroids, maybe three hundred of them.

All of men. Sometimes with their families, sometimes alone...most often with their arms around a partner or lover.

Alfie appeared at Jim's shoulder. He was a young, good-looking kid.  
Jim read the small sign aloud. "Brave Little People."

"It's for people who want to come out, but don't want to come out.” Alfie spoke quietly. "See?” He pointed to the middle.

"There I am, with my mom. My dad doesn't speak to me anymore."

Jim slipped his arm around Blair's shoulders and pulled him a little closer.

"Most people do it after they've been in a few times."

"I want to do it, Jim,” Blair said quietly. "I like the idea."

"So do I." Jim squeezed his shoulders, glanced at Alfie.  
“Are there any requirements?"

“You gotta stand still.” The young man said it with intense seriousness and they both chuckled. "Let me get the camera."

They took the picture with Jim's arm over Blair's shoulders and Blair's arm around Jim's waist.

"Sometimes people put their names on them.” The waiter gestured. "But a lot of people don't."

Looking up at Jim, Blair held the still-developing photo out to him.

“You decide."

Reaching over casually, Jim plucked the pen from Alfie's breast pocket. Writing against the wall, he scrawled their names in the space at the bottom.

Blair Sandburg and James Ellison. Partners in everything.

“You sure, Jim?" Blair asked, slightly worried, as Jim found a tack and placed the picture in an empty space, just at shoulder-level, where it would be easily seen.

"It beats putting an ad in the paper,” he turned and took Blair into his arms, kissed him gently. Alfie melted away discreetly.

"Dance with me again,” Blair said when Jim had kissed him breathless. 

 

Two hours later they were cuddled in the big bed together.

Straddling Jim, Blair was working his way down sculpted body with teeth and tongue, hands holding Jim's wrists still at his sides.

Jim might have been able to get loose if he'd tried....but Blair had leverage and he was pretty strong...and, no matter how the smaller man tortured him, Jim wasn't going to try.

He just moaned and mumbled and panted.

"That's it....touch me, taste me...oh, shit, Blair..."

Sliding between Jim's parted legs onto his knees, Blair hesitated briefly, gathering himself. Jim lifted his head and stared down at him, concerned.

"Don't do anything you don't want to, love."

"I want to, sweetheart. I'm just figuring how to start."

“With your tongue." Jim moaned as the suggested organ slipped from   
Blair's mouth and wet his lips. “With your wonderful, sexy, sensual...AHHHHH!"

Blair's hand closed around the base of Jim's throbbing shaft and he gave a long lick to the underside of the cock.

"Like that?"

"I love that." Jim's head fell back to the bed and he gasped for breath as Blair began working his way around his cock, learning the scent and flavor of it.

Pumping with one hand on the base, Blair spread the other on Jim's hip and eventually sucked the rosy head into his hot mouth, making Jim whimper and thrust. Not trying to stop him, Blair rode the movements until Jim began to get agitated, thrusting faster, trying to force words out between groans.

"....Blair....love, I'm close, I'm going to...."

Understanding the warning, Blair pulled back just as the fist spurt erupted, arcing high over Jim's belly. Watching it, Blair kept up the movement of his hand until Jim shuddered one last time and seemed to melt into the bed.

Still holding the softening cock, Blair leaned forward and took a tentative lick.

It wasn't too bad. He'd never really tasted it before, most of the women he'd been with had refused to swallow, or rushed to brush their teeth afterwards, not shared it with him. Settling to his elbows, the young man began to clean his lover with his tongue, lapping delicately, like a cat. Jim moaned and shivered. One hand came to rest on Blair's head, sinking into the curls and urging him to finish.

When Jim was clean Blair crawled back up his body and curled close to his side, pushing his own erection into Jim's hip and kissing the sweaty chest.

"Need to do something for you, precious." Jim whispered, sliding a hand down to slip his fingers over Blair's cock. 

"Oh, man. Yessss." Blair hissed and thrust into the hip as the fingers slid off.

"Let's try....: Jim turned over, offering his back to Blair. With his hand he urged Blair forward and spread his thighs slightly. "Like I did that first time, love. Would you like that?"

"Mmm, yeah.” Feeling Jim's powerful thighs close around his straining cock, Blair moaned his lover's name deeply. "Jim."

"Just go with it, love." Jim encouraged. "Don't worry about me."

Slowly Blair began thrusting. It wasn't like fucking, but it did feel very good, and watching Jim's orgasm had him primed.

After what felt like only a few strokes he was gripping Jim's hips, fingers digging in, and arching back as he came.

Jim turned back over and lay his head on Blair's chest as the smaller man settled on his back, his arm around the larger.

“You didn't need anything extra that time,” he commented sleepily.

"Listening to you was all the push I needed." Blair sighed.

“You know I love you, Jim, but do you know how much I'm in love with you?"

"Do you feel happy sometimes for no reason at all?" Jim asked quietly.

“Yeah."

“Want to skip down the hallway at work, even if people are watching?"

"Uh-huh." Now Blair sounded like he was holding back laughter.

"Have a sudden affection for really disgustingly mushy love songs?"

“You heard what I played on the jukebox tonight." Blair giggled.

"Then you're in love with me exactly as much as I'm in love with you." Blair caught his breath as the words sank in.

“Ah, Jim. That's the most romantic thing you've ever said."

"Enjoy, Chief, 'cause it may be the last.” Turning his head, Jim rose to loom over Blair and meet his eyes.

"Nah." Blair grinned. And then Jim kissed him, for a very long time.

Curling over and around his young love as they spooned for sleep, Jim kissed the ear he could reach and his hands tightened briefly on Blair's middle. 

"Goodnight, love." 

Almost asleep, Blair purred softly. Jim slipped an almost- laugh.

"I love you, Sandburg." 

A sleepy chuckle, and an answering squeeze on his hands.

"I know you do, sweetheart."

 

Wednesday, October 8, 1997 

He made no effort to creep up the stairs. Though he knew it was late, he also knew - oh so well - that Jim wasn't asleep.

Because Jim had said he'd wait up.

“You don't mind, sweetheart?” The conversation had taken place on the elevator, heading out o the station for their separate vehicles.

"Sandburg, I know you have a life outside of us. It's important for you to have that." 

"It's just the seminar, man. I just really want hear this guy. I don't have to go out afterwards....” The apologetic words were cut off by a large hand that covered his mouth gently. 

Stepping behind him, other arm wrapped around Blair's slender waist, Jim leaned to whisper tingly words into an ear hidden by waves of hair. 

"Go out, love. Spend time with your friends. I know you're going to come home to me....hot and bothered. 'Cause you'll spend the whole time thinking about what I'm going to do to you when you crawl into that big bed tonight. I'm going to have all evening to think about it...you think about it, love." 

Blair shivered, but Jim wasn't done teasing him. 

"Think about the goodnight love we're going to be making tonight.” This whisper was even darker, more promising. 

"Oh, man, Jim.” A heartfelt sigh. 

Jim released him quickly and stepped away as the elevator door opened. 

"I'll be waiting for you." 

"Oh, shit." Blair's grin had been heartfelt. 

 

Now it was almost two a.m. Blair had finally broken away from the crowd that had gathered at Julio's, drinking tequila and dancing to mariachi music. He was pleasantly buzzed, glad he had left his car at campus and caught a ride, then taken a cab home. 

Jim's earlier words had proven a self-fulfilling prophecy... though he'd paid attention and taken notes during the lecture, by the time he downed his first shot of liquor his mind had been filled with images of Jim; his hard body, sculpted planes, tender hands, hot mouth. And that smile.   
Blair really wanted to see that smile tonight. The elevated bedroom was lit by a single bedside lamp. Blair stopped on the top step. Putting down his book, Jim marked the page by dog-earing it and then looked up to meet Blair's eyes. 

And smiled. 

“Ahh, Jim." with a sigh Blair took a step toward the bed. 

The first shirt fell from him. Another step, and the second shirt was over his head. A third, and his chest was bare, and he sat on the edge of the bed to pull his boots and socks off. 

Then he lay back to finish melting. 

"Hmmm.” The murmur sounded amused. Blair felt big hands close on his shoulders and lift him, to lay him gently on the pillows at the head of the bed. 

"Huh? Ow." 

Sitting up quickly, Blair reached beneath the pillows. His hand bumped into something and he pulled it out curiously. 

It definitely wasn't the tube of lubricant. 

Blair held the small grey box up in front of his eyes and stared at Jim across it. 

Sitting back on his knees over Blair's legs, Jim's smile widened into a grin. 

"Jimmm..." Blair warned. “What did you do?" 

"Open it." Jim urged. His hands rubbed warmly up and down Blair's denim-clad thighs. 

"It's not my birthday, man.” Scolding mildly, Blair lay the box in his lap and lifted the small lid with both hands. And gasped. "Oh, gods, sweetheart. What is this for?" 

Jim rubbed faster while Blair lifted the necklace from the bed of tissue. It was made of small ceramic beads, little carved moons, and brass balls, strung on a leather strap meant to be knotted in the back. 

"I was thinking...about when Brackett smashed that one you always wore. And I noticed that you never wore another one after that. I..." now Jim stopped moving and glanced away. "I thought you would like it." 

He fell back to the bed suddenly when Blair surged up to tackle him, the younger man's mouth covering his and imploring it to open, which it did rather quickly. 

When Blair came up for air at last, Jim just stared up at him, his hands buried in his love's thick hair, soaking up the joy that was pouring from the smaller man. 

"I love it. Put it on me?" Blair turned quickly around, on his knees, and settled between Jim's legs, offering the gift over his shoulder. 

Jim sat and took it, realizing that his hand was shaking. 

“You know,” he whispered as he slowly strung it around Blair's throat, watching as the pulse sped up visibly. "I used to give things to Carolyn. And she never reacted like you do. It was always like I was just doing what I was supposed to, it was nothing special...but you, love. You make me feel like I've given you the moon or something equally marvelous,” he tied it so the center beads lay just above Blair's collarbones. His hands stayed in place as the younger man turned to face him, eyes shining with such pleasure Jim was briefly afraid he was going to cry. 

“You've given me something infinitely more wonderful, Jim." Blair breathed over his lips, his hands going to Jim's waist, closing over naked skin and stroking. “You gave me your heart." 

The kiss this time was long and deep. Both tongues took turns running into the other mouth, exploring every nook and cranny, stroking underneath and on top, until both were panting and had to breathe. 

“You're wearing too many clothes." 

“All I've got on is my jeans, sweetheart." Blair teased as   
Jim pushed him back down. 

"That's way too many clothes, Chief." Jim grinned and worked the tight denim off. He had to be careful. Knowing Blair was going commando, the last thing he wanted to do was catch the throbbing cock in evil zipper teeth. 

Then Blair was nude before him, his erection standing proud and tall. Smoothly Jim covered him, putting as much of his weight onto Blair as he thought the younger man would be comfortable with, running his hands down the slender muscled arms to tangle with his fingers. 

His tongue danced over Blair's face, tasting. Turning up his sense of smell, he sifted out the unpleasant odors of grease and cigarette smoke and concentrated on the milder, but still strong, scents that combined with the flavor of his love, making him smell and taste different. 

"Mm. You went to Julio's,” he said as he licked a path across Blair's jaw. 

The younger man squirmed, hips moving sensuously, rubbing their hot cocks together. Jim came back to his mouth and Blair's lips parted, begging. 

Kissing him, Jim pulled back and stared at him for a minute. 

Blair's eyes were dark pools of violet. He was still maintaining the rhythm of his hips. While Jim watched, he very deliberately moved his arms to above his head, wrapping them around a pillow. 

"They use so much cilantro, love. I used to like to eat there. I bet I can get a good taste of it from you, though...." he lowered his head again to sniff and apply broad sweeps of his tongue over the left shoulder that quivered under his attentions. 

"Oh, yeah. Somebody had mole'....did you ask for a bite or did she just feed it to you?” He waited, still licking over the spot, and Blair shivered more visibly. 

"I asked...” The whisper was hoarse. 

“You know you don't like it, love. Had to try again?" Jim teased, switching his attention to the right nipple. Lapping at it gently, he watched the left one tighten, which pulled the silver ring tight and made Blair groan deeply. 

"Nothing strange here. Onion, a bit of garlic...more cilantro,” he glanced up, watching as Blair's eyes dilated even wider.

“Where are you hiding the strange stuff?" 

"lower." Blair managed to gasp, and Jim chuckled. 

"I thought so." 

Blair's navel tasted like guacamole. His left side was declared to be redolent of Verde' sauce. By this time he was moaning softly, too caught up in the sensations to confirm or deny Jim's conclusions. When the older man bypassed his cock with only a gentle kiss, he thrashed. But his hands stayed above his head. 

"Mm.....I knew I'd find this." nibbling at the back of Blair's left knee, his legs braced on the bed to fight the sensations running rampant through him, Blair shuddered for the first time. "Honey. You had sopapillos." 

A movement that could have been a nod. Then Jim was crawling back up his body, following his nose, and he lay between Blair's parted, bent legs, and snuffled into his chest hair. 

"So many good smells here,” he crooned, his hands going to Blair's shoulders and caressing gently. "So many flavors. But the best one...,” he closed his eyes and pressed his nose to the silky fur and inhaled deeply. "The best one is you. All those others are merely a trace of the real scent...the real taste. Pure Blair. It's the best thing I've ever sensed."   
Blair only managed another low moan. 

Hands still caressing the shoulders, body feeling the heat and hardness of the cock that was pulsating against it, Jim took a few more minutes to simply enjoy Blair's scent. And taste. 

He began licking at the chest hair, with purpose. Moving his head to achieve the needed angles, he worked steadily as Blair's moans rose in pitch, if not volume. Then he lifted his head and surveyed his work. 

The fluffy chest hair was plastered down with Jim's moisture, in a spiral that moved from the center and outward. 

Blair raised his head, still panting, the moans temporarily faded, and looked down at it. 

"Crop circles, sweetheart?" a laugh bubbled through his arousal. "Look, Mulder's cute and everything, but I don't think I want to be an x-File." 

Levering up on his elbows, Jim chuckled, sharing the humor. His fingers played with Blair's curls, fluffing and smoothing them over his shoulders. 

"No X-File here,” he leaned close. "But I do detect a mystery.” His lips paused an inch from Blair's. The younger man's barely-breathed reply washed over them. 

"Do you need a clue?" 

"The mystery is...what have you been drinking?" Jim leaned a half-inch closer. Blair shivered again. 

“You tell me." 

Taking the challenge, Jim covered Blair's mouth in another deep kiss, hungry, eager. 

"Tequila,” he said as he pulled back. 

“What brand?" Blair asked, a light in his eyes that Jim didn't understand... but he liked it. 

"That will take some more research." 

“You're a detective." Blair's voice shivered over Jim. “You're good at research." 

They kissed again. Arms went around each other, muscles pulled tight and they held on. 

Minutes into it Blair tightened his stomach and lifted his legs, wrapping them securely around Jim's thighs. Jim grunted at the weight and began moving in time with his young lover. 

Finally, finally Jim pulled away, gasping harshly. 

"Two Fingers,” he was grinning widely. Blair licked his lips like a cat in the cream. 

"uh-huh." 

"Did you choose it for any particular reason?" Jim's fingers were irresistibly drawn to those curls, sinking into them and rubbing idly. 

"Not a clue." Blair almost purred, his attention divided between the sensations of groin, head, and heart. “A hint." 

"Oh, love.” The whisper was almost out of Blair's hearing range. He untangled his legs from Jim's body and used his weight and leverage to flip them both to their sides. Then Jim rolled them all the way over so Blair was on top. 

The lube was quickly retrieved. Blair couldn't stay still, he was too hot for this. Jim rubbed and petted him, then lubed both their cocks, making the slip of satin skin on satin skin even more erotic. Blair groaned and began thrusting into Jim's groin eagerly, hands flat on the bed beside Jim's shoulders, back arched as he pushed into the larger man. 

"Oh, Jesus, slow down, love!' Jim pleaded as he slid one hand to Blair's ass and tried to hold his hip with the other. 

Blair did slow down, but not much. 

“Your fault,” he gasped, leaning to kiss Jim, nipping at his lower lip, tiny little stinging bites. “You made me think about this all night..." 

"I did, didn't I?" Jim grinned, pressing his face to Blair's neck, and thrust two slick fingers in, not all that gently. But Blair didn't protest, just arched further and grunted deeply. He picked the rhythm right back up and Jim finger-fucked him in time to it. 

It wasn't long before Blair was mumbling words, then they came louder as he approached his satisfaction.

"Jim....oh, god, Jim....feel so goood, want you so much ..JIM! love you, love you...come with me...gonna come, Jim... come now, gonna come, find it, Jim, FIND IT....!!!!" 

Thrusting his fingers in hard and deep, Jim rubbed hard over Blair's prostate and the younger man cut loose with an ear-splitting yell that just yanked Jim's orgasm right out of him, along with a roar that rivaled Blair's yell. 

Jim rolled them to their sides as Blair collapsed, a broken pile of disconnected nerves.

"Some time later Jim moved, cleaning them both up, and cuddled to Blair, who had made it over onto his back. He sighed when the younger man's arm came around him, resting his head on the furry chest, where the hair still retained the shadow of the pattern he'd put there. 

I like to have him hold me this way. Almost as much as I like to hold him.   
That actually seemed strange to Jim. He had always been the bigger one, the dominant partner in bed. 

But Blair and I, we don't need those labels. We can just do what feels right to us. 

And right now it felt very right to let Blair hold him and stroke him sleepily and murmur little words of love at Sentinel level.

 

Friday, October 10, 1997 

As his hands gestured expansively, his words elaborating on the marriage rituals of ancient Samoan tribes, Blair had to concentrate.

I have got to get this under control. he scolded himself as his words trailed off again and the class looked at him expectantly. This was Anthro 202, these kids were here because they wanted to be, not to fulfill some arbitrary requirement.

They deserved his undivided attention.

Well, I certainly have theirs. Why the hell did I wear these jeans today?  
Picking up from the noticeable pause, he turned away, grabbing a piece of chalk to start writing on the blackboard. He normally only wrote important bits, so the students including the two women in front who had been staring at his crotch and grinning all lifted their pens, except for the blind girl, Jennifer, who handed her typewriter to the boy sitting beside her.

He took it with a smile she couldn't see, but Blair was sure she sensed it. 

The students took turns typing her notes for her.

While Blair had adapted his style to her, he still had to write some things down.

With his back to the class he could slip a hand down and casually adjust his cock, which was feeling very cramped as it swelled and pressed against the tight denim.

I've never felt like this before. he knew that they knew what he was doing, but as long as they didn't actually see it, perhaps there was a chance he would retain some shred of dignity. It's like being sixteen again. 

Suppressing a shudder, he gave his aching cock one final shift and finished writing, turning back with an abashed grin.

"Using this graph I've scribbled, you can see where the marriage customs of the Samoans differ from other oriental and pseudo-oriental societies. he paused, giving them a chance to make comments. "Does anyone have an idea why that would be? prodding gently, these guys should be comfortable with speaking up in his class be now. Most of them had had him for 101 and knew what to expect.

Yeah, a teacher whose brain isn't in his jockeys. After another embarrassing lull, Jennifer, no doubt still feeling guilty about the fall he d taken down the stairs on her behalf, started a discussion. Besides, she couldn't see what was distracting the others. Though he was sure they would tell her first chance they got.

As a debate grew over her theory, that the Samoans developed more unusual rituals because of their small numbers and more extreme isolation on the island chain several others pointed out that the Japanese were even more isolated and she countered with the fact that they were more populous Blair hopped up onto the tale beside the podium and listened, nodding and grinning. He did not cross his legs, that would have been painful in his current condition.

Clasping his hands between his swinging legs, he thought about said condition.

Man, it s like I m just now falling in love. I can't stop thinking about him, fantasizing. It s a little late in the relationship for this, isn't it? We've been sleeping together for weeks now.

Seeing that the discussion was winding down, he slid off the table and took his place behind the podium again.

"It s been a little slow today, hasn't it?” His words brought a laugh, more of expectation than humor. "Okay, chapters nine through twelve for Monday, and we'll call it a day.” It was about twenty minutes early, but that was okay. He wanted to get to his office and think some more about what was going on in his head...and call Jim. The involuntary grin that thought brought was answered by about half the class. 

Sitting in his desk chair, leaning back, Blair idly pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ear again.

Has it only been that long? It seemed such a strange idea that he said it aloud.

Have we only been together ten weeks? Exactly seventy-six days since the first time we really touched each other. Wow. 

And I love him more now than I ever imagined then.

That comforting thought was followed quickly by a frightening one.

What will I do if something happens to him?

Picking up the phone, hand suddenly shaking, he hit the top speed dial button. Of the six he had programmed, three were various ways to reach Jim. The station, home, and his cell phone.

The fourth was Simon s office. He'd never used it from here, it was designated emergency-only. And he was really thankful that a circumstance requiring it had never come up. 

Number five was his boss's office. Number six; well, it wasn't that embarrassing. Didn't all college professors have the library on speed-dial?

The phone was ringing, but after four he got the voice mail. Knowing how Jim hated not getting a message, he left one.

"Hey, sweetheart. I just wanted to talk to you. I m going to try your cell, but if I get you, you can still call me back." 

Hanging up, he tried the cell. Jim answered after half a ring.

"Ellison,” he barked.

"Is this a bad time?” Though he strained his ears, Blair couldn't hear anything beyond his lover's voice.

"Blair. No, love. I'm just bored. I got stuck out here covering a stakeout for Brown, so he could go to that girl's birthday party. Rafe's fetching coffee."

“Which girl? The clerk or her sister?"

“Apparently he's settled on the sister, leaving the clerk all to Rafe."

"I'm glad they worked it out." Blair chuckled.

“You sound like everything's fine, love." Jim sounded questioning. “Your pulse is a little fast. If I could see you, I bet I'd see a significant pattern of blood flow..."

"Jim.” The ache in Blair's groin doubled. "I just wanted to talk to you."  
“We've only been apart about four hours, Blair."

"That's four hours too long in my book." even as he laughed at himself, Blair felt his heart swell, until he was afraid he wouldn't be able to talk. "I just...oh, man, Jim, do you know how much I love you?” He paused and then spoke again, lower. "How much I want you?"

"It's finally hitting you, isn't it." Jim's husky voice was loving and teasing at the same time. 

“What do you mean?" Knowing Jim would never say anything to hurt him, Blair was a little confused by his words.

“Ah, my love. You're still so young. You've never been in love before, have you?"

"Not like this...” A whisper, equal parts fear and awe.

"It's overwhelming, isn't it? The desire, the joy...and the terror that accompanies them. You don't have to be afraid, precious. I am never going to leave you."

"I know that, Jim." leaning forward onto his desk, Blair curled protectively around the phone. "I spent the whole morning thinking about you. I want you, Jim. So bad. I need you."

"I'll be home by six, love. You can show me then."

Blair waited for a minute, heard the sound of the car door opening and Rafe's voice greeting Jim. 

"I've got to get off now, Blair.” The ordinary words carried such a weight of love that Blair could almost grasp it, bring it to his mouth, taste it. "I'll see you tonight, sweetheart."

Blair hung up and hugged himself, staring at the phone. 

 

Jim cataloged the sounds and scents coming from his home as he walked up the stairs. His love was there....from the enticing smell of Jambalaya, he had been for a while. There was music playing, softly....Fleetwood Mac. After Santana, but tolerable. One of the few they consistently agreed on. There was a fire, with one of the barely-scented pinecone starters that Blair had made for him. Citrus, a pleasant balance to the mildly spicy Cajun dish.

Wine. A bottle was breathing. Under it all was their scent, their combined essences that filled their home.

And Blair was singing, very quietly, under his voice. 

Blair turned when the door opened. He was wearing his robe, his hair still damp from a shower. The lid to the big black pot was in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other.

He didn't say anything. Just smiled as Jim looked over the room. 

A blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace. Pillows. The bottle of wine and a single glass on the coffee table. 

Blair's voice broke his reverie'.

"Dinner still has to simmer for at least an hour, sweetheart. Why don't you grab a shower while I mix up the cornbread?"

“Are you going to make the kind I like?" quickly hanging his jacket and crossing to stand behind his love, Jim wrapped his arms around the slender waist and nuzzled his neck. Blair hadn't changed the oil he used in his shampoo and that light herbal scent was becoming a part of Jim's olfactory memory of him.

“With cheddar and a touch of salsa." Blair confirmed. He put things down and turned in Jim's arms, his hands locking around the taller man's neck. His head tilted, eyes closed, he offered his mouth. 

Jim took it eagerly.

"Mmmmmm." Blair purred when they broke for air. "I've been waiting for that all day."

“You and me both." Jim shifted. His trousers weren't tight, but his erection still threatened to hurt if he didn't get out of them. "Shower, you said?"

"There should be enough hot water by now." Releasing him, Blair gave him a little push. "Go on. I'll be waiting for you."

"I'll hurry." lowering a hand to give the younger man's hard cock a gentle squeeze, Jim grinned at his groan of protest and left him leaning weak-kneed against the counter. 

"To have you in firelight. Such a beautiful sight no man has seen."

The quiet words roused Blair from his stillness. He'd been lying on the blanket, staring into the flames, on his stomach, head resting on crossed arms. His legs slightly parted to make some room for his swollen cock, his ass round and inviting.

"That sounds like a famous poet,” he said peacefully, rolling to his back, propping on his elbows and shaking his hair back.

The movement went straight to Jim's cock.

"Might be. I don't know,” he lowered himself to his knees between Blair's parted legs, which spread further to welcome him. Leaning in, his hands planted on either side of Blair's head, he whispered. "I would write poetry for you if I could."

“You do, Jim." Blair whispered back, his eyes fixed on the mouth that was descending to his. "poetry in motion."

Then they were kissing. Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's shoulders and let the big man take some of his weight, pressing himself up to him. When they pulled away for air he grinned impudently and, hooking a leg through Jim's, flipped them in a startling show of strength.

"Mph!" Jim tried to protest, but Blair took his mouth this time, with less gentleness and more hunger.

"I want to give you more of what you've given me, sweetheart,” he whispered, moving his mouth down Jim's throat, across his Adam's apple, and then to his collarbone, where he stopped to suck strongly, leaving his mark.

“Anything you want, love." Jim groaned when the mouth dropped lower. “Anything you want."

Sitting back on his knees, hands flat on his thighs, Blair grinned again. 

"Turn over." 

Jim shivered. He wasn't in the least bit cold...far from it. The heat of the fire, his own arousal boiling within him...and Blair's tongue, tracing tiny nuclear circles on his ass while his intent fingers played with Jim's balls, just within reach on the pillow beneath his hips.

The fingers withdrew and Jim could only moan when they gripped his ass and spread the muscled mounds, exposing his center to the wet warmth that sought it.

"Jesus. Blair. Oh, damn,” he groaned, forearms bulging as he clenched the pillows beneath his head and struggled to stay still. “Yes. Taste me, lick me....oh, love."

A nuzzle of nose and the tickle of hair caressing his ass made him shiver harder.

"Feel good, Jim?” He was almost too focused to hear the words. Even as he answered he realized that that was what Blair was preventing. Drawing him back from the brink of a zone-out with his words even as his tongue and lips encouraged Jim to dive off.

"Better than good, love. Better than better,” he moaned. “You're making me so hard..."

"I'll take care of you." Blair promised. "Shift up.” His hands tugged on Jim's hips, urging the older man to his knees. With a grunt Jim moved, raising his ass in the air, keeping his head and shoulders low. His cock hung in the empty space below him and ached.

It briefly occurred to him that he must look pretty foolish...but then Blair closed a hand around his cock and began stroking.

His tongue was making smooth passes over Jim's crevice and he could only jerk and moan.

Long licks, long strokes on his cock. Little stabs of Blair's tongue, quick hard pulls with his hand. Within seconds Jim was thrusting forward into that hand and backward to that tongue. When Blair added a nip to his ass Jim grunted and forced his body to be motionless. 

"It's okay, sweetheart." Blair spoke against his back, stilling with him. When Jim didn't respond he spoke a little louder.

"Jim? Are you okay?"

“Yeah....just feeling it, love." Jim looked over his shoulder, reaching back with one hand. "Come here. I want to feel you under me. I want to watch you squirm under my body when you come."

Blair went to his side and rolled to his back, opening his arms. Jim fell into them, pressing their cocks together, his arms around Blair's shoulders, his head buried in Blair's neck, inhaling the glorious scent of Blair's desire.

"I'm not going to last long." was the last coherent thing he said for a while.

"Me neither." Blair's grin was wiped from his face by Jim's first thrust.

It was hot and frantic as they desperately tried to satisfy their hunger for each other. Blair pulled Jim down, all the way down, taking his weight and reveling in it. Cocks stroked together, Jim's hastily-wet fingers sought the entrance to Blair's body and one slender finger on Blair's artistic hand slid between the crease of Jim's ass.

Mouths fused into one, there were no words this time. Groans, moans, and sighs were fed into the others' body, and air taken the same way. By the time Jim shouted wordlessly into Blair's mouth, his young lover was close enough to come with him, less than a second behind.

And the kiss went on. And on and on, as both tried to become a part of the other, to crawl inside and take up residence in more than the heart. Their bodies went limp, their hands stilled, and still they kissed.

It was the smell of burning cornbread that broke them apart.

Jim tore his mouth away, gasping, unable to catch his breath. Staggering, he climbed to his feet and stumbled to the kitchen, where he yanked the hot pan from the over with a dishtowel and left it sitting on the stove, weaving his way unsteadily back to Blair, who lay panting hungrily, drawing in great gulps of air.

They fell together again, this time embracing, heads pressed to neck and chest, hands stroking tenderly, until there was air to breathe. 

 

"How did I ever live without this?" Blair asked, passing Jim a bowl to wash. 

Dinner was finished, the football game was over, the dishes were done.

“You didn't know what you were missing.” His body was still tired from the tremendous pleasure they'd achieved this night.

"I had no idea."

Turning for the stairs, arm around Jim's waist, Blair leaned against him, just for a moment. Jim hugged gently.

"I could never live without you now."

“You won't ever have to.” It was a promise he couldn't make, but somehow he felt it in his heart. He and Blair were meant to part this world together. Jim didn't know how he knew that, or care. The knowing was enough. "I promise."

A glance from glowing blue eyes.

"I believe you." 

Tucked up in their bed, cradling his soul to his body, Jim listened to Blair as he relaxed into sleep.

Stroking soft curls away from his forehead, Jim pressed a chaste kiss there.

“You will have me as long as we live, precious. I love you."

"Mmm. Love you too, Jim. G'night."

"Goodnight, love."

The burden, carried unawares, was lifted. Jim slept, his precious love cradled in his arms. Their heartbeats mingled in his ears. 

 

Sunday, October 19, 1997 

"C'mon, Ellison!"

Simon's shout rang clearly to Sentinel ears. Half of the PD had turned out for the annual Hot Shots competition, a two-on-two basketball tournament to benefit the Boys & Girls Clubs of Cascade. Most of the departments had at least one team entered...even forensics had a very tough-looking Samantha partnered with a woman from Vice. 

Jim passes the ball behind his back, right into Blair's hands as his lover sped by and went for a lay-up. The ball went in before he hit the ground, bringing them the win and Jim grabbed Blair in an enthusiastic hug, beating on his back, emotions running high.

All the practice they'd been getting with Rafe and Brown, the other Major Crimes entrants, was paying off. They'd made the finals when they hadn't really even expected to make the semi- finals, Brown and Rafe too. Only thirty out of over 200 teams had got this far.

Gasping for air, panting, Jim sat heavily in his chair beside Simon. 

Breathing just as hard, mopping his face with a towel and pushing his plastered hair off his face for the thousandth time, Blair grinned widely and leaned toward his lover.

“Y'know, sweetheart, we sound like we're doing something a lot more interesting than playing basketball."

"I heard that, Sandburg.” Simon mock-growled, stepping in front of them, offering bottles of Gatorade, one of the event sponsors. “And I don't wanna think about it."

Accepting his drink, Blair smirked, and reached for Simon, maneuvering the tall black man until he blocked the court from view. They were sitting by the side of the mall, the competition was being held in the parking lot. Jim had claimed this shaded spot early on.

"Then turn around and think about something else." with that order Blair pulled the towel from his neck and looped it around Jim's, pulling his lover close enough to kiss him.

There was no resistance. Jim made a small, hungry sound, and opened his mouth wide, letting Blair control the kiss. His hands closed on the smaller man's shoulders. They both missed Simon's shocked expression and the quick about-face.

"Company.” Simon hissed minutes later. "Heads up."

Releasing Blair, Jim tenderly tucked the wayward strands behind the younger man's ear again, and sat back, his eyes shining with promise.  
Samantha and her partner, Lorraine Wise, grinned knowingly when Simon hastily stepped aside and took his seat, opening the cooler and retrieving more drinks for the sweaty ladies.

"How'd you do?" Blair grinned at them, turning on the charm. Beside him Jim rolled his eyes and Simon smirked.

“We're still in. That was a great shot, Blair."

"Jim's our high-scorer." Blair shook his head. "I just feed him the ball,” he saw Simon lean close and whisper to Jim while he discussed the woman's games with them.

“You aren't using any Sentinel stuff out there, are you, Jim?” The captain sounded almost disappointed.

"That wouldn't be fair, Simon.” Gulping down another half- bottle of sports drink, Jim watched Blair. His eyes softened and a tiny smile graced his mobile lips. Simon shook his head.

"Think what a coup it would be for us, Jim."

“You're not telling me to cheat, are you, captain?" now Jim switched his attention back and smiled knowingly. “What did you bet?"

"That you'd finish higher than Rafe and Brown.” Simon smiled back and shrugged.

"How much?"

"Twenty."

"Don't worry about it." Jim stood, and stretched, then patted Blair on the shoulder. "They went out last night with the clerk and her sister...they'll be out of steam after another game."

Blair glanced up at him, hands slowing in midair.

A single shaft of sunlight bounced off a window to the right of them and his expressive face was transformed, luminous, the sweaty curls glowing with inner light. Jim caught his breath and the hand on Blair's shoulder was suddenly caressing, the touch intimate.

"Let's walk before we tighten up,” he said softly.

"Sure, Jim." Blair excused himself to the ladies, who stood beside Simon, sighing, and watched the two men walk away.

Side-by-side, much closer than they needed to be, their inside arms swung in rhythm, hands brushing against each other as if they wanted to grasp and hold tight.

Simon shook his head.

Lorraine smiled sadly.

Samantha sighed. 

 

It was their fourth game of the day. Jim felt the ache of tired muscles now, every jump seemed to require more effort. But Blair was still bounding over the court, his seemingly endless energy all the more evident when compared with the creeping exhaustion around him, of Jim, their opponents, just about every other team.

Just looking at him made Jim feel energized.

"I'm gonna have to get you some pink sneakers, love,” he whispered as he pressed the ball into Blair's hands for a take-out. "The energizer bunny's got nothing on you."

"Just wait until tonight." Blair's comeback made Jim weak in the knees and the look in his eyes made the cup that protected Jim's balls suddenly confining.

It was a close-fought game. Trailing by one shot, Jim was tempted to just focus in on the basket, just once, but Blair caught his eyes and shook his head. To avoid the temptation, Jim bounced a pass to his lover under the basket, who took it up.

And came right back down, hard, when he collided in midair with the tall, solid body of a Rainier student on the opposing team. Falling backwards, Blair felt his head hit something and saw stars briefly as he finished sliding down the pole to the ground.

"Blair!" Jim shouted, too loudly, as he rushed to his partner.

"Professor Sandburg!" The student yelped.

"Medic! We need a medic!" Jim cupped Blair's chin in one hand, the other searching delicately through his wet hair, his face grimacing as he felt the knot that was forming just behind Blair's left ear.

There were medical people there, of course, mostly watching for heat exhaustion and dehydration and sprained ankles, but they made quick work of checking Blair over. Jim made him lie still on the ground, embarrassed, as they did it.

"No, I didn't lose consciousness,” he answered petulantly. “Yes, my head hurts. No, my ears aren't ringing,” he glanced at Jim beseechingly when they suggested the hospital and x-rays. "I can see fine."

Checking his lover's skull with his fingertips, Jim could feel and trace every imperfection, every bump and dip, and he knew them all as well as his own.

"I think he'll be okay,” he told the EMT.

"But he's out of the competition.” The man insisted. Jim shrugged. "Take him home, keep him awake, watch for nausea or any sign of more serious injury."

There was a smattering of applause as Jim helped Blair to his feet. Dizzy, his stomach queasy, the younger man didn't object to Jim's arm around him. Simon trailed them, his arms full of their stuff as Jim half-carried Blair.

"Just one more game, Sandburg,” he scolded as Jim buckled the smaller man in and loaded the stuff in the bed. Blair often teased him - the bed of his pickup was as clean as most people's floors - but now the younger man was sitting still, leaning forward, head on the dash, eyes closed. "I could've used that money."

"Didn't you just get a raise, captain?" Jim asked, climbing into the cab.

"I've got a teenager, Ellison.” Simon grinned. His relationship with Daryl was steadily improving, though the high-schooler had opted to go to his grandparents' this weekend instead of coming here. There was a girl involved, of course. "I need every penny."

Blair made a little noise, like a moan, and the captain stepped back from the truck, waving them off. 

"I'll call and check on you later." 

Jim had to pull over once when Blair became nauseous, but only a trickle of green fluid - Jim hoped it was Gatorade - came up. By the time they reached the loft Blair was half-asleep.

Getting him up the stairs took some effort. Enough that Jim decided he would be fine on the couch. Settling him there, getting the smelly sweatshirt and undershirt off, easing off the expensive sneakers his young love insisted on, Jim sat back with Blair's head in his lap. Holding an ice pack to the bump, he picked up the remote and channel surfed for a while before choosing a movie from the pay-per-view, a violent action flick he knew Blair wouldn't mind missing. Monitoring Blair's vital signs, he stroked his sweaty hair and enjoyed the gratuitous violence and bad acting.


	6. Chapter 6

"Jim?"

The soft voice woke him from his doze. 

"Hey." running his fingertips across the stubble on Blair's jaw, Jim leaned to kiss his forehead. "How you feeling?"

Shifting, stretching cautiously, Blair gave him a small smile. 

"I've got a hell of a headache." 

Jim's grin was quick as he stood, laying Blair's head on a pillow he'd had on the floor.

"I guess that means not tonight dear?” He teased. "Let me make you some tea. Do you feel like eating anything?"

"Maybe some toast.” Closing his eyes again, Blair listened to Jim puttering in the kitchen, using the microwave to heat the tea, making whole-wheat toast and spreading it with a thin layer of the blackberry jam their downstairs neighbor, Mrs. Vasquez, had given them. Blair had declared it addictive.

He sat up when Jim came back. Setting the plate on the table and handing him the mug of tea - chamomile and clove --Jim sat beside him and offered his arms.

Gratefully Blair curled in them, sighing with relief when Jim began carding his fingers through the tangled hair again.

"That helps,” he sighed again, sipping the tea.

After a few minutes Jim reached a long arm and snagged a piece of toast. Breaking off a little bit of it, he held the bite to Blair's mouth. Blair accepted it, and chewed slowly.

"I'm sorry I messed up the game, man. I was having a blast."

"Me, too. We'll have to do it again next year."

“Yeah." Blair tilted his head and opened his mouth for another bite and Jim   
fed it in, smiling. 

“You look like a little bird, looking up at me like that." raising his hand, he dropped the next small bite into Blair's mouth, watching with fascination as Blair's lips parted to catch it, eyes closing as he chewed.

"I'm not sure how to respond to that.” Opening his eyes again, Blair turned his head and sipped his cooling tea.

"Say you love me,” Jim said promptly. “Whenever I say something stupid or sappy, you say 'I love you, Jim.'."

"I love you, Jim.” Smiling, Blair nuzzled into his lover's chest. “We could both use a shower."

"I know you do." Jim's reply was comfortable, but Blair snickered.

“You know I love you or you know I need a shower?"

"Both." Jim chuckled with him.

They sat on the couch until the toast was gone, the tea mug emptied, and Blair felt like getting up.

As he followed Jim into the bathroom, their hands clasped loosely, Blair glanced over his shoulder, his eyes soft and dark.

“Would it sound weird, Jim, if I said that today has been a perfect day?"  
Jim stopped in the hall and took Blair gently in his arms, pressing the curly head to his heart.

"Only if you were implying that every day hasn't been perfect since we fell in love."

He held the smaller man for a long minute, then released him and held him at arms' length, his big hands caressing Blair's shoulders.

"Every day is perfect, Blair. Every night I say goodnight, love and I know that the day has been the best of my life."

"Until the next one.” Tilting his face, Blair asked for, and received, a deep kiss.

"Exactly.” There wasn't a word to describe how Jim felt. He wondered, as they climbed into the shower stall and he tenderly bathed his partner, if it would ever change. Would the intensity of their feelings would ever level off instead of just getting better, stronger, every day?

His hands deep in Blair's hair, his love's sturdy body pressed back against him, feeling and hearing the beat of his heart, Jim shook his head slightly, planting a kiss on the upturned forehead, just above the closed eyes, the dark lashes lying against the smooth skin like little kisses.  
Nah. 

 

Tuesday, October 21, 1997 

Blair rolled over with a sigh.

He expected to hit Jim's body, was actually searching for that warmth, sleepily confused by its absence. Why wasn't he snuggled close to Jim? Since they'd started sharing a bed he'd never slept without pressing his body close to his lover's.

That thought, vague as it was, was enough to wake him. He sat up, pulling the covers high in the early fall chill, and looked around.

The clock said it was almost ten a.m. The curtains were drawn, but enough grayish light sifted through to make the time believable.

There was a note taped to the lampshade. 

Blair, love - You were sleeping so soundly   
I didn't want to wake you. I called the school   
and told the secretary what happened. She said   
she'd find somebody to cover your classes today,   
and to tell you that the potluck dinner for Dr.   
Kline was moved to Friday - you're supposed to   
bring a vegetable and a date. I'll try to get home   
before eight. Don't worry about dinner. But could   
you throw in a load of shirts? And the sheets could   
stand changing, if you feel up to it.  
Get some rest. Take some aspirin if you need it,   
don't be tough.  
Hey. I know.   
\- Jim 

Smiling a little, Blair cataloged his condition. He had sore muscles because he hadn't stretched properly after the game, and his head did ache, though not as badly as he'd expected. Jim was right, he could use a day of rest. And then, tonight, when Jim came home....he could get exhausted again.

Holding that thought close to his heart, Blair scooted to the other side of the bed and snuggled his face into Jim's pillow, closing his eyes and dozing back off quickly. 

 

"Hey, Jim." 

Quickly closing the catalog he was looking through, Jim slid it beneath a file and glared up at the man who had interrupted him.

“What you need, Brown?"

"Can I look at that when you're done? Ryan got Shelly this great necklace and I need to get something better for Sherry."

Feeling his face flush slightly, Jim reluctantly pulled the catalog back out, flipping it open. Brown came around behind him and leaned on the desk while Ellison turned the pages slowly.

“You and Blair got an anniversary coming up?” He was teasing, but curious, pointing to a carved silver armband Jim had circled.

"Not exactly." Jim tensed. This was where Simon would have made some disparaging remark to remind them that he didn't understand what they were doing together, even if he accepted it.

“We had a bet going, me and Rafe." Brown supplied, reaching to grab the next page and stopping Jim's turning. "Tried to figure out the first time you guys slept together. " he lifted the glossy pages and eyed a ceremonial scarf with interest. "But we couldn't tell."

Putting it back down and looking at Jim now, Brown's face was open and friendly and curious.

“You are sleeping together now, aren't you? I'd hate to see that body go to waste."

Jim flushed darker now, meeting the other detective's eyes with hostility.  
Where does he get off talking about Blair like that...oh

Brown was treating Blair just the same way he would anyone Jim was dating. A little crude, maybe, but well-meaning. He was making guy-talk.

"I bet he's really good, too.” The cheerful face grinned, expecting to be scolded.

"The best I ever had." Jim grinned back. He felt a trifle guilty for discussing Blair like this, but if Blair were a woman he would have done it before now. It was a form of male-bonding he'd always been able to participate in before, a link with the other cops, when he was dating women and married to Carolyn.

"I knew it. Damn, I should have made a move on him myself."

"He's been in love with me since he got here, Henri. You wouldn't have had a chance."

"Oh, I know that." Brown winked lazily. "It just would have been nice to try."  
They exchanged a glance. Jim was feeling relaxed. Although several of their friends in the department had been very accepting, this was the first time one of them had treated him like here was nothing unusual about his relationship with Blair.

“You up for some lunch?” He stood, reaching for his jacket. “We can go through this and choose something to order."

“You buying?"

"Not unless I got a raise I don't know about."

Simon stepped out of his office and stared at them.

“You're going to lunch?” He said loudly.

“Yeah. Be back in an hour." John answered.

“You inviting me?"

"Nope." Jim's smile was wicked. “We're going to talk about sex, Simon, you probably couldn't keep up."

The tall black man grimaced around his cigar and waved a hand at them.

"Go, go. I don't want to know."

Exchanging another grin, Jim and Brown escaped the bullpen and took a long lunch at a nearby buffet restaurant, where both ate lots of things they shouldn't, and too much to boot.

And talked about sex and love and how the right person could make you so happy the rest of it didn't matter. 

 

It was almost eight-thirty when Blair finally heard the door open. He called from the downstairs bedroom, where he was currently working on dismantling the small bed.

"Jim, I'm in here." 

Stepping partially into the room, leaning on the door-frame, Jim crossed his arms over his chest and grinned at the sight before him.

Blair was halfway beneath the bed, hidden from the waist down, knees bent and bare feet planted on the floor. The bed was stripped, but he'd left the mattress on the frame.

"Damn. Ow.” The quick grunt of pan got Jim's attention. He knelt beside the bed and looked beneath it, his sentinel eyes adjusting automatically to the dimness.

“You hurt yourself?" resting a hand on the nearest thigh, he rubbed soothingly.

"Bashed my knuckles. I can't seem to get this bolt."

Jim watched with fascination as Blair brought his hand to his mouth and sucked on the scraped skin.

"This bed has been here since I moved in. No telling how long those bolts have had to rust together."

Blair blinked and returned to his task determinedly. "I can get 'em."

"I know you can.” The sudden change in Jim's voice, the deep huskiness he only allowed when Blair was near and he wanted him, brought the younger man's attention back to him. The hand on Blair's leg slipped down, stopping just above his groin. "The real question is why are you?"

Laying down the wrench, Blair grasped the side of the bed. Jim sat down as he slid out from beneath it and sat up, leaning back against it. He looked down at the floor, his face slightly flushed, letting his loose hair hide his eyes. 

"I just thought....since we're together now.... that maybe we don't need it anymore. I could turn this into an office or something,” he said hesitantly. 

A finger under his chin urged him to look up. When he did, after resisting for a few nervous seconds, he leaned further back into the bed, wishing for a Latnium bucket as he melted into it. Jim was smiling. That smile, the one meant for Blair alone.

The one that said he could so anything he wanted with the room, with the loft, even with Jim's truck, it wouldn't matter.

“An office would be nice. Maybe put up some shelves?" Jim was leaning in toward him.

Blair's mouth opened, but no sound came out. The smile became a grin and Jim teased gently.

"There's my guppy,” he brushed a kiss over Blair's lips, then pressed his closed mouth to the younger man's forehead. "I love to make you speechless."

“You do I often enough." leaning forward Blair pressed himself to Jim's body, sighing when the larger man shifted to kneel between his legs. After a long, soul-sharing kiss he leaned back again to meet Jim's eyes.  
"So, hi. How was your day?"

A chuckle, and Jim was settling beside him, gathering him close.

"Boring. Had a nice lunch with Brown, though. Talked some guy-talk."

"How is he doing with Shelly?"

"Sherry. Shelly's the other one. Pretty good, actually. He really likes her."

"It would be cool if he and Rafe married sisters."

“We talked about us." Jim's arms squeezed for a minute. "I told him that you make me feel sixteen again and he laughed. He says you're going to kill me." 

There was silence as Blair digested this. 

"But what a way to go, huh?" Jim grinned more widely as his lover turned in his arms and straddled him, mouth open on Jim's throat.

"The only way to go." 

They kissed for long minutes, feeling each other grow hard and heavy. Then Blair's stomach made a low noise and they both grinned.

"I sorta skipped lunch,” he said, both hands pushing his hair behind his ears. “And slept through breakfast."

“You've got to eat." Jim stood, lifting Blair up with him. "Let's go see what we can find in the kitchen."

"There's that pasta sauce I froze last week. The basil and garlic? Over penne?" Blair suggested.

"Sounds good." 

Over the quick dinner Jim made suggestions for the den. He wanted to do a wall of shelves and put in carpeting to make it quiet.

“And we'll leave the floor empty,” he said with a grin. "Just the shelves and a big desk."

"How about a loveseat on the wall?" Blair knew why he wanted the floor space. "To save on carpet burns,” he smirked. 

 

It was getting late by the time dinner was done. They watched the news, Jim actually watching and Blair typing quietly at the other end of the couch, their legs tangled together on the cushions. After the news Jim stood and came over to lay a hand on Blair's head.

"I'm going to shower and head on up. You coming?"

Blair looked guilty when he answered.

"I want to finish this...my muse has struck and I need to pay attention while she's here. And I got a lot of sleep today."

"I should have known your muse would be female, Chief." Jim leaned and kissed him lightly, Blair's hand clutching at his shoulder briefly. “Wake me when you come to bed, okay?"

"Promise.” Turning back to his work, Blair missed the disappointed expression that crossed his lover's face.

I still hate I when he does that. Why can't I get over that, I can't be jealous of his work. Jim scolded himself as he went to shower, the canned laughter of a network talk show filling the room behind him, drowning out the tapping of the keys. 

Always sensitive to Blair's presence, Jim turned and reached for him before Blair got all the way up in the bed...Dragging him up his body, he held his young lover to him, nuzzling his neck and nibbling gently.

“You smell so good.” A sigh as he snuffled into shower-damp hair. The unscented soap smell was a little bit harsh, but clean, and it let him smell more of pure Blair. "I could eat you alive."

Shifting, straddling is chest, Blair sat back on his knees, his hands going to Jim's pecs, fingers gently rolling and teasing hardened nipples.

"That sounds like an offer." Blair's voice was low and throaty. His cock jutted out from his body stiffly.

"It was.” Closing his hands on the square hips, Jim urged his love to move higher, his mouth opening as that cock neared it.

He closed his lips around the head and Blair moaned, his hands going to Jim's shoulders and clutching for balance.

"Ohhhh, Jim."

He held as still as he could, letting Jim take him at this angle. Jim sucked on the swollen head for long minutes, then licked up and down the shaft roughly. One hand slid up Blair's chest, stopping to play with the navel ring, and then two fingers pressed into his panting mouth.

"Suck 'em, baby.” The low growl made Blair groan around the fingers that stroked his tongue, then he closed his mouth and sucked strongly. Minutes later Jim groaned as well, pulling them from the full mouth and stroking them low on Blair's body. Blair shifted, rising on his knees, tilting himself forward, one hand sliding off Jim's shoulder to take his weight on the bed.

Jim sucked on Blair's cock, pulling more of it in, and his hand slipped into, first one finger and then the other thrusting gently into him.

"Oh, god, oh god." Blair moaned. Unable to stop himself, he began rocking on his knees, forward and back. "Oh, Jim, sweetheart, please...,” he fought to keep his movements slow, not wanting this to escalate too fast, wanting it to last. 

Jim's erection ached, lying cold and alone on his belly. The tip was just below Blair's hanging balls and he felt himself arch instinctively to reach them, to make that contact with his lover. Blair was moaning steadily now, deep in his throat and the sound was making Jim crazy. The sound, the feel, the smell and taste of his lover loving him, it was more than Jim could bear. Eyes tightly closed, afraid to add sight to the already too-powerful mix, Jim drew his head back, releasing Blair's cock, and pulled his fingers free.

"Jim...!" With a moan Blair stilled his movements, panting heavily, chest heaving, stomach rippling. His hand tightened on Jim's shoulder, almost too tight. "Oh, man, you're killing me here,” he warned, struggling for control.

"Trust me, precious.” It wasn't quite a gasp. Jim's hands closed on Blair's hips again, lifting him. The muscles bulged in his arms. Blair closed his blue eyes just as Jim opened his own.

“Always.” A murmur, Blair relaxing slightly as Jim positioned him.

Setting Blair down over his throbbing cock, Jim grunted at the sensation, Blair's ass spreading slightly and his cock sliding into the crease, fitting tightly. Blair's eyes flew open and he stared down. He sounded anxious when he spoke, but Jim couldn't see his eyes, hidden behind the cloud of hair.

"Blair?"

With one hand he lifted that cloud and peered beneath it. His other hand went to Blair's cock, touching it lightly, with just the fingertip, a soothing caress.

"It's okay, love. Nothing you don't want." Jim crooned, the sound even and comforting, his body still beneath Blair's. The younger man relaxed and settled over him, feeling the hot length pressed so intimately to him. He sighed, and then leaned forward, arching his back to maintain the position as he lay on Jim's chest, shivering faintly.

"Okay now?" Jim asked softly, running both hands through the silky curls that spread over his chest and shoulders, warm tickling weight.

"Mmm-hmm.” Turning his head, Blair nuzzled a nipple, then sucked it into his mouth, suckling gently. Jim groaned and arched slightly, his cock straining toward Blair's heat. "Feels good, sweetheart." Blair let go the nipple long enough to reassure.

“You ready for more?"

A nod, and then Blair was suckling him again, eyes closed in concentration, hands kneading at Jim's shoulders like a purring cat's. 

Running his hands through Blair's hair and then down his back, Jim grasped his hips and began to move. Slowly at first, just rocking against him, his cock pulsing in the tight warmth. The surrounding heat made him think of another, tighter, hotter place and he groaned loudly, his motion increasing.

Blair pushed himself back up, ass spreading wider with his weight, and began to move in a counter-rhythm, forward when Jim went back, back when Jim thrust forward. The slide of skin-on-skin was eased by sweat and the heavy drops of precome that Jim was leaking.

"Oh, god. Oh love." Jim moaned, hands clutching at Blair's hips spasmodically. He opened his eyes again and stared up a Blair. “You look so hot. you're so beautiful. Touch yourself for me. Let me see you come."

Blair answered with a deep moan of his own. His right hand freed itself from Jim's shoulder and slid over his thigh, stroking himself as he slowly followed the directive. He played with his balls for a minute, Jim feeling the brush of knuckles on his belly, and then he grasped his cock firmly and began pumping it.

His chest was moving as he panted. His head lolled back as he thrust, hips rocking in time with Jim's. Eyes closed, his hair hanging around his face the way Jim loved, he looked like an angel come to earth, cursed with the burden of humanity. The pale light from downstairs outlined the right side of his body. to Sentinel sight.

"Oh god,” he moaned, pumping harder. Jim could feel the tightening in the muscles around his cock, see the rippling of his stomach as he held off. 

"Ohgod ohgod ohgod."

Moving faster now, plenty of sweat and precome to smooth the path, Jim's mind irrelevantly noted details; the erotic brush of tiny hairs on his cock, the sudden rise in Blair's body heat, the flood of stark scent that washed over him, filling his nostrils and expanding his lungs.

"Come for me!" he demanded, growling, hands clenching so tight on Blair's hips that he knew he was bruising him. His own stomach was locked tight, he was so close... "Give it to me."

“Yessss......." Blair hissed. "For you.” His head snapped forward and his eyes locked with Jim's, then his whole body clenched, hips jerking helplessly as he pumped his seed into the air. A long, low moan that could have been Jim's name accompanied the motions.

The sight was more than enough to push Jim over the edge. Shuddering, grinding himself up into Blair's body, he came, the hot fluid coating his cock as he shook and gasped.

Blair fell forward, his hands curled to his chest. Jim's arms wrapped around him, and they panted between hungry, needy kisses.

"So good, Jim." Blair moaned. "Every time, so good."

“Yes, love." Pulling away from the lush mouth that drew him, Jim nuzzled a Blair's neck, finally choosing the spot where neck became shoulder, and bit down gently. Blair shuddered with aftershocks.

Satisfied with the mark he'd left, Jim pulled away after a bit and lay still, cradling his love. Gradually Blair became heavier, a pliable, warm weight on Jim's body.

“We need to get cleaned up, precious,” he smiled at the sleepy protest as he lifted Blair off him and to the bed. Leaning over the side, he grabbed the baby wipes and did the chore himself, pausing to lick a little at Blair's thighs, where their flavors mixed headily.

Blair moaned and shifted, legs spreading wide.

"Not tonight, love." Jim chuckled softly. "I'm all out."

“You've done me in.” The dark blue eyes opened and stared at him in the dimness. "It was just a reflex, sweetheart."

"In the morning." Jim promised firmly as he slid back up the bed and took lair into his arms. Blair turned on his side and spooned back against Jim's body, seeking his warmth and protection. Jim curled around him eagerly, wanting to hold him, needing to.

“You're gonna kill me.” Sleepy amusement.

"But what a way to go, huh," echoing Blair's words from earlier, Jim tickled his ear with the tip of his tongue. Blair giggled and shivered. Jim reached to pull the covers high over them. "I love you, Blair,” he sighed.

As always, the actual words brought a sigh from Blair, this time with a kiss pressed to Jim's arm, wrapped snugly around him.

“We belong together." Jim kissed the back of Blair's head, nibbling a few strands of hair that got caught in his mouth.

"Forever, Jim." Blair agreed, almost asleep. "I'll love you forever. This life and the next."

“Yes.” It felt so good to know that, to be so certain. Jim sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head on the pillow, his nose in Blair's hair. 

"G’night, Jim."

"Goodnight, my love."

As Blair drifted into sleep, only his Sentinel could have heard the soft words he sighed.

"My one true love." 

 

Sunday, October 25, 1997 

"So, how do I look?” Stepping out of the downstairs room - they were still deciding what to call it - Blair posed, hands on hips, grinning up at Jim, his eyes sparkling.

"Like you're ready to come out.” Stepping up and hugging the younger man close, Jim closed his eyes, basking in his scent and the feel of him pressed to Jim's body. Blair gave himself to embraces, really surrendered to the moment. Jim's back ached, the result of tacking one too many suspects that afternoon, but it wasn't important enough for him to abandon Blair tonight, of all nights. Not that he would let him leave the house alone looking like that under any circumstances. 

What he was wearing wasn't important, though Jim was practically drooling over his little professor, in the hand-woven shirt Jim had given him. The bits of feathers and beads and the thick cables of black braid made the shirt a statement, not on every man could pull off with a conservative suit charcoal-grey suit. No tie to distract from the shirt, just a painted button cover, the earth floating peacefully.

His hair was clubbed back and tied with a black velvet ribbon, looking very Victorian, and he rounded out the outfit with his glasses and a pair of heavy black hiking boots. He was gorgeous. 

In a good suit, with a tie and dress shoes, Jim felt positively outshone.   
As it should be. 

Holding him by the shoulders, Jim held him away and looked him over. 

"I think you're the most subdued peacock I've ever seen."   
Blair snickered. 

"That is so on the money, sweetheart." 

"I'm going to be fighting off TAs all night, aren't I?” Stretching on his toes to give Jim a soft kiss, Blair just grinned. 

In the truck a bit later, Jim driving while Blair held the squash casserole he'd made, they exchanged a glance. No more, just a look. The world tilted dizzily and then righted itself. 

"I'm glad we’re doing this,” Blair said softly, sliding a hand over to stroke Jim's leg. "I want to show you off, let everyone I know, all the people I work with, tell them all how happy I am." 

"How happy we are." Jim grasped the hand and brought it t his mouth to kiss the back of it gallantly. 

"I know we've been out at the station for a while now, and it’s been great. I hope you don't think I've been stalling about school."

Still holding his hand, Jim glanced over and smiled that smile. Blair sighed and sank back into the seat. 

"Oh, god, Jim,” he took a few minutes to recover and then continued the topic. "I was just waiting for the right occasion, y'know? The time when everybody would be together and not for academic reasons, so we could just show up and be ourselves. So we don't have to actually tell anybody specifically." 

"Nah." Blair's blue eyes were shining in the darkness of the cab, as he soaked up Jim's words. “We'll just show em."

 

"Blair!" His department head, Dr. Kline, was greeting guests at the door of her home, an ancestral mansion type of place on the posh side of town. "I'm so glad you made it. It wouldn't have been a party without you,” her smile was warm and welcoming as he extended her hand to Jim. “And you brought Detective Ellison. Susan is around here someplace, Detective, if you have a hankerin' to talk shop."

Jim shook her hand, smiling, relaxed. He slipped his arm around Blair's waist and gave him a slight squeeze. 

"Not tonight. I promised Mr. Sandburg here that we'd leave all that cop stuff behind for the evening."

Her expression didn't change at all. Seeing another car pull into the curving driveway, Blair took Jim's hand and tugged.

"I've been apologizing to everyone for the multiple times changes, but Dr. Arturo was even later getting back from his latest trip than he expected to be."

"That's okay, this actually worked better for me." Blair grinned.

"The buffet is in the drawing room.” She smiled at them. "I think most everyone is out by the pool in back, enjoying the evening."

"Thanks, Maggie,” he grinned as he led Jim away, knowing he shouldn't call her that, but enjoying the resigned glance it earned. 

Depositing the casserole on an empty hot plate on one of the three buffet tables, Blair led his lover through the house, to a large sunken living room carpeted in cream and through one of the many sets of French doors that led to the patio and pool outside. 

"Blair!"

"Sandburg!"

Jim grinned as people called and shouted and began coming over. Knowing that Blair was popular at the university made him happy, but seeing Blair's pleasure at it, the acceptance he never took for granted, made Jim overjoyed. Soon they were in the midst of a thick circle, and the conversation was bouncing between disciplines faster that Jim could follow. 

When a discussion of Mayan social structure segued in internet etiquette - and Jim totally missed the connection – he looked around again. He'd scanned the area when they arrived, and now his attention was drawn to the small bar set up on the patio. A hand on Blair's shoulder, leaning to whisper in his ear. 

"I'm going to get a drink, love. Do you want something?" 

Blair stilled, his expressive hands slowing in their motion as he argued a point. He turned his head and beamed up at Jim with quiet joy, answering in that lecture voice he'd fallen into again. 

“A rum and coke, sweetheart, if you don't mind." 

There was a brief silence around them, and then it was past. Jim smiled, squeezed Blair's shoulder, and turned to get the drinks. He'd only be having one, maybe two, since he was driving tonight, but he liked Blair tipsy. His occasionally anxious lover became a lot more loose after he got a few in him. 

He slipped an arm around his love when he returned, handing him his drink. Blair took it and beamed up at him, resting his free hand on Jim's where it held his waist. The megawatt grin brought another image to Jim's mind; Blair straddling him, his head thrown back, chest heaving, mouth open making those deep hungry noises Jim loved...he lifted his beer and gulped half the glass, getting several knowing grins and a grimace or two. His lover was oblivious. 

Soon Dr. Kline announced that the food was ready. Filling his plate, Jim made a few observations of his own, about the contrast between the expensive house, the catered bar, the string quartet in the formal living room, and the potluck supper. 

“Are you going to eat all that?" Blair asked disbelieving when they found seats on the patio. 

Surveying his plate, loaded with pasta salad and barbecue and beans and some fried chicken and some garlic-roasted potatoes and a generous helping of Swedish meatballs, Jim grinned at him and picked up his fork. 

“Yes.” He speared a meatball and put it into his mouth, grinning around the mouthful. 

"There is not one green vegetable on that plate, Jim.” Dipping broccoli florets into ranch dressing, Blair scolded. 

"Live a little, love.” Spearing another meatball, Jim offered it to the younger man. 

“What I do to make you happy." Blair sighed and took it, grinning as well.

There was lively conversation, bad puns, and more food. Jim had three deserts and Blair's eyes were wide as he finished the cherry-cream pie. 

"I couldn't choose,” he explained cheerfully.

Blair was saved from responding by Dr. Kline's appearance on the other side of the table. 

"So, Mr. Sandburg, why haven't you told me about this new development in your life? You know I like to know everything about the people in my department.” It sounded like she was scolding, but happily. 

Shrugging and smiling, Blair didn't answer. 

"It's a new thing?” She asked. 

"Not that new." Jim grinned, taking another bite of pie. 

"New enough," Blair said. From the way his heartbeat picked up, Jim knew he was nervous now.

"So where do I send the gift?" 

"The gift?" Blair stared. 

“You know I send everyone a gift when they find the right person and make that commitment. I know you've been living with Detective Ellison for years now, but now you're actually living with him, I need to send a gift,” her eyes twinkled at Jim, who fighting not to laugh.

His voice faint, Blair was blushing slightly, pink tingeing his cheeks. Jim enjoyed the sight for a few seconds. 

"The name is Jim, Ma'am,” he said quietly. People around then were listening. “And you're right, he's made the commitment. I'm not letting him go." 

“You don't have to do that." Blair mumbled, but who he was talking to was debatable. 

"Of course I do. I'm glad to see you happy. You're one of my favorite people, Mr. Sandburg, don't you forget that." 

With that rousing endorsement of her student's new relationship, she turned and wandered off. 

Blair sat dumbfounded. Jim's hand covered his on the table. 

"Is that what you were expecting?” He asked gently. 

Leaning over and laying his head on Jim's shoulder, Blair closed his eyes for a minute, with a sigh.

"That was way more than I was expecting."

Jim dropped a kiss on the top of his head before Blair pulled away, grinning.

"Let's go dance,” he stood, tugging on Jim's tie. "I'll let you lead." 

There was a flurry of snickers as Jim stood and followed him back into the house, his friends and co-workers accepting this new side of him willingly. 

 

Everything wasn't wine and roses an hour later. As the newness wore off some of the other TAs, and a few professors, began giving the dancing men unflattering glances, even some disgusted ones. Blair noticed, as did Jim.

Pressing his love's head tighter to his shoulder, Jim just whispered in his ear. 

"She's on our side, love. None of these people can hurt you professionally." 

A sigh and Blair snuffled into his neck a little before answering, his hand squeezing Jim's. 

"I know. I wanted it to be different here, Jim. But everything has to balance, I know that." 

"This is so much more than balance, love.” Swaying gently in place Jim nuzzled his hair. “What we have together is far more than anything we've gotten or will ever get on the other side of the coin." 

"Mmm." Blair snuggled even closer and Jim smiled.

A game of charades was started in the den, and they followed the shouting. A friend of Blair's snagged them at the door and immediately put them on separate teams; "So you don't get to use all that lovers non-verbal communication stuff,” the psych major teased, and they were playing.   
It wasn't until they left for home, after nearly six hours of laughter and noise and debates and food and drink - mostly for Blair - that Jim winced, climbing into the truck. His back was killing him. 

“You hurt your back today, didn't you." Blair remembered the spectacular tackle Jim had achieved, rolling with the suspect down a freeway embankment and right out into the fortunately light post-lunchtime traffic.  
Jim shrugged with a grimace.

“Why didn't you say something?” Gently scolding, Blair leaned over and kissed his lover's cheek sweetly. "I'll take care of that when we get home."

"That makes it all worthwhile.” The anticipation was clear in the big man's voice as he started up the truck and they started home. 

 

“You 'bout done, Jim?” Sticking his head into the bathroom, Blair watched as his lover turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for a towel to put around his waist after he dried off. Blair snagged it with a grin. “You won't be needing that." 

"I thought I was getting a rubdown." Jim razzed as he followed the younger man, who was practically bouncing again, into the living room. "Oh, Blair, love,” he sighed when he saw the room.

"Every romantic cliché I could remember.” The dark blue eyes sparkled, alive with love, seeking laughter. 

Candles around the room. The fire stoked to a cheery blaze. A thick comforter on the floor, pillows stacked on it. A sprinkling of rose petals, the dark red rich against the light blue of the spread.

Soft music playing. After a minute Jim identified it as one of Blair's chant cds.

"I don't remember reading about Tibetan monks in the romance issue of Cosmo,” he lay down quickly, feeling his erection beginning to swell.

"Hey, this is romance Sandburg-style.” Coming around to where Jim could see him, Blair began stripping. Slowly, but not seductively. 

"So there will be more to this than the backrub.” A gentle smile spread over Jim's face.

"Did you ever doubt it?” Dropping to his knees, Blair leaned all the way over, both hands in hair, shaking it, making it fall forward. He draped it over Jim's head and neck, caressing him with the long curls.

"Mmmm." with a deep sigh Jim relaxed, putting his arms out to the sides, holding his breath for a second as the pain centered and dug in, then faded somewhat.

"That's right, sweetheart." Blair murmured in a low, husky voice. "Lay there and enjoy this."

And Jim did. 

By the time Blair got to the actual backrub - forgoing massage oil for strong-smelling but muscle-easing wintergreen liniment - the pain had become a distant memory.

Those clever hands, fingertips sliding under the shoulder blades, surrounding and conquering the knots in his lower back.  
There was till the occasional deliberate brush of hair, and even the warm swipe of tongue.

And Blair's voice. Low, thick, husky with desire.

"I love to look at you, you know. I used to think those guys who spent all their time in the gym were just self-aggrandizing ego-heads, but your strength serves a purpose..besides making me so hard I can't think because every ounce of blood in my body has gone to my cock."

The hot nudge of silky skin against his thigh as Blair let him feel how hot he made him. 

“And you taste...I can't taste you enough. With a woman it was always something good to do, but with you I love to. Love to lick you, to suck you, to nibble and bite..."

A trail of wet heat down his spine, then a sudden small pain as Blair took a taste.

"Ungh." Jim grunted in surprise.

“And I can still surprise you. I like that. There are so many surprises waiting for us, lover." 

His pain eased, every nerve ending tingling with anticipation, Jim smelled a sudden, harsh chemical scent. Without turning his head he could tell that Blair was using some sort of kitchen cleaner on his hands.

“Wouldn't want to get this anywhere important,” he crooned. When his hands returned to Jim's body, it was to rest on the muscled curves of his ass. Utterly relaxed, Jim only made a soft noise of approval. He brought his arms in to curl around the pillow as he shifted slightly to change the angle on his cock.

Those hands stroked and kneaded, warming his skin until his ass was hotter than his shoulders where they faced the fire. 

Though he was half-expecting it, Jim still shuddered at the first touch of Blair's tongue, a hot broad drag across silk-soft skin. Making a small noise of approval he wrapped his arms around the pillow his head was on and shivered in anticipation.

Blair's hands slid down to the back soft his thighs, sensitive fingertips brushing the spot where his ass met his legs. 

"Mmm." Blair purred, licking his way around the firm mounds. Jim shivered again.

"I like the way that feels...the vibrations."

"Mmmm-hmmmm?" a questioning rumble on his skin, then the slight pressure of teeth as Blair smiled. "hmmmmm,” he hummed, his face pressed to the top of the crease.

Jim was unable to restrain a groan when that tongue finally went where he wanted it. Circling teasingly, finally relenting and probing delicately when Jim lifted his hips a little, silently begging.

Blair tongue-fucked him slowly. His hands stayed on Jim's thighs, squeezing a bit, but he paid no attention to the aching cock and swelling balls so easily within reach.

"Blair...love..." Jim moaned again.

"Shhhh.” He shivered with regret as that mouth was removed. "There's more, sweetheart."

Hands gone, mouth gone, Jim felt bereft. He heard sounds he couldn't place in his sex-starved brain, at least not until the first touch of cool wetness, trailing down the crack of his ass, barely touching.

"Blair?” The tightening was instinctive, he couldn't help it.

"I like it, Jim. I think you will too. Just give it a chance."

Still tense, his arousal dying down at this new development, Jim tried to relax, taking a deep breath. Blair's hands rested on his ass, one covered with thick gel, and his hair brushed Jim's back as he leaned forward to press tiny kisses on his neck and shoulders.

“We need to do this together, lover,” he said softly, knowing Jim would hear him. "There shouldn't be anything you're afraid to let me do."

"Never afraid of you." Jim was mildly surprised by this, but, in his heart, he agreed. He shouldn't ask anything of Blair that he wasn't willing to do himself. And it wasn't so strange, compared to some of the things he'd been doing. It really wasn't as degrading as taking him in his mouth could have been. "Go ahead. I'll try to enjoy it."

"Maybe not this time.” A chuckle. "But you will soon. I know."

The tip of Blair's little finger. Circling, brushing, then probing gently. Forcing himself to relax, it the sensation made Jim tense but then the other hand was rolling his balls, squeezing gently and that mouth was on his shoulder, sucking at his neck and he shuddered.

The fingering didn't feel good, but it really didn't feel bad, either, and that hand on his balls was wonderful, and he'd kill for Blair's mouth on him, anywhere.

"Roll over.” A crooned instruction. Jim did, looking down at his young lover, amazed again at the beauty of him...

"I could come just looking at you,” he sighed.

"I'll be busy while you watch." Blair promised. Then he sucked the head of Jim's cock into his mouth, drawing a shout.

"Blair!"

Pumping the base of the heavy erection with one hand, the other returned to Jim's ass and pressed a finger in again, deeper this time. The big man shivered and tensed, but his body was caught up in other sensations and didn't much care.

After a few minutes he was able to let his mind go and concentrate on what his body thought of things. 

He was vaguely aware when the first finger sank all the way into him and began moving slowly in and out...but didn't care.

Thrusting slowly with his hips, he was fucking Blair's mouth as Blair finger-fucked his ass, and it felt too good to last. With an effort he raised his hands and grasped the sides of Blair's head, fingers sinking deeply into the soft curls. Not forcing him, just holding him gently, opening his eyes and watching.

Pausing, Blair shifted until his cock was pressing into Jim's thigh. 

Understanding, the big man slid the leg up, between Blair's, and pressed firmly.

“Yesss..." Blair groaned. Then he began humping slowly, in time with Jim's thrusts into his mouth. His finger lost the rhythm briefly but picked it up again. 

It was surprisingly graceful, this love ballet. Their timing was perfect...Jim groaned and thrust into Blair's mouth one last time, shuddering helplessly as he came, and the taste of him brought Blair's orgasm thundering through him. 

They lay for many minutes, panting, unmoving. Jim's cock slipped from Blair's mouth, but here was no other movement until Jim's hands spread from their grip and began rubbing his head, drawing a purr. 

At last Jim reached for his shoulders and tugged him to lie on his chest. He winced when the finger pulled free, but ignored it, cuddling Blair close and stroking his sweaty body. The patch of semen drying on his leg didn't itch, didn't even feel wrong, just warm and sticky, like love.

"Mmmmm.” Only a purr and Blair was almost asleep, snuggling as close to Jim's body as he could. 

“Are we going to sleep here?” Teasing softly, Jim caressed his love, wanting nothing more in the world than this man in his arms, Blair's breath on his chest.

"If you move I'll have to kill you.” A kiss to his chest and further snuggling.

“Well, that would be a bummer.” Chuckling softly, Jim reached for the edge of the comforter and flipped it up over the two of them.

"I've never felt anything like this.” The big man sighed. he could tell from Blair's heartbeat and breathing that he wasn't far from dreams.

"It's perfect.” The agreement was more coherent than he'd expected. “Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. You can do anything to me precious, as long as you're the one doing it."

"I know. I love you, Jim."

"I know you do." Jim tightened his arms around Blair and smiled into his hair. "Goodnight, love."

There was no answer this time, because the dreams had already taken him.

 

Saturday, November 1, 1997 

As he stepped off the elevator - they both preferred the front stairs when the weather was nice, but it had been wet and cold all day today - Jim automatically expanded his senses, searching for his lover, the man who had taught him how to do this. 

He found him, as expected, but paused before the door of their home as he registered what he was sensing. 

Breathing regular. Maybe a little slow. Heartbeat the same. 

Not sleeping-slow....there was no restless rustle of pages, no scritch of a pen. No keyboard clacking or mouse clicking. Not even the background drone of the TV or music muffled by headphones. 

And then there was a sigh. Prepared for whatever he might find, Jim opened the door. "Blair?" 

Sometimes Jim felt silly for about two seconds when that word came out of his mouth. And then, as now, Blair would look at him, and Jim would feel so many other things that there simply wasn't room for 'silly'. 

"Jim.” Sad sigh, softer, sadder. The smaller man on the couch eased from his contemplative position and opened to welcome him. 

A folded sheet of paper fluttered to the floor from Blair's hand as Jim crossed the room and sat, very close to him, spreading his arms wide.   
With another, deeper sigh, Blair crawled right into his lap and burrowed into his chest, arms curled between them, face hidden at Jim's neck.   
Holding him tightly with one long arm, Jim reached around him, leaning forward slightly, to pluck the paper form the floor.

Though he must have known what the big man was doing, Blair didn't say a thing. 

Mr. Sandburg;   
Although I previously indicated verbal approval of your   
inclusion in my upcoming expedition to Bosnia, I must now,   
with regret, inform you that another researcher has been   
chosen for this position. Your rarified field of study notwithstanding,   
your work in the past has been intriguing and enlightening and I wish   
you all success in future endeavors.   
Sincerely, Dr. David Zale   
Chairman, Dept. of Anthropology   
Stanford University 

"Bosnia, love?"dropping it again, Jim pulled Blair minutely closer and nuzzled into his hair. 

"I applied for it four months ago.” The tone was so unlike his energetic lover. "It's only for two months, a chance to record some of the peasant customs before the war wipes them out completely." 

“And he said he wanted you?" pressing his lips to Blair's forehead, watching while the slender hands alternately clutched and released his shirt front. 

"Called me himself." Jim didn't ask when Blair was going to tell him, he knew that his love had been waiting for the right time. 

“And now he doesn't." 

"Somebody must have told him.” Another sigh, this one shaky, and then damp warmth on Jim's neck. But only a drop or two. 

There was no need for explanations. Shifting, Jim cradled Blair as he stood with a grunt. The younger man didn't even grab his neck, just held onto his shirt. His pulse and breathing sped up a little. 

"I love to do this." Jim confided as he walked slowly. "Hold you close to me like you're the most precious burden. I know you like it too,” he paused to nuzzle the back of Blair's neck before starting up the stairs. Blair remained silent when Jim lay him in the middle of the neatly-made bed. Straddling him, the older man began to gently remove Blair's clothes. The deep blue eyes closed and the now- husky voice breathed words only a Sentinel could hear. 

“Yes. Show me, Jim..." 

Sliding off the bed to his knees, Jim worked his boots and jeans off. 

"Show me why this is all that matters.” These words even softer, but the Sentinel heard them. 

He pressed a kiss to the top of each slender foot, and then stood. 

"Of course I will, love.” He left Blair lying naked on the bed.

Deliberately making noise, Jim retrieved candles from the chest, and the bottle of Blair's skin lotion from his dresser. Blair lay quiet and calm. A glance as he set out and lit the candles showed Jim that the younger man's cock was only slightly hard, not close to erect. 

Jim took his time undressing. Dropping the shirt onto the floor, wondering if Blair heard it whispering down. The lacks were louder; the shoes followed with distinct thumps. Then he was back on the bed, kneeling beside Blair's legs, lotion in hand. 

It was lightly scented with the single oil Blair had chosen to please him. Jim had never tried to determine what was in it. The delicate essence melded so perfectly with Blair's body chemistry that Jim had more than once wondered if Blair had borrowed his sense of smell to choose it. 

Warming a puddle of it in his hand, he began by propping a leg over his bent knee and stroking it lightly. 

Thumbs soothed the high arch, fingers slipped between toes, and Blair made a soft sound of approval. 

Adding more lotion as he went, Jim worked slowly up one leg. Then, kissing the top, just where leg became loin, he moved across Blair to the other side and began again. 

A silence filled the room, echoed in the loft. Their peace, momentarily threatened, returned now tenfold and expanded to encompass the space that was theirs. 

The half-hard cock got a rub and a kiss to the tip when Jim worked past it. The abdomen, firmer now than it had been when they met, the hair tickling Jim's palms as he rubbed and stroked. 

Blair moaned quietly and his legs spread further. Kneeling between them, Jim smiles and leaned to kiss his navel, tongue tugging gently at the ring there. 

But he stayed quiet, enjoying the silence, which to him was filled with the steady beat of Blair's heart and the so-alive sound of his breathing. 

Chest, nipples stroked once, shoulders, muscles rolled and eased. 

His hands traced Blair's face like a mind-melding Vulcan, every angle and depth sought and soothed. 

The dark eyes had been closed since he began, but now they opened and stared up at him, dark and unreadable. 

Then a sweet smile curved those full lips and the eyes closed again. Jim had to say something as he tried to get his body back under control. 

"I love you too,” he finally murmured, kissing the hair that curled into his face. 

"Mmm." 

Blair was turned over and the journey began again, starting at the top this time and working his way down. Extra time spent on the beautiful ass, but not unduly long. By the time he got back to the feet Blair was shifting his hips, tiny little movements that told Jim just where on the curve his love was now. 

Planting his hands on either side of the curly head, Jim leaned to kiss the back of his neck, nuzzling up behind small ears. 

Slowly, giving Blair lots of time to object, He ran his hands down the strong brown arms and caressed the backs of Blair's hands with his fingertips, and settled his weight onto the younger man. 

A low groan, a deep breath, and then a sigh. 

They lay that way for an endless time. 

Jim was aware of so many things; the heat of Blair's body. The silkiness of his skin. The way his own cock fit so seamlessly into the crease of his ass.   
The way that ass was lightly pressing up against him. 

"Mmmm.” Feeling Blair move beneath him, Jim began to move as well.   
He kissed Blair's neck and shoulders, nibbling gently. Blair pressed up into him and down into the bed, moving maybe two inches each way. But it felt like so much more to Jim. 

After a while it was too much for him. He began to rock, his cock sliding on lotion-slick skin, up and down, a few inches, still slow and easy. 

It felt so good. 

Using his senses he checked on Blair. He was panting softly now, his heart was pounding. The heat in his groin increased and flared out so that Jim could feel it where it met his skin. 

Another moan, and then the movement became a little faster. They were still moving in slow motion compared to their normal enthusiasm, and Jim wondered. 

Licking at the nearest ear, kissing behind it, he whispered into it, never losing the rhythm they had established. 

"Tell me what you need, love. Tell me when to do it.” A shudder from the body beneath him, but the pace stayed the same. 

"n-n-no...Jim. no more, just this..,” he panted out. The older man wanted to see his face, but didn't want to take over the lovemaking. Despite his subordinate position, Blair was in charge this time. So Jim compromised by turning his face and catching his mouth in an awkward but no less hungry kiss. 

“Whatever you want, love, whatever you want,” he gasped his reply as the heat built in his body. 

He didn't want to leave Blair behind, so he turned things down a little. Keeping hearing high because he didn't want to miss it if Blair spoke, touch and scent and taste went below normal. His erection faltered but recovered quickly. 

It felt like he'd been doing this forever. 

Push up into Jim, feel the slide of his cock, so close to where it really wanted to be, but not yet, not yet. Grind down into the mattress, feel the pressure on his own double and then ease as the cycle repeated. 

His stomach was taut from the motions, his body quivering with suppressed need. Jim's mouth on his neck an unexplainable patch of heat on already over-heated skin. 

It felt so good. So perfect. Time was meaningless, life itself unimportant.   
As long as he kept doing this. 

Push up. Grind down. Pant and moan, trying to get air into lungs that were closing up. 

And then he was there....hanging off that cliff. Wanting to let go, so desperately... his hips bucked once, then again, and he clamped down on the urge. 

Just this. Just this. 

Feeling the spasms that shook his young love as he fought to reach climax, Jim wished, in the part of his mind that could still think, that Blair wouldn't do that. It wasn't a big deal if he needed some extra stimulation to come, Jim certainly didn't mind providing it. 

But he abided by Blair's request, didn't change anything he was doing. 

It was taking too long. The shudders were becoming painful; he had to come soon. 

His mind wasn't actually thinking, just random bits of consciousness floated through it. One of them focused on the feel of Jim's cock between his cheeks and he imagined, just for a second, how it would feel, deep inside him like Jim's fingers had been so many times now... 

And he came. 

It was remarkable for the silence, holding his breath and shuddering heavily beneath his lover, Jim's weight pressing him down, the larger man coming as soon as the scent of Blair's semen hit the air, his senses automatically dialing back up. The length and depth of the pleasure was such that Blair thought he might pass out, and then it was over and he lay still, shivering with aftershocks, tiny sparks of joy running through him.   
When Jim rolled them over, spooning around him with a final gasp, Blair drew a deep breath, his first in what could have been hours. 

At last he spoke. 

“Yes. That's what I needed, Jim. What I wanted." 

He wasn't as close to sleep as he usually was after making love. But he felt the heaviness in Jim's arms as they circled him and held him close. 

“Anything you want." Jim mumbled, already half- asleep. 

"I know, sweetheart." Blair smiled against Jim's arm and closed his own eyes. He could lie here and think, warm and safe and, considering the disappointment of the day, wonderingly happy. "Now I want you to go to sleep." 

"Goodnight, love." Jim mumbled, a sloppy kiss to his neck making Blair   
giggle suddenly. 

"I love you, Jim,” he said, releasing a long sigh that seemed to take every bad thing with it, leaving him cleansed and filled with love. 

The silence remained, still theirs, still shining.


	7. Chapter 7

Friday, November 7, 1997 

Pulling up in front of the university quad, Jim wasn't surprised to spot his lover in a small crowd. He rolled down his window in preparation to shout, but then thought he better of it. 

My Blair is not the type of guy you honk your horn for, or shout at. he scolded himself mentally, opening the door and striding over. Especially when we're headed out for some private time. 

The younger man smiled at him as he approached, reaching out an arm. He was determined not to let his recent disappointment over the Bosnia trip color his behavior. In agreement, Jim walked to his side and let the arm wrap around his waist. 

Several of the girls cooed. Blair blushed faintly. 

"Hey, man, you're early,” he said softly. "The captain cut you loose?" 

"Sandburg, I'm nearly twenty minutes late.” The big man lifted Blair's arm and pushed back the sleeve, showing the young man his watch. "I was afraid you'd gotten tired of waiting and found something else to do." 

"Never, big guy." Blair grinned at Jim and ten at his audience. "I guess I gotta go,” he shrugged. 

"Don't make it sound like torture." Jim protested mildly. 

"Have a good time this weekend.” One of the girls, Sue, grinned knowingly. Jim gave Blair a quizzical look as they headed back for the truck. 

"I was, um, you know, talking to her this afternoon.” The younger man practically mumbled, but of course his Sentinel heard him. 

“Anything you want to tell me about?” They got in and buckled up. Their bags were in the back, under the tarp to protect them if it snowed any more. 

“When we're on the road, okay?” Deepest blue eyes begged silently and Jim shook his head. 

“Whenever you want,” he said softly. His hand slid across the bench seat to snag Blair's. “Whatever you want, love." 

He drove, the customary five miles over the speed limit. It would take a couple of hours to reach their destination. Blair settled back into the seat, not reaching to put any music on, and watched the scenery pass silently. He wasn't exactly still, his free hand was dancing in time with his thoughts and both feet alternately tapped and rocked, but he was very quiet. For Blair. 

I hope he's comfortable with this. I hope this is what he wants Jim thought. 

The weekend was supposed to be their two-month anniversary. 

Two months since the first time they came in each other's arms. 

Celebrating two months of love, laughter, and changes. 

The actual anniversary had been yesterday, but, as much as he'd wanted to, Simon just couldn't let Jim off. He'd had a court date, a ton of paperwork, and a new burglary case. 

The court date had been met, the paperwork done, and the middle-aged alcoholic burglar caught when he tried to pawn his loot at the wrong store. 

So now he and his love were off for a private weekend in the mountains.   
It would have been nice to go back to that spot they had found, the actual place they had consummated their relationship, but it was about 40 degrees out and snow was threatening. If he'd really been set on it Blair would have gone, he knew, but why make the little guy freeze? They could go there for their actual anniversary next September, when the fall colors were bright and the air was only cool enough to help them warm each other. 

The place they were going was a bit further off the beaten path. He'd found it in the Cascade Rec monthly, a set of rental cabins a little off the beaten track.

Michelle's Place was simply named, but supposed to be anything but simple. A favorite among the upper-middle-class hiking and cross-country skiing crowd, it would have usually been a stretch for their budget. But, with little snow yet, it was off-season, and the owner, Michelle, was apparently a friend of Simon's ex-wife Joanne. How that had worked out to Jim getting the corporate rate, he wasn't sure, but it had something to do with Blair's good influence on Daryl, who called at least twice a week for homework help, and often came over on the weekends for the same reason. 

He was born to be a teacher. Jim thought fondly, squeezing the hand he held. Blair just glanced at him, deep in thinking mode, and gave him a flash of grin. I guess it's a good thing he doesn't want to teach below college level, because we could have never come out then. 

That made him sad, to think of all the good men and women, dedicated to their jobs and the children in their care, who weren't allowed to do what they were best at because of some stupid fear propagated by domineering political and religious figures. 

“What?" a soft, concerned query. 

Oops. He must have been grimacing, Blair had noticed and returned his attention to Jim. 

"Nothing, love. Just thinking about how sad it is that so many of us -" it had taken a while but he was learning to think of himself this way, it was never going to change, "- lose their jobs and their children because of who they love." 

"It's just fear, Jim." Raising the hand to his lips, Blair kissed the back of it warmly. "Stupid, ignorant fear. The need to raise yourself up by putting someone else down." 

"I love you." 

Always that quick triple-thump of Blair's heart when he said those words. As if they were some sort of magic spell that made him instantly happy. 

"I love you too.” Scooting over the seat, Blair released his belt and lay down, his head in Jim's lap, snuggling his face into the flannel shirt the older man was wearing over a T-shirt. Jim shook his head but kept quiet. 

The road was deserted and he wasn't going to have an accident. 

"I was talking to Sue about sex,” Blair said softly, tilting his head to gaze up at Jim. One hand rested on the big man's waist. 

"Oh?” Taking a hand off the wheel, Jim sank the fingers into Blair's curls. His thumb stroked across the exaggerated sideburn the younger man had taken to wearing. It was strange-looking, but Jim though it suited him, oddly enough. Blair's beauty was so unique that something like this just served to enhance it. 

“Yeah. About...anal sex.” A pause. Jim just drove, making it clear that he was listening, but not pushing for more. 

He remembered a time when the words themselves had made his love nervous. Now he was comfortable enough with the concept to seek advice from a friend. 

"I've never done it with a woman. But she's had it done to her....I guess I shouldn't say it that way, I mean, she's made love that way and she liked it, she said. "It was uncomfortable at first...." 

"I don't want to hurt you.” Carding the soft curls, Jim soothed. “We don't ever have to do that. If I could never touch you that way again, but I could hold you in my arms forever, I would still be the happiest man alive." 

“Ah, Jim." Blair sighed. “What you do to me." "Tell me." 

Another pause, an indrawn breath. 

"It's like I can look into your eyes and see inside you sometimes,” he whispered, turning his head to nuzzle at the strong stomach behind it. 

“And what I see...Jim. I see how much you love me and how much you want me and how good I make you feel....and I want to give you more. Everything I have, everything I can. Everything you want." 

"But you do." brushing his fingertips over Blair's brow, Jim risked looking away from the road for a moment, to smile so sweetly down at him. Blair sighed and began to melt into the seat. “Your love is everything. Everything that matters." 

When he had recovered enough mass to speak again, Blair did so almost shyly, keeping his face pressed to Jim's stomach, his breath warm, dampening the well-worn fabric. 

"I want to try it.” A pause, giving Jim a chance to respond if he wanted to. "Tonight. I want you inside of me." 

“Anything you want, love." Jim sighed, feeling the heat as Blair's face flushed fiercely. “You know I'll do anything you want.” The rest of the drive was completed in silence. Jim went over what he knew about that love act. Reviewing do's and don’ts while giving Blair more time to get used to the idea. 

 

“Well, here you are!" 

With a flourish, the Michelle of Michelle's place threw open the door of the large one-room cabin and waited for the two men to enter ahead of her. 

"Oh, wow...." Blair breathed. He was tight to Jim's side, the older man recognizing his need to stay close after the decision they'd made on the drive up. Touching him was reassuring for the younger. 

“You said it, Chief." 

Stepping into the doorway behind them but not into the room, Michelle smiled knowingly. 

"This is what I call a lover's nest.” She made a sound suspiciously like a giggle. "There's a cold supper in the fridge -" she pointed to a well-disguised unit near the built-in table, which had a padded bench seat on the wall and two large chairs.

“Your meals will be delivered, and there are snacks and sodas and beer stocked as well, according to the list you gave us when you registered." 

Blair's eyes were wide, staring at Jim, who shrugged. 

"Breakfast will be here within thirty minutes of whenever you call for it.” Another giggle. "I usually just let guests look around for themselves. If you have any problems, call the front desk, okay?" and then she was patting them both on the shoulders. "I hope you make a lot of good memories here." 

Then she was gone, the door closing behind her. 

"Oh my god." Blair was still staring. 

Roughly divided into four sections; eating, bathing, sleeping and lounging, the cabin interior was as rustically luxurious as possible. 

"I had no idea." Jim agreed. He moved to set their bags on the shelves beside the bed, but had to stop to stare at the bed. 

It was huge. 

And it was like no bed he'd ever seen before. Composed of twisted branches, it supported a gigantic feather mattress on a spring system of tied leather strips. 

Although he assumed there were sheets on it, the only thing he could see was the pile of furs that looked like it would be sinfully soft. 

"Those are supposed to be synthetic,” Blair said softly, watching him stare. 

"They look wonderful. I can't wait to try them out." Jim answered, depositing the bags and watching Blair's eyes widen as he took in the rest of the room. There were floor-length curtains beside the bed, he lifted the edge of one and found a wall-sized picture window. 

"Not until after we try that.” The young man breathed, focusing on the wall opposite the small dining area. 

A large tub, of bound cedar, stood in a tiled depression to one side of the fireplace, where a small fire already crackled.

There was a thick rug on the floor in front of the hearth, and a large over-stuffed sofa off to the other side. 

A door past the table and chairs proved to lead to a completely equipped, very modern, luxurious bathroom, with a separate over-sized shower stall. 

Enjoying the game now, they began hunting the room for secrets. Blair found a well-disguised closet at the side of the bathroom, with the usual extra pillows and blankets and several packages of silk pajamas, in medium and extra-large. He grinned widely. 

"Blair, look!" still enthralled with the tub, the younger man turned and stared when Jim tugged on two handles extending from the bare wall across from the foot of the massive bed, exposing a wide-screen TV system. There was a shelf of movies on one side. Blair joined Jim to read the titles. 

"The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca, An Affair to Remember, The Quiet Man...oh, man, Jim.” His lover picked up where he'd left off. 

"The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Invisible Man, Wat of the Worlds..." 

"Romance and science fiction..." Blair sighed, delighted. "Just how much are we paying for this place, Jim?" 

“About $200 a night...” His lover admitted. "But I think we're getting it really cheap." 

Crossing to the wood-paneled fridge, Blair opened it and gasped. 

"Oh, lord, Jim, that's not even enough to cover the food...just how good friends are Joanne and Michelle?" 

Leaning over his shoulder, a hand resting lightly on his waist, Jim stared, wide-eyed. 

Caviar, smoked salmon. Lean roast beef, smoked turkey, about a dozen kinds of bread and crackers. A remarkable cheese platter, and a fruit plate to match. Champagne, and two chilled crystal flutes. 

"Daryl's gonna get an A in that class if it kills me." Blair muttered. 

Hagen Daz in the freezer, a dozen of the most popular flavors. Carved wooden plates and bowls and sterling silver dinnerware in the cabinets above and below the fridge. 

"So." Blair straightened, leaning back against his lover. “What do you want to do first?" 

Jim's arms came around him and Blair rubbed his ass against the erection he felt swelling there. 

"That sounds like a good idea to me,” he purred. 

"Let's fill that tub and find the towels....then we can curl up in that big bed and feed each other dinner and make love all night long..." 

"Oh, yeah." Blair literally bounced away from the bigger man, who couldn't restrain a grin at his enthusiasm. “You start the water, I'll look for bath stuff." 

Running very hot water into the, making note of the padded top edge, Jim watched as Blair searched for and discovered another concealed cabinet in the wall behind it. There was a large selection of bottles, salts and oils, and thick towels and sponges, washcloths and brushes. 

"Damn." Pulling out a stoppered bottle filled with gently shimmering green crystals, Blair handed it to Jim. “You'll love this. Pour it in, under the water, just a little bit." 

He chose a natural sea sponge, still in its packaging, and closed the cabinet. Spying a few knobs of wood that stuck out further than they should, he tugged on one and gasped when it pulled out, extending to a two-foot long rod the swiveled. 

Pulling out another, he draped the towels over them and turned them so that the thick cotton velour would be warmed by the fire. 

The tub was almost full. A sweet, gentle scent that somehow reminded Jim of a waterfall drifted from the steaming water. 

He went and opened their bags, then began taking his clothes off, folding them and putting them on the empty shelf above. 

Blair watched, smiling softly, but his lover heard the increase in his heartbeat and respiration when he took off his jeans, carefully easing them over his throbbing erection. It looked huge to the younger man. 

Is that going to hurt? Although he'd avoided asking himself that particular question so far, his talk with Sue had made him both more apprehensive and less. She hadn't pulled any punches, told him clearly that sometimes it hurt a lot and that some people just weren't built to do that. Since Sue was several inches taller than Blair and built on a heavier frame, even if she weighed less. 

I'm not going to worry about it. Jim loves me and he won't hurt me. that was all he needed to know. 

"I, um, I was thinking,” he said as he joined the now-naked Jim. The large hands immediately came up and began unbuttoning the flannel overshirt. 

"Uh-huh,” he said softly, encouraging Blair to continue. 

“Well, sometimes...a lot of the time, from what I've read, a guy will, uh..,” he raised his arms so Jim could pull off the first T-shirt. It was folded and put in the neat pile Jim had started for his dirty clothes. "Clean himself,” he finished quickly, looking at the floor with a shiver. Stripping off a second shirt and then the undershirt, Jim knelt to work on the button-fly jeans. He nuzzled Blair's belly, kissing and nipping lightly at the gold ring in his navel. 

“Ah, Jim." Hands on his shoulders, Blair steadied himself while the jeans were worked off. Kissing the head of the straining cock, he stood again, lining the shoes up and putting away the jeans. 

Taking his lover in his arms, Jim looked down at him, his face gentle, warm with love. 

"I've done this with women, love. That's never been necessary before. Your body is beautiful, precious to me." 

“All of it?" a shaky grin, nerves showing. 

"Every millimeter." 

"Oh, man, I don't do metric..." Blair mock-groaned. 

"Let's get into that tub before it runs over." Jim grinned suddenly and leaned, slipping an arm behind Blair's knees. He lifted him and carried him the few steps to the tub and lowered him in gently. 

Blair hissed as the heat ran up his legs, then sighed and relaxed as he adapted to it. 

Jim stepped in after him and sat behind him, pulling the smaller man between his outstretched legs. Blair leaned back against his chest. 

It had been a long day for both of them. A busy day. Topped by a three-hour drive and the adrenalin rush of arriving...Blair dozed in Jim's arms, the scented water and heat and his lover's presence combining. 

Jim held him, smiling to himself. He played idly with the long curly hair, and amused himself just watching Blair sleep. But after a while the water began to cool - not near cold, but not as hot as it had been. A warning of things to come. 

"Blair. Love,” he whispered into the decorated ear. "Stand up and let me wash you, hmm?" 

It took several more soft sentences and a few nibbles to the back of his neck, but Blair woke and was embarrassed. 

"Geez, Jim, talk about killing a mood. I'm sorry...I stayed up almost all night last night to finish grading those exams so I wouldn't have to bring them with me..,” he stood when Jim did and watched with quiet amusement as the older man dribbled bath gel onto the sponge and began running it over his body. His cock, always ready for Jim's touch, began to fill immediately. “Well, I guess I'm not that tired,” he smirked. 

"I dunno, love. I think we should wait until tomorrow night...for the new stuff, okay? I want us both to be wide awake and ready...” Dipping the sponge into the water, Jim ran it over Blair's back and shoulders and then down his belly, and over the hard cock. 

Blair groaned. 

"I want to...Jim...that's not fair." leaning back on the broad chest Blair panted suddenly. Jim wrapped one arm over his chest while the other ran the sponge over his straining cock again. "Oh, I like that." Blair gasped. 

“And I like this..." biting just a little harder at the exposed throat before him, Jim ground his cock into Blair's ass, beneath the surface of the hot water. 

“Yes...yes, we can, Jim, right now, right here..." pushing back against him, Blair was quickly establishing a rhythm. 

"The first time we do that will be in a bed." Jim answered roughly. "That bed, over there..tomorrow night...tonight you're gonna stand here and come screaming in my arms." 

The words alone drew a louder moan from the younger man. They were moving fast now, the sponge wrapped wetly around Blair's cock, Jim's cock sliding briskly between his asscheeks, a thumb and finger tugging gently on the nipple ring... 

"Oh, Jim. Ohh, Jim. Ohhhhhhh, Jim!" with the increasing verbal warnings, Blair finally did scream at the top of his lungs, knowing no one was around to hear him; "Jimmm!!!!" 

And then Jim grabbed his hips and ground himself into Blair's crevice, filling it with wet heat that puddled and ran, hotter than the water it entered. 

They collapsed into the welcoming wet cradle and cuddled until their panting eased and the water cooled too much to be comfortable. The towels were hot and the pajamas Blair fetched slid sinfully over their skin. Black silk for Jim, deep maroon for Blair. 

"I can't get over how much I love you. How perfect this is,” Blair said almost shyly as they settled onto the bed, snug between Jim's legs, warm against his chest, a bed-table laden with goodies over both sets of legs. They both had beers, having decided by unspoken mutual agreement to leave the champagne for the next night. 

"Sometimes I just look up from whatever I'm working on, and I realize I'm happy." Jim lifted a piece of roast and dipped it in the horseradish, then fed it to his love. "I wonder for a second and then I think; Blair loves me. And that explains it, no matter how bad the day is or how gruesome the case. As long as you love me I'll carry that inside me." 

"That will be as long as you live, sweetheart,” Blair said after he swallowed the tidbit, reaching for something to feed Jim. 

Bogey did his thing while they ate and snuggled, and when Jim moved the table to the floor, and they curled into each other and slept, the TV shut itself off and the videotape rewound automatically, neither sound disturbing the men embraced in the huge bed beneath the ridiculously soft synthetic furs, holding each other close even in the depths of dreams. 

 

Saturday, November 8, 1997 

For once Blair woke before Jim. 

Slowly he eased himself off Jim's broad chest, where he had spent the night. Lying beside him, he pushed the furs and sheets down, exposing that chest, and the hips and loins and groin beneath it. 

And sighed. 

So beautiful. But that isn't enough, either. In medieval times he would have been called knightly....a prince among men. 

A smile crossed the mobile face as his eyes caressed the smooth skin. A Sentinel among men. 

It was so quiet in the cabin he thought he could hear snow falling outside. The fire had died down, but there was also a discreet heating system. So he wasn't cold. 

A subtle shiver ran down his spine as he let his eyes drift lower. Nesting in the thick thatch of sandy-brown curly hair, Jim's cock was at rest with his body. Dusky pink, smooth, little wrinkles just beneath the head...they were the hint that Blair didn't need, the proof that it was far more than it seemed in this relaxed state. 

I'm glad he's circumcised. It would have just been too weird otherwise. he thought. Whereas his own cutting had been an issue between his mother and his grandfather - and his grandfather had won by arguing the value of tradition and group identification to Naomi's objections to what she called 'willful mutilation' - Jim's had simply been the fashion at the time of his birth, considered necessary for white upper-class baby boys. 

It was pretty, he decided after a few more minutes consideration. If he'd ever seen a pretty cock, Jim's was. Not that he had a lot of standard for comparison. 

But it still seemed really, really big. 

Especially when he thought about where Jim was going to put it. 

The change in atmosphere shouldn't have been detectable to anyone but the Sentinel, but Blair turned his head and looked anyway, smiling softly when he met Jim's pale blue eyes staring down at him. 

"I'll go back to sleep if you want to keep looking.” Soft, with a touch of amusement. Blair pretended to think about it. 

"I'd rather touch,” he said, crawling back onto Jim's chest, draping his legs on either side of Jim's, looking into his eyes. 

His own cock was filling, pressed to the muscled stomach. 

"That's always a good idea.” The big man agreed, raising his head to lick at Blair's lips. Then he nibbled lightly at the lower one, not encouraging him to open, just playing. 

Blair's hands curved around the strong column of neck, fingers lacing together, and his eyes drooped closed. 

Then opened quickly. 

"Hey...we fell asleep." 

“We often do that in bed, love." Jim broke off from nibbling long enough to say. Then he moved on to face-nibbling, his closed lips roaming delicately over Blair's stubbled face. 

“You didn't say goodnight." 

Unsure how to respond, Jim wrapped his arms around his love and shifted up in the bed. 

"Um...I dreamed it.” 

“Well, then, I guess I dreamed I heard it." now Blair smiled to show he was teasing. "Man, I'm starved." 

"I'm hungry too.” An evil grin as the bigger man slid his hands down to Blair's ass and thrust up against him. The younger man grunted and rolled his head back, returning the pressure. 

"I...” Another thrust and a roll of Jim's hips distracted him. "I was thinking. If we're gonna...do what we're gonna do tonight...man, Jim, that feels good..." 

"If we're going to have intercourse tonight, yes, go on." 

Jim was careful not to refer to it as making love. He truly felt that anything he did with his young love was making love and didn't want Blair to feel otherwise. 

"Then maybe we shouldn't do anything else today. Uhn....” The words became a moan and Blair seemed to forget what he was suggesting.   
Lowering his head to Jim's neck, he nipped at the juncture of neck and shoulder and increased the force of his own thrusts, wiggling his ass a little in encouragement. 

And then he moaned louder when Jim stopped, lifting Blair off of him and to the side. 

"Oh, man, ignore me..." Blair protested, wriggling seductively in the big arms. 

"No, it's a good idea, and you wouldn't have said anything if you didn't think so." Jim smiled. "Let's take a shower and have breakfast. Is it snowing?" 

"I haven't checked.” Sliding off the huge bed, Blair opened the long insulated curtains, to expose a wall-sized window that made them feel as if they were standing right in the forest. 

"Oh, man." 

The towering pines were still green, the bark dark rich brown, but it was all blurred by the fat, poky flakes that were drifting in flurries to the already-covered ground. 

"Look at that." Jim came and stood behind him, wrapping his arms around him. 

"Let's leave it open, okay?” Sliding his hands under Jim's, Blair leaned into the embrace, as he always did. There was no other place he felt so safe. 

"Mmmm, that's a nice idea. And maybe after breakfast we'll go for a walk in it." 

"Cold and wet, man, cold and wet...” Shaking his head, knowing the feel of his hair brushing his skin drove Jim nuts, Blair teased. 

“And beautiful. Don't forget beautiful." Jim nuzzled the top of his head, then his ear. “Almost as beautiful as you." 

"Jim, you're cheating." 

"Then we can come back in and climb back into that big tub and get really warm..." 

“Well, when you put it that way...." Blair turned in his arms and Jim pressed him back to the thick glass, his hands stretching Blair's arms out at the sides, pinning him with his weight. 

"Too cold?” He asked softly, lowering his head, his eyes locked with Blair's. 

"Never, Jim. Not with you." Blair sighed and then his Sentinel said good morning properly, kissing him deeply, for long minutes, until Blair's head was buzzing from a lack of oxygen. 

"Breakfast?" 

"I'm almost afraid to ask what we're having." Blair followed when Jim led him toward the table. 

"They didn't leave a specific menu, but I can bet it will be something amazing." Jim picked up the phone and nodded toward the bathroom.   
“You go ahead and shower, there should be plenty of hot water." 

“Are you going to be joining me?" Blair stood, unaware that he was posing, almost preening before Jim's appreciative eyes. 

"Tonight, love. Tonight." Jim promised with a smile. 

"Mmmmm." Blair sighed and, after giving Jim's hard cock one last look, stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. 

 

Breakfast was amazing, but more for what Jim ate than the luxury of the food. It was actually standard fare, though the orange-cranberry muffins were wonderful. 

But the pie! 

There was a plate with six different slices of fruit pie...and Jim ate three of them, over Blair's protests. 

"It's fruit, it's bread, it's good,” Jim said, ignoring him and enjoying it almost stoically. Blair didn't relish the return of super-cop Jim, so he cut off further complaints and turned the conversation to the wonders of the cabin. 

"Michelle said there were skis to borrow, but there's not enough snow down yet,” he said wistfully when they were tidying up afterwards. 

"Maybe by tomorrow, love,” Jim said, then flashed him a grin. "If you're feeling up to it." 

“Why...oh.” The older man was treated to the rare sight of Blair blushing as he figured out why he might not feel like skiing the next day. 

Jim slipped behind him and wrapped him in a bear hug, playfully biting at his neck and growling. Blair laughed and made as if to struggle a little and Jim swooped him up and deposited him in the middle of the bed with a bounce. 

Straddling the younger man, holding his arms at his sides loosely, Jim leaned to speak close to his lips, his eyes holding the darker ones. 

"I want you so bad. Want to be inside you, fill you up, feel you around me, panting and gasping and making that noise you make..." 

"Jimmm...." Blair groaned, not trying to get free. "I don't want to wait." 

"Tonight." Rolling off him fluidly, Jim stood, smiling down at him. "Tonight we'll be one person physically, like we have been emotionally for so many months." 

He turned and began gathering coats and gloves and scarves and Blair reluctantly joined him. 

 

It was a great walk. First they trudged peacefully side-by-side, then Jim took Blair's gloved hand and held it, swinging it between them as they walked further apart. 

Then Blair very carefully walked him into a tree. 

Chattering about his thesis committee and how skeptical they all were, he kept Jim distracted while he subtly steered them off the path and then, with a sudden movement, he bumped the larger man into a tree, causing a branch to drop its gathering load of snow, right on Jim's head. 

“You're dead, Sandburg!" Jim growled loudly, shaking himself off like a sleepy bear. Blair grinned and tried to look guilty, but then Jim lunged for him and he turned tail and ran. 

Straight up the path, deeper into the forest. 

Jim gave chase, growling dire breath-stealing threats. 

Blair tried, he really did, but his legs were no match for Jim's and the bigger man caught him around the waist and held him over a newly-formed snow bank. 

“Aw, no, Jim, no, not that!" Blair wriggled and struggled, clutching Jim around the neck as he half-whined his protest. “Anything but ...Aghhhhhh! JIM!" the last was shouted as he thrashed in the patch of deep snow, trying to regain his footing, glaring at his helplessly snickering lover. "I am going to get you, man....you better go hide your gun, I'm telling you..." 

"I didn't bring it.” Offering a hand, Jim gave a quick pull meant to keep himself from being pulled in while he helped Blair, but it sprawled Blair onto his belly, and his face smacked into more snow. "Shit! Oops, sorry, love..,” he couldn't help anymore, he was down to snickers again. 

Climbing out on his own, Blair began brushing the snow from his body roughly, fighting the urge to join the laughter. 

"This is so not funny, man.,” he grumbled. "Now I'm wet clear through and cold, just like I said I would be..." bending over to check his shoelaces, he scooped two large handfuls together and peeked quickly up at Jim, who was still snickering. 

"See?!" Using both hands to mash the snow into Jim's face, 

Blair turned and ran again, back the other way. 

This time Jim didn't catch him until the younger man reached the cabin. 

Throwing him - gently - face-first up against the back wall, Jim nudged Blair's legs apart with a knee, his hands running down Blair's arms to lace their fingers together, holding him tight. The pressure of his body was enough to keep the smaller man standing as Jim almost lifted him with a pelvic thrust, his cock hot and hard enough to be felt through the layers of clothing they were both wearing. 

"Oh god...more..." Blair groaned deep in his chest, shuddering, his head tipping back, mouth open wide. He pushed back against Jim and rubbed himself on the rough logs of the cabin, his clothing providing enough cushion to make it possible. 

"Oh, oh, oh..,” he moaned until Jim twisted himself so he could take the open mouth with his own, sucking Blair's tongue eagerly. 

When they broke for air Jim stepped back. His body was throbbing and he could hear the pound of blood through Blair's veins. Turning the younger man, he leaned down to nuzzle gently at a cold cheek. 

"I love you,” he whispered, just to hear the thump-and-roll of his heart. He got it, and he got an armful of Blair as the smaller man closed his eyes and clung to him fiercely. "Blair?" 

A shake of the covered head, face hidden at his neck. 

Not understanding, but not really worried, Jim stood there, in the falling snow, in the middle of the afternoon, and held his love as long and as hard as he needed. 

 

"I am stuffed." pushing back from the table, a contented Jim winked at Blair, who had given up ages ago. 

"How hungry did she think we were, man?" Blair grinned. The remains of their feast were enough to feed them both for several meals. It wasn't so much the quantity as the variety. 

The theme for this meal had apparently been Italian. It was one of the things Jim had circled on their reservation form. But he had never expected to get all of this at once! Calamari, Manicotti, garlic shrimp over pasta, two kinds of lasagna, fettuccine, breadsticks, and both regular and chocolate tiramisu. 

Plus Italian ice in the freezer. 

"Ready for a nap?" Blair teased. After their walk they had soaked in the tub, and then both had napped, dozing off in each other's arms while reading. 

"It's almost eight, love. Why don't we both get ready for bed?” The happy-bear look on Jim's face became something else. Something powerful. 

Blair caught his breath. Meeting Jim's stare, he tried to smile, but faltered. 

"Go shower.” The older man said, very quietly. "I'll clean up here.” It wasn't that Blair needed to bathe, after their bath earlier, but he knew the younger man wanted some time to himself and would want to feel as clean as he could before they made love. 

He watched as Blair became thoughtful. Standing, the younger man circled the table and leaned against Jim's back, his cheek pressed to Jim's, arms around his shoulders. 

"I trust you, you know.” It was the closest he had come to saying he was nervous. 

"I know.” There was no room for flippancy here. Jim rubbed the hands that idly caressed his chest. 

A few more minutes, Blair's breath warm on his face, and then the younger man disappeared into the bathroom. 

When he stepped back out thirty minutes later the room was changed. 

The dished had been cleared away, but he'd expected that. 

But the candles set around the room and the effect of the open curtains letting in thin moonlight broken into silver ribbons by the trees outside...well, maybe he should have expected it, but he hadn't. 

Though it was warm, he shivered. 

Jim was already in the bed, half-sitting, hands behind his head. There was a new tube of lubricant on the nightstand. Jim smiled that smile and held out his arms. 

Blair crawled into them before the smile took effect, and then melted into the broad chest. He could feel himself oozing away, becoming a part of his lover. 

Jim's hands traveled his body, kneading, stroking, caressing. Gentle and warm and loving, they soothed all but the very last doubts from the mind that still fussed silently. 

Under his armpits now, they lifted him even with Jim's face, and their mouths met. 

It was like the first kiss. Not those little pecks they had exchanged in the days after Blair first confessed his feelings to Jim, before they had decided what they were going to do with a relationship, but the soul-searching one that had come when Jim had told him that he wanted them to be together forever, a week later. Long before they had touched each other sexually, that kiss, throbbing with lust, had been a revelation. And this one, no less hungry and somehow sweeter, was another; it revealed just how close they had become. 

“Yeah." Blair sighed when Jim pulled away at last and stared at him. "Make love to me, Jim." 

"I always do.” A fleeting grin and then they were rolled so Jim was on top, his weight pressing Blair down into the heavenly softness of the feather-tick, and they were kissing again. 

Sometimes, when they were kissing like this, Jim on top trying to devour him, Blair felt as if he could float away. Only Jim's weight kept him attached to the bed. He tried to express this sentiment to his lover when they paused for air and Jim began kissing down his neck to his shoulder. Blair's hands clung to the curves of the smooth back arched over him. 

“You make me feel..,” he sighed and moaned softly, “Ah, Jim, like I'm not real, I'm..." 

“A fairy, an elf, a wood sprite come to my bed." Jim crooned, his hands going to Blair's chest, where strong fingers teased and pinched gently at hard nipples. “A forest creature who has somehow agreed to love me." 

"Jim...” Flattered and pleased, Blair smiled up at him. "Is that really how you see me?" 

An answering smile, half-bashful but flooded with love. "I think of stories my mother told me when I was little,” he said softly. Blair was still and quiet, Jim almost never spoke of her, this was an occasion for reverence. "She loved the tales of Ireland, the elves and gnomes and leprechauns. One of her favorites was about new mother...her baby was sick. No one knew what to do about it but the elves. Only they weren't allowed to let her see them...so one night they brought an elf baby. They took her baby and left theirs in his place, a little changeling. They could make her baby well, but he would have to grow up with them. So the woman raised the changeling, who stayed her son for all of her life, and she was happy. And her baby was taught the Elvin medicine and returned to the people not knowing what had happened, and became a great healer. But every full moon, and when it stormed, the changeling went into the forest to dance. She never caught him, but he had to keep that part of himself alive." 

It was a simple story, the kind told to a romantic young daydreamer. Blair smiled when Jim finished, and kissed the hand that cradled his face. 

"My mother's been to Ireland, before I was born,” he mused. 

"See? My changeling." Jim smiled, and leaned to kiss him again. “You'll stay with me forever, because that's what you do." 

"I'll stay with you forever because I gave you my heart and I can't leave it behind." Blair replied after the kiss. 

“And you don't want to take mine too far." Jim was arranging them, rolling Blair to his side and spooning up behind him. His cock was branding itself on Blair's ass, the heat of it astonishing. "Because I'm an old man, and I need it." 

"Not old...ahhh..." Blair moaned as the first finger found its way into him. He shivered and Jim's hand came around his chest, petting, and sighed. "I want this." 

"I wouldn't do it if you didn't.” Spending some time arousing his young lover with the single digit, Jim waited until Blair was pushing back onto it before adding another. The body in his arms was flushed and loose and breathing heavily. 

"God, you're going to feel so good..,” he was panting himself now. He'd know this was going to test his control, so hot and hard he was close to coming just from listening to Blair. "I want you so bad." 

"More." Blair grunted, moving faster. "I can't wait, Jim, I've gotta have you."   
"Not yet...” The older man breathed, biting gently at Blair's neck. His free hand came up to gently touch Blair's face, fingertips skimming over open lips and closed eyes. "Not until you're ready." 

There was no argument, just a shudder in the body he held as he worked a third finger in. This was more than Blair had ever taken before and he shuddered, shivered, and moaned. 

"How is it, love?" crooning, Jim pushed the fingers in deeper and worked them around, stretching as much as he could. 

"Full...” A guttural moan. "Jim..." 

"Do you like it? Does it feel good?" 

"Mm...it's weird...” There was a movement, but he couldn't tell if it was a nod or a headshake. 

"Do you want me to stop?" 

A definite headshake this time. No. 

“You're going to have to talk. I'm not going to do this without hearing your voice. I don't want to zone on you." 

“Ah, Jim!" Blair gasped, suddenly twisting in his arms, his upper-body turning so he could cover Jim's mouth with his own. "I need...need you to kiss me..." 

"Oh yeah..." 

The kiss was hungry, needy, Blair seeking contact and distraction. Jim could hear his heart thundering and wondered if he was more frightened than he'd let on. 

But his ass was relaxing around the three fingers and he was pushing against them, silently asking for more. 

Tearing his mouth away, Jim panted, his eyes meeting Blair's. They were glowing in the candlelight, wide and dark and full. 

"How..." Jim gasped, panted, gasped again before he could finish. "How do you want to do this?" 

"On my stomach.” His face flushed dark when he answered. “Whenever I..thought about it, that's how it was in my head.” It sounded like a confession. "Me on my stomach, you on top of me, surrounding me, your weight holding me down..." 

"Oh, God, Blair.” Groaning his name helplessly, Jim removed his fingers and rolled them both over. He had enough presence of mind to tuck a large pillow beneath Blair's hips, elevating them slightly and giving his cock further cushioning. 

"Blair, Blair, Blair..." between words he kissed his way down the slim back, his hands stroking eagerly, reverently settling on his ass at last. 

"C'mon, Jim, do it." Blair groaned. His arms were wrapped around the pillow under his head, he faced the window, eyes blinking open to stare into the forest night before closing tightly again as he felt the fingers return with a new load of cool, wet gel. 

His body shook and quivered as if he had a fever. 

I guess I do, he thought muzzily. I'm burning up for you, Jim, please hurry.   
And them Jim was quieter, taking deep, even breaths behind him, his hands kneading and spreading Blair's ass. He leaned on his knees, between Blair's spread legs, and breathed on the back of his neck, kissing it gently before whispering. 

“Are you ready, love?" 

“Yeah, Jim." knowing he needed to hear the words, Blair said them aloud. "I want you in me." 

A sigh, and then movement, and then something so new it wiped his mind clear. 

Jim's cock. Hard and rubbery, it was pressing against his asshole gently.   
His brain began chanting mindlessly. Oh god, oh god, oh god... He squeezed the pillow in a death-grip. 

And then was pressing in. 

The pressure changed, became uncomfortable and then, with sickening swiftness, became pain. 

"Jim,” he grunted, shocked. It stopped escalating, but didn't ease as his lover paused. 

“Okay?" a hand stroking his hair, spreading it over his bunched shoulders. "Do you want me to stop?" 

"No...,” he panted while his mind answered Yes!. "Just give me a minute, okay? How - how far are you?" 

"I, um," Jim sounded embarrassed now. "The head's not quite in yet, love. Is it too much?" concern replaced embarrassment. 

I never thought it could hurt like this. ignoring his body's objections, Blair shook his head. 

"It's okay now. Keep going." 

Jim waited a few more seconds to give him a chance to change his mind, and then the pressure started again. 

Blair moaned helplessly, hoping Jim would think it was passion, and thrashed his head. It hurt, worse than anything he'd ever felt... 

“Almost past the ring..." Jim petted and soothed. He sounded more worried than passionate now. 

Blair felt the instant the ring of muscle gave, allowing the head to slide in with a 'pop', and then there was a sudden, agonizing flash as his ass burned around Jim's cock. 

“Ahh!" he couldn't restrain a shout, couldn't hide the pain. I'm getting ripped in half! he sobbed for breath, the pain in his ass somehow eclipsing every other nerve in his body. 

"Blair, baby, love..." Jim lay down on him, careful not to move any further in, kissing his neck and stroking his head with both hands. "Is it that bad? Am I really hurting you?" 

Don't tell him, he'll stop, he wants this so bad... the pain wasn't lessening, but Blair managed to get partial control of his reaction and answer in a quivery voice. 

"It's...it's okay, Jim. Just more th-than I was expecting." he shuddered again. 

"I don't think this is going to work.” Slipping a hand beneath his love, Jim found Blair's shrunken cock, which was trying to take refuge in his balls. 

"I'm really hurting you." 

"I-it does hurt." Blair admitted. So much. 

“Want to wait a little while and see if it feels better? I won't move." Jim offered. 

"Uh..um, okay.” Still shaking, Blair tried harder to control himself. Damn. This isn't fair. I wanted this. Jim wants this. Thousands of people do it every day, why can't I? 

He remembered the doubtful look on Sue's face when he had asked. 

"Jim's a big guy, Blair, and you're a medium-sized guy. It might not be very pleasant for you at first." 

Pleasant? This is fucking agony. He groaned, not in pleasure, and Jim shifted, trying to ease him somewhat. 

"Don't!" Blair gasped out. "Don't move, man, please..." 

"Okay. That's it." Leaning back again, Jim pulled his cock from Blair's body.   
The younger man moaned and gasped and bit back another shout when it popped free, and then just lay there, still and silent. "Blair? Love?" 

Jim lay down beside him and gathered him in his arms. Blair mashed his face to the broad sweaty chest, clinging to his shoulders for long minutes, shaken by silent sobs while Jim held him. 

“Are you okay?" 

Blair heard the unspoken questions beneath the soft words. Did I really hurt you? Can you forgive me? 

"I-I'm okay,” he sighed at last. There was still pain, but it had faded to a burning ache. "I'm so sorry, Jim." 

"Nothing to be sorry about.” Tilting his head with a hand on his chin, Jim smiled down at him. "If it hurt, then it hurt. I never, never want to hurt you." 

"I wanted to...I really did.” The blue eyes were wet and there were traces of tears on his face, though Jim hadn't been aware he was crying. 

"I know you did." 

“Would you like me to,” A shrug and a hand gesture, "-you know, take care of you?" 

"Nah. I think I'm down for the count.” Teasing lightly, Jim was relieved to see amusement on the beloved face. Blair's obvious pain really had killed his erection pretty thoroughly. 

"Let's just get some sleep. We can take care of the frustration in the morning." 

"If I have any." with that wry confession Blair snuggled back into Jim's arms, his face at Jim's neck. He shivered again and Jim used one hand to bring up the sheet and furs. 

"Rest, precious. Everything is fine." 

His breathing even out and they settled in. Jim watched the candles sputter out one by one. 

"Jim?" 

"I thought you were asleep.” A kiss to the top of his head. 

"I really love you, you know that?" 

"Only about as much as I love you,” he answered, giving Blair a squeeze.   
“We can try again someday, right?" 

"If you want to." now Jim sighed. He wasn't sure he'd be able to bring himself to try again. Even now he was worried that he'd hurt Blair, but knew that rushing him to the bathroom to check would upset the younger man, who needed the reassurance of being held. 

He figured that he hadn't gotten in very far and there hadn't been any vigorous motion, so he was probably okay. 

"I do." quiet assurance. "I'll just have to do more research, y'know." 

“Another excuse to hang out at the library...I should have known." Jim teased. "I love you, Blair. You're my soul mate, my other half, my changeling." 

"I know it's strange, Jim, but I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now." Blair kissed his neck warmly. “We could still, y’know..." 

"In the morning." Jim sighed and relaxed his big body a fraction more. Blair snuggled infinitesimally closer. 

"I love you, Jim. I'm sorry I couldn't show it better." 

“You show me every second of every day, Blair." Jim felt his young lover slipping into sleep, and waited until he reached that secret dreamy place between. "Goodnight, love."

A Sentinel-soft "mmm..." was his only response.

The candles eventually blinked out and then Jim slept too. 

 

Friday, November 14, 1997 

"Blair? You re late, love!" hearing the door open and slam shut, the everyday sounds of backpack slinging and coat-hanging underwritten by the sudden comfort of his Guide s heartbeat as it filled their home. Jim tugged a new sweater over the baby-blue button-down oxford shirt and ran a brush over his hair.

Feet light on the stairs, two at a time. Turning, Jim opened his arms, and they were filled.

"Hey baby." Blair stretched on his toes, wrapping his arms around the taller man s neck, but didn't tilt for a kiss, just cuddled up under his chin instead.

"Hey love." Jim held him tighter, knowing it was what Blair wanted. Ever since they'd returned home from their getaway trip he d been clingy, hanging onto Jim whenever they were alone, even managing to touch him more at the station.

Sighing, Jim lowered his head t rub his cheek on the pulled-back hair.  
I thought we were over this. he sighed again, deeper, hearing Blair echo it. Why can't this be easier. We love each other.

We need each other. This shouldn't be so hard. 

They had made love Sunday morning, but it had been awkward, their timing off, the rhythm they had been developing for the past two months disrupted by a new tension, especially evident in his younger lover.

After a day of catch-up at work for both of them, Monday night they had been too tired to do anything, and then Blair had used that excuse again on Tuesday. Last night Jim had given him a blow job, which Blair had enjoyed, but he d still seemed anxious, so, instead of suggesting that Blair return to favor Jim had held him and stroked himself to orgasm, hungrily plundering the lush mouth. And he was happy with that, didn't mind at all. 

As long as he could touch Blair somehow, it didn't matter what they did.  
But Blair thought he'd failed him. That much was clear. I just wish I knew what to do about it. I could tell him a thousand times that the penetration just isn't that important to me, but he's never going to feel differently.  
Finally Blair gave him a last squeeze and pulled away with a quick kiss

"I set your clothes out. You've just got time to change." Jim steered him to the bed. Blair sat on the side but didn't move to undress.

"I was thinking, Jim. Maybe I shouldn't come tonight." 

Aw, shit.

Idly leaning into his closet and debating whether or not to change shoes, Jim answered as casually he could, not looking at Blair.

"I've been looking forward to this for ages, precious. I'd like you to be with me." 

"But it's the Egos Only bash. You have to be a detective or higher to go. I'm no detective, man. I didn't go last year." 

Two steps and Jim was on his knees in front of Blair; his hands stroking the denim-clad thighs.

"This year you're coming as my date, love. I don't ever want to go to one of these things without you again." 

“Are you sure you want me there?" worried blue eyes met his, a slender hand restlessly petted his chest.

"I want you beside me every minute of every day. If I can't have that -" Jim brought his hands up and deftly released the tie from Blair s hair, fluffing the curls around his face while still staring into his eyes, " - then I really need you with me whenever you can be." 

"Shit, Jim.” The expletive startled him, but Blair was smiling, a wide, delighted grin. "How am I supposed to say no after that?" 

“You can't." returning the grin, Jim stood and tugged at the green and brown flannel overshirt one of his pre-worn ones. 

"C'mon, get dressed. I picked something up for you today, just to wear tonight." 

"Jimm... what did you do?" Blair stood, letting his lover peel him out of his layers of shirts, craning his head around to look at the neat pile of clothes.

"It's no big deal...I had to go downtown to talk that jewelry store owner again," Jim knelt to tug off Blair's boots and Blair grinned down at him, knowing that Jim loved to undress him, whatever the reason.

"Mr. Kruchere?" 

“Yeah, about Lanolloy, the employee he caught stealing... anyhow, I couldn't find a parking space, so I walked a couple of blocks. There's a little leather place, and this was in the window.” The jeans came off quickly, the big man standing again, dropping a kiss on the tip of Blair s partially erect cock through the tight cotton long-briefs before leaned past Blair and plucking an undershirt from the pile.

Beneath it was a mass of butter-soft suede, in a gorgeous deep rose color.

"Jim! Man, that's beautiful." lifting his arms for the undershirt, Blair remained still while his lover eased the leather shirt over his head. “Ah, it's soft,” he sighed, bringing an arm up to rub his face across the elbow-length sleeve.

"It's not as pretty as you are,” Jim said quietly, offering dark gray slacks and a plain black belt. 

"I think you enjoy dressing me as much as undressing me." Blair teased, pulling them on. Jim shook his head when he reached for the same heavy boots he d worn all day and the younger man just grinned.

"I'd be hard-pressed to choose.” The older man admitted sheepishly.   
"Undressing you means I get to touch you and see you and taste you...dressing you means I get to undress you...and touch you and see you and.." 

Now it was Blair shaking his head. Standing again, he gestured at the shirt. 

"In, or out?" 

Pretending to consider, Jim let his gaze wander over his beautiful love. 

The shirt hung just past his hips, draped and flowing. A scooped neck showed just enough chest hair to make him want more. The suede was clingy, like silk, and there was a hint of shadow over the nipple ring. The rich color brought out the auburn highlights in his hair and made his lightly-tanned skin seem darker.

"Mmmm. Out. I want to be able to run my hands up underneath it when we dance." 

“Ah, Jim.” As always, Blair just sighed and snuggled close when Jim made such a romantic comment.

After a few minutes of cuddle Jim broke away. “We better get going." 

 

The bash was at O'Doul's, as it was every year, since the place was owned by Vice Captain O'Doul's father and run by his son and daughter now. O'Doul most senior still showed up every party, retirement to him meant he could attend the party and not clean up afterwards.

Blair had been there before, for a retirement party, and hit it off well with the elderly Irishman. A lively discussion on the English occupation of Ireland had worried Jim, but Blair, as always, had kept it all in balance and ended up making people laugh.

This time, though, he was nervous.

"Man, what will Dooly say?” He asked, walking down with Jim from the corner the cab had dropped them off at. Neither of them was planning to stay sober tonight. "I don't want to upset him, Jim." 

"Blair, love." Jim stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, uncaring of the crowd that split around them, and pulled Blair up for a kiss. “We're not going to hide. We decided that, right? What we feel is too special to be shoved to the back of some homophobic closet." 

Blair's eyes were wide and his breathing faster when Jim finally released him. He licked his lips briefly, tasting Jim there.

"Right,” he agreed quietly. On the busy street only a Sentinel could have heard him. 

"So let's go to a party.” Slipping an arm around Blair's waist, Jim stared down a young man who glared at them, and they began walking again. Blair put his arm around Jim's waist as well and tucked his hand into the rear pocket of his black slacks.

He loved Jim in dark colors. They made his big lover loom even larger. Tonight it was black slacks and a dark gray sweater that almost matched Blair's slacks perfectly, with the baby-blue shirt beneath it, top button undone.

"I love you,” he just said it, as they walked in the door.

Jim tightened his arm in a quick hug and grinned down at him. "I know you do." 

The pub was already full. As they stepped through just about every head in the room turned and Blair edged closer to Jim, who just grinned and squeezed him again. There was a sudden burst of low-level noise as the muttering started, and several people made gagging, retching noises, but then Simon and Joel stood up at their table in the back and called to them.

"Ellison! Sandburg!" Simon gestured at two free chairs, obviously saved for them.

Hearing Blair's soft sigh of relief, Jim released his waist, took his hand, and worked them across the room, weaving between tables. They received many smiles and welcoming comments, and about just as many grimaces and disgusted sounds.

"Did you bring your guitar, Blair?” Serena Chang stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Um, no. Didn't want to risk it,” he shrugged.

“Well, I brought mine - will you play for me later?" 

“Yeah, if you'll sing,” he grinned, and then Jim tugged on his hand. “And if my caveman will let me go long enough." 

"If I get to choose a song." Jim teased.

"Oh, lord." Blair groaned as they walked away. "I know what music you listen to." 

There were baskets of snacks on the table and everybody already had drinks. Captain O'Doul's son appeared as they sat, and grinned at them.

“A Foster's and a rum-and-coke." Jim felt Blair's hand slide up his thigh to settle midway, and slipped his own hand beneath the table to clasp it. 

“You hungry?” He asked his love.

"Hm, a Rueben with Russian and extra sauerkraut." Blair's grin widened when Jim winced and several others at the table chuckled. "Don't worry,” he whispered Sentinel-quiet. "The rum will cover it."

The table was packed full, theirs were the last two chairs.

Looking around, Jim threw Simon a look of thanks. The captain, sitting between his buddies, Joel and Dooly Do, the middle O'Doul, aka Vice captain, just grinned and tipped his wine glass. Brown and Rafe and their sisters, Sherry and Sheila, plus a couple of other people Jim knew from Vice and a single female bomb squad member rounded it out.


	8. Chapter 8

The food came quickly and the decibel level rose considerably as teams were formed up for darts. Simon insisted that both Jim and Blair play, with Rafe and Brown in their quartet while the captains sat back and shouted encouragement. Several times during the rambunctious game Blair caught Jim cocking his head to one side, the way he did when he was listening, but when he raised a querying eyebrow the older man just shook his head and smiled.

“We let you win, man!" protesting, Blair trailed Jim back to the table, arguing cheerfully with Brown. He and Rafe had beaten Jim and Blair handily, but they had all lost to the Homicide division. 

“Who knew those guys had such good aim?" Rafe mourned. Sherry immediately set about making him feel better, with Blair watching and giggling.

"Chief!" Jim shouted almost in his ear, pressing up close to his back, and only the city non-smoking ordinance kept the air breathable. Blair shivered as one big hand, hidden by the big body, slid up under the soft shirt to warmly caress his smooth skin through the undershirt. "Gonna be right back,” he wagged his head in the direction of the bathrooms. “Wanna come?"

"Later, man." Leaning his head back, Blair's eyes shone brightly, a combination of good cheer and several drinks. His throat, exposed, moved as he swallowed convulsively. "I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, love.” Unable to resist, Jim nuzzled briefly at his neck before turning to retreat.

“Ah, shit, look at the fags." 

"I got nothing against them, but do they haveta do that in public?"

“Why the hell are they still on the force anyhow?"

Placing the faces that accompanied the comments, Jim glanced back at Blair, who was in the midst of telling some extravagant tale, judging by the way his hands were flying through the air. His audience was enthralled.  
He was surrounded by their friends. He was safe.

"Hey, Blair...you wanna dance?"

Just as the laughter rose at the end of his story, Blair felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand that slid down over his chest to rest on his belt as she walked in front of him, Brown falling back to give her room.

"uh, um...Do I know you?” He thought he'd seen her before...she was Homicide, or maybe Vice...

"No, but I can fix that.” Tall, with a pretty face and legs to die for, long dark hair that, once upon a time, would have taken him as far as he could go.

"No, he's going to dance with me.” Another woman, this one short and dark with her hair done in elaborate cornrows.

Homicide, definitely...he'd seen her at several crime scenes.

"Uh, hang on here, ladies,” he smiled, his most charming smile, but it didn't seem to help.

Seeing the woman gathering around Sandburg, people started to notice. Several women who were just there, not CPD members at all, apparently decided to join the fun.

"Hey, no hogging the prize.” A tall blond came over from the bar, trailing several more impossibly pretty girls, closer to Blair's own age. he thought he recognized them from school.

"Mr. Sandburg has to dance with us, we all got A's in his class last semester."

Brown was smirking and Rafe was practically choking, trying to breath and laugh at the same time. Simon sighed dramatically and rested his head in his hands.

“What do you see in that big brute Ellison?” The homicide detective purred, slipping an arm around him.

"Let me get you another drink.” The lady from Vice moved to stake her claim on his other side.

Blair's eyes were comically wide, and he looked frantically from the bathroom door to the table, where his friends were collapsing in laughter, all but Taggart.

"Jim's my...my..."

“Well, you've walked on the wild side now, baby, come back to us.” The homicide detective ran a hand provocatively down the middle of his chest. Blair visibly flinched, and tried to step away, but the other college girls had mostly surrounded him.

"Hey, was that your boyfriend?" one of the students asked.

“What a waste...we can give you so much more than he can.” The blond grinned.

“All you have to do is dance with us, Blair." 

He winced at the way his name sounded on the lips of drunken women, and tried harder to pull away. 

"Hey, no offense, ladies, but if Jim comes out and sees this he's really not going to understand..,” he tried to move away but they followed him, the walking farce bringing fresh howls of laughter from the rest of the room.

"Oh, my god, Joel, what is it with that kid and women?!" Simon was chuckling reluctantly.

"I don't think he's enjoying himself, Simon.” Taggart half- stood, one huge hand on the table. "He looks kind of pale."

Staring, Captain Banks tried to look at the situation without seeing the amusing aspects of it, and suddenly found himself agreeing with his fellow captain.

"Dammit, you're right, Joel. Kid looks downright scared. Where's Ellison?"

"In the john. That's probably what the kid's afraid of. If Jim comes out and sees that..."

Doing a quick mental review; Jim before Sandburg and after, Simon made an instantaneous decision.

"Let's stop this before it gets any further."

"My thoughts exactly." now they both stood, and quickly but discretely worked to the wall the woman had worked Blair over to.

The relief in his dark blue eyes would have been laughable if it wasn't so obvious he was unhappy.

"Simon! Joel!" he waved an arm, beckoning almost urgently.

"This is Jim's captain and the captain of the bomb squad..,” he basically pushed the blond student aside to make room for Joel, who made an excellent block as he moved around him and then behind Simon, who walked him back to the table.

Simon stared.

The kid was shaking.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly as they sat, Sheila setting a fresh drink in front of the anthropologist with a smile.

“What was that?” His hand trembled slightly as he picked it up and drank half in a gulp.

"I don't know, but you can bet I'll find out.” Throwing a look over at the women, who were abandoning Joel and working their way back to various tables, told him a lot. "I'll bet some of the guys put them up to it." 

"Man, thanks. Jim would have flipped if he'd seen me surrounded by women.” The drink was empty now and Sherry went to get him another.

Jim surfaced from the bathroom at last, and the first sound he picked up was his Guide's heartbeat, too fast but slowing some. He could pick up a hint of fear - sweat and adrenaline - and Blair was still a touch pale.

He looked up when Jim approached and the relief on his face was remarkable.

"Don't you ever leave me alone in one of these places again.” Scolding mildly as Jim sat. "I almost got hauled off by a bunch of women."

Glancing around the table for confirmation, Jim's face darkened with anger. Only Serena's arrival kept him from saying anything.

She knelt by Blair's chair and rested a hand on his shoulder, but left him plenty of personal space, with a nod to Jim, who reached blatantly into Blair's lap and took his hand, holding it tightly.

"Blair, I'm sorry about that. I should have warned you. Sally Jackson is a friend of mine -" she nodded toward the Homicide detective, who was trying to watch without being obvious, "-when she told me they were going to test you, I didn't realize what she meant."

"So it was just a game?"

Looking both angry and confused, Jim glared at Jackson until Simon nudged him with a shoulder.

"It's taken care of,” his captain said. "Me, Joel and Dooly-Do are going to have a talk with their captain."

"Thanks, Simon.” Sounding sincere, Jim turned his attention back to Blair. Scooting his chair closer, he slid his arm around the smaller man's shoulders and grinned triumphantly at Jackson when Blair smiled sweetly up at him and snuggled close, his free hand playing with his glass.

"There's a lot of people who just refuse to believe the two of you are gay." Brown said.

"I was one of them at first.” Dooly-Do added. "But Simon convinced me otherwise."

Jim and Simon exchanged a glance; remembering friendship.

Serena stood, and sighed melodramatically.

"I guess there's no way I'm going to get you to play now."

A silent shake of Blair's head, his hair tickling Jim's neck.

"He's sticking with me," Jim answered.

It was a little while before Blair relaxed again. Once the Vice detective - he still didn't know her name - walked by and gave him a scornful look, but Jim hugged him closer and he met her eyes calmly. The atmosphere at the table was gradually getting boisterous again, and he joined back in with a modicum of his normal enthusiasm.

When the floor cleared a little Jim stood and pulled Blair up with him.

"Dance with me,” he grinned, his earlier remarks about the shirt registering in Blair's eyes.

"Oh yeah.” Their friends all watched, smiling, shaking their heads, the women sighing and going 'awwww'. Brown asked

Sherry and Rafe asked Sheila and Simon asked Serena, and all four couples took the floor, giving Jim and Blair safety in numbers.

“We have the best friends." Jim snuggled Blair close as they swayed to something soft.

"I never had friends like these, man.” Tilting his head to nuzzle the soft skin under Jim's chin, Blair pressed a discreet kiss and felt his lover shiver. "It must have something to do with the danger, the dependence on each other to cover your back..."

“You've already got one dissertation. Let's not get started on another," Jim teased. Then he listened to the crowd.

He'd found that he could almost program himself to listen for particular words - Blair called them 'keywords' - as if he was a computer running a search program. It took about half the concentration of his normal Sentinel-listening mode, and he could do four words now. 

Sandburg, Ellison, fag, disgusting. Not an association he really wanted to listen for... 

Simon was moving Serena gracefully past them - he moved well for such a large man, but not as smoothly as Jim - and Jim took advantage of the momentary cover to slip his hand beneath the shirt and caress Blair's back, just above the waistband of his pants. 

"Mmmm.” Snuggling impossibly closer, Blair's hold on Jim tightened momentarily, then relaxed.

“We need to talk about this, Blair.” Using his name to tell the younger man that he was serious, Jim kept dancing as the song changed. Rafe and Brown exchanged partners, and two more couples came to the floor. A couple of his old friends from Vice, and two non-pd people. Blair didn't reply and he decided to give him some time. He'd bring it up again when they got home.

Now he zeroed in on the tale to the side, occupied by mostly Homicide people, and the one next to it, which held a mix.

"I think it’s disgusting, letting that fag stay on the force like that.” A woman was saying.

“We should start a petition, get them kicked off." now that he was listening to the conversation, Jim expanded it both tables.

"There's no anti-discrimination policy for fags in Cascade.” A new voice.

"Next thing you know they're going to want to get married and have kids." 

"I bet Ellison's the top. Sandburg has always looked like a pansy to me."

"I bet he fucks him silly every night and the kid just lies there and begs for it.” Cruel sneering words.

Not hardly. Jim couldn't restrain a snort that startled Blair, who hugged tighter again, turning his head to mash his face to Jim's chest. You guys are so far off base.

He'd heard enough, had enough information to look out for them.

The third song ended and Jim stopped, kissing the top of Blair's head. 

“You ready to go home?"

"Maybe?" Big blue eyes looked up at him. 

“You want to stay?"

“We promised Brown and Rafe a rematch." Blair reminded.

“We will have to go home eventually." Jim teased, the hand under the shirt   
running quickly down to cup a soft butt cheek.

Blair almost flinched, but then wriggled against the hand slightly.

"I'm counting on it,” he grinned suddenly and Jim felt relief course through him. Yea, they were going to talk...but it was going to be okay.

The second game of darts was way sillier than the first. Apparently reassured, Blair loosened up, had a couple more drinks, and began to get silly. Jim had only seen him close to drunk once before, and he remembered that it had made him horny, but he obviously hadn't gotten far enough for silly that time Now he was definitely silly.

"No, no, no...over your shoulder, like this..,” he demonstrated his technique, to the manifest danger of the wall around the board, and began giggling when the dart didn't even make it halfway there. Petulantly he threw himself into Jim's arms and began kissing and nuzzling his chest, his hands settling on the backs of Jim's thighs while his lover held him at the waist and stared, wide-eyed. The others were snickering, Simon was laughing out loud. When Brown and Rafe were again declared the winners, he stood and shook Jim's shoulder.

"I'm calling you a cab, Ellison!" he said loudly, seeing the glazed look on his detective's face. Blair was plastered to Jim's front and seemed to be climbing his body, with a purpose Simon wasn't sure he wanted to know.   
"Before he has you on the damn floor!"

"Uh, um, that might be a good idea, sir...” Capturing Blair's hands, which were tugging up his sweater, Jim looked a little desperate. 

"Maybe you should wait in the front." Brown smirked over his shoulder. "Give him a smaller audience."

Blair was mumbling to himself, tugging on his hands. 

“You look so hot tonight, love you in this color, love you in nothing..." Jim had to exert some pressure to keep the hands still and then that mischievous light came into Blair's eyes and he grinned wickedly - and began rubbing his cock on Jim's thigh. 

Simon gulped and looked away. Brown whooped out peals of laughter, drawing more attention to them.

"Blair...!" Jim gasped. "Not here, love!"

"mmmm, want you, want my caveman..." Blair purred. 

With their friends providing a protective screen, Jim could just barely tolerate his young lover's enthusiasm, but he knew they were going to have to make it across the crowded room and out the door. The door that Simon was now waving from.

"Jim,” he spoke at normal volume, knowing Jim would hear him, "The cab's here."

"Come on, let's go home, let's get out of here..."

Jim tried to peel Blair off him, knowing that he was going to be walking through half the station with an enormous erection, but Blair resisted cheerfully.

At a loss, feeling his dignity slipping quickly, Jim decided to let it go. With a heave and a grunt he lifted Blair and flipped him over his shoulder, eliciting helpless laughter from the younger man, and strode right through the pub, knowing full well that everyone was staring but not caring in the least.

Simon was laughing as loud as the others and he heard/saw at least three flashbulbs go off as pictures were taken and he knew that he would never, ever, live this down.

Caveman is right, love. he thought as he tucked the younger man, limp with laughter and helpless in his arms, into the waiting checker cab. And I'm going to show you the minute we get home!

Settling Blair in his lap, he gave the driver their address and snuggled Blair all the way home.

 

"Just a few more minutes, love." Jim crooned as he paid the driver, Blair clinging to him.

As the cab drove off he turned and Blair took a step back, holding out his arms with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Carry me.” It was clearly a demand and not a request.

What kind of a monster have I created? 

With that sweet smile he acquiesced and scooped his love into his arms, cradling him close. Blair sighed and melted into him. The best kind. he decided silently.

"I love my caveman,” he declared, eyes closed, nuzzling beneath Jim's chin and clutching the soft gray sweater with both hands.

It was past midnight and, heading for the elevator, Jim hoped to avoid seeing anyone. But luck really wasn't on their side because, as they stepped into the hallway, their across-the-hall neighbors, the Fellers, came in from the other side.

Cursing silently, Jim shifted Blair slightly, feeling it when his looped love hung on tighter, only opening his eyes long enough to establish the source of Jim's muttered complaint. 

The Fellers were strict Baptists who had made an effort to discredit Jim and Blair in the building. At the occasional building gatherings they spoke out against the 'abominations living among us'. Jim suspected that they had been the ones who'd painted the unpleasant message on their front door that Sunday afternoon, probably driven to it by a morning of podium-thumping.

But Jim owned the loft outright and there was no chance homophobic neighbors were going to drive them from their home.

Fortunately, the other owners and tenants were more interested in the advantages of having a cop in the building than the morality of living near a gay couple.

Jim stepped to the back of the elevator, thinking that they wouldn't get one, but Mr. Feller just gave him a scornful glare and held the door for his wife.

"Mm...I love you...” The words were sighed in the deathly quiet as the elevator moved. Jim snuggled him closer and glared at the Fellers, daring them to say anything.

Nuzzling further under his neck, Blair licked delicately at Jim's chin and Jim tilted his head to kiss him gently, unwilling to let their presence change the way he acted.

"Must you flaunt your perversion?” The middle-aged man hissed.

"If you must flaunt your ignorance." Jim answered quietly,

Blair settled with his head against Jim's shoulder, a little smile on his lips.

“Why don't you go be with your own kind?” The Mrs. snarled, turning her back on them.

“What kind would that be?" Jim asked, with a perverse cheerfulness. "Charitable, kind people who like others and don't judge?"

The floor dinged and the Fellers got off without answering him. Jim kissed the top of Blair's head and carried him to their door, aware that the neighbors had already entered their home.

Blair roused enough to unlock the door - Jim knew he still hid a key somewhere in the hallway but had decided that it wasn't worth arguing over - and Jim carried him inside, turning to let him lock the door, and right up the stairs to their bed.

“You're not wasting any time tonight, are you?" Blair giggled when he lay him down and began undressing him slowly.

"Mmm, after your little show at the pub, I would think you'd be ready too."

"Oh, god, yeah, I am so hot for you, lover.” Arching into his hands as he unzipped the slacks, Blair proved his readiness with the aching, engorged cock he was sporting. "Please, baby, please..,” he groaned when Jim stepped away to strip, lowering a hand to stroke himself gently.

"Look at you..." Jim could barely breath the words, his eyes fixed to the elegant hand moving over and around the heavy cock. “You're so very beautiful, Blair."

"I want you...” The hungry words, slightly slurred from so many rum-and-cokes, drew Jim back from the near-zone the sight encouraged.

“You've got me, love." Quickly he covered Blair's body with his own. "Oh, you've got me."

Blair grunted and thrust against him while Jim captured his mouth, probing deeply with his tongue, hands holding the curly head still. When they broke he was panting and Blair was grinning.

"I'll have to get you drunk more often." Jim teased. He was surprised by the light in the dark blue eyes when Blair answered, giggling again.

“Why?” He continued the move against Jim, alternately thrusting and rubbing his swollen cock on the bigger man's hard stomach. "So you can have your wicked way with me?"

Then he lunged, and turned, and adroitly flipped them over, using the hand-to-hand skills Jim had taught him.

"Or so I can have my way with you?" Leaning down, his hair surrounding them, encouraging Jim to grab handfuls of it and tug gently.

"That'll work,” he opened his mouth wide and let Blair take control of the kiss.

Settling his ass over Jim's cock, Blair rubbed lightly, feeling the thick piece of flesh slide into the crease between his cheeks.

"Let's try again,” he pulled back far enough to whisper against Jim's lips, swollen from the bruising kiss. "I feel good, Jim, really good...I want you to take me."

"I'll never 'take', love, and especially not tonight, when neither of us is really in control." Jim began to move, loving the feel of Blair pressing down on him, surrounding him. 

"Then I'm gonna take care of myself." With that mischievous grin Blair sat back and reached for his cock, but Jim's hand beat him there and pumped him lightly. The younger man bowed back and moaned low in his throat, rocking his hips, making Jim moan in response.

"Feels so good..." Blair panted. Jim looked at him, burning the sight into his memory with the hundred other visions that matched it, and decided to push things.

While Blair moved rhythmically above him Jim slid his free hand beneath him, groaning as he disrupted the stimulation of his own cock. With a single finger he probed lightly at Blair's asshole.

"Mmmm, yeah, more..." panting, Blair moved faster.

Taking the offer, Jim swirled the finger through the pre-cum that coated Blair's crevice and pressed in gently, and gasped.

The muscle that protected the private passage was loose and easy to enter. The young man moaned and wriggled backward, pushing himself further down on the single finger. Quickly Jim added a second and moaned with Blair as it too slid in without resistance.

“You're hot, and tight and loose..." Jim panted. “You feel so good, inside."

“Love you inside me...” A panted moan, and Blair was moving faster now..."Jim...I'm close...I wanna..."

“You want help, baby? Need more, love?" Jim grunted and thrust up harder, fingers sinking deeper into Blair, who moaned loudly.

"MORE!" he shouted, and Jim winced, thinking of the Fellers across the hall, but he didn't really care if they heard. Taking a deep breath, trying to hold off his own orgasm as it threatened, he slipped a third finger into Blair, meeting almost no resistance, shocked by the ease Blair was taking all three with.

“Ahhhhhgh! JIMMM!!!!" Frantically Blair began bouncing on Jim's fingers; up into the hand pumping his cock, down on the fingers fucking his ass. "I'm gonna - I'm gonna - ah, come with me, come with me...JIM!" Bucking and shuddering his body unable to respond to all the sensations at once, Blair came. His erratic movements broke Jim's control and the big man came with him, arching high off the bed and then collapsing back onto it. Blair fell forward onto his chest, spent.

A sad whisper broke the silence that reigned after their breathing eased.

"I wanted to, Jim. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do, love.” Soothing with hands and gentle kisses to the face, 

“And we'll try again?" a shiver and a kiss to the lips that were traveling the stubble-scruffed face. Jim wriggled fingers still deep within his lover's body, which was looser than ever now. 

I could do it now and it wouldn't hurt him, he thought, amazed. We can do this.

“Yes, love. We'll try again. When you're ready."

"I think I was ready tonight.” A quiet giggle. "Must've been the drinking."

"Or maybe the orgasm,” he mused. "But not for a while, . I'm not ready to take that chance again."

"okay...” The amicable whisper told him that Blair was almost asleep, the drinking and lovemaking draining his energy in a totally positive way.

"It kills me to know I hurt you." Jim remembered vividly the little winces and soft grunts Blair had made throughout the day Sunday...unnoticeable to normal ears and eyes, his sentinel senses had proved a curse in those circumstances. "I'm not ready to do that again."

“Whatever you want, lover. Whatever my caveman wants." Blair raised his head enough to kiss him. Afterwards Jim stared up at him, long fingers framing the angled face, thumbs brushing over sideburns. "Because I love you, Jim. And I'll do anything for you." 

Without waiting for a response the younger man snuggled back down. Jim was acutely aware of soft genitals pressed to his stomach, and was mildly surprised to find that he took comfort in the sensation.

This is where I belong. This is who I belong with. Though it had been months since he doubted those facts, the reaffirmation slipped through his mind automatically.

"Goodnight, love,” he whispered, turning Blair's head in his hands so he could kiss him tenderly. "Goodnight, and goodnight and goodnight,” he punctuated each phrase with another kiss, causing Blair's lips to curve is a gentle smile.

"Every night spent in your arms is a good night." With a last sigh Blair snuggled in one last time, a hand flat on Jim's chest, the other curled behind his neck, one leg between Jim's and the other falling to the side.

Arm wrapped loosely around Blair's waist, Jim turned his head to nuzzle in the tickling hair and breathed deeply of Blair's scent, mixed so completely with his own.

"Then we have a lifetime of good nights to look forward to."

 

Monday, November 24, 1997 

"I don't see why I have to get a physical, Simon.” Steadfastly refusing to look up at the Captain of Major Crime as he stood over the desk, Blair kept typing the report he was working on. It was just past noon and he'd chosen to skip lunch to get this done while Jim went out to do some footwork on their latest burglary case, so the bullpen was empty, except for himself and the captain who was currently pestering him. 

"Sandburg, if Jim wants to add you to his PD insurance, you have to have a physical first."

"There's no guarantee they're going to let him add me on, Banks.” The younger man returned with the exact same intonation. "This is a test case, and we all know it."

"That bothers you?” Sitting on the edge of the desk, Simon reached to pat the kid's shoulder. "I never figured you'd back down from something like this."

"Look.” At last Blair looked up. He looked a little tired, a little wary. His hands moved as he talked. "It's one thing to be out. That doesn't bother me so much. "But I never wanted to do any social shaking-and-moving. This whole is Jim's idea. I'm going along with it because it's important to him, but I don't see why I have to have the physical before the board has decided they'll let him add me to it."

Frowning, Simon stared at the younger man. It was clear that he was thinking. When he spoke again, it was quieter, though there was no one around to hear him.

“Are you afraid it will find something, Blair?"

The dark blue eyes widened, and then narrowed. He pushed the chair back from the desk with more force than necessary, and crossed his arms defensively over his chest, staring angrily.

"I didn't think you were like the others, Banks.” Although the tone was civil, it was also cold. “You think every gay man has AIDS or what?"

"Don't be a jerk, kid.” Standing, Simon shook his head. "I know absolutely that you were straight before you and Jim got together. I just figured maybe you're thinking they might find something....I mean, when's the last time you had a physical?"

Hearing the matter-of-fact reassurance, Blair relaxed. A small grin graced his face.

"Never."

"Never, Sandburg?" Now Simon sounded disbelieving.

“You know my mom, man. She thinks doctors are over-educated posers trying to stomp out anybody else who heals."

"Never?!" Simon asked again. "Did you even get you shots?"

"Nope. Too many potential side effects, too much regulation for Naomi."

"Then do us all a favor, kid, and get to that doctor, because if something happens to you I'm going to end up shooting Ellison to put him out of everyone's misery...including his own"

Heaving a sigh, Blair stood and reached for his coat. He gave Simon a speculative look.

"Did Jim put you up to this?"

Making a little 'who, me?' face, Simon just grinned. “You're going to be late,” he said.

"I'm going to get even." Blair answered, already on his way out the door.

 

Well, this hasn't be too bad so far. Sitting on the examining table, holding his arm bent after the nurse had drawn blood, Blair waited for the doctor. When the man walked in he sighed. White middle-aged male. He would have liked someone younger, or, better, a woman. Guess I won't be asking those questions after all.

On the drive here he had considered asking some very direct questions about his new sex life, which was still strange and a little awkward-feeling, especially when Jim wasn't around. In the big man's arms those feelings faded, but they always came back as soon as they parted.

The man didn't even introduce himself. Blair caught the glance that took in his hair, his earrings.

Just having a little trouble integrating this with my self-image, he told himself as he answered the first few routine questions. It will pass.

"So, no father of record, no immunizations, two previous hospitalizations, one for a drug overdose and the other after you were shot."

The slightly mocking tone put Blair on alert. He studied the man in front of him, feeling no warmth, no empathy, no compassion from him.

Should have stuck to the lab he thought.

“Well, let's have a look at you then.” Standing, the man took his arm and turned it, carefully examining his inner elbow and wrist.

“What are you doing?” He barely managed to ask it calmly.

"Just sit back and let me get on with this." 

"Yeah, no." Pulling his arm away, Blair scooted back on the tale. "I'd like another doctor."

“We're a very busy clinic, you'll just have to make do with me.” Staring down at him, the man spoke as if to a fretful child.

"That's it.” Sliding off the tale, Blair reached for his slacks, folded on the chair beside it. "I'm outta here, man."

"If that's your decision." Without another word, the patronizing man grabbed up the chart and left.

Blair was just pulling his T-shirt over his head a minute later when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Are you decent, Mr. Sandburg?" A woman's voice.

"I'm dressed,” he answered shortly. The door opened and another doctor, this one a woman his mother's age, stepped in. 

"Dr. Tanna said you decided to leave.” She looked concerned, his chart pressed to her chest, arms crossed over it. "I'm doctor Coleman."

"Oh, he has a name.” Tucking in his shirt, Blair sat and reached for his boots. He'd left his socks on in a feeble attempt to stay warm in the cool room.

"I'm sorry if he offended you, sir. I can perform the examination if you like."

Stopping with one boot half-tied, he looked up at her from his bent position. His hair fell into his face and he stared through it, knowing how people often reacted to that. Jim said it made him look fey, in a very positive sense.

“Why would you want to?"

She sat on the other chair and gave him a smile that said she knew what he was up to.

“You came here for a reason.” She ventured. "I assume you want to get onto this insurance policy."

"No, my lover wants me on this insurance policy,” he laid it out. "Jim worries about me."

There was no reaction at all.

“We've already got the blood work, you're half done. Let's go ahead and finish.” She smiled again. "I hate leaving things unfinished."

"So does Jim." Returning the grin, Blair took off the boot.

“Would you like me to step out while you change?"

"Nah, no big deal,” he began to strip again. "I once spent four months with the Kubuyata tribe in Africa - the only clothing they wear in this little belt made of vines, using it to hold tools and water bottles. It's thinner than this -" he held up his narrow leather belt as he got his jeans off again. " - Even thought that belt doesn't cover anything important - " he flashed her a grin and folded the jeans and shirt, hopping back up on the tangle in his boxers, "- they don't feel naked unless they take it off, and when they do take it off there's a real difference in behavior."

“You're an anthropologist?” She asked, taking his pulse with warm fingers.

“Working on my doctorate,” he nodded.

“And I suppose you went native while you were there."

He grinned more widely.

“Well, it is the best way to be accepted by the tribe."

"So taking those off isn't going to be a problem.” She gestured and he slid off the boxers, tossing them to the pile.

"Not for me if it isn't for you."

"I raised four boys of my own and I'm working on two grandsons,” he r smile was long-suffering. “You don't have anything I haven't seen before."

"God, I hope not,” he muttered.

Thirty minutes later she was just finishing up, peeling off the latex glove and making some notes while he dressed again.

Waiting patiently, she didn't speak until he was clothed and sitting in the chair opposite.

“Well, as far as I can tell, you're in excellent health, Mr. Sandburg. We'll get the blood work back within the week, but I don't anticipate any problems.” She paused, then began again, more deferentially this time, making it clear that it was okay if he didn't want to open the new topic.

“You said that you're involved with a man, but I didn't see any indication of heavy sexual activity. I assume you're using all the proper precautions?"

“We - we haven't really done that yet,” he glanced at the floor,   
embarrassed. "I mean, we tried, but it didn't work."

"Didn't work?" Looking back up at her, he saw only curiosity and concern. 

"It hurt, so he stopped,” he didn't drop his eyes or allow himself to look away.

"Is this something you'd like to talk about?"

"If you don't mind?" relief colored his fine features, prompting her to smile reassuringly and reach to pat his bouncing knee.

"It's in my job description.” Her smile widened. "Both jobs."

It took him a minute to start. He didn't want to get bogged down in details, but he needed her to understand how much Jim, and making Jim happy, meant to him.

"Jim and I....we've been together about six months now. First he was my roommate for two years, and I work with him as a police consultant. Anyhow, we, we fell in love,” he blinked and she smiled again. It made her plain face pretty. “We were both straight, so we're navigating without a map here. We both wanted to try it, so we went away, planned a nice little vacation. We did everything the books said to do, everything my friend said...but it really, really hurt. So he pulled out and I was upset and now there's this tension between us."

“You did the stretching and used plenty of lubricant?” She could have been asking what he'd done with the car keys, it was so matter-of-fact.

“Yeah, he did." Unable to prevent the faint blush that rose to his face, Blair chose to ignore it.

"Did he use something mechanical or just his fingers?" 

"His fingers....we, I'm, not comfortable with the whole idea of, y'know, dildos and stuff. It seems so....unromantic."

"But it works." 

He was blushing fiercely now.

"I couldn't. It's hard enough letting him do it....using something like that would be, oh, man, too much. I haven't quite got my head around letting him do that to me in the first place..,” he clamped his mouth shut and ran a hand through his hair.

"He's not pushing you into anything, is he?"

"No, no...Jim would never do that. He was the one holding back. But it's like that's something I can give him that nobody else ever has, and I want to, but it sorta scares me, I mean, will I still be me afterwards.....” Trailing off, he clenched his gesturing hands together. "See, you didn't know you were going to be a psychologist today, didya."

"This all sounds very normal to me, Blair. These are the same questions everyone faces before they give that gift to someone they love,” her hand on his knee was patting again and he managed to look up. "If you're not comfortable with Jim using things to stretch you and you're sure you want to do this, you can always do it on your own."

"That seems so premeditated."

"Either you want him to make love to you or you don't." withdrawing the hand, she gave an encouraging smile. "Try spending a few minutes on it in the shower every day. I can tell you're comfortable with your body, it shouldn't be too difficult."

“Yeah,” he said, still blushing. "I guess I'm being stupid. It's not such a big deal..."

“Yes, it is a big deal. Anal sex is a serious undertaking. There are a lot of things that can go wrong. But you're with someone who loves you enough to take the time to prepare you properly and obviously doesn't want to hurt you."

"That was almost worse than being hurt, was how guilty he felt afterwards."

"Just take some time, work at it a little more. You are using condoms, aren't you?"

“We're both clean,” he said it nonchalantly and caught her frown. “We are."

“You know how this works, Mr. Sandburg. You know the risks."

When he didn't say anything else she stood. 

"The blood work should be back in a week. You'll get the results in the mail unless there's a problem, in which case I'll call, but I don't think there will be. Is there anything else you need to talk about? Any questions you want to ask?" 

"No, I think I've talked enough now.” The look he gave her was grateful and he noticed the awareness in her eyes, the reaction he got from so many people, especially women. Old enough to be his mother, and still she thought he was attractive.

I am so glad to be off the market. he thought as he walked down the hall. I'll never have to deal with that again. Jim sees so much more in me than a pretty face and a nice body... he smiled to himself. Though he certainly appreciates those as well.

 

Jim wasn't home when he arrived and he called the station and got voice-mail. Leaving a quick message he packed up again and headed for the university and his office and another chapter of his dissertation.

"Sandburg isn't home.” Clicking off his cell, Jim looked over at Brown and Rafe. “And he's not answering in his office." "Probably forgot to charge the cell again, too." Brown grinned knowingly. "Or left it in the car." Rafe added.

“We can't wait for you to get hold of him, Ellison.” The captain of Vice spoke from the back of the van. "Got to go in now."

“Yes, sir,” he wouldn't be able to get a message to Blair after they started this trip, but he couldn't just go off without telling him what was going on...

"Ellison..." Brown made a warning sound as the older man slipped out of the van and opened his phone again. 

"Five minutes,” Jim said to him. "Gimme five minutes."

 

"Damn." Bumping his elbow on the elevator door, one arm laden with two canvas totes filled with groceries and the other sagging beneath his pack, he made his way to the front door and kicked at it, making a loud thumping sound.

"Jim! Jim, you home, man? Open the door, my hands are full." not needing to shout, he was still a little loud because of frustration.

Behind and to the side of him, the Fellers' door opened and Mr. Feller stuck his head out to snarl.

"Keep it down, freak, the news is on."

"Up yours." With that snappy comeback Blair managed to set the pack down and dig for his key.

"I mean you, you be quiet or I'll call the cops on you for disturbing the peace."

“Yeah, like I'm sure they'll arrest me for that. Give it a rest, Mr. Fellers. We aren't hurting you, can't you just keep your mind out of our bedroom?” 

Half-turning to gauge the effect of his words, Blair wasn't surprised by the tightening of the man's thin lips and the anger in his pale blue eyes. Almost the same color as Jim's, he observed idly.

"Not as long as your bedroom is in the same building as mine."

"Then you'd better move, because we were here first, and we like it here.” 

Unlocking his door, Blair gathered his things and stepped into the loft. 

"Good night, Mr. Fellers."

The light on the answering machine was blinking and he played it back as soon as he had the stuff put down.

"Blair, love, I'm sorry, I couldn't get hold of you - Simon's loaned us to Vice for a couple of days to work on this club stakeout,” he sounded very businesslike. "It's inside the club itself and there's a gag order on it, so I won't be able to call you tonight. Have some supper, I should be home by this time tomorrow.” There was a pause and then Jim's voice spoke again, softer now, the real Jim, his lover, showing.

"I love you, kid. Get some sleep, okay? Be careful.” Another pause, and a sound in the background - someone shouting. Brown? "Gotta go. Bye."

"Damn," whispering the word now, Blair sat on the couch. After a few minutes he got up and put the groceries away, and then made himself a thick turkey-and-avocado sandwich. A beer and the remote and he was settled for the next hour or so.

He would take a shower before bed, and try what the doctor had suggested.

It was the same as jerking off, he reasoned, though he'd never felt the urge to finger himself while doing that.

So he did. It was awkward and a bit uncomfortable, but he was motivated, and soon had three fingers in, greased with shower gel, moving them gently, then a bit more roughly, wincing slightly at the feeling of pressure. He did it until his hand cramped from the unusual position, and then he washed up and got out.

Just as he headed for the stairs, backpack in hand, there was a knock at the door.

Past eleven. Might not be so good. he opened it a crack, wondering again why Jim hadn't put a peephole in. He hadn't mentioned it, thinking that Jim would think he was being a scaredy-cat, but it seemed like an odd omission on the safety-minded cop's part. 

"Flowers, for Blair Sandburg.” A young woman in a uniform smiled at him.

"Do I need to sign for them?" Maybe he was being paranoid, but he was here alone, Jim was off on some secret case..."Just slide it through the crack,” he said when she nodded.

Picking up the paper he signed and slid it back. She looked confused.

"Just leave them there, I'll get them in a minute. I'm, uh, I'm not dressed."

"Oh!" Understanding, she smiled and winked. "Gotcha. It's just this box.” She held it up, long and white, tied with a blue ribbon.

"Thanks again,” he watched her go. When the elevator doors closed after her he opened the door, stepped out, and picked it up. Feeling eyes on him, he glanced back and saw Mr. Fellers staring angrily at him through his own cracked door.

"Jim sent me flowers,” he said, refusing to let the man's glare damage his happiness. "I bet your wife would like some, too."

With that parting shot he went back inside.

It only took a moment to decide to open the box upstairs. Slinging the pack over his shoulder he rummaged for a vase, filled it with tap water, and carried it up to. Finally laying in the middle of the big bed, he leaned over the box and opened it slowly, revealing a baker's dozen white roses, the tips of the petals tinged delicately blue, an even mix of open blooms and curled buds.

"Oh, man, Jim." Lifting the card, he blinked, his eyes suddenly stinging.  
Blair -

I'm sorry I won't be home tonight,   
but that doesn't mean I won't be   
telling you goodnight. If these   
arrived on time, then you're in bed   
now and ready to call it a night.   
So, goodnight, love. Sleep well and   
I'll be with you tomorrow.  
\- all my love, Jim

Carefully the young man tucked the beautiful flowers into the vase and set it on the night table, adding the packet of preservative to the water first. Then he pulled one single bloom free and ran it over his face, delighting in the sweet scent.

Holding it under his nose, he close his eyes and breathed deeply, then turned to his side, reaching for Jim's pillow and cuddling it close to his chest, the rose just brushing his cheek, the note on the pillow beside his head.

And he slept, the scent of roses filling his dreams.

 

Thursday, November 27, 1997 

"Blair! Blair, we're going to be late.” Calling down from the bedroom, Jim buttoned his last button and smoothed his shirt, checking himself in the mirror quickly, more out of habit than vanity.

"I'm dressed already.” Speaking quietly from the kitchen, and Jim hurried down to join him. "I put my stuff out in the office before we got in the shower. So we wouldn't get distracted."

"Good idea." Wrapping his arms around him Jim gave him a fierce hug. 

They had stayed up most of the night indulging in one of Blair's favorite traditions; a Thanksgiving Eve movie-marathon, something started between him and his mother way back when. This year, in honor of the new movie, Blair had chosen Alien I, II, and III. He'd admitted it was a little weird, but Jim had enjoyed snuggling him close on the couch while they gorged on popcorn and candied nuts and hot cider and  
Blair hid his face in Jim's chest at the gory parts.

Sleeping late, they were now ten minutes away from being late to Simon's. The captain was having his annual 'anybody who doesn't have anywhere to go' Thanksgiving potluck feast. Blair's pumpkin chiffon pie and Jim's porcupine meatballs were their offerings, sure to be well accepted.

“What's that?" Jim asked, watching as Blair managed to balance not one or two but three pies.

"It's for the Fellers. They are our neighbors, after all."

"Think they'll take it?"

Holding the door, the bigger man hoped the people across the hall managed to be polite at least. He didn't want Blair's feelings hurt.

"If they don't I'll give it to Joel. He asked for one of his own last year."

"Chief, he ate one of his own last year."

“And he probably will this year as well.” Stopping in front of the neighbors' door, Blair knocked. Sounds of talking and laughter drifted through and he glanced at Jim, who grinned and listened. 

"Hmm...eight people, at least one baby, very fast heartbeat, sounds like they're making eggnog..."

"How can you tell that?" Blair objected mischievously.

"Blender and cracking eggs." Jim shrugged.

The door opened after a minute and a pretty woman, Jim's age, stared out. Her smiled faltered but then recovered.

"Can I help you?"

“We're the across-the-hall neighbors, Blair and Jim." Blair smiled one of his best smiles. “We're headed out to a friend's and I wanted to drop off this pie, kind of a happy-thanksgiving-neighbor thing."

"Oh!" her dark eyes widened. “You're the -the-"

"The cop and the anthropologist." Looping his arm around Blair's shoulders, Jim grinned with forced cheerfulness. “And we're going to be late, Chief."

"Um, yeah. Anyhow." Extending the hand that was balancing the pie, Blair looked hopeful and then grinned widely when she took it, returning the smile hesitantly. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"I'm the oldest daughter, Mary.” She studied them for a moment and then glanced at the pie. "This looks really nice."

"Pumpkin chiffon. A little different,” Blair said.

"It was nice meeting you. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” She smiled again and Jim steered Blair away.

As they got on the elevator Jim smiled and pulled Blair close, kissing him hungrily, both of them trying not to drop or squash anything.

"She's scolding her mother,” he said as they broke apart. “Apparently she'd been led to believe we had two heads and boils and eat small children."  
Helplessly snickering, Blair let Jim lead him to the truck.

 

"I can't believe Joel ate that whole pie."

"Hmm?" 

Jim glanced down at his love, who was lying on the set, his head snuggled in Jim's lap. 

"Did you mean it when you promised him one for his birthday?"

"Mmhm."

"Can I reprogram your laptop to use an alarm clock?"

"Mmmmm."

Jim thought his face was going to split. His love was wiped out, exhausted and he'd eaten himself into a stupor.

Parking the truck he grabbed the box of leftovers they'd appropriated. Simon always had a stack of them because there was always twice as much food as could be eaten. This year the box contained about half a ham, for Jim, and several helpings of the squash casserole that little clerk down in records had made. Besides the chunks of pie and cake and stuffing...they had enough food to last for days.

Which meant more time for other things.

Jim stopped the truck and smiled.

"Hey, Jim, I'm gonna take a quick shower while you organize the food, okay?" Refreshed by his nap, Blair had bounced up the stairs and thrown himself at Jim the minute they walked in the door, and pulled away almost as quickly.

"I got it, sweetheart. But I think I'm low on tupperware...guess I'll have to use some of yours."

"Oh no you don't.” Sticking his head out the door Blair grinned. "Mixing leftovers would be, like, the end of the world, man. Can't do it."

"It's late, love. Get cleaned up so we can get to bed."

“Any particular reason, man?" Blair grinned wickedly, then ducked in and shut the door before Jim could answer.

Ten minutes later Jim finished putting away the leftovers and took a few seconds to stretch. Blair was very quiet in the shower, not singing or even moving much and that piqued his curiosity.

He's just relaxing, he told himself, moving that direction anyhow. Or maybe he's hoping I'll join him...

Opening the door just a crack he peeked in. Standing under the hot water, steam filling the compartment, his young lover was standing still, legs spread wide, his back to Jim, slightly arched. 

He had one hand flat on the wall for support.

And two fingers in his ass.

Barely restraining a bark of surprise, Jim stepped back and shut the door again as quietly as he could. He went straight upstairs and undressed, climbing into the bed and deliberately tuning out the small noises he was now aware of - tiny grunts of discomfort and concentration.

Taking a deep breath, the older man tried to sort his emotions. He was unable to decide if he was turned on, turned off or simply too stunned to feel anything.

It was definitely erotic, he admitted, one hand drifting down to brush across his growing erection. Given that permission, it filled more rapidly, becoming completely hard within seconds. He held it, not stroking, just thinking. "But why would he be doing that by himself?

That was an easy one. His Blair wanted Jim to make love to him. Wanted Jim inside him, wanted to give him that gift. Probably more than Jim wanted to accept it.

And why am I have so much trouble accepting it? a slightly louder grunt from the shower below caught his attention and he hoped his love wasn't hurting himself in his efforts.

The truth rose inside him, tightening his throat and killing his arousal. It was like a bad taste in his mouth, both nauseating and familiar.

He said it aloud, as he often did when acknowledging a truth to himself, if no one else.

"Because I'm afraid he's going to want me to reciprocate - and I don't think I can."

If Blair's satisfaction, if his enjoyment of their lovemaking, if his happiness depended on being able to do that to Jim, Jim knew - he knew - that he would be able to go through with it. For Blair. Whether he'd be able to enjoy it was doubtful. But he would do it and he'd do it as best he could...if it was that important to Blair.

But it doesn't seem to be. Dammit, why is this so hard? So complicated? Couldn't we just fall in love and everything work out? he chuckled at himself as a thought struck him. I want a romance novel. I want my life to be a Harlequin romance novel! 

The water shut off and he relaxed, listening to the comforting sounds of Blair's nightly routine. He'd noticed long ago that, even if he wasn't going to bed and didn't intend to for hours or even the entire night, his young lover still did these certain things at roughly the same time every night. Brush his teeth, brush his hair, wash his face, pee and wash his hands. Always in that order. 

Naomi must have worked long and hard to get that drilled into him. waiting for his love to join him, Jim decided that there would be time to think - time to worry - later. 

 

“Ah, Jim. Ah, ah, ahhhhh...." panting, Blair twisted beneath his lover as the older man paid him his due with lips and tongue and hands. Thinking he might be sore after his private exercises in the shower, Jim had decided that this was the best way he could help without making a big deal out of it. If Blair didn't want to tell him what he was doing, then Jim would honor his privacy, despite the fact that he'd intruded on it accidentally.

Licking slowly around the hidden opening, Jim teased his love, every time bypassing the center that Blair tried to thrust toward that heat. One hand was between the younger man's legs, gently fondling his balls and the other was spread flat in the small of his back, restricting his movements. 

The sheets were being twisted free of the bed by his square strong hands grasping them desperately.

"Jim - I need more, man...I need...ahhh, oh god, ungh...,” he couldn't even speak anymore, too far gone.

"I'm gonna make you beg for it, love." lunging up to blanket the writhing body with his own, Jim murmured into the bare ear as his hands stroked sweaty flanks and sides, soothing. "Relax and go with it. Trust me."

"I do.” Shivering, slowly calming, Blair repeated himself more quietly. "I do."

When he was breathing easily again and his body was as still as it got, Jim slid down between the spread legs again and started over. This time he didn't tease long, instead moved directly to licking and tonguing at the rosy bud that smelled so strongly of his love. Blair groaned and wriggled and he soothed with strong hands on his ass, rubbing and caressing the round cheeks warmly.

Thrusting deeply with his tongue Jim licked and loosened and stretched the tight hole, tasting as much of him as he could stand, the scent of his need filling him, the heavy musk clogging his nostrils. Afraid he would zone, he increased the movements of his hands, dividing his concentration between the sensations.

Blair was shaking, but Jim went on, soothing and stroking, tonguing and licking, until the slender body began to tremble and he felt/heard the sudden rush of blood and fluids to the cock pressed beneath him.

Stopping, he sat up, straddling Blair, hearing the whimper become a sob, wondering if he'd pushed too far. His love was pliant as he turned him over and rolled them both to their sides, wrapping his arms around him. Blair clung to him with that surprising strength, as if he was suddenly afraid Jim would vanish from his arms and his life.

Sucking on the fingers of one hand, Jim slid it down and carefully entered the wet, loose hole. Blair moaned, shuddered, and was tense again.

Sinking the single digit in deeply, Jim took a deep breath and reached for Blair's arm with his other hand. Running his palm down it he reached the hand and brought the fingers to his mouth. Quickly he sucked in the first finger and laved it thoroughly. Then, with another deep breath, he guided that hand around to his own ass and slid it into the crease between the muscular cheeks.

"Jim?” The barest whisper.

"I want to feel what you feel,” he answered, a little shyly.

Raising his head, eyes still closed, Blair took his mouth aggressively, plundering it with plain hunger. The finger trailed over the entrance to Jim's body several times before gently probing it gently. Their bodies began to move, engorged cocks sliding roughly together over sweaty skin, the path soon eased by the addition of precum that oozed from both.

When Blair's finger began to press in Jim shivered, but his body was too caught up in other feelings to worry much about it.

Their thrusting became faster, more urgent, and the finger sank deeper and then began to mimic the rhythm of their striving bodies. Remembering that Blair might be sore Jim didn't copy the motion, just let his single finger rest in the heat of his partner's body as that heat flared and Blair began moaning loudly, each drawn-out sound rising at the end to become something almost animal.

Wrapping his free hand in the curly hair, Jim tugged Blair's head back, exposing his throat, the pulse pounding madly just beneath the surface, and licked over it hungrily, his body as ready for release as the younger man's. Blair writhed against him, his movements losing grace as the need became urgent.

Opening his mouth wide, tugging harder on the handful of hair twisted through his fingers, Jim went deeper with the other finger, searching for that spot, the one he'd never found, determined that he would this time, sucking a great mouthful of Blair's soft neck and should into his mouth as if he would eat him alive... and he found it. Incredibly sensitive skin felt the small bump of the gland he sought deep within his love's body and he rubbed over it deliberately and shouted his relief when the body in his arms shuddered and then convulsed as if an electric current were running through it. Blair made no sound, didn't even breath, for at least a minute, and then he collapsed so completely Jim was momentarily frightened, the pleasure of his own orgasm fading as he rose over his love and shook him anxiously, fingers slipping free of both bodies.

"Mmmm, Jim..." Blair sighed and blinked at him. Then he registered the worry on his lover's face and tried to sit, giggling when he couldn't quite make it. "Man, what did you do to me?"

"For a minute there I thought I hurt you...but now I'm not so sure." Lying back down and cuddling him close, Jim finally caught his breath. “What was that?"

"I don't know, man.” Shaking his head against the smooth chest, Blair sounded stunned. "It was like...like lightning going right through me, from my ass to my cock and then forking off to every extremity."

Jim was silent, considering this response.

"It was awesome, man." 

Still unsure how to reply, still just a teensy bit worried, Jim just held him and petted him.

"If that's how it's going to feel when we get it right, when you're inside me, it's gonna kill me,” he didn't sound at all daunted by the prospect.

"That's not my goal, y'know,” Jim said at last.

Hearing the uncertainty, Blair propped up on an elbow and studied his lover, who met his eyes steadily, devotion flowing from them.

"I've never felt the things you make me feel,” Blair said quietly. "Never felt the security, the trust, the total love... even Naomi, bless her, never made me feel as safe and special as you do."

"I love you like no one ever has before.” Understanding what he was trying to say, Jim felt energy surge through him.

“And like no one ever will again, in this life or any to follow.” Cuddling back down with him, Blair cupped the strong jaw with one hand and kissed the corner of his mouth sweetly.

It was as if the room was filled with light and Blair was the brightest thing in it. Jim's eyes smarted and he blinked rapidly, shocked to feel tears running down his face. Through them he could see Blair's blue pools widen and fill in empathy.

"It's too much," Jim gasped. He burrowed into Blair's chest and the younger man curled around him, tucking his beloved's face into his neck and stroking his head, throwing a leg over his and using his free arm to pull him closer, holding him tighter.

"Jim," Blair crooned. "Jim, lover, sweetheart. It's okay. I know it's strong, I know it's beautiful. But it's okay."

He didn't try to talk him out of the tears as the sobs grew deeper, not wrenching but heartfelt, just held him and rocked him and let him get it out. 

He keeps so much locked up inside...I guess I should be surprised this hasn't happened before. he thought as he soothed the big man, loving him all the more at this moment. When one wall came down all of the others must have followed.

"This is the way it's supposed to be,” he said at last, when Jim's tears slowed to a trickle and he was merely sniffing against Blair's wet neck. 

Slowly lying him down, the younger man grabbed the wipes from the bedside table and cleaned them both up with gentle strokes before snuggling back up to him and pulling the covers over them both. On his back, he urged Jim to cuddle to him, the great head resting on his sweaty chest, Blair's arms around him, holding him securely. 

He kissed Jim's bald spot tenderly.

"Mmm, love.” The older man sighed and snuggled closer, letting go, letting Blair take over.

“Yeah, it is, sweetheart." 

"Blair?"

“Yeah?" Another kiss to the smooth spot on the back of Jim's head.

“You'll hold me all night, won't you.” It wasn't a question but the younger man answered it anyhow.

"Every night, Jim,” he sighed and closed his eyes, thinking that for once he could hear what Jim heard...the older man's heart was beating so loud and strong. "Every night,” he sighed.

"Perfect." Jim announced, sounding sleepy. “You're perfect. Our love is perfect. Life is perfect."

Don't tempt fate, man. a small shiver ran through Blair at those words and he freed one arm just long enough to reach over and rap his knuckles on the top of the nightstand lightly.

Twitching at the sound, Jim didn't react otherwise. He licked at Blair's chest reflectively and sighed with him.

"I'm exhausted,” he sounded pleasantly surprised.

"That was quite a workout." 

"Maybe I should skip the gym and just do this every night."

"I don't think I could keep up.” A soft laugh, another kiss on Jim's head. “And, besides, then I wouldn't have your shirts to wear."

"My smelly shirts," teasing gently, Jim licked him again, enjoying the salty-sweet taste of the golden skin.

"They smell like you and that's all that matters."

"Mmmm.” A soft chuckle and then Jim sighed yet again and cuddled even closer. “You're weird, Sandburg."

"Hey, I love you, don't I?"

“And so well." 

"Go to sleep, Jim.” One last kiss to the bald spot as Blair briefly hugged him tighter.

"Goodnight, love.” The older man whispered into the skin he'd tasted.

"Sweet dreams, Jim."

“Always of you, love." Jim murmured, almost asleep. “Always of you."

Blair closed his eyes and let the rhythm of Jim's even breathing lull him to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Friday, December 5, 1997 

"Hey, Simon." knocking on the door as he opened it, Jim Ellison stepped in to his captain's office, automatically wincing at the strong scent of the flavored coffee that was brewing. "Simon, what is that?" 

"Something new.” Glancing from the report he was reading to the half-filled pot, the older man looked up at his detective warily. “Anything on that pet-napping thing?"

Shaking his head, Jim leaned over the desk.

"Nothing. This last one may be a break, though. Since this dog was such a fancy show champion, he's got a kennel tattoo. Sandburg and I are going to head out to lunch and then we'll start scouting the puppy mills outside town."

“What good would the dog be without the papers, Jim?"

"If they're willing to steal breeding stock, then they'll find a way to forge the papers, sir."

"So you'll be gone for the day?"

Jim nodded.

“And Sandburg will be with you?"

Another nod, accompanied by a flash of mildly embarrassed grin.

"I better not swing by on my lunch hour and find the two of you snuck home to do the wild thing." Pulling his cigar out of his mouth, Simon waved it casually in the air as he enjoyed the indignation on his detective's face. Then he looked out his window into the bullpen and studied the anthropologist for a few minutes. Still looking at the kid, as if he couldn't watch his friend and ask, his voice was concerned. 

"So how is that working out for you, Jim?"

"Sir?"

Chocolate brown eyes met pale blue and Simon's face was creased with mild worry. He knew that Jim knew what he was asking but, true to his contrary nature, the younger man was going to make him say it.

"The sex, Jim. Is it working for you - for the two of you?” He watched as Jim's eyes dropped and his hands clenched in his lap.

"It's - it's okay, I guess. I mean, it's great, but..."

"But you've hit a few snags? I was sorta wondering. I mean, I can't imagine how hard that must be, to realize that you're not who...I mean, that what you...,” he paused and shook his head, biting back down on the cigar. “Aw, hell, Jim, I don't know what I mean."

"I think I do, Simon.” The smile was one of the rare ones, the kind the older man had never seen on his friend's face before the kid spun into his life. “And that's not really the problem. It's weird when I think about it. Not that he's a guy, but that it doesn't bother me. That he turns me on more than any woman I've ever seen. That's because he's him, I guess,” he paused and regarded his friend, who nodded his head, indicating his willingness to keep listening. "It just...some of the things we've wanted to try...they haven't worked out the way we've wanted."

The shadow that passed through the dark eyes meant that the captain wasn't ready for details, so Jim didn't expound on that. 

"I just thought it would be easier, y'know? Not the social part, although so far it hasn't been so bad, but the physical. I mean, we love each other, we're both smart guys and we can talk about things once I get him pinned down....” Another pause and now he was looking at his hands again. "So why isn't it easier."

"I don't know about you, Jim, but it never works that way for me even with women. It's only been a few months, it's still new. Give yourselves some time to work up to things. Whatever it is you want to do -" a small twist to one corner of his mouth told Jim that he had a pretty good idea what they were discussing here " - it'll come with time. There's no hurry."

"Thanks, Simon. For listening, not just for the advice."

"De nada.” Adopting a ridiculous Spanish accent, the captain went for the quick grin and got it. "So, any word yet from the insurance people?"

"Nope. They're stalling."

"Maybe you should give that judge a call."

"I'm not going to bother him with something this petty, sir."

"It's not petty, Jim, and you know it. I witnessed that new will you had drawn up, I know you're worried about what will happen to the kid if something happens to you. This will give him all the legal rights of a spouse. What if you get shot and you're in a coma and your brother decides to take you off life support or something. I mean, sure, he and Blair get along, but he doesn't know yet, does he?"

"Neither does Naomi." Jim grimaced. "Blair says he'll just tell her the next time she comes into town."

"She's gonna love that." Now they were both grinning ruefully.

Hearing the heartbeat that he always tracked subconsciously coming closer, Jim stood and reached for the door.

"Ready to go?” he asked.

“All done, man." Blair handed him the file, which Jim passed on to Simon, who noted the way their hands touched and lingered over it during the transfer.

"Good job, kid,” he said gruffly. "I didn't expect this to be done for another week."

"It's just a report." Blair crossed his arms over his chest, tossing his head to get his hair out of his eyes. Jim followed the movement closely. “All I had to do was break it down to the correlating significances and then arrange them in order of importance -" the words were cut off by Jim's hand on his arm, steering him from the room.

"C'mon, Chief, let's go get some lunch....later, Simon!" Jim got them out of there before the captain's eyes glazed over.

 

“What were you talking to Simon about?" Blair asked as he buckled into the passenger seat of the car.

"Dogs."

"For that long, man? C'mon."

Pulling out of the police garage, Jim turned right, prompting a protest from his partner.

"Hey! It's my turn to choose, Jim, and I want to go to the Pumpkin Patch." 

"I know, Chief. But it's still early, I figured we'd have time for me to run by Jerry Bob's and get a trim."

“A haircut?" Blair smirked, then reached over and ran his fingers through the soft brown strands. "Okay, but remember; I like it this way."

"Just a trim, Chief.” Throwing him a grin, Jim reached over and patted the younger man's thigh.

He'd noticed that, as the newness wore off, their need to touch each other had begun to lessen slightly. Oh, it was still there, but it had faded to almost pre-romance levels. 

We touched each other so much even then. The thought was surprisingly comforting. I think, in a way, that we've always known this was what was going to happen. He didn't mention the thought to Blair, but made a note o bring it up sometime when they had more time to talk about it.

"So tell me about Jerry Bob again?" Having heard several colorful stories about the ex-marine who'd lost a leg in the Korean conflict, Blair was looking forward to meeting him.

“Well, he came to Cascade after the war as a VA patient and they taught him barbering. If you can prove you have military service with an honorable discharge he gives you a one dollar discount for every cut. I took in my copy of Newsweek."

That made the younger man grin widely, vicariously enjoying Jim's fifteen minutes of fame.

"That's cool, man, but he is so not getting near my head with those scissors."

"Blair." Jim teased. "He doesn't use scissors. Clippers can do anything we macho men need done."

 

It was a classic-looking barbershop, with the striped pole painted on the glass store-front that was tucked between a used bookstore and a small daycare on what would now be called a strip mall. Jim parked a ways away and glanced at Blair as they got out. Understanding the look, Blair bumped him with his shoulder and smiled a little smile. His lover smiled back, reassured, and they went on in.

The place was basically empty. There were two guys sitting at a battered Formica table drinking coffee and watching the news. The little table beside the old sofa held a stack of men's magazines; Soldier of Fortune, The Art of War, Ninja, Blackbelt. And the elderly man sitting on the high stool behind one of the three old-fashioned barber's chairs had to be Jerry Bob Billings.

"Hey J.B." Jim greeted as the bell on the door rang.

All three men in the place looked up. Jim felt their eyes on him, watched them slide over his partner, and then all three of them went back to what they were doing as if he hadn't spoken. Jerry Bob flipped the page of his paper and kept reading.

Eyes narrowing, Jim stared at his hands. They were thin, elderly, arthritic, purple veins standing out and liver spots splotching them darkly.

"Jim?" Blair whispered at Sentinel level, worried. His hand made an aborted movement toward his lover, to caress or sooth, and the older man grimaced, lips twisting into a snarl.

"Jerry Bob Billings, you are not going to ignore me like this," low and angry, his voice was overly loud in the quiet of the room. "I've been coming here for eight years now, what the hell is going on?"

"I didn't believe it at first, Ellison," the man spoke without looking up, and his heart rate increased. Remembering the old man's blood pressure, Jim belatedly questioned the wisdom of confronting him. "But now I know for sure. You're not one of us anymore."

"Not one of...?” Taking a single step forward, Jim stopped.

I don't want to give him a heart attack. "C'mon, Chief,” he ground out between clenched teeth, that jaw muscle popping angrily. "Let's get out of here."

With a defiant glare he wrapped his arm around Blair's shoulders and pulled him close as they turned and left.

Blair gave him until they were back in the truck to cool down. Jim was just sitting, hands gripping the steering wheel tight enough to whiten his knuckles., and the younger man was almost afraid to touch him. Finally he reached over and rested a hand gently over one of Jim's and tried to offer consolation.

"It's not really his fault, Jim. He's a product of his upbringing. Things were really different when he was young and that prejudice was formed."

"He can think for himself if he wants to, Chief." Jim snapped. "I never expected this from someone like him."

"Because he's disabled? Jim, that's stereotyping him as much as he just did you."

The older man snorted and didn't reply. Blair's hand warmed his on the wheel and eventually he took a deep breath and looked over at his love.   
He wasn't smiling, but he didn't seem angry. 

"Let's go eat,” he said after a minute, turning his hand under Blair's and giving it a squeeze. Squeezing back, Blair leaned in and kissed him quickly, just once, and at last Jim smiled, that smile..

Blair melted into the seat all the way to the restaurant. 

 

Pumpkin's Patch was a new little place run by an expatriated Canuck, who was happily married to a misplaced Brit. Having taken over an abandoned gas station, the garage had been turned into an airy aviary, turfed with artificial grass and scattered with wrought iron tables and chairs. The menu consisted of various light and healthy mostly vegetarian dishes, and pies.  
Lots and lots of pies, all made by local bakeries, including about ten different kinds of quiche. Quiche that Jim resolutely refused to eat.

Pumpkin herself ran the kitchen, open for brunch and lunch only. There was a large portion of the dining room set aside as a play area for kids, complete with toddler-sized swing set and slide and many toys, with a little fence running around it. Her

small daughter could often be found there, when she wasn't in the upstairs apartment with her computer-programmer father.

Today Blair had the Three-Cheese Broccoli Quiche with cheddar bread and garlic butter and a spinach salad. Jim opted for the heavy steak and potato soup with garlic toast and millionaire pie, a favorite from childhood.

The older man watched the younger spend several minutes in the back playing with Pumpkin's daughter Elle and two other little kids while Jim pulled out his cellphone and made some calls. Always happy to see them, Pumpkin herself had brought their food out, taking a few minutes during the big lunch rush to thank them both for taking restaurant flyers to the station and giving her such good word-of-mouth. 

"So, we going to chase that dog now?" Blair asked when he got back, having turned the suddenly fussy child over to her mother.

“Yeah. Then, I was thinking, maybe we could pick up some takeout and drive out of town a bit."

"It's cold, Jim." Blair pointed out.

"Or we could just go home now.” The big man smiled.

“You still need that haircut."

"I'll get it next week sometime."

Blair leaned back in his chair and studied his lover.

I know he's more upset than he's letting on. That whole scene with the barber cut deep. He must be wondering how many of his old army buddies would do that to him now, if they knew.

"It has been kind of a hectic week,” he agreed. "I could make us some lo mien, we could watch some TV."

"Snuggle on the couch.” The tone was teasing, but the pale blue eyes were shadowed, dark with some other emotion.

“Anything you want, man.” Standing, Blair slapped his shoulder companionably. "Let's go."

 

So it was that they were ensconced on the sofa at three o'clock on a Friday afternoon, watching hockey on cable. Blair was sitting up, leaning on the arm of the couch, with Jim's head in his lap, idly stroking his hair.

"Have you ever worn it long?” He asked curiously.

“A bit longer in Vice.” A shrug. "Not like yours, of course."

"It wouldn't look right on you."

"I read someplace once, I don't remember where," Jim reached up to play with Blair's dangling curls, twisting and tugging on them as the younger man leaned farther and they fell around both their faces in a soft fall. "That long hair makes an ugly man uglier and a beautiful man transcendent."

"Transcendent?" Blair chuckled, one hand warmly caressing Jim's broad chest through the knit green shirt he wore. "Getting metaphysical on me now, sweetheart?"

“Whoever said it, they were right, love.” Cupping the back of Blair's head, Jim lifted his own and applied gentle pressure until their lips met. Taking their time, they both used their tongues to trace the outlines of the other's mouth before opening at last and letting them dance wetly. 

The deep kiss ended and Jim couldn't resist one more press of his lips to Blair's now-closed ones, and another, and another.

Many kisses later he finally got enough to tide him over and lay back, rolling to his sides, facing Blair's stomach.

"I'm going to crash for a while,” he sighed. Sensing his underlying unhappiness, Blair just nodded and petted his head and chest until he dozed off.

It's getting harder and he's beginning to realize. the young man thought unhappily as he surfed to the Learning Channel to veg on cooking shows, no pun intended. If I let myself I could get so damn scared by this. But I've got to trust him, got to trust us. I'm all he needs, I know that. This is worth any price.

Heaving a deep sigh, Blair slid from beneath his lover and then spooned around him on the couch, pushing Jim's legs a little straighter to make room for him. Listening to the Ina Garden discuss her most recent trip to Paris, he drifted off, his mind still worrying the problems he foresaw.  
Is it going to be enough for him? What if he wants to be 'normal' again? 

What will I do if he wants to go back to the way things were...

With a deep sigh he snuggled closer and kissed the back of Jim's neck, tasting him. He wanted to do more, but Jim had wanted to sleep. There was always tonight.

 

Tuesday, December 9, 1997 

"Jim!" the hissed whisper brought his head around quickly, cutting through the din. The old warehouse was filled with cramped cages stacked high, and the dogs in them were desperately unhappy. And very, very loud, their barking rioting off the concrete walls. Stashed in a crevice behind an odd side wall that came off the tiny office, Jim was waiting for the bad guys to come in so he could get them both at once.

"Sandburg, what are you doing in here?!" trying to keep his voice low, he glared at his habitually disobedient partner.

Crawling over - Jim shifted and made room, Blair automatically going behind him - the younger man scrunched down and pressed to his back. His heart was racing and he was flushed, but his whisper in Jim's ear was calm.

“Another truck just pulled up outside, with three more guys in it. I had to warn you and I knew you had your hearing tuned way down."

"Three more? Weapons?” he asked, pressing back. To maintain his balance Blair slid an arm around his waist and hung on, the space was really too small for both of them. “You called for backup?"

"Ten minutes."

An eternity. Anything could happen in ten minutes.

"Can you get out the way you came in?"

A shake of the head, he felt it against his back.

"Came through a window, had to drop to the ground."

"Dammit,” he wasn't angry with Blair, but, as always, with the circumstances, and he knew that Blair knew that.

A commotion around the far door drew his attention. Impossibly, the noise grew louder and he had dial his hearing down to almost nothing. 

A touch on his shoulder, a squeeze, and Blair's face hovered beside his, nodding. Okay, the both knew where they stood here. 

Five men - the whole group now - came through the door. Two of them were pushing long metal carts. They had wooden crates stacked on them.

"That row there is ready to go.” The one in a suit called out. “We need 80 of the terriers shipped out to Louisiana tonight, they're starting the study next week."

Blair winced as the men began opening the cages and pulling out puppies. Most were between six and eight weeks old, but some were as young as five weeks and some as old as twelve. Some cried, some of the moms tried to bite, while others just whined and cowered.

"Bastards,” he breathed directly into Jim's ear and the big man nodded. He'd heard that. "How are the labs getting away with this?"

"It's legal, Chief.” Using his sense of touch to measure the amount of air passing over his vocal chords was something new that Blair had just come up with, specifically for situations like these. so he could still talk when he couldn't hear. "They're licensed as a breeding facility."

"But not if half the dogs are stolen and the papers are forged. That would make any experiment run on them invalid."

Jim nodded. He wanted to turn up his hearing and listen for the backup but knew he couldn't.

A shout from the other side drew their attention. 

"Shit! Get back here, you little bitch!"

A small brown-and-white dog burst from her cage, snarling. Latching onto the man's jeans, she bit, and bit hard, if his howl was anything to judge by. 

Taking a swing at her he smacked her upside the head. She fell, stunned, and then jumped up and scampered away.

"oh shit." Jim whispered the words as his heart sank.

The damn dog was headed straight for them.

When it came around the wall that was hiding them he made shooing motions and Blair had to choke back hysterical laughter. Then the damn thing started barking. 

“What's it found?” The man in a suit asked the bitten guy.

"Probably a rat."

"Nah, she had one of those.” The suit grinned wickedly and gestures at two of the others. "Go get her."

Looking extremely reluctant, they headed toward Blair and Jim. 

"I'm going to fire a warning shot, Chief." Jim warned. His gun was already out and ready. "Let's hope the backup is here and ready for them outside.  
Blair nodded, covering his ears.

Raising the weapon before the man could come around the corner, Jim hesitated. If the backup wasn't there these guys were going to escape and they'd probably never catch them again. He'd be stuck with a warehouse full of dogs and nobody to prosecute. It wasn't that big a deal unless they could prove the men were transferring the stolen dogs across state lines...but there were issues of forgery and animal cruelty as well that should be addressed, even if they didn't seem as important as, say, murder.

I said it would never happen. Blair's presence by my side would never affect the way I did my job.

With a sigh he pulled the gun down and leaned back.

His young lover didn't say anything, just scrunched himself back further.   
Waiting until the guy came around the corner, Jim clubbed him the butt of his Sig and caught him as he fell. He was big and heavy and Jim grunted. Blair stepped in and took over and Jim got ready as the second man, hearing the odd sounds, dashed around to investigate.

Not fast enough this time. With the damn dog worrying at his pants leg Jim stumbled and the man went right over him to drive a fist into Blair's jaw.

"NO!" With that shout Jim was all over the guy and the advantage of surprise was lost.

The other three men in the building heard him and, instead of coming, to investigate, ran immediately out the door.

Blair's head snapped back and bounced off the concrete behind him and he slid gracefully into a heap on the floor.

Knocking out the man who hit him, Jim spared a glance for his love - he was breathing fine and his heartbeat was steady, and then went after the other suspects. 

 

"Oww..." 

"Hmm, don't move, Sandburg." Laying a hand on the stubbled cheek, Jim soothed him. The ocean blue eyes opened and stared up at him.

“Where am I?"

"Emergency room. That was a pretty good crack to the head you took."

"Did we get them?"

“All of them. And enough shipping records to prove interstate movement. Apparently the labs they were supplying didn't know anything about this, so it stops here."

“And all those dogs, man?" closing his eyes again, Blair pressed his cheek into Jim's palm, loving the warm strength of it.

"I don't know what they're going to do with them, Chief.” His lover said. "Look, the doctor said you can leave as soon as you're ready. The cut is all stitched up and they gave you something for the headache you're going to have." 

"That's it? I wasn't even awake, man."

"They're all tied up with a MVA." Jim shrugged. "Ready to go?"

"Like, so." Blair grinned, but winced when he sat up. Jim helped him stand and held him until he was steady, and then kept an arm around him as they slowly made their way out to the truck.

"It's a good thing you weren't seriously hurt,” Jim said as they drove home, after several minutes of silence. "They said that 'emergency contact' doesn't mean I can make decisions for you. Wanted to call your mother, but the doctor said it wasn't serious enough for that."

"The insurance company will say yes, Jim." leaning his head back, his eyes partially closed, Blair spoke softly. "Then we can take on city hall and do the domestic partner thing."

“What, you're not even going to ask me?" Jim teased. They took the elevator instead of the stairs, Blair was still a little wobbly. 

"Do I need to?" Instead of teasing back, Blair just stared at him lovingly.   
While he was out of it in the ER Jim had pulled his hair back and fastened it with an elastic tie. The dark bruise along his jaw was clearly visible to normal sight, Jim didn't need to strain to see it.

"Nah.” A slow smile spread across the older man's face. That sweet smile that made Blair weak, made him reach for his love and hang on hoping that he didn't just dissolve right there.

“Y'know,” he whispered as they entered the loft, Jim half- carrying Blair. "I didn't think so." 

 

They both felt the need for a shower when they got home. Jim swore that all he could smell was dog. He washed Blair, leaned back against his chest and relaxing in his arms warmly.

After a quick dinner of leftover chicken-and-broccoli casserole and a couple of beers, Blair was feeling better. Stronger. His head wasn't hurting much, though his jaw ached. Later Jim made hot chocolate and they snuggled on the couch while Blair rested and the older man watched 'Medical Detectives' on Discovery Channel. Jim's arm came around him and idly caressed his head, fingers brushing the small bandage that covered the four stitches on the back of it. Blair hissed and he sat up slightly, reaching to cuddle him close.

"Oh, hey, sorry, love,” he said, kissing the spot tenderly.

"S'okay, Jim.” Snuggling to his chest, Blair just took a deep breath and enjoyed the sensation of being held. It was nice to feel so safe and warm...and aroused... "mmm...” Turning himself further, he lifted to straddle Jim's lap, hands coming up to caress his chest through his shirt.

“You up to this?" Jim sounded surprised.

"Gettin' there.” Taking one large hand, Blair pressed it to his crotch, where his cock was half-erect.

“Want to go up to bed?"

"I kinda like it here."

"I am not coming in my pants again.” Grimacing, Jim moved away. "Let's go upstairs."

"Jim.” Soft, serious, the word made him stop and be still. "I don't want to go anywhere, okay?"

“Whatever you want, love.” Settling back in, Jim slipped his hands under Blair's shirts and teased his nipples. The younger man groaned and arched into the touch, leaning backwards.

"Oh, man...your tongue, Jim, please."

With a grin Jim stripped off the shirts and eagerly sucked one hardened nub into his mouth, eliciting a groan from his lover.

"Mmm, hang on, love.” Steadying the bare chest, arched enticingly. Blair was panting slowly, eyes closed, muscles tense in anticipation. Grinning, Jim reached for the bottle of chocolate syrup on the end table. Blair liked to doctor his 'just so'.

It was still cold from the fridge and his eyes flew open with a gasp as Jim drizzled a circle around each nipple.

"Oh! Jim!" Staring, they both felt his cock throb in his jeans.

With his hands on the square shoulders, Jim pushed Blair back again and proceeded to lick each sweet drop from his suddenly-sweating body.   
He soon had Blair writhing in his lap, the stimulation pleasurable for both of them. When he'd decorated and cleaned every square inch of the furry chest, both nipples standing taut and aching, he put the bottle back down and lowered his hands to Blair's belt.

"Oh, yes, please, Jim, please..." moaning, Blair rose up on his knees to give him room to get them open, spreading his legs wider. His cock tented the boxers and Jim gently slid it out of the slit and kissed the tip, lapping up the precum that gathered there, probing the slit.

"ungh, oh, man..." Blair grunted and thrust quickly, short bursts of movement.

"Move up." Jim encouraged, his hands on Blair's ass guiding him. Sliding down on the sofa, Jim moved until Blair's groin was even with his face, then tugged the younger man closer. "This will be easier on my neck,” he grinned up at him. Blair watched, moaning, as Jim opened his mouth and took half of the younger man's aching cock into it, surrounding it with hot friction and wetness.

"God, Jim, I love you,” he grit his teeth as the pleasure built too quickly, struggling to keep from pumping into that heat.

"Mm-hm." Jim glanced up and his hands on Blair's ass tightened, moving him gently, setting the pace. With a relieved groan Blair began thrusting. Jim's hands on his hips controlled the depth and it felt so good -!

Blair leaned forward, his hands clutching the back of the couch for balance and he closed his eyes. Looking down at Jim, at what Jim was doing, it was too much. The sight alone was going to bring him off if he wasn't careful.   
One finger trailed the crack of his ass and he thrust back against it eagerly, wanting that penetration, and Jim obliged, sinking it in deeply.

“Ahhh!" Suddenly moving faster, Blair was overwhelmed by the feelings that arced through him. His body tensed as he pumped faster. He wanted to go deeper, but Jim's other hand kept that pressure on his hip, preventing him from gagging his partner. Knowing Jim couldn't talk with his mouth full, wanting him to know how good it all felt, Blair could only gasp the occasional word between thrusts. 

"This - oh god - hot - I'm - I'm gonna - " feeling the pressure surge definitively, he tried to pull back, unsure if Jim wanted to go that far, but his lover held him tight and sucked fiercely, the sudden stimulation proving too much for the younger man. Silently, hips bucking uncontrollably, he poured his essence into Jim's mouth and then froze in ecstasy for one long moment before collapsing heavily into Jim's lap.

Sometime later he raised his head. Jim was petting him, his hair, his back, his ass. He'd gone back to watching the TV show over Blair's shoulder. That made the younger man grin.

"Hmm, that didn't turn you on at all, did it?” he teased.

Tilting Blair's head back so he could meet his eyes, Jim deliberately licked his lips. Blair shivered, seeing the echo of his own pleasure in Jim's fair blue eyes. He wiggled his butt and felt Jim's cock swell instantly at the touch. 

Resting his hands on Jim's sides, stroking his ribcage just hard enough to not tickle, Blair grinned at him. 

"Okay, so I'm wrong."

“Yup." Jim pulled him in for a hot, hungry kiss, demanding and receiving submission as Blair opened to him, tasting himself on Jim's tongue.

When he pulled back Blair was staring at him, his eyes smoky and hot.

"I think it's time to go upstairs,” he said quietly. Jim smirked, but picked him up and set his feet on the floor before releasing him.

Blair gathered up the cups and saucers and syrup while Jim checked the locks and turned down the thermostat. Taking his turn in the bathroom, he went on up while Jim went through his own nightly ritual. 

Jim paused at the top of the stairs. Blair was stretched out on his side, nude, smiling gently. 

"Took you long enough,” he said and his voice was husky. Jim remembered the first time he'd heard it like that and marveled that it still had the same effect. But then, he had no doubt that it always would.

"I wanted to be ready for you,” he answered, his own voice little more than a growl as he crawled onto the bed and stretched out beside his love.

"I don't think you could be." Eyes gleaming, Blair pounced on him, adroitly using his own weight to roll him so that the younger man was straddling his upper thighs, knees pressed tightly to hold him, his hands running up and down Jim's arms several times before his hands closed on the older man's wrists.

Although he'd learned to expect quicksilver mood changes in his partner, the sudden aggressive movement startled Jim and he bucked a little, testing Blair's resolve. The younger man held on and rode him out, leaning to nibble the back of his neck when Jim settled down.

“You were, like, extremely nice to me earlier,” he murmured into the rapidly heating skin. Jim mumbled and turned his head from side-to-side. His cock was swelling, pressing into the mattress beneath him almost painfully. "Now I'm going to be nice to you."

The hands released his wrists with a gentle push into the mattress, a reminder to stay put. Jim panted and spread his legs slightly, agreeing that Blair was in charge for this one. He was so caught up in the sensations flowing through him to pay attention to what Blair was doing, and the only warning he had was the sudden rich scent of chocolate before the now-only-mildly-cold sweet was dribbled in an abstract pattern over his back and, Blair moving down, ass.

"Ohhh....,” he moaned, head moving restlessly, hands opening and closing before turning over and gripping the bedspread.

"I'll clean the spread if I make a mess, okay?" leaning over him, Blair's words cooled the syrup further and Jim shivered in pleasure.

“Ah - okay, Chief.” His body was tight, yearning toward that subtle touch.  
Blair took his time licking the chocolate off. Slowly, deliberately, he lapped at it like a cat enjoying his cream. As he moved lower Jim became tenser, until, finally, Blair's hands were on his ass and he was moaning softly with need.

"Please, love,” he growled deep in his throat. "Please..."

"Relax, sweetheart. I'm not gonna leave you hanging." with that promise Blair spread his cheeks and began licking between them. 

As if he's decided that Jim'd had enough teasing, he only played along the crevice for a few short strokes before settling down on his belly and nuzzling into his ass. He licked a hot trail from Jim's ass to his balls and back again, and then, tentatively, he pressed the tip of his tongue into his lover.

Immediately Jim moaned and thrust back onto the tongue, Blair pulled back and soothed him with his hands, but Jim writhed on the bed, rubbing his throbbing cock into the bedspread and moaning into the pillow under his head.

"Okay, okay," Blair muttered as he returned to his project. Quickly he established a rhythm with his tongue, never going too deep, and Jim caught it, began thrusting with it, into the bed and back onto Blair's tongue, until Blair was barely moving.

He raised his hands to rub hot circles into the skin of Jim's back and thighs and ass and the older man's moans jumped in pitch.

“Yeah..." pulling away long enough to bite the nearest asscheek sharply, Blair went back to tongue-fucking before Jim could protest the loss. "Do it, big guy. Come on my tongue..,” he pulled away again to enjoy the sight; Jim Ellison mindless with passion, writhing on the bed, panting and flushed and sweaty, his big body taut and shining. "Come for me,” he grasped Jim's ass and pulled the cheeks farther apart and drove his tongue in deeper.

The moan became a howl and then Jim convulsed. Feeling a teeny bit worried, Blair pulled away and just stroked him through it with his hands, feeling the shudders running through his lover and watching as they eased until Jim was just lying there, sated.

Rolling him back over and grinning at him, Blair was stunned by the expression on Jim's face.

If he had taken that secret smile - the one that made him melt - and combined it with equal parts of lip-smacking satisfaction, mind-numbing relief and complete contentment - this was what it would look like.

"So that's what it looks like,” he said stupidly when he recovered enough to clean Jim and the top of the bed. Untucking the covers, he got both of them beneath the, Jim remarkably unhelpful into his operation. “You don't have to say it tonight, 'cause now I know what it looks like."

The comment was enough to rouse his lover slightly, Cuddling Blair's back to his chest, Jim whispered sleepily in his ear.

“What what looks like?"

"Now I know what love looks like, Jim. Our love. It looks exactly like you did just a few seconds ago."

"I look like that all the time." Kissing just under Blair's ear, Jim felt the shiver that ran through the smaller man.

“You're just moving too fast to see it."

"I'll have to remember to slow down and stare, then,” hearing the gentle amusement in Jim's voice, Blair snuggled closer.

"Say it, Jim, please,” he had never asked before, but just now he really wanted to hear that. To make things normal again. This had been a powerful experience and, while he had enjoyed it, now his heart craved basic comfort. 

And of course Jim knew that.

And of course Jim gave it.

"Goodnight, love,” he whispered with another soft kiss to Blair's neck.

"I love you, Jim." Not so sleepy yet, willing to lie still and be held for once.

"I know."

There's nothing better in this world. Blair thought later, as he finally slipped into dreams, As being held tight in the arms of your soul mate.

He'd never thought of it quite that way before, but it was so true that he didn't question it.

He just slept, warm and safe and happy. 

 

Sunday, December 21, 1997 

Jim Ellison sat at his desk in the bullpen and shuffled paper with a modicum of cheerfulness.

Working on a Sunday wasn't as bad as all that. Sometimes being a cop meant that normal schedules didn't apply. But he'd known that when he took the job. It had been the same in the military. You did what you had to do when you had to do it, and if there wasn't anything important to do you used that time to catch up on the little stuff. At least it meant you weren't out getting shot at for a little while.

Cascade was experiencing a surprising - and somewhat worrisome - lull in big criminal activity. The petty stuff was going strong over the holidays, but there had been no kidnappings, murders, carjackings, rapes, hostage-takings, jewelry heists or bank robberies for several days now. 

It was quite a relief. And most of the department was there to get as much done as they could in hopes they would be able to spend Christmas Eve or Christmas Day or Solstice or whatever they were celebrating with their families and friends.

Listening for his lover's heartbeat - Blair was running a little behind schedule today, but he'd called to let Jim know he'd be late for lunch - 

Detective Ellison didn't look up at first when the door marked Major Crime opened and someone new stepped in.

Then he heard the swift intake of breath from, multiples of them, as men in the room registered what they were seeing and he looked up himself.  
And smiled broadly, real gladness on his face.

Standing, he came around his desk and offered a hand to the beautiful woman that stopped in front of him, nervously clutching her briefcase.

"Fausteina!" the old German name rolled off his lips almost musically. As one the other detectives snorted knowingly and returned to their work as Jim shook her free hand in both of his and released it quickly.

"Jim. Detective now, I see.” A small smile brightened the too-serious face.

"It's been years,” he said, getting her a chair and sitting back behind his desk, not really trying to hide his curiosity. "How's Anthony?"

"Too big.” The smile grew and she pulled out an organizer and flipped to a picture. Jim leaned forward to study it.

A sturdy-looking boy of twelve or thirteen, his hair brush- cut, green eyes that matched his mother's staring at the camera, stood holding a baseball bat. The knees of his pants were dirty and he was grinning widely.

"Man. He must be, what, thirteen now?"

“And he's become something of a jerk," she sighed, putting it away. "I know he'll outgrow it, but it's hard to see my sweetheart acting like such a -a...” She trailed off, at a loss for words. 

“A man?" A grin quirked Jim's mouth and she chuckled.

"Exactly. Such a man.” The way she said it wasn't flattering, but it was amusing.

Jim sat back again, lifting a pen and idly twisting it between his fingers as he studied her.

She was still beautiful. The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. The strength and serenity of her expression so far surpassed the hollowness of the supermodels that posed on glossy magazine covers that he'd once wondered if every other man in the world was blind, to see them and not her.

"Is something wrong?” He asked it quietly, unsure. They had parted friends seven years ago, just before he met Carolyn, but it had been a complete split. Fausteina had been unable to accept the danger of police work. She required a man that would be home every night, a man that wasn't going to end up in the hospital someplace. Having heard her story, knowing that she had lost all of her family in a tragic fire as a teenager, Jim had understood that. There had been no hard feelings.

And now I have Blair. God, I hope she doesn't want to try again. even the thought frightened him. Not because he doubted his fidelity, but because he just didn't want to upset Blair.

Things were getting back to normal after their anniversary attempt had failed and he selfishly wanted nothing to upset that applecart.

She took a few minutes to answer, her face tightening in a way he recognized even now.

"Has Roger done something?"

She nodded and waited yet another minute before speaking. When she did her voice was low and soft.

"He - he hasn't returned Anthony from his Thanksgiving visit."

"That was weeks ago.” Sitting up suddenly, Jim flipped on his computer. 

"That's kidnapping, Fausteina."

"I know. I know. But you remember how he is, Jim. He likes to push my buttons...but Anthony is missing school and missing basketball games and he's not returning any of my messages..."

“You've had no contact with him at all?" letting his worry show on his face, Jim was reviewing his memories of her ex-husband and concentrating so hard on this new problem that he missed Blair's entrance into the room.

Who the heck is that? Seeing the incredibly gorgeous woman - dark blond hair past her shoulders, curvaceous figure, very tall, in heels and a modest long woolen skirt and jacket combination in an elegant cream - Blair paused just inside the door.

His heart turned over when the love of his life leaned forward over the desk and took both of the woman's hands in his, speaking to her earnestly, his face open and expressive.

"I've told you before, you can't let him get away with shit like this."

"I know he wouldn't hurt him, Jim, and he always brings him back when he's done with his tantrum, but I'm worried this time..."

Remembering the one time Roger had done this while they were dating, Jim shook his head. He'd had a word with the man and collected the child for her and it hadn't seemed like such a big deal. An ex-husband, a father, causing trouble, but nothing serious.

Of course, now, after so many years with the department, he knew better. That sort of behavior was often just a man working up to something bigger.

"He tried to get custody last year, but the judge allowed Anthony to choose and he chose me,” her voice had an echo of 'of course' in it but Jim couldn't argue that. She was a wonderful mother to her only child. "He doesn't like the man I've been dating for the last eighteen months. He's black.” She said it like she was saying 'he's a lawyer' or 'he's a teacher', like it wasn't important and Jim knew that, to her, it wasn't. 

"Hey, Jim, sorry I'm late.” Coming up beside him, Blair's eyes widened when the big man seemed startled. Had he been paying that much attention to the woman?

"Sandburg!" he sounded surprised as well. "Um, Chief, hey. This is, um, this is an old friend of mine. Fausteina Sharp, this is Blair Sandburg. My partner -" he paused and glanced form her mildly curious face to Blair's, easily discerning the worry the younger man was trying to hide. "My partner in all things,” he finished smoothly, releasing her hands and leaning back, reaching an arm to slide it around Blair's waist and pull him closer.

She didn't even blink. Just smiled and offered a hand to Blair, shaking his warmly.

"Hello, Blair. I'm glad to meet the person that obviously makes Jim so happy."

"I do my best.” His initial misgivings soothed by Jim's immediate   
introduction of him and their relationship, he leaned briefly into the embrace before pulling away. “Would you like to join us for lunch? I'm always happy to compare notes.” The grin made it clear that he understood what type of old friend she was.

"That might be a good idea, Fausteina,” Jim said gently. "If you don't want me to make this official -" she hadn't the last time he had helped her "- then we should talk about the situation somewhere more private."

"Certainly.” She stood. 

"I'm expecting him to take me to Wonderburger today, but if you're along I'm willing to bet I'm saved." Blair confided as Jim got his coat on.

"The ninth street deli." Jim conformed his suspicions as they walked out, his arm slung easily over Blair's shoulders.

"Still my favorite.” She smiled. Jim grinned back, just a little, and Blair felt that niggling fear in the pit of his stomach again.

 

During lunch Blair sat beside Jim in the booth, across from the woman, and he tried to act nonchalant. He didn't hang on Jim and tried not to be possessive, although that was definitely how he was feeling. 

All his early fears, the ones that had plagued him throughout that long week between Jim's confession of love and Blair's own agreement to get involved, those fears came back to him now.

She's beautiful, she's smart, she has a child Jim cares about...what if she wants him back? What if he wants to go?

Blair had no doubts concerning Jim's love for him. That was as solid as the man himself, unshakable, immovable, eternal.

But Jim's ability to live in a gay relationship for the rest of his life - never touching a woman again - Blair still wondered if what he offered, what they did together, was enough for the older man.

It's not just about sex. he scolded himself, his face breaking into a genuine grin when Jim gave him a knowing look and leaned back in the booth, his arm going around Blair's shoulders and giving him a comfortable squeeze. 

It's about love.

As he listened to them discuss the case - official or not, it sounded like one to him, so that's what Blair was calling it – he was again filled with happiness, thinking about his mother.

She had known something like this would happen, he was sure. Growing up, watching his friends go through agony as their parents split and fought over them and everything else, he'd even thanked his mom once for not putting him through that.

Being fatherless was infinitely better, in his mind, than walking a tightrope between two people you loved who hated each other. And Naomi had more than made up for any lack with her attention and love. He'd never, ever felt he was missing something. Except maybe some heartache.

I can't wait to tell her about me and Jim. She said she might drop by before Christmas, that would just make things perfect. 

He knew she would get over her shock - which would come not from Jim being a guy, but the cop thing - and be happy for him in about ten seconds. In Naomi's mind, love was everything and love excused almost anything. Even having a straight-arrow cop as a son-in-law.

That thought surprised the young man and he shifted in his seat. He'd been lost in his head, only picking at his food, but now decided to go ahead and eat. He often forgot during finals and would drop ten or twelve pounds and then Jim would scold him and worry.

Picking up the Monte Cristo sandwich, he bit into it, giving Jim a nudge in the ribs with his elbow and grinning, mouth closed as he chewed.   
All too aware of Blair's uncharacteristic quiet, Jim made an effort to be openly affectionate. He didn't really care if it bothered Fausteina, although he suspected she was open about such things.

There was a time that I thought she would be the woman I loved forever. 

He blinked, feeling a sudden rush of memory, the pain of their breakup, the ache as he'd missed her. But now I look at her and wonder how I could have been so blind?

How could I not have known that someone was going to come along and make me complete in ways she or Carolyn or anyone else never did?

It didn't matter. Blair was with him now and he was with Blair and everything was as it should be.

Well, maybe not everything.

"Okay. You've left messages and got the machine, you've driven by the house and no-one's been home...where would he take him?"

"To his parents.” She responded right away. "He takes Anthony to visit them every chance he gets.” Then she frowned, lines drawing up on her forehead. "They live in Seacouver, but I don't know where."

"Jim can find them," Blair spoke up confidently. "Jim can find anybody."

The smile she gave him assured Jim that there was no chance his old girlfriend was going to give him a hard time about his love life now, or interfere with it.

"Give me their names and an hour, and I'll get an address. We'll drive over together and pick him up, okay?"

"I would truly appreciate that, Jim. Of all the men I've dated, you're the only one Roger ever seemed frightened of."

"I suppose, in this case, that's a good thing." Jim stood as Blair slid out of the booth and took the younger man's hand and held it tightly. “You want to come along, Chief?"

"I have a stack of exams to grade,” he said apologetically. “And the bullpen party is tonight."

"Like I'd forget.” Giving his hand a squeeze, Jim released it and held Fausteina's coat for her. “You got any shopping left to do?"

"I heard a rumor that Toys R Us is getting in a shipment today...I'm still trying to get that new Madden 98 Nintendo 64 game,” her sigh was long-suffering and drew a grin from both men."

"Head on over there...I should have what we need before you get back.” 

Caught off guard, Jim didn't pull away when she hugged him suddenly, quickly. Giving Blair a glance, the older man returned the embrace. "I'll get him back for you."

Blair stared, wide-eyed.

Clinging to him, not letting go for a long minute, she finally let go and backed up, flushing faintly pink. It made her look younger than he nearly forty years.

"I'm sorry, Jim. I just..." Not finishing, she shrugged delicately and Blair blinked at last. 

"I understand." Pulling Blair in front of him with both arms wrapped around the smaller man's waist, Jim nuzzled the top of his head in brief reassurance.

“You must think I have no sense of decorum."

"I think you're frightened and you need a friend." Blair spoke softly from the safety of Jim's arms. “And Jim's the best friend to have."

"I've always known that,” her reply left Blair feeling mildly confused and a bit worried, but he blew it off as best he could.

They all returned to the station in Jim's truck and went off in different directions...but first Jim gently pinned Blair to his car and kissed him senseless, their activity drawing a few catcalls and whoops before he let the smaller man go.

As Blair gazed up at him with soft eyes, one hand touching his lips, Jim grinned and shrugged.

"I figured it was the best way to reassure you,” he leaned to whisper in his Guide's ear. "I know you're fretting."

The automatic denial died on Blair's lips as Jim took a step back and cocked an eyebrow. So he shrugged gracefully and spread his hands before him in a 'you win' gesture.

"I love you, Sandburg. No woman - before or after I met you - has ever made me feel like you do. So just stop it now.” It came out as an order and the younger man couldn't help but smile.

“Alright, alright...I'll try, okay? I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking for, Chief."

“You'll be back in time for the party?"

"I'll call you if I'm late."

"Jim...this guy, Roger. He's not dangerous, is he?"

"Just a coward who likes to push women around, Chief." Another shrug and a peck on the cheek. "I'll be careful."

"Thanks, man."

And they were off, each to his own thing...and each carried a bit of their peace within him and drew strength from it.

 

Pacing the loft, Blair ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back, and then did it again, unaware that he'd been repeating the motion for the past half-hour.

A long hard look at the clock proved that no more than a moment had passed since the last time he'd looked.

"Fuck it." 

The words, spoken flatly, hung in the air as he grabbed up the phone and hit speed dial.

"Major Crimes, Sneezy speaking." Brown's voice was overly cheerful with the consumption of eggnog. Despite his worry Blair couldn't restrain a grin.

"Those were dwarves, man, not elves,” he snorted. "Let me talk to Simon."

"Sandburg? Where the heck are you guys?! The party's goin' without you!"

"I know that. Maybe you should be Dopey, man. Get Simon for me."

While he waited, hearing the 'clunk' as the phone receiver hit the desk harder than necessary, he thought about the last time he'd called Simon, worried. Jim had been on a case, during that few weeks when the station was a 'no Sandburg' zone.

Simon had griped at him like he would an officer's wife and it had made Blair feel an odd mixture of reassured and annoyed. 

This time was something different.

"Sandburg? What's the problem?” Sounding less loopy than Brown, the captain was nevertheless somewhat less than sober.

That changed as Blair explained the situation; Jim's ex- girlfriend showing up, the fact that her ex-husband had snatched her kid and Jim's decision to retrieve him on his own.

"He didn't even tell me he was going?” Simon went quickly from incredulous to angry. "I'll find out what's going on, kid. Get your butt in here, there's no reason for you to wait there alone."

"Thanks, Simon.” Sitting on the sofa, Blair slouched in relief. He wasn't being paranoid. And he had friends to help him take care of it.

Twenty minutes later Blair walked into the bullpen. Stopping just inside the door, he looked around curiously as no one moved to greet him. If there had been a jovial atmosphere when he called earlier, it was gone now. The other guys all stood in little clumps, the guys from Major Crime mingling with drop-in visitors from Vice and Homicide and a sprinkling of uniforms.  
And they were all staring at him now.

The blood drained from Blair's face. His hands clenched into fists on his thighs.

“What?” The word was spoken in a normal tone of voice, but the sudden paleness had Brown and Rafe moving for him as if they were afraid he would faint.

Simon appeared as they were shuffling him to a seat. He could walk but didn't bother arguing with them, allowing them to support him.

I must look pretty damn bad if they're this worried, he thought listlessly. Then his mind rebelled. Jim promised he wouldn't die without me. So he can't be dead.

Crouching in front of him, Brown looked seriously concerned. Simon stood behind him and nodded down at him as the detective reached to pat Blair's knee tentatively.

]"Sandburg. You okay? I don't want to have to tell you this..."  
"  
Jim's not dead,” Blair said softly. "So it can't be too bad."

Both men stared. Rafe was shooing everyone else away from them.

"No, he's not dead. But no one's seen or heard from him since he left this afternoon. He did go to that guy's house and get the kid back, and then he disappeared. The woman and the kid are missing with him."

Oh. Slumping back in the chair, Blair could actually feel it when the blood returned and his face flushed dark red. They thought Jim had dumped him for this woman.

Meeting Simon's eyes above Brown's head and staring at him steadily, he said quietly;

"There must be something wrong. Have you put out an APB?"

"I can't do that, kid. There's no evidence of foul play and he's only been missing a few hours..."

"He wouldn't just leave, Simon.” Turning his attention to Brown, Blair managed a shaky grin. "Jim wouldn't do that to me, would he, Henri?"

The big hand squeezed his knee and the grin was returned briefly. Then Brown looked up and back at Simon.

"Ellison's not like that, captain. You know that."

The older man grunted and made a face, then held up a hand in surrender.

"I'll put out the APB.” Turning, he headed for his office, giving the mistletoe hung in the doorway a dirty look. 

Rafe brought Blair a cup of eggnog, the non-spiked version, and Mary, the woman from Vice who had given him such a scare at the Egos Only Bash made up a plate of snacks and carried it to him, pulling over a chair and sitting next to him.

"Thanks,” he gave her a wary look.

"I owe you an apology, I know,” her smile faltered. “What we did wasn't very funny."

"Jim wouldn't've thought so." 

"It was just a test. To see if you really are gay. You chased so many women here at the station we just couldn't believe it."

"I don't see why my personal life is so interesting,” he bit into a finger sandwich with more force than necessary.

"Puh-lease.” She snorted. "I know you own a mirror."

Startled, Blair sputtered and then grinned.

“And if you don't, I'm sure Ellison tells you often enough."

"Every day.” His grin was mischievous and she stared for a second before laughing. Despite his unease, Blair chuckled with her.

Simon returned a moment later and told Blair that it was done, and that he wanted the kid to stick around with him until they either got some word back or heard from Jim.

"If there's something going down Ellison will expect me to protect you,” he explained when they were alone again, Mary sensing the need for privacy and finding somebody else to talk to.


	10. Chapter 10

Not answering, Blair set his plate on the nearest desk and leaned forward, covering his face with his hands. Shifting his chair to screen them from prying eyes, Simon rested an arm around his shoulders.

“Why don't you go into my office? It's quieter in there..,” he was just finishing the sentence when the bullpen doors opened again and in strode Jim Ellison. He was carrying a small wrapped gift and scratching his ear.

He scanned the room as it fell silent and his eyes locked onto Simon, and Blair.

"Ellison!" Standing quickly, the captain moved to him. “Where the hell have you been? We put an APB out on you!"

"I, uh, I got sidetracked, sir...” Still staring at Blair, who hadn't moved, Jim thrust the gift at Simon and took a step forward.

"Is he...?"

"He's fine, but worried sick about you. What was so important that you couldn't at least call? The kid deserves better than that, Jim.” The low words hit hard and Jim frowned.

"I didn't mean to."

"Tell him that.” Taking the package, Simon stopped Jim when he moved again. “And use my office to do it."

Nodding, Jim resumed his course.

Waves were crashing in Blair's ears. They muffled the sounds outside him and let him really hear the ones inside...as something tore and pain flooded him.

Jim was here. Jim was fine.

So why hadn't Jim called him?

He was busy, Sandburg. his mind mocked. Busy with a beautiful, grateful woman who could give him everything he ever wanted.

The touch on his shoulder was still warm, still tender. The voice was low and filled with remorse.

"Blair, I - "

"Save it, Ellison." hissing, Blair jumped up from the chair and whirled on him. A scream rose in his chest and he ruthlessly fought it down. "I don't want to hear it."

Pushing past the older man, who stood as if stunned, Blair almost ran from the room, leaving people staring after him before they all glared at Jim accusingly.

He straightened, shrugged, and then ran out of the room after his lover.  
Skipping the elevator in his hurry, Blair bounded down the stairs. He wasn't thinking, wasn't looking...he was just hurting.

The gasps echoed in his ears as he tried to breathe without letting it become sobs.

"Sandburg!" the shout made him bounce faster. "Don't you run out on me like this!! SANDBURG!"

A large hand caught him from behind, spun him around, and then two hands threw him up against the wall. It was cold on his back, he'd run out without his coat.

Jim's face was mottled with rage, and something else. Something Blair   
recognized. Guilt?

That did it.

Blair struggled against Jim's greater strength. He was no wimp and no lightweight and the bigger man had to work to keep hold of him. It soon became apparent that if he wanted to hang onto his partner he was going to have to hurt him.

"BLAIR!" he screamed into his face, inches away. "Calm down and let me explain!"

"Explain what?!" he screamed back. Echoes rang off the thick walls and ricocheted in the stairwell. Jim winced, but Blair shouted again. “Why you screwed around on me?!! I don't need an explanation, man! I KNOW why."  
"Is that what you think I did? An old friend asks for help and immediately   
I'm cheating? Where the fuck did that come from?!" Jim punctuated each sentence with a violent shake and Blair's head snapped. He'd stopped struggling and hung now in Jim's grip.

It reminded him painfully of that first meeting in his office.

Hanging his head, letting his hair fall forward to hide his face, he wrapped his arms around his stomach and almost moaned his answer.

"I can't give you what she can."

"SHIT!" With that explosive curse Jim yanked the younger man into his arms. One hand pressed Blair's face into his chest, threatening to suffocate him, and the other was a steel bar holding him to the larger, harder body.

Not fighting it, not really doing much but breathing, Blair allowed the embrace.

There was a brush of warm air on his neck and then Jim was whispering into his ear.

"I don't want what she can give, Chief. I only want you."

Where did this come from? bewildered, and still feeling guilty for not calling, Jim held his young lover tight. Probably too tight, he knew that, but it scared him when Blair got like this and he needed to really feel him, there, warm against Jim's own body. He fit, like he belonged. Why does this keep coming back to haunt us?

When Blair relaxed a little bit he eased his hold but didn't let go.

"I picked Anthony up for Fausteina,” he was still whispering as he recited his activities of the day. "He was happy to see me, Chief, and I really like that kid. And he was mad at his dad and mad at his mom for not getting him sooner...so I spent some time with him. Took him shopping, helped him pick out a present for her, took him to a movie. When I noticed how  
late it was I thought I could still make it in time, so I just got in the car and drove. But there was a huge traffic jam coming out of Seacouver and I couldn't get over to a station to call and the cell wasn't charged and I just thought it would be better if I just got here...I didn't mean to scare you, or hurt you."

“You weren't with her?" Blair asked from his chest in a small voice.

"For about ten minutes when I dropped Anthony off. I was kindof rude, too, because I called the loft from her place and you weren't there so I knew I was in deep kimchee."

“You deserve to be buried in rotten cabbage.” Gaining strength, the voice was accusing now. 

“You're right, I do, but then I would smell so bad even you wouldn't want me."

"I'll always want you, Jim."

Sighing, the older man hugged his partner closer again and kissed his ear.  
"I'm sorry, love. Forgive me?"

Tilting his head up, Blair seemed to be considering his answer and Jim grinned in anticipation of a joke or a threat or some ridiculous demand for penance...but Blair just sighed and stared at him. His eyes were dark and worried still.

“Yeah, man. I forgive you."

Disturbed by the tone and the look, Jim lowered his head and kissed him deeply. Blair participated hungrily, his body quickly getting involved and Jim pulled back panting slightly. Whatever was still bothering him wasn't affecting that.

"Do you want to go back t the party or head on home?"

“We'd better go back. Just so they know I didn't hurt you too bad.” The line was delivered perfectly, but no smile accompanied it.

"Okay. Then we can go home and I'll make this up to you."

"If that's what you want.” Turning, Blair let Jim slip and arm around him and they walked slowly back up the stairs.

"I want whatever you want, love.” Feeling more guilty than ever, although he'd been forgiven, Jim wondered sadly how long Blair would be upset by this.

Will he ever truly believe that he's all I need?

 

"Oh, Jesus, I'm going to pay for this tomorrow...” Stumbling up the stairs, Jim tugged on Blair's coat collar. His young lover was in no better shape. Neither of them had wanted to risk the elevator as drunk as they were, visions of motion sickness dancing in their heads. Which was pretty nauseating in itself.

After they'd gone back to the party so many people had scolded Jim - people he knew and people he didn't - that Blair had made a general announcement that Jim was forgiven. Then Brown had led an eggnog toast to Blair for his big heart. Then one to Jim for coming clean. Then one to both of them for sticking out the rough spots. And then things had gotten out of hand.

Toasts had been shouted all over the room. To the station, to Simon, to Major Crime and all the other departments...Jim dimly remembered being shoved under the mistletoe at some point and making a good effort at eating Sandburg alive to the sound of rousing cheers, and that was before the gifts were opened.

Blair's face had gotten so bright, so red when he opened the present from Simon, who had drawn his name in the office pool, that Jim had foggily wondered if he was going to have a stroke or something.

The handcuffs had once been police-issue, but Simon had doctored them with a padding of soft white bunny fur and painted them pink. And he'd given Jim the key. All the other gifts had paled in comparison. 

They ran out of plain eggnog within an hour of Jim's arrival and there seemed to be an endless supply on the spiked stuff.

By the time midnight rolled around Jim was feeling way too good for safety and Blair was swaying. A moderately more sober Simon packed them off into a taxi and now they were trying to make it up the stairs in one piece.  
Beside him Blair missed a step and Jim looped an arm through the railing to snatch him back before he fell.

"I can't carry you, Chief,” he growled. "I'd kill us both."

Blair didn't respond, just turned and threw himself into Jim's arms, wrapping around him as best he could.

"Oh, Jim, I need you..,” he groaned into the bigger man's neck before sucking on it wetly, rubbing his hard cock vigorously on Jim's thigh.

Remembering what had happened the last time Blair got drunk with him around - even vaguely remembering why it had been a bad thing - Jim not-so-gently pried his inebriated partner off his body and got them moving up the stairs again.

Blair draped himself over Jim's back as the older man leaned over to feel for the keyhole in the door, the hall light was out again. Blair's breath was hot on the back of his neck and Jim felt his own cock leap in excitement.

"Hang on, hang on..,” he muttered as he got the key in and the door open. He moved too fast and Blair stumbled and went down, arms flailing, falling flat on his face, halfway into the loft.

"Shit!" Jim shouted. The younger man moaned pitifully. Leaning over to gather him up, Jim felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Looking up with a glare he met Mr. Feller's disapproving eyes.

"Get a life!" he snapped angrily, and the door closed as those eyes widened in surprise.

It took a few minutes but he managed to half-drag, half- carry Blair into the living room and get him onto the couch. Going back to shut the door loudly, he stood and blinked a few times, trying to clear his head.

"Jim?” Sitting up suddenly, Blair stumbled again as he tried to rise and Jim rushed over to him. "Jim?!" he sounded panicked.

"Shh, love, I'm here, I'm here.” Cuddling him close, Jim cursed his own insensitivity.

"Thought you 'er gone. Didn't wan' me no more..." mumbling, his lover cuddled closer and began moving against him sinuously. "D'ya want me, Jim?"

"I always want you." Kicking himself mentally, Jim decided to just get them to bed. They could sort it all out in the morning.

Or the afternoon, after their hangovers faded a bit.

Blair was pliant and cooperative while Jim undressed him.

The older man was startled to find that he wasn't wearing any boxers, and Blair refused to let him put some on him. Once he was nude he sprawled backwards on the bed and splayed himself wide, arching toward Jim and mumbling. Turning up his hearing Jim heard a soft chant of hunger.  
“Want you need you love you Jim, love me, love me please, want you need you love -"

It was more than his fragile control could deal with. Jim was stripped and in covering Blair's squirming body with his own in less than five minutes.  
Blair tasted like eggnog and rum and tears. It was a potent combination and Jim drank deeply, only pulling away when the younger man stilled, not fighting him, but becoming lightheaded from lack of oxygen.

“What do you want, love?" Jim whispered as he rimmed and suckled an ear, one hand already stroking Blair's hot length.

Blair moaned and panted and arched into the controlling hand. "Suck me...Jim...suck my cock!"

Moving with panther speed, Jim dove between Blair's legs, which were spread as wide as they would go. Taking Blair's aching cock in his mouth, he sank down on it as far as he could.

Blair screamed and pumped furiously. Jim gagged, choked, thought he might die, just for a minute, and then Blair was coming without warning. Swallowing, a dribble escaping to run down his chin, Jim kept his mouth on him until Blair collapsed bonelessly to the bed.

Crawling back up Jim turned them both on their sides and reached for the lubricant, intending to stroke himself between Blair's strong legs. Blair moaned and pushed back against him.

"In me, Jim, in me, I want you..,” he begged almost silently. With his head floating in a haze of passion and alcohol, Jim heard the words and tried to comply, slipping two greased fingers into his love while reaching around to stroke the renewed erection between Blair's legs.

Digging in deep with his fingers he pressed his cock to Blair's thighs and grunted in frustration when they didn't open to take him. Blair shoved his ass back roughly, forcing the fingers in deeper and made a loud startled sound.

"God Jim that feels so goood,” he panted, repeating the movement. 

"Oh, god, Blair, love..." Jim groaned as he watched Blair fuck himself on Jim's fingers. “You look so hot."

"Feel me, Jim. I'm loose, I'm ready, I want you, please."

Blair panted heavily and moved faster, trying to get Jim's fingers to touch his prostate. "Fuck me, Jim, do it do it do it...." the last word trailed into a howl as he found what he wanted and Jim's hand moved reflexively, brushing the small gland and making Blair buck and shake.

"pleasepleasepleaseplease..." panting and begging, Blair grunted once and   
then was still, holding himself away from Jim, not responding when the older man urged him closer again.

Jim's cock was throbbing. He was hard and hurting, aching for Blair.

He wanted inside him.

Maybe this is the first time I've really admitted that. the clear thought was almost immediately swallowed by lust as Blair let himself moan long and low.

The silence of their loft was filled with Blair's little noises. His breaths and pants and whimpers, the blood pounding in his veins, his heart thundering in Jim's ears. 

Fumbling with the lube Jim squeezed a glob onto his cock. Grasping an asscheek in each hand, he positioned himself - - and shouted when Blair shoved back ruthlessly, taking half his length at once.

"BLAIR!"

His shout was matched by a scream from his young lover, a sound that wed agony to ecstasy.

Unable to think, Jim could only watch from some horrified corner of his mind as his body ripped away from his control and he moved within Blair.  
After the first few strokes Blair moved with him, meeting the inward thrust, moaning deep in his chest with each one, his hands clenched white-knuckled in the bedspread before him as he used them for leverage.

Too soon Jim felt the tide rise in his body. He reached belatedly around Blair and found his cock, half-hard, and roughly stroked it all the way. Blair's moans were becoming almost continuous and Jim could feel the heat rising in his body. 

Leaning further, he but into Blair's shoulder and then began talking to him, the words disjointed, mumbled.

"good...so hot, tight, so much of you, Blair, you're giving me everything....” It finally occurred to him that there were words that he should say, that he needed to say now, before this was over.

"I love you, Blair, I love you, love you loveyou loveyou loveyoulovey-"

Blair's head snapped back, narrowly missing hitting Jim's, and his body spasmed tautly as he shouted a response. "I Love You JIMMMM!!!!"

The sensation of Blair's ass tightening around his cock was so utterly unexpected that Jim could only hold onto him and go along for the ride. 

As soon as he could move again he pulled away, pulling himself free, which brought a choked sob from Blair, and rolled the younger man over, hands framing his face, speaking urgently. "Blair? Blair? Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Oh, god, what were you thinking -!"

"I was thinking tha' I love you an' I wanted to make love with you.” Smiling sleepily, Blair pulled his head from Jim's hands and snuggled closer, kissing the smooth chest beneath his cheek. His arms slid around the older man and he sighed happily.

“And I did."

Stunned, relieved, so filled with love that he could barely speak, Jim wrapped his arms around the younger man and rolled to his back, taking Blair with him.

“You sure did,” he said quietly. The body in his arms shook slightly and he tensed, then relaxed as he recognized the beginnings of laughter from Blair's chest.

"Did we ever.” Stretching slightly Blair muffled a moan against Jim's chest.

“You're going to regret this in the morning." Kissing the top of the curly head, Jim ran his hands over the smooth, sweaty back. Raising his head, Blair smiled up at him sweetly, a little shyly. 

"I'll never regret this, Jim." 

"Oh, god. I love you, Chief."

"I know. You wouldn't be able to do that with someone you didn't love.” 

Saying the words with certainty, Blair kissed the bottom of Jim's chin and snuggled back down. "Man, I'm exhausted,” he sounded a lot closer to sober now.

"Sleep," Nibbling at stray curls, Jim smiled as he noticed what he was doing. It was a silly habit he'd gotten into.

Blair's hair seemed to always be getting caught in his mouth and he'd soon began just nibbling at them when he kissed and nuzzled the younger man. Now he went straight to the nibbling. 

"Say it, Jim.” A sleepy, sated demand.

Closing his eyes and relaxing into his pillows, Jim felt the weight of the body in his arms, the warmth and shape and size and scent and sounds of it. All of those things added up to 'Blair' in his mind and that made his heart beat stronger.

They'd done it. And it had been great. No planning, no worrying, just getting down to it.

As always, Blair had guided him true.

"Shhh,” he whispered as Blair shifted, trying to stay awake as he waited for the words he wanted. "This is so perfect...I want to enjoy it for a moment."

“You're perfect..." mumbling, Blair settled as Jim gentled him with his hands and mouth.

After an endless time of peace Jim finally felt the urge to speak. Blair was quiescent, his warm body draped casually over Jim's, lips pressed to the curve of Jim's shoulder, breath warm and damp on his neck. 

"Blair?" another kiss to the top of his head.

"Hm?" Not asleep yet, but very close. And very happy, from the sound of him.

"Thank you."

"I love you."

There was only one response to that. Jim smiled into the darkness. But even if Blair had seen it, there was no danger, because he was so close to being melted now that there would have been no difference.

"I know you do." with a low chuckle Jim hugged him tightly. "I know you do."

An answering chuckle from Blair, barely more than a quick breath.

"Goodnight, love." 

Jim felt Blair let go and slip into sleep as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

And he followed seconds later.

 

Monday, December 22, 1997 

The sun filled the room gradually. From the first wash of pearl dawn until it became rose-tinged gold, Jim Ellison lay awake, holding his love close. Still sprawled over the bigger man's body, Blair slept like a puppy. Warm and snuggly and tousled. He didn't smell so great, but neither did Jim, and under the mild stink of dried sweat and too much spiked nog Blair had a sweetness that his lover would never tire of.

Carding his fingers gently through the long curls that flowed over Blair's back and trailed onto Jim's shoulders, he smiled.

They had been tangled and knotted when he woke but now they were smooth, if a bit stiff. Hours of stroking had eased all the knots and even defeated the stubborn static that had plagued it.

"hm." 

The tiny sound would have been missed by anyone else. Jim didn't react, just continued petting and breathing in Blair's scent. He'd needed to get up for the last hour or so, but was unable to decide which he'd like better; lying here holding Blair while he slept or lying here holding Blair while looking into his eyes. 

Now the decision was made for him as Blair raised his head and smiled at him, sapphire eyes slightly blurry but the love he felt shining clear.

His right hand moved, fingers petting lightly over Jim's collarbone, drawing a shiver.

"Good morning, love.” Gazing down at him and hoping that all he felt could be seen in his eyes, Jim smiled, but it was a concerned, somewhat serious smile "How do you feel?"

Pushing himself up Jim's body so he could nuzzle in under his chin, Blair closed his eyes and, with a wince, stretched slightly, flexing his feet. Then he lay still.

"Chief?” His arms tightened around the sturdy body.

"Not so good, actually.” Sounding half-embarrassed, Blair mumbled the reply.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Nothing permanent." with a shift and another, more obvious wince, the younger man drew his splayed legs together. Jim spread his own to let Blair's fall between them.

"I can't say I'm sorry." with a small effort Jim - who had found himself to be surprisingly open emotionally once he fell in love with this man - put all that he was feeling into those words. The pleasure, the mild sadness, the breathtaking joy and, most of all, the love...it was all there and those words were too small to hold it.

"I wouldn't want you to. 'Cause I'm sure not." pressing himself closer to the warm body beneath him, Blair clung for a few minutes before relaxing and raising his head to brush his lips over Jim's. "But it may be a few days before we do it again."

“We're going to do it again?" making his voice light, Jim tried to tease.

"Maybe not every night..." Blair trailed off. He sounded worried and his hands were moving again, stroking and petting as his heart sped up for a few beats. So attuned to his love's vital signs that even this tiny aberration meant something, Jim held him tighter as he tried to find the right thing to say.

Did it hurt? he couldn't help but wonder. Should I ask? How much do I want to know? If I'm ever going to let him do that to me.... he shivered. The thought was still frightening, but now he knew that his fear was more about not being in control than about pain or humiliation. Being with Blair, making love to him, taking him in that very dominating way had not lessened the younger man in his view, not at all. He was still Blair. Still strong, still smart, still very male to Jim. 

What do I say?

"It was wonderful, love.” His voice rumbled from his chest, thick with emotion as he tried with words to convey just how wonderful it had been. "To be connected to you, to be a part of you....it was everything I've ever wanted."

Blair sighed. He sounded sad. Jim hugged him tighter, more afraid of being misunderstood than he was of bruising the smaller man.

"I want it to always be like that. So I think - we should save this, keep it for special times."

"Keep it special?" Blair asked hesitantly, hopefully.

“Yes, love. Let's save this part of our lovemaking for those times we celebrate being together." Jim was careful to put it that way, so that Blair would know that he only considered this a part of their love, not the goal of it.

"Or the times we really really want it.” A chuckle shook Blair's chest and Jim smiled.

"Chief, I love you and all, but if I don't get out of this bed soon we're going to have a problem." Jim half-sat, feeling the wince as Blair rolled off of him, laying back in the pillows.

"Oh, man, me too.” A quiet groan.

“Why don't I go down and take care of my business and I'll run you a bath to soak in."

"That would be nice.” Staring up at him, Blair's eyes seemed   
suspiciously shiny. “You know, I love you."

Leaning to kiss both cheekbones and then his forehead, slightly wrinkled, Jim smiled down at the younger man and watched with pleasure as he melted into the bed.

"I've never doubted it."

 

Shifting carefully in the tub, Blair grinned. His eyes were closed and he was leaning against a towel that padded the back, and there was another one padding his sore butt beneath him.

Climbing gingerly into the tub a few minutes earlier, he'd been startled to step on the soaked warm fuzziness, and the grin had blossomed then as he settled without a word and relaxed.

The surface ache of sore muscles was fading, but the deeper pain - the one he didn't want to think about or discuss – seemed to be getting stronger.

They'd used lubricant and he'd been pretty loose, but that initial thrust - the one he'd made, not Jim - had prompted a pain so sharp he'd been unable to breathe for a few seconds. Jim, caught up in the moment and more than half drunk, hadn't really noticed and Blair was glad of that, because then he would have stopped - and, as much as it had hurt, Blair had wanted to do it.

But saving it for special occasions might just be the way to go, he thought. The water was cooling but he didn't want to sit all the way up to turn the hot water back on. The knobs were too smooth and slippery to get a grip on with his feet, so he just sat for a few minutes and then sighed.

"Jim?" calling quietly, he felt a pang of guilt at being selfish.

“Yeah?" popping his head into the door, Jim looked worried.

"Um, could you, uh, make me a cup of tea?"

"Is your stomach up to it?"

"I think that's about all it could handle,” he sighed. His lover looked like he'd spent a full night resting, and then some.

"How come you don't feel like death warmed over?"

"Because I made love to you last night.” Coming into the bathroom Jim set down the hammer he was carrying and leaned over to kiss Blair, one hand going into the water to rest on his stomach. "Hey, this is cold,” he commented when he pulled back for air.

Staring at him with wide eyes, Blair just nodded. The throbbing in his head had eased when they kissed.

“You don't want more hot water?"

Gesturing at his body dismissively, Blair blushed faintly. It made Jim stare and then frown.

"Is it really that bad, love?” He asked, turning the water on himself.

"Can't lie to a Sentinel." Blair mock grumbled before answering, sighing with pleasure as Jim swished the fresh hot water around his body. "It hurts, man. Worse than I thought it would."

"I love you.” Sighing the words, Jim leaned over. His kips pressed on Blair's tenderly and the younger man opened his mouth, inviting him in.

They kissed for a long time, tongues dueling gently, until Jim pulled back and grimaced at his wet shirt...the water was still running.

“You needed a bath anyhow,” Blair said complacently, settling back a teeny bit further and closing his eyes again. He heard Jim turn off the water and felt the hand that rested on his head, rubbed against it with a soft sound of happiness.

"No matter what, Jim, it was worth it."

Jim didn't answer, but there was a pressure that meant a kiss on the top of Blair's head and then the older man left the bathroom.

 

"Mmm." Leaning his head farther back over the arm of the sofa, Blair purred beneath Jim's careful hands as they combed through his nearly-dry hair.

"Have you ever worn it braided?" a soft question.

"Not really. There was a girl I knew once, she liked to play with it, but she was always doing weird things to it, so I never let anybody do that again."  
He paused as Jim gathered it at the nape of his neck and twisted an elastic band around it, to keep it neat.

"But you can do anything you want, man."

Rising up on his knees, Jim leaned over him for an upside- down kiss before answering.

"I think you mean that,” he said with wonder. “And I have to tell you, Chief, that almost scares me."

"Nothing scares you." Blair scoffed. Jim kissed him again, then moved to sit in front of the couch, leaning back against Blair's side. The younger man slipped an arm around his broad shoulders and the fingertips of that hand lightly stroked his smooth cheek.

“You know better than that." 

“Well, nothing I could do."

“You're right there. Nothing but losing you scares me, Chief."

“We already know that's not going to happen."

“Yes. We do.” Sighing, Jim turned his head to catch a finger in his mouth and nibble on it delicately. 

The they were quiet. Blair was tired, hung over, and still hurting some. Jim's next question startled him.

"How did it feel, Chief?"

"How did what feel?” His hand dropped to Jim's shoulder and gripped tightly. He knew what the older man was asking.

"How did it feel to take me inside you? To have me in your body? To feel me come inside you? How did it hurt, how did it feel good?"

Glad that Jim knew it had felt good, at least in part, Blair tried to form an answer, stumbling as he tried to explain.

“At-at first it hurt. Kinda bad...not like gunshot-bad, but bad 'cause I'm not used to hurting, y'know, there. And then it felt good. Not like when your fingers are in me...not good like when you hit that spot and I scream. But good more like I was full and it was you and we were moving and we were together."

His hand petted Jim's shoulder.

“And later?” The older man pushed after the pause grew.

"I don't know how to explain it. It was weird. I felt it and I knew, I mean, I kinda knew what it was, that you were coming, but I couldn't seem to connect that to the feeling I had. It was hot inside me, Jim. I could feel your come and it was hot and thick and it was like you filled me up with you.” Another pause, this one not as long, ending when Blair patted his shoulder and whispered. "I liked it, Jim. I really did."

"So did I, love.” Crawling onto the couch, Jim pulled Blair into his arms, turning him on his side to cradle him. "Thank you."

“You don't have to keep thanking me, Jim. It was something I wanted to do." Blair protested. The warmth and Tylenol and tea were combining to make him sleepy. 

"It was a gift. I want you to know that I know that. You're so much braver than I am."

A soft snort greeted that. Then Blair yawned.

“You want to go upstairs to bed?"

“You gonna come with me?"

"I think I've earned a nap." Jim waved in the direction of the lights and decorations he'd finished hanging while Blair was soaking.

"Thanks for that, Jim. I love Christmas lights." Blair's eyes twinkled up at him.

“Well, I know it's late, but maybe tomorrow we can get a tree. If you want to."

"That would be nice, man. Let's not get carried away here, though, okay?"

"I think getting carried away is highly underrated,” Jim said, grunting as he shifted and stood with Blair still in his arms.

The younger man laughed aloud.

"My caveman! Oh, yeah.” Clinging to Jim he let the older man carry him up the stairs and settle him on the bed in his robe.

They snuggled and Jim kissed him when Blair winced as the new position woke lingering aches.

"Get some rest, . There's nowhere to go and I've nothing better to do than lie here and hold you."

“You're a mushball, Jim Ellison." Blair accused, and then yawned again. Snuggling, he closed his eyes and relaxed into the big man's warmth.

“Well, yeah, Sandburg. Why else do you think I have this need to tell you goodnight, love every night?"

"So I can say it back once in a while.” Chuckling quietly, Blair retorted mildly. Jim kissed the top of his head and his hands slid down Blair's back under the robe and tenderly massaged his sore bottom. You never stay awake long enough,” he teased.

"Because you're so good at what you do, man." Blair was already drifting on the edges of sleep. "So good at what you do."

"That's because I love you so damn much, Chief.” The words floated into the room to meld with past sentiments. This cloud of invisible memory that inhabited their home was the foundation that supported their peace.  
He could feel it so strongly now that there was a pretty good chance he was going to cry.

And even that was okay, here, with Blair safe in his arms and everything right with their world. 

 

Thursday, December 25, 1997 

"Oh, man." Waking with Jim's lips pressed to the back of his neck, Blair sounded happy. "Hey, it's Christmas, Jim!"

"It always gets here eventually.” The older man teased. They'd spent half the night telling each other about their best and worst Christmases growing up. Jim's best had been the year he was six and he and Steve got radio control cars....and the worst was the first one after his mother died, when his father refused to put up a tree or decorate the house and the only gifts they received were from the servants.

Blair's best was a bit stranger, naturally. The first year his mother deemed him old enough to join her on her annual hike through New Mexico, when he was eight, had been 'perfect', in his words. But their worst experiences were similar....when Blair was twelve his mom had been stranded by the weather in Canada and unable to join him and he'd spent the holidays with his uncle and family, all of whom thought Naomi was a flake.

Both of their 'worsts' involved missing their mothers.

Jim had been a go-to-bed-and-sneak-out-later-to-catch-Santa kid, while Blair had gone for the more direct approach...he'd argued until he was allowed to stay up, but always dozed off before anything special happened.

"Mmmm.” Snuggling back deeper into Jim's embrace, Blair wiggled invitingly. “Wanna fool around?"

“You feeling up to it?" nuzzling under the tousled hair, Jim bit gently at Blair's neck. They hadn't made love since Sunday night, when they had accomplished penetration for the first time. There was nothing wrong, Blair had been sore and achy and Jim had been tied up at the station with a new case - fortunately finished up yesterday - and they'd both been worn out by busy days.

“What time do we have to be downtown?” Still nibbling, Jim stroked his fingers through the crisp hair on his love's chest.

"Mm, oh...not until noon. Most of the cooking is already done..."

True to form, Blair had spent most of the week, when he wasn't helping Jim, at the teen shelter. A sociology student in one of his classes who had heard about him and Jim had asked if he could spare a few hours.

“We have a significant percentage of our population who're gay boys, Mr. Sandburg. Kicked out of their homes by their parents. Maybe if you helped out a bit they'd feel better about themselves, maybe even talk to you."

So he'd taken on yet another responsibility and Jim had vowed to help him as much as he could.

“You don't have to come with me, Jim.” Although he'd said it several times already, Blair was going to say it again. “You could go to Simon's without me."

"Listen, Chief." Emphasizing his words with a quick hard bite that made the younger man shiver, Jim repeated what he'd said every time. "This is our first Christmas together. I'm going to spend it wherever you are."

“Are you changing the subject here?" with another, more insistent wiggle, Blair drew Jim's attention back to the matter at hand...taking matters in hand, Jim gripped Blair's hardened cock and squeezed gently.

"Not at all, Chief."

"That's a good thing..." letting the words trail off into a low moan, Blair arched in Jim's hands, his body radiating approval of the older man's actions.

Then he pulled away and rolled out of bed, landing on his feet like a cat, and beamed down at his lover.

“What are we thinking?! There're presents to open!" with a broad grin Blair turned his back on Jim, wiggling his butt, and bounced down the stairs. 

With a growl of frustration Jim pounded down after him, catching him around the waist and tumbling both of them to the couch. Pinning the smaller man beneath him, he leaned down to take Blair's mouth in a hungry, bruising kiss.

Blair arched tightly beneath him, holding their groins together, then, with a lunge, he wrapped his legs around Jim's waist to hold them that way.

"Ohhhh, yeah,” he moaned when Jim left his mouth to bite at his neck.   
Hanging his head back, he offered more tender skin for sacrifice. His hips began to move and Jim grunted in frustration as the sensation was hampered by the fabric of their boxers.

"Here, let me -" stepping off the sofa, Jim quickly stripped his own boxers off and then Blair's, leaving the loose T-shirt on the younger man as he sat, lifting Blair to his lap. Blair smiled seductively, hair hanging in his face that way that drove Jim crazy, and straddled him, on his knees, lowering himself slowly until their cocks met.

"Ohhh..." moaning softly, he wrapped his arms around Jim's shoulders and pulled himself tight. Jim's hands went to Blair's ass and gripped it. 

Covering Blair's mouth with his own, he began to move the younger man slowly, hot lengths gliding together.

"Mm-mph." Making a sound of approval, Blair slid one hand up to grip the back of Jim's head and tilt it back to deepen the kiss. Their tongues dueled hotly. Jim let his hands slide to Blair's back and stroked up under the shirt warmly.

"I love the way your muscles move,” he was panting now, speaking quietly as Blair rimmed his ear and moaned softly.

"They ripple, and your skin is so smooth..."

"I love the way you hold me, like you're never gonna let go..." pulling away slightly, Blair met his eyes.

"I love you, Chief." Jim panted. They began to move faster and he had to work to keep his eyes open, to stare into his love's. "I've never loved anyone else, I just didn't know it."

"Mrmph." Blair grunted and moved faster, Jim's hands kept stroking his back, letting the younger man set the pace. His hands slid to Blair's waist to feel the muscles working there as Blair humped against him. “Love...love you too, Jim. So, so much."

The ocean blue eyes closed and Blair moaned loudly. His mouth searched blindly for Jim's and sealed to it.

Jim could feel the pressure in Blair's groin, feel his cock as it began to stiffen further. Running one hand up the sturdy body, he brushed his fingers over erect nipples and tugged gently at the nipple ring.

"Morrre." Blair moaned hungrily, surfacing from the kiss to breathe. 

The way he sounded, the way he looked when Jim opened his eyes...the older man pinched both nipples gently and felt the beginnings of orgasm rush his lover. Eagerly he thrust harder, wanting to come with him.

The first hot pulses eased the friction between them and Jim felt lightning dance along his nerves as his body convulsed and shuddered, clinging to Blair like an anchor, the younger man quivering in his arms as he fell to Jim's chest, arms tight around him, Jim holding him tightly, filled with a fierce wave of love.

"Nobody else, ever, ever,” he said, his voice suddenly harsh. "I never loved anyone before I loved you."

"I know." Blair panted, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. "I know."

They sat catching their breath for several long minutes, until Jim recovered enough to run a quick auditory scan of the loft, as he did regularly... and he realized that they were not alone.

"I knocked.” The voice was apologetic cheerful.

"Mom!" with a deep groan Blair hid his face in Jim's neck.

"Naomi?" with a growl Jim yanked the afghan off the back of the couch and covered them both with it.

The pretty redheaded woman just smiled at them from the kitchen. Blair finally raised his head high enough to peek over Jim's shoulder..

"How did you get in?" Jim demanded.

"I sent her a key.” His lover mumbled. "Mom, why didn't you wait in the hall?"

"There was a strange woman across the way that stared at me. Shall I start breakfast?"

Dumbfounded, Blair just stared.

"Did you know?” He asked at last. Beneath him Jim gave up and started chuckling quietly, his eyes closed, arms holding Blair to him tightly.

“About the two of you? Oh, Charlie told me last year. Of course, he couldn't give me dates, but he assured me that it would be the best thing for you. Jim will never try to tie you down or change you."

“Well, thank you Naomi.” The sarcasm was lost on Blair's mother as she walked over to them, standing behind the couch.

Her hands framed Blair's red face.

“You're more beautiful than ever.” She beamed at him. He grinned back, relaxing against Jim. “And you -" one hand rested lightly on the top of Jim's head. "I can't think of anyone who deserves my son's love more than you do, Jim."

Kissing the top of Blair's head, she headed for the study.

"I'm going to pull out my bags, why don't the two of you get cleaned up and then we can open some presents."

Blair scrambled off of Jim, tugging at his T-shirt and leaving him the afghan, and tugged at his hand, grinning.

"C'mon, man, I wanna get to those presents!"

 

"I'm exhausted.” Collapsing on the couch that was the focus of so much of their lives, Blair grinned brattily at Jim as the older man held the door for Naomi. "Ready for bed?"

"Chief, you don't want to abandon your mother like that,” he scolded gently. The light in his eyes showed that he felt otherwise.

"That's okay, guys. I'm going to take some time to process everything that's happened today.” She smiled at both of them. "I'll keep the door closed so I don't disturb you."

"No sage, right?" Jim asked, only half-teasing.

"No sage, Jim.” She agreed. Then she kissed Blair and patted the older man on the back before taking refuge in the study.

Snuggling into their big bed together, Blair was playing with the toy his mom had given him.

"I can't believe she gave you that silly thing." Jim teased as Blair relaxed in his arms and pushed the buttons that fed the little cat and made it sleep.

"Hey, I've always wanted a kitten." protesting mildly, Blair let his lover take the toy from his hands.

“What are you going to call him?"

"Her." Blair corrected, turning over to kiss Jim's chest and move against him. "Pussy, of course."

“You are so bad.” Chuckling now, Jim cradled him close and leaned to kiss him.

"I love what you gave me too.” Glancing at the long thick blue velour robe, embroidered with dolphins around the edge, hung beside Jim's on the wall by the closet.

"I love you,” Jim said softly.

Blair's heart double-thumped and rolled and he sighed and snuggled closer.

“You want to...?” He asked quietly. "Mom's meditating, she won't listen."

"In a little bit, maybe. Right now I want to lay here and hold you and smell you and listen to you..."

"Sounds nice."

"The best gift you could give me is yourself, Blair." pressing his lips to Blair's cheek, Jim kissed him gently, repeatedly.

"It's yours, Jim. I'm yours."

“We'll lay up here and snuggle for a while. Then you'll get tired of waiting and start to wiggle and we'll make love passionately - quietly - and then I'll tell you goodnight love and we'll sleep all tangled together."

"The perfect ending to a near-perfect day.” Cuddling closer, Blair sighed. "I always knew I was lucky to have my mother..."

"But after today we both know to appreciate her more."

“Are we really going to start a support group for those kids?"

"If you like. I feel like we should do something to show them that it doesn't all have to be back alleys and park bathrooms and sordid encounters."

"It can be love and it can be beautiful." Blair agreed. "I think I love you more each day."

"I know you do, Chief." Jim squeezed him and moved the kiss to his full mouth. "Only as much as I do."

Sighing to herself, Naomi turned over in the small bed. Her son was happy and with a good man who would take care of him. The small pain she felt was selfish and she knew that she would get over it soon.

“You better not hurt him, James Ellison.” She said softly into the darkness, unaware that the man upstairs holding her drowsy son could hear her clearly. "Or you'll have me to deal with."

 

Sunday, January 4, 1998 

Hot, wet. Sweet slick movement in one of the places he liked it best...  
Lowering his hands without opening his eyes, Jim sank his fingers into Blair's tangled hair and gently encouraged the younger man's ministrations.

Raising his head long enough to flash a grin, Blair settled back to his elbows between Jim's legs and sank his mouth over the proud morning erection again.

"Ungh..." moaning, Jim loosed one hand to reach for the comforter and stuff a handful into his mouth. 

"I guess Mom's up." Blair mumbled as he bobbed his head free for a second before going back to work. Jim's only reply was to spread his legs wider and move his hips impatiently.

With Jim's moans muffled, Blair brought him to climax slowly, drawing it out as long as he could. Gulping down the flood of salty semen, he crawled up his lover's big body and draped over him languidly as Jim worked the sodden material from his mouth and lay quietly panting.

"Good morning, sweetheart." kissing his neck, Blair stretched, nudging his erection into Jim's warm and now soft groin.

"Good morning to you, love." wrapping his arms around the smaller man, Jim pulled him up higher for a deep kiss.

Lowering one hand, his fingers just brushed Blair's cock, making him moan around the eager tongue that stroked the insides of his mouth so thoroughly.

Swallowing Blair's pants and moans and little begging noises, Jim stroked him with the same deliberate ease Blair had used on him. The younger man was writhing above him, grinding into Jim's strong hand while the other kept his head firmly in place. The sounds that leaked out from their mouths were becoming desperate as both tried to breathe from their noses to keep the connection.

Feeling the cock in his hand stiffen slightly, Jim latched one leg around both of Blair's and pinned him, stopping the movement of his hand. Blair struggled, at first mildly and then with more energy, becoming slightly frantic. He tried to pull his mouth away but Jim held tight, sucking Blair's tongue deep into his own mouth and caressing it hungrily. Waiting until Blair's movements reached a fever pitch, he tightened everything dramatically at once - mouth, leg and hands - and sent Blair howling over the edge, taking in his wail of pleasure into himself and reveling in it.

Kissing the now slack mouth, Jim gently eased the pressure on his love. Blair lay over him bonelessly, unable to do more than pant and moan softly as his body shook with aftershocks.

With a grin that threatened to split his face, Jim covered them both back up and cradled him, enjoying the sensual warmth of Blair's breath on his neck, the heavy weight of his utterly relaxed body, knowing in his heart that no one had ever seen his love like this before, and only he ever would. 

"Blair? Are you awake yet, sweetie?” Stirring, Jim appreciated Naomi's choice of words with mild amusement. She was standing at the foot of the stairs, he could hear her breathing.

"I put the breakfast casserole in, it's that sausage-and-egg one you like. It should be done in about ten minutes. I'm off to meet Janie and I've left a number by the phone. Don't expect me until late."

"Okay, Naomi." Jim called down. "Thanks for breakfast."

"Good morning, Jim!" she sounded genuinely pleased to speak to him. "I'll see both of you tonight." 

"'Kay..." Blair's voice was sluggish, but he really wasn't a morning person, Jim thought. And after what had happened Christmas day, he didn't think he'd ever be embarrassed around that woman again.

They cuddled a few more minutes, Jim listening as she gathered her stuff and went out the door. Then he gave Blair a little shake.

"C'mon, love, we have someplace to be and your mom made breakfast."

"Can't move." Blair muttered thickly. “You killed me."

"In the best sense of the word, I'm sure.” Chuckling softly, Jim shifted to half-sit, Blair still sprawled over him, holding the smaller man close. "I love you, you know,” he dropped a kiss to Blair's parted lips, tongue just flicking out to taste the residual evidence of their earlier passion. Blair tasted like himself and Jim and love. The same way he smelled.

"I know." With a surprising burst of energy, Blair snuggled closer, pressing his face into Jim's neck, hands curling around his shoulders. 

"Hey, this shelter thing today was your idea.” Switching tactics, Jim scolded mildly. “What kind of example are we going to set if we're late?"

"Not fair..." Blair grumbled, but began slowly peeling himself off Jim. There was a moment when their eyes met and they both grinned, just as Blair's chest hair tugged free of the dried semen that stuck them together, and the younger man reached a hand to stroke Jim's stubble-shadowed jaw lovingly.

"If any of those boys can find half of what we have, they'll live happy lives."

Jim rewarded that with another long kiss, a sighing bonding, yet another physical manifestation of their peace.

 

"Okay, these are the rules.” Standing on the back bumper of his truck, hands gripping the tailgate, Jim looked imposing.

Blair grinned and then schooled his features to seriousness when Jim's eyes scolded him. "No moving away from the group. No fighting. And no romantic stuff,” he said it with a straight face, but Blair ducked his head, letting his hair cover his face briefly. Jim knew he was remembering this morning, and all the other mornings and nights before. The eight teenage boys in the back of the truck all stared at the imposing cop with expressions ranging from timidity to outright mockery.

“We all want to have fun, but Blair and I are responsible for your safety and we don't want anything to spoil this."

"It's an experiment, guys,” Blair said from his perch atop the cab, facing Jim across the truck bed, legs dangling, hands gesturing between them. "If it goes okay, we can do more things like this. If it doesn't - then no more trips."

Jim frowned at this abuse of his vehicle but nodded at the words.

"Look.” His voice got quieter. The truck was parked in the small lot behind the shelter and there were several curious faces stuck out the doors and windows, watching them. “We all know why we're doing this. Life isn't fair sometimes. Blair and I - I can't say we just want to be your friends because we don't know each other that well yet. But give us a chance and maybe this will work."

There were a couple of nods, but a shout from a window in the shelter drew everyone's attention.

"Hey, the fags are leaving!"

Three of the boys shot up their middle fingers and waved them at the shouter.

"None of that!" Jim snapped, swinging down. "Blair will answer any questions you have. It's a two hour drive and it's cold back there, stay under the blankets."

Hopping down smoothly, Blair moved under the nearest blanket, beside a small Asian teen of fifteen. The boy moved aside slightly to give him room. Wedging himself into the corner between the bed and the cab on the driver's side, Blair tucked himself in tightly.

Coming around, Jim skimmed his hands over Blair, making sure the blanket was tight and he was completely covered, taking an odd tuck here and there. He whispered into his ear as he did so, leaning over his shoulder.

“You going to be warm enough, love?"

"I'll be fine, man." Blair beamed up at him, letting all the love inside him shine from his face. He was irresistible and Jim had to drop a quick, hard kiss on his lips. A chorus of "Ooooos" rose from the assembled boys.

"I thought you said no romantic stuff.” One of the finger- boys sneered.

“We're adults and we've been together a while." Blair explained with that odd firmness he achieved when teaching. "it's kosher, man. But you guys..."

Shaking his head, Jim dropped another kiss to the top of his head and climbed in and started up the truck while his love went into lecture mode.


	11. Chapter 11

He drove a bit under the speed limit. Cascade was experiencing an off-season thaw and it was actually close to 65 today, practically balmy, but he didn't want anyone to get too cold - Jim listened with interest to the conversations in the back.

He'd left the rear sliding window cracked a bit. The hiss that created annoyed him, but Blair called it good practice to tune it out.

"So what's a guy like you doing with a cop anyhow?" cocky voice, sneering attitude. Drexel Kinney. The oldest of the boys at 17, the oldest the shelter allowed. There was another facility for older teens. The Green House, as it was called, was for younger teens and even some pre-teens, most of whom still had some contact with their families and perhaps a chance of returning home. One of the requirements for entry was that they go to school. Counseling could be arranged for their families.

Green House kept about fifty kids, boys and girls, and of that fifty, these eight were gay. Considered a special risk-group, they even had rooms set aside just for them, making them the only facility in town serving their needs.

Like we are. Jim thought. Blair's cheerful recounting of their introduction - highly edited, of course, he even left out the part where Jim threw him up against the wall - was met with sarcasm from Drexel. But the little Asian boy, Tommy Xuan, spoke up shyly.

"That's how it's supposed to be, right? You meet somebody and you fall in love and they take care of you."

“And you take care of them." Blair answered. Jim could hear the pleasure in his voice, both from the words and from getting something out of the shy boy. But several others groaned loudly.

"That's not real life.” David McVey, 15, acted tough. "I was with this guy for a while and there was nothing like love about it,” he sounded proud of that.

"Then you've missed a lot, man, and I'm sorry for you,” Blair said sadly. "I know I don't mean Jack to any of you yet, but I hope you'll listen to me. Hold out for the real thing. I tell that to straight kids as well. Lots of my students come to me for advice and I tell them the same thing. Wait for love. It can happen."

"Tell us about being in the jungle.” Troy Freidman, mixed race, Blair had told Jim he'd never seen more beautiful eyes. At 15, he wore his hair in loose curls that hid half his face. It worried Jim that he seemed to know how to use his looks already.

Another Green House rule was no turning tricks. But he was also smart and polite seemed sincerely interested in Blair's studies. 

Of the other boys - Jim was trying not to, but it was hard not to stereotype them - 16 year-old blond, thin, short Nate was the intellectual. Tall, stocky redheaded John had a skateboarder's attitude and wardrobe at 14, while dark-skinned Levonne was had a mouth and, Jim had been warned, a temper. Only 15, he was pretty big for his age. Jim thought he should be playing football, but understood why he wasn't, remembering years of crude locker-room jokes.

The last boy was the most worrisome. Although he seemed normal and was pleasant-looking enough, coming from a solid middle-class background, 15 year-old Alex went by the name of 'Rat' and his arms and chest were lined by the small round scars of cigarette burns and the thin white lines of multiple knife cuts. He'd been at the shelter for almost a year now and they'd gotten him some counseling, but the director had spoken to them with concern over him, and warned them that he could unpredictable.

Just a nice little hike in the woods. Jim thought ruefully as David got personal. What were we thinking?

"So, you and Jim, you do it all the time, right? Does he do you? I bet he doesn't let you do him..."

“What Jim and I do in the bedroom is strictly between Jim and I." Blair's voice was even, a little amused. "I'll answer questions about sex in general - maybe give an example if it's something relevant - but no details about what we do."

"Didya do it this morning?” Drexel's leer was obvious in his voice and it made Jim tense.

"He's not asking for details,” David added, mocking. 

Hearing Blair's heart speed up, Jim prepared to pull over if he needed to. His gun was in the glove compartment, locked in, they didn't want to take any chances. These weren't bad kids, just, well, teenagers.

“Actually, yeah,” he was so attuned to Blair's body, Jim felt the heat of his blush even through the metal of the cab. Or at least thought he did. “We did. It was kind of funny, though, 'cause my mom is visiting and we had to be quiet."

"I bet you're not good at quiet.” The teasing in John's voice was much friendlier than the other two had been.

"No." Blair admitted with a chuckle. "No, I am not. But I did have to be quiet once, for six days. It was part of a cleansing ritual for this Amazonian tribe, I had to do it before I could witness the marriage ceremony..,” he was off and running and Jim could only shake his head and hope the boys could keep up.

 

"Oh, man.” Following Jim as he rolled over and sat up for the fourth or fifth time that night, Blair pushed his hair back out of his eyes and blinked owlishly at his lover. He couldn't see anything, of course."The baby again?"

"I can't tune it out, Chief.” Shaking his head, starting to sound more than a little irritated, the bigger man yanked the tiny white noise generators from his ears and glared at them. "These damn things aren't helping!"

"I know, I know.” Immediately switching to a more soothing tone, Blair swung a leg over Jim's hips and straddled him, hands automatically beginning to rub the stress from tense broad shoulders. "It must be because it's a baby, Jim. Response to a baby's cry, especially a young baby - that's practically instinctive in everybody. Even drugged-out crack moms report feeling uneasy when their babies scream, especially if they do it for hours on end. Think about how Sentinels seem to be programmed and add in the value of a new baby to the tribe and the vulnerability...” Speaking slowly and soothingly, Blair rubbed and petted, working halfway down the smooth sculpted chest, deliberately keeping the touch non-erotic, soothing his Sentinel until Jim relaxed somewhat and began to sink back down into the pillows.

The relentless cry of a colicky baby was easy to hear, even to Blair, but he wasn't as bothered by it. Thinking about that as he crooned, he decided that a change of subject might help Jim refocus as well.

"So, what did you think of today? Lunch was nice, I'm glad we decided to go with the camp stove instead of trying to build a fire, though. I'm not sure I'd trust Drexel around a fire, he has that Beavis-'n-Butthead look to him sometimes. I can just see him merrily blazing down the forest while cackling 'fire, heheheh, fire'." 

Smiling briefly, Jim eased himself down a few more inches.

Blair followed the movement with his body, his massage moving up Jim's neck to work tenderly at his temples. 

"They liked the stew, and the hike. I was worried about Tommy for a little while at the end there, I don't think he's in the best of health, really, but the director says he refuses to go to a doctor and he's tested negative for HIV so they can't make him...” Sliding down Jim's body, Blair waited until his lover shifted again and was flat on his back before retrieving the ear plugs and offering them. "I like John, he's pretty funny, and Nate really is smart, though he's kindof a know-it-all.” At Jim's quiet snort Blair defended himself. "Hey, I know what I'm talking about and I don't do it to show off, it's just in my nature, man."

"I know." Reaching for him, Jim was surprised when Blair casually evaded his grasp and instead settled on his own back beside the older man. “You're so much smarter than I am, sometimes I wonder."

Shaking his head, which let his hair fall into his face, Blair wrapped an arm around Jim's shoulders and tugged at him until the larger man curled over against him, his head resting in the center of Blair's chest, the soft hair there caressing his face as Blair's hands caressed his head and shoulder.

"There're different kinds of smarts, man. I read this book once, Howard Gardener's theory of seven intelligences. It said that there are seven different kinds of intelligence, like mathematical and linguistic and interpersonal and intrapersonal and musical and artistic and then he had another one, I forget what it was and, anyhow, there are people who are very good at one or two, the way I am and then there are people who are just a little bit good at lots of different ones and I think that's more the way you are..."

The lecture was cut off by Jim's hand gently covering his mouth. Blair mph'ed but hushed up and felt the remaining tension flow from Jim's body like a river.

"He stopped." 

The silence left behind the baby's wails was stronger than a usual silence, even than their usual silences.

"Must've finally got him to sleep,” Blair said when Jim's hand slid to cup his jaw. Tilting the younger man's face, Jim leaned up for a sweet kiss.

"Thank you, love,” he said before cuddling closer and expelling his breath slowly. 

“Anytime," breathing the word, Blair closed his eyes and relaxed with him. It was close to three am. There had been a message from Naomi on the machine when they got home, saying she was going to stay the night in Seacouver with Janie and another friend. They had eaten warmed-up leftover egg-and-sausage casserole for dinner and cuddled in bed while both read, Jim a new procedures manual and Blair a new textbook for next semester.

Sleep had snuck up on him and the last thing he remembered was Jim lifting the heavy book from his fingers, turning off the light, curling around him, and then whispering the words in his ear.

"I can say it twice.” There was gentle amusement in Jim's voice as he spoke into the quiet darkness.

"I'd like that.” Surprised by the thickness of his own voice, Blair stared into the darkness and hugged the big body closer to his own. "I think, y'know, that I need it tonight.” There was an undercurrent of unease in his mind, unexplained.

"Shhh.” A big hand stroked down his bare side. "Everything is perfect, love. Everything is just the way it's supposed to be. Close your eyes, rest your mind. Feel the way our love wraps around us. It protects us."

Following the soft instructions, Blair sighed and felt the fear slip away. It didn't matter where it had come from. Free-floating anxiety used to be a way of life, but not anymore. 

“Yes,” he sighed. "I feel it, Jim. I feel you,” he paused and hugged him again. "I love you."

"I know you do.” A chuckle accompanied the words.

"Goodnight, Jim."

"Goodnight, love."

Down and across the hall a baby whimpered and stirred in his sleep, but eased back into it before the sound became a cry. 

This time.

 

Wednesday, January 7, 1998 

Blair had just dropped to sleep, curled around Jim's back, spooned up against him, Jim's words echoing softly in his ears...

"Goodnight, love."

And then the loving echo was blasted by a shout of rage. "Oh, shit, not again!"

Sitting up with more vehemence than necessary, Jim growled and threw a pillow across the room. It missed the dresser and bounced off the closet door, not making nearly enough racket to satisfy his urge. 

Blair's hands caught his when he reached to the night table to throw something else - the only things available were the tube of lube that hadn't been used in days and the book was Blair was currently reading.

Down the hall the wail of the colicky baby began cycling up, reaching a point where Blair could hear it as well.

Holding Both of Jim's hands, he leaned in to rest his forehead against his lover's. The big man was breathing heavily, nostrils flaring, and sweating. He was so agitated that Blair could hear his heart for a change.

"Breathe..,” he soothed calmly. "Breathe through it. Turn down the hearing, listen to my voice..."

"It won't work, Chief." Jim groaned, flopping backwards to lie limp. "It hasn't worked yet!" 

"I'm doing the best I can, man." protesting mildly, Blair felt the hurt those words caused bite deep. He didn't know what he was doing here, he had no idea. 

I'm no more qualified to be a guide than the guy upstairs, he scolded himself.

Glancing up, Jim saw his love's face grow sad and could have kicked himself. 

"I didn't mean..."

"It's okay. You're right, I haven't been able to help.” Sighing, Blair curled up beside him, his head on Jim's broad chest, releasing Jim's hands. Idly the older man raised one to stroke tenderly through the unruly curls. But after a minute of peace he began to tense again. 

"I wish Naomi was still here. She'd know what to do." Blair sighed, rubbing soothing circles into Jim's shoulder.

"I don't think the Fellers would react any better to your mom than they do to us." Jim managed a dry chuckle.

The Feller's grandchild was the talk of the building. In their care for two weeks, he had cried steadily for the past four days, every night, always in the middle of the night. Although the idea had been expressed, no one had mentioned anything to them. It seemed petty; it was, after all, a baby, and babies cried. But Jim hadn't slept more than three hours in any of the preceding four nights and he was involved in a big trial that required him to get up every day and go to court and then he still had to go to the station to catch up on backlogged paperwork...as sleep abandoned them, so did lovemaking.

"Maybe it's a plot. A clever way for them to drive us from the building,” he suggested. Blair's chuckle was half-hearted.

"I almost wouldn't put it past them."

The wails rose in volume, hitting the level they would stay at for the next three hours or more. Jim moaned and pulled a pillow over his head.

"How the hell are they putting up with it?" Blair asked almost to himself. He's got to be seventy and she's sixty if she's a day..." rolling suddenly from the bed, he was reaching for his jeans when Jim uncovered long enough to stare at him.

“Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna fix this, Jim. I'm the Guide, the Shaman. It's my job to take care of you."

After staring for a full minute, Jim dropped his head back to the bed and covered up again.

"Don't take my gun.” The words were muffled but vaguely hopeful. Shaking his head and snickering, Blair went downstairs.

Wearing only his baggy jeans and one of Jim's huge sweatshirts, he padded barefoot across the hall and knocked loudly on the neighbor's door.

There was no answer, so he knocked louder. His hand was in midair when Mrs. Fellers voice, sounding exhausted and quavery, spoke from the other side.

“Whoever it is, we're sorry, we promise it's just for a few days more...” The door cracked and she peeked out around the chain. “What do you want?!" her face was more startled than disgusted at this moment.

"Look, I know you've got a right to your life here..." Blair started, "But Jim has to testify tomorrow and your grandson has kept him up all week. There's going to be a murderer loose in Cascade by the end of the week if he doesn't get some sleep, because he's not gonna make a lick of sense on the stand tomorrow."

“What the sp-t-t-! do you want me to do?!" she stammered angrily, clearly not prepared for a frontal assault.

"Let me help. You're exhausted, your husband must be, and everyone in the building is silently praying that kid will go to sleep. The more tired you get, the more anxious you get and the more uptight. The baby picks up on it and he gets more anxious and upset and it just turns into the terrible cycle." putting as much sincerity as he could into the words, Blair stuck a hand into the crack in the door. "I'm good with babies. Just give me a chance. At the very least you can sit down for a few minutes while I walk him."

It was interesting. watching her face as her fears and prejudices battled her exhaustion and desperation.

"That woman who was here last weekend." not friendly, but calculating.   
"The pretty one with red hair?"

"Oh, that was my mom. Naomi." Blair supplied cheerfully. "It was great to have her here for the holidays."

"She was very friendly when we met in the elevator. Helped me carry some packages up."

"She's the best.” Unable to prevent it, Blair felt himself grinning foolishly. He loved his mom so much, her endorsement of his relationship with Jim had just been icing on the cake. The two people most important to him in the world both liked and respected the other and thought he needed them.  
Maybe it was the grin the tipped her over. With a deep sigh, Mrs. Fellers unhooked the chain lock and opened the door.

Blair stepped in gingerly, glancing around quickly. He'd never been inside, of course. This apartment was smaller than his and Jim's loft, but every bit as clean and tidy. The furniture was worn, and the walls faded, but the walls were covered with framed photos.

Mr. Fellers stared at him in disbelief, then shouted at his wife over the cries of the baby he was rocking.

“What the hell is he doing in here?! Get rid of him!"

"Henry, maybe he can help...” She said, sounding as desperate as he looked. Reacting to the noise, the baby grew louder.

Cringing as he thought of Jim's reaction, Blair stepped up and held out his arms.

"Let me try, Mr. Fellers. I don't care what you think of me, I know I can help here,” he said the words with more assurance than he felt. Sure, he'd babysat many times and dealt with several colicky babies before, but this little guy seemed determined to be miserable.

"Henry,” his wife pleaded.

As the baby's shrieks climbed to eardrum bursting stage, the elderly man handed him over to 'the little fag from across the hall' with great reluctance.

There was no flash of lightning, no sudden silence. If anything, the infant got louder, not recognizing the person who was holding him and feeling the increased tension in the room. Stepping away from the man, Blair cuddled the baby high on his shoulder and began bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet.

With one hand under the baby's butt and the other cupping the back of his head, he pressed his nose to the little neck and began whistling softly between his teeth. He'd learned the trick from a Momburi mother in Africa, sometimes a maintained high- pitched note would calm a screaming infant...but it took time.

“What is he doing?” Fellers took a step forward and Blair shrugged with the other shoulder. Briefly glancing at them, he turned his back to the couple and began moving in a small circle, establishing a rhythm as he walked and swayed and bounced, keeping up the almost-beneath-his-breath whistling. Hoping they gave him enough of a chance to make it work.

After ten minutes the baby's angry movements slowed somewhat. The sturdy little legs stopped kicking out and one tiny fist latched tightly to the sweatshirt Blair wore.

In fifteen minutes his eyes began to glaze over. Blair paused for a minute to test it and he immediately tightened up again and squalled louder.   
Returning to the whistling, walking and bouncing pattern, Blair was relieved when the screams tapered off again. Not that he was quiet - just not ear-piercing.

"Jim, man, I hope you appreciate this,” he whispered as he paused for breath, hoping the movement would be enough for a few seconds. Surely his lover was listening to all of this. He wished he had a way to ask without blowing this.

The Fellers were staring at him like he'd grown a second head. he grinned tightly at them and spoke before whistling again.

"Give it a few minutes. It's a method used by the Mozambique tribe in Kenya...they passed a crying baby around the village through the night, so everyone gets some sleep and the baby gets taken care of...better than trying to do it all yourself."

Whistling again, he made another circuit around the couch and dining table, passing in front of the TV, tuned to CNN. "Oh, hey, look, clips from the new Blues Brothers' movie..." pausing again in the whistling, he spoke to the grandparents. "So, you never told me what his name is." 

Mrs. Feller spoke, sounding confused.

"Oh, it's, um, Henry. After his grandfather, but we're calling him Hank."

"That's a good name." Blair flashed a grin as he passed. The baby was growing quieter and quieter. “A strong name to live up to. Hank Aaron, Hank Williams..."

“You like baseball?” Henry asked in disbelief. Blair threw him a disgusted look and rolled his eyes. 

"Please. Do I look like an interior designer to you? You have got to move beyond those stereotypes, man."

Hank was down to quiet whimpers. cautiously Blair slowed, but as soon as the rhythm changed he wound back up, letting out a shriek.

"Okay, okay, I guess we keep walking," Blair said, patting his butt affectionately. "But I'm getting dizzy here...would you mind if I took this into the hall? The two of you can grab some rest, if you like,” he shook his head as their faces tightened, showing him how far they trusted him. 

"Come on, get real. Jim's a cop, for chrissakes. Cop of the year last year. I'm a teacher...he's perfectly safe."

Surprising Blair, it was Henry Fellers who looked at his wife and nodded wearily.

“Anything is better than listening to him cry."

She went and opened the door for him, leaving it open. Wondering, but glad to have the room to pace, Blair stepped into the hallway and began moving down it. A noise behind him made him look back to see the two of them pushing one of the ancient wingchairs into the doorway.

“You should at least have company." Mr. Fellers mumbled, embarrassed, as his wife settled into the chair, watching him.

“Whatever." Blair ignored them and kept doing what he was doing.

Almost an hour later the door to their loft opened and Jim peeked out.

"Sandburg?” he said quietly.

"Shhh..." Easing himself away from the wall he had been leaning against, taking a little break, Blair moved gracefully toward his lover. "I think he's finally asleep."

Glancing over his shoulder as Blair paused, still rocking on his feet, before him, Jim smiled tightly. 

"He's not the only one." 

Turning to look at their neighbor, snoring softly in her chair in the doorway, Blair just shook his head.

"She went first, man."

“When are you coming to bed?" Reaching to stroke his hair, grinning when he saw the lock that was gripped firmly by a pink fist, Jim sighed.

“When I'm sure he's gonna stay asleep.” The baby began moving slightly and Blair shifted movements smoothly, rocking a different direction now, whistling for a minute or two.

"Sandburg, you amaze me." With love shining from his eyes, Jim leaned close, but Blair pulled back with a minute refusal.

"Not with the baby, lover,” he softened the words with a wink. “After you get a few hours sleep we'll see."

"I think I can now. Sleep, I mean."

"I'm not doing this for my health, Ellison. You better sleep." Mock-threatening, Blair shifted again and then began the bouncing walk as Hank stirred more insistently.

"I love you,” Jim said after him, quietly. Blair flashed a grin over his shoulder, reaching the elevator and turning for the return trip.

"I know,” he whispered as he passed Jim. "Go to bed, lover. Everything's under control here."

Stepping back into the loft, Jim left the door open, which made Blair stare curiously. Then his lover reappeared carrying a clean both clean blankets from his bed.

"One for you...” Trailing after him, Jim got it up around his shoulders and Blair sighed in appreciation, shifting to grip the gathered edges with two fingers of one hand, balancing the baby carefully on his chest. The hallway was cool. “And one for her."

Blair came back around as Jim spread the second blanket over Mrs. Fellers.

"Maybe she's not so bad,” he said softly.

"Oh, she still thinks we're the spawn of Satan,” Blair said.

"But after not sleeping for a few days, a lot of people would consider selling the kid to the devil." 

Unused to the tone of Blair's voice --it wasn't something he'd heard from his idealistic love - Jim walked beside him for a few minutes before commenting.

"If she really thought you were going to hurt him she wouldn't let you help."

“We'll see how much she appreciates it at the next building meeting." With a shrug Blair glanced at the sleeping woman and then stretched to plant a quick kiss on Jim's lips. "Get some sleep. Got a big day tomorrow."

“Yeah.” Clearly reluctant, Jim nevertheless returned to their home, leaving Blair alone, walking the hallway, bouncing and jiggling and rocking the barely-sleeping baby.

As he drifted to sleep, feeling lonely in the empty bed, Jim focused in on his love and smiled into the darkness as he heard the song that he began crooning to baby Hank. Jim knew it was meant for him.

"Goodnight, sweetheart, yes it's time to go, do-do-de-do. Goodnight, sweetheart, yes it's time to go, do-do-de-do. I hate to leave you but I really must say...Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight..."

 

Sunday, January 11, 1998 

Hearing the knock at the door, Jim shifted on the sofa. He hadn't been paying very close attention to his surroundings.

Although he usually scanned the building and block regularly, he'd been caught up in the game and his senses had been more closely focused on his young lover, sprawled and sleeping sweetly across his lap, his hair tickling the edge of Jim's stomach where the shirt rode up, his breath warm and sweet.

The knock repeated. Checking, he listened to the voices. "Maybe they aren't home." 

Mrs. Fellers? What did she want?

"Mother, you said both of their cars are here...I am not going to let you back out of this."

The second person was their daughter Mary. Hank's mom. She'd been scheduled to return this morning, and Jim was frankly glad she had. Blair had spent most of every night this week walking that damn baby so Jim could sleep. The rest of the building owed him a medal.

Shifting gently, not wanting to wake Blair if he didn't have to, Jim stood. A the third knock he called out quietly. "Just a minute."

He straightened his shirt, checked his jeans to be sure his lingering erection wasn't too obvious - he'd spent most of the afternoon cuddling the smaller man and the contact hadn't been unnoticed by his body, in a low-key way - and opened the door.

"Hello." Holding it open, he stepped slightly to the side, giving them the choice of coming in or not. "Mary. Mrs. Fellers. How is your weekend going?” The nonsense of small talk spilled from his lips with the ease of long practice.

The woman smiled and stepped inside unhesitatingly. Her mother followed with far less grace.

"This is big." Mary sounded surprised.

“We came to see Blair," Mrs. Fellers said, sounding unhappy about it.

"He's right over there on the couch,” Jim said, turning. "Let me wake him for you...he always acts like he can live without sleep, but I've found that if I can get him to be still long enough, he passes right out..."

The two women watched as he bent over the sofa, one hand reaching to stroke Blair's cheek. 

"Chief? Hey, wake up, love, we have company to see you.."

He wasn't surprised when the younger man made a sound of protest and turned away, curling up and mumbling sleepily.

"Mm, no, man, let me sleep, I'll clean it up in the morning..."

"It's almost evening, buddy. We have company." leaning further over the back of the couch, Jim slid his hand down to a bare shoulder and gave him a little shake. Although Blair seldom went bare-chested, Jim had talked him out of his shirts as he dozed off, so the older man could stroke him and play with the curly chest hair.

"Jim?" Blue eyes opening, looking up at him with drowsy contentment.

"Company, Chief."

"Man, you don't have to wake me for Simon..."

"Not Simon.” Tugging at the shoulder, Jim got him half- sitting and looking over the back of the couch.

Mary smiled, apparently amused, when the tousled curls and sleepy eyes peered at her.

"Oh!" Startled, Blair rolled over and reached for his shirt, folded on the coffee table by the ever-neat Jim. 

"Here, sit down, let me get you some coffee." Returning to the women, Jim pulled out a chair for the older woman and dug into the cabinet. "Or we have tea?"

"That's alright, we don't want to mess up your lazy day.” Taking the seat her when her mother didn't, Mary studied the mess that covered half the table. Pottery shards, it was like a giant jigsaw puzzle, only half completed. Obviously ancient, it was painted in colors that were still bright despite the passage of time. The small portion of the picture that was complete showed a distinctly Egyptian scene. “What is this?” Sounding sincerely curious.

"Oh, that.” Dismissively Blair came around the couch, one hand nervously smoothing his shirt. He leaned on the table, the other hand sifting through the section of smaller pieces that was set to one side. "I'm doing it for a friend of mine. He thinks there's a reference here to the Sphinx - see that small figure up there in the corner? --" falling into lecture mode, the professor's elegant hands moved and shifted the incomplete jar, showing the woman the clues that had caught his attention.

Mrs. Fellers finally sat after ten minutes of this and Jim handed her a cup of coffee, with a theatrical sigh.

Ten minutes after that Blair glanced up at Jim, who was leaning back on the kitchen counter, and snapped his mouth shut, blushing faintly.

"But, uh, I'm sure you didn't want to know all that..,” he trailed off.

Gingerly touching the piece at one of the spots he had pointed out, Mary asked a question.

"So you think this is an older symbol for rain...I saw that on the discovery channel, that they think the Sphinx was built when the desert was still a floodplain."

“Yes, exactly, and finding written evidence of it would be really be a coup for my friend, but he's not as good as I am at putting together puzzles like this...of course, he can read the hieroglyphs and I can't..."

"It would seem, Mr. Sandburg, that you're a pretty good guy to have as a friend.” She paused and glanced reproachfully at her mother. "Or even a neighbor."

“Yeah, well." With a shrug, Blair lit into a smile. "I have a knack with babies. And Hank's a sweetheart, once you get him settled."

"If I'd had any idea he was going to be so much trouble I would never have gone to that seminar.” She said. "I can't thank you enough for your help."

The look she gave her mother was eloquent. 

“Yes, thank you, Blair,” The woman said obediently.

“We wanted to do something for you, just a thank-you, nothing big," she said quickly as Jim looked worried. "Mom said she's seen you come home after playing basketball lots of times, we thought maybe you would like these?"

Pulling two tickets out of her pocket, she held them out to him.

"Playoff tickets?! For the Jags game?!" Shocked, Blair stared, first at the tickets and then at her. "How did you get these?"

Jim sighed and shook his head. He had already gotten some, he'd just been waiting for the right time to surprise the younger man.

"My husband knows someone who knows someone.” She smiled.

Guess I'll be giving them to Simon now, he thought, sighing again.

"Just to say thank-you for all the sleepless nights." Mary smiled at Blair's obvious pleasure. Then she gave her mother a sideways glance.

And to apologize for all the mean things we said.

The words weren't said aloud, but Blair and Jim heard them anyhow.

"This is really great of you.” Going around the table, Blair tucked an arm around Jim and leaned into his warmth. "Isn't this great, Jim?” His eyes begged the older man to be enthusiastic."

"Terrific, Chief.” Dropping a kiss to the top of the smaller man's head, Jim hugged him one-armed. "That's going to be a great game."

“And these are great seats!"

Not as good as the ones I got...Simon is going to be real happy. 

Seeing the older woman's discomfort with their affection, Mary stood.

"If you get a paper out of this -" she waved a hand over the pottery puzzle "- be sure to give mom a copy, so she can get it to me and I can read it."

"I'll have to share credit with my buddy, but he'll probably ask me to write it, he's not so good at English..." Blair was grinning like an idiot.

Making quick goodbyes, the two women left and Blair turned to snuggle to Jim's chest.

"Don't worry, we'll give these to Simon and keep the others,” he said softly.

"Huh?” Gently tugging away so he could meet his eyes, Jim stared down at him. "How did you find out?"

"I find out everything, man. You should know that by now."

"Little shit.” Grousing affectionately, Jim pulled the younger man in for a hug. “You going to cook dinner or do you want to go out? We haven't been to the Bistro in a while."

“You feel like dancing? It's not going to be crowded on a Sunday."

“We better call and be sure there's not a party...” They exchanged a smile, remembering the time they had stopped there for dinner and found themselves crashing an wedding reception. Or a commitment reception - whatever they wanted to call it.

The two grooms had laughed and invited them to stay, but they hadn't wanted to intrude.

"I'll do it."

Jim picked up his unfinished paper, frowning when he noticed that Blair had already stolen the living section for his latest project, and flipped it open.

"How about a movie first?” He asked cheerfully. “We haven't gone out in so long I'm not sure I know what to do anymore."

"They are having a party tonight, but the whole place isn't booked and Alfie will get us a table." leaning over his back Blair pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “An early movie, then dinner and dancing? That's quite a day, sweetheart." 

"I feel like goofing off. If you're not too tired?"

"I had a good nap." Blair grinned down at him as Jim tipped his head backwards. "I've been asleep since we got up this morning."

“At least you got out of bed." with a quick grin Jim licked his lips deliberately and enjoyed the sudden heat he felt from his love.

“All the better to get back into it." Blair crooned, leaning closer. 

The kiss was tender and chaste, close-mouthed, just that warm touch of lips.

Then he pulled away and Jim went back to the paper and they picked a movie and a time and showered and did all the things they normally did before going out.

Because everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

 

"Fucking fags, they shouldn't be allowed out in public with normal people."

Hearing the whisper from several seats over, Jim tightened his arm around Blair's shoulder. Sitting in the middle of the theater, with his hearing turned down somewhat because of the blast of THX sound system, he was still automatically picking up certain words, and 'fag' was one of them. 

These guys had started making quiet comments to each other almost as soon as the room darkened and Blair had snuggled to Jim's side.

Now Blair snuggled minutely closer, his head warm and heavy on Jim's shoulder, and clutched at Jim's shirt more tightly. 

Onscreen the ship was beginning to tilt...people were falling, sliding, screaming, down the deck as the world turned wrong side up.

The priest held fast to his post, praying as people clung to him. A man lost his hold and fell, screaming, until he bounced off a smokestack with a sickening sound. Blair flinched.

Bringing his hand up to stroke the pulled-back hair, Jim threw a glance at the group of men that was still making comments and giving them dirty looks. He hoped there wasn't going to be trouble.

“We need to teach them a lesson about the way men should really act.” A different one spoke now.

Jim's only comfort was that Blair seemed unaware of them, his attention riveted to the screen as the survivors in the water screamed for help, and none came.

"I think the best thing was that she did it, Jim. She went out and did all those things they were going to do together, and then died peacefully in her sleep, an old woman, like she promised him."

"True love.” Smiling down at his animated partner, Jim tracked the men that had been sitting on their row, the ones that had made the threatening comments. They were several feet behind them in the huge multitheater complex hall.

How do I deal with this and not let it spoil his night?

Blair gave him an out a second later.

"Hey, man, all that water and that giant latte - I'll be right back.” Turning off toward the bathroom with a bump of his shoulder, Blair disappeared into the door. Immediately Jim turned and stepped in front of the men, pulling out his badge. 

The sneers on their faces became stubborn as he looked them over.

Well-dressed yuppie types. Probably had good jobs and too high an opinion of themselves.

“What do you want?" One spoke up. The word 'fag' rang silently in the air between them.

"Just wanted you to know what you're getting into if you harass me and my partner." Jim smiled thinly. "The Cascade PD doesn't look lightly on hate crimes."

“We weren't doing anything wrong,” another said, defensively now. Jim's smile broadened, became predatory.

"Neither were we. Back off and stay out of trouble, because I'm telling you that I'm going to remember your faces."

“Are you threatening us?"

Tracking Blair in the bathroom, glad it was crowded and the younger man was being forced to wait, Jim just kept the smile on his face, moving his arm so his weapon was visible.

"Just telling you the facts. It's one of the things a cop does, you see. We take note of potential troublemakers so we'll know them when they screw up."

Sullenly they glared at him. Deciding that he'd made the impression he wanted, Jim turned away, bending over the water fountain, listening to their conversation as they passed by.

"How did he hear us?"

"I told you to shut up, George. We were too close to them."

"How was I supposed to know he's a cop?"

As if that made a difference. While he was glad his badge had protected he and Blair from further harassment, Jim couldn't help but feel sorry for other gay men, men without that to fall back on.

"Hey, ,” hearing Blair come up behind him, Jim turned and slipped an arm over his shoulders. "Ready to eat?"

"Starved. I hope they have the snapper tonight..."

He doesn't catch everything. Jim thought happily as they wandered out, Blair buttoning his coat against the cold wet day.

I'm really glad for that.

They had the snapper. Blair fed Jim several bites from his plate, trading them for choice morsels of Jim's steak. With a roll of quarters in hand Blair again chose the first set of songs from the juke and Jim kissed him on the dance floor when that song played.

I like the way your sparkling earring rest  
Against your skin so brown  
I'd like to sleep with you in the desert tonight  
With a million stars all around  
I get a peaceful, easy feeling  
And I know you won't let me down  
Because I'm already standing  
On the ground

"Do we have a new 'song'?” He asked in a whisper, chuckling when Blair just grinned at him and snuggled deeper into his embrace.

 

"That was so nice." with a sigh and a stretch Blair turned as they walked back into the loft hours later. "I know we're open and everything, but it's great to be able to hold you and not worry about people staring or saying nasty things."

“Yeah, isn't it.” Gathering him close, Jim nuzzled at the tied-back hair. "Mmm, why don't we go on upstairs and I can let your hair out and give you a rubdown and we can make a little noise..."

“And what have I done to deserve a rubdown?” Those blue eyes lit up and Blair pulled away to take his hand and lead him to the stairs. 

"I just want to feel you,” Jim said softly. He pushed Blair back toward the bed when the younger man would have embraced him standing up. "To spend some time touching you and tasting you and smelling you and listening to you..."

"Mmm, please," purring now, Blair let Jim strip him slowly and turn him over.

"Cold oil?” he said warily, watching as Jim opened the new bottle of massage oil the older man had bought. "New scent?” He watched as Jim smiled slowly, sniffing deeply.

“Almond,” the older man said. "Don't worry, I'm going to warm it up before it touches you.” So saying, he set the opened bottle on the night table and stood, casually undressing. The room was dark except for the pale moonlight that skimmed through the skylight and the low light of the bedside lamp. 

Blair caught his breath as Jim took the bottle and poured some of the oil into his hand. The light sweet scent, faintly exotic, grew stronger in the room.

Giving him a small smile, Jim began to oil his body. "Oh god."

His eyes round and dark, Blair stared, fascinated. His cock leapt to full arousal and his hands clenched the bedcovers as Jim casually, calmly spread the glistening liquid over his shoulders and chest and arms. Then, with more oil, he ran a single hand down the planes of his stomach, stroking delicately, and just slipped the fingers over his own hard cock.

"Jim, you're killing me here." Blair moaned softly.

“Well, I know you like to look at me.” The big man teased, not pausing in his ministrations. Thighs, legs, then up again to slip both hands between his legs and run them over his balls sensually.

"I'll never be able to look at you again and not see this.” The sheer erotic impact of the act - Jim oiling his body, touching himself so that Blair could watch him - was making the younger man crazy. 

"It gets better.” Finishing, Jim got onto the bed on his knees, hands held in the air. "Turn over."

With a shiver of delight at the quiet command, Blair did, stretching his arms wide to the sides and his legs as far as they would go. Jim settled between them.

"Be still, I don't want to get any on the bed if I can help it.” The older man warned. Blair turned his head and watched as he reached for the bottle, again on the night able.

And then he sighed with pleasure as, after returning the bottle, Jim lowered his weight to the smaller man's body, the oil warm and slick between them.

“Ahhh, Jim.” The bigger man rested his weight on his hands to either side of Blair's head and rubbed his body over Blair's seductively. "This is going to kill me."

"That's always nice, but I prefer eating you alive, y'know.” The soft chuckle made Blair shiver again. “Are you cold, love?"

"No, just way excited here." Blair shivered again for emphasis.

"Good." Jim purred. "Good."

After rubbing himself all over the younger man Jim sat up, straddling his thighs, and worked on his back and shoulders for a while, until Blair was limp beneath him, with one major exception. Siding a hand beneath his lover Jim stroked the heavy erection soothingly, petting when Blair shivered and moaned, and then Jim moved lower.

Blair raised his hips, tucking his knees up some, giving Jim access to every part of him.

With his free hand the older man spread him so that he could see the vulnerable pucker. With a sigh he lowered his head and kissed it lightly. 

"...please...” The sigh was meant for sentinel ears only. Blair rolled his head slowly.

Watching him, Jim released the throbbing cock he held long enough to reach up and gently tug the elastic band free, letting the long dark curls brush over his hand for a moment until Blair made a sound too close to a whimper.

Then he returned his attention to the perfect rounded ass before him.

I would never have believed how much I could like this. The thought ran idly through Jim's head as he probed and licked at Blair, who was now moaning quietly, steadily. And not just because of what it does to him, I like doing it. Like tasting this most private place, like the level of trust he shows, like the taste of him...

He tightened the grip of his hand, feeling Blair's cock throb harder. The younger man was trying to be still, but his hips were twitching involuntarily in the dual stimulation.

So, does that make me a pervert or a man in love?

The question faded from his mind as Blair's moans became words, desperate words, begging.

"Please, Jim, please, finish it, let me come, harder, faster..."

Increasing the depth of his strokes with tongue and the speed of his hand, Jim felt Blair's body beginning that rush to completion. Moaning and shaking, his love began to pump into his hand helplessly, his upper body lying flat and quivering while the lower went crazy with need.

He came gasping harshly, his cock pulsing in Jim's hand, the muscles of his ass trying to grab Jim's tongue and pull it deeper, hands clenched tightly in the bedspread. 

As soon as Jim released his cock Blair slid flat on the bed and lay still, panting and shivering, the occasional moan breaking his silence.

“W-what do you want?" After some time Blair spoke. Jim was stretched beside him, one hand tracing patterns on the sweaty slick back.

I want inside you. 

Quelling the thought, surprised by it, Jim leaned over his lover and nuzzled at the back of his neck. It would just feel so right after doing that.

"Just lie there and let me do my thing, okay?” he murmured. Blair nodded, waving one hand vaguely, barely above the bed.

"I can hardly move, man. At your mercy here." 

"Mmmm, I like the sound of that." rolling on top of Blair again, Jim ran his hands down the smaller man's sides and urged his legs closed. They tightened around his engorged cock, which had been waiting too patiently for its turn, and he bit back a groan. 

"Does that feel good?" Blair asked. He sounded almost sleepy, so sated and content. "mmm, yeah, I love to hear what I do to you." 

No longer trying to restrain himself, Jim used both hands to urge Blair's hips up slightly, tucking a hastily-grabbed pillow beneath them, and then he began stroking in earnest. 

It felt good...tight and Blair's skin seemed so hot and the oil mixed with the dripped semen of his orgasm made a heavenly lubricant. But not as good as being inside him. 

He put that thought out of his mind again, with little effort. His body was reacting strongly to what he was doing now, and Blair was making little noises of pleasure, reacting to Jim's groans and grunts, waking somewhat to turn his attention to pleasing his lover. 

Jim was getting close, his breathing harsh and his hands tightening on Blair's hips. He rested his head between the younger man's shoulder blades, driving his cock into the hot tunnel created by strong thighs, and Blair tightened them suddenly, just as he got all the way in. 

"Blair! Damn!" With a shout Jim arched back, knees sinking into the bed, fingers digging into the slim hips, and he came, shaking, to collapse to Blair's back and wrap his arms under and around the younger man, rolling them to their sides to hold him hard. 

"Sooo good." Blair purred. "I love hearing you, feeling you." 

"Tasting you, touching you." Jim added, panting. 

“Watching you..." 

"Loving you..." 

 

We should get cleaned up. The thought intruded into Jim's drowsy comfort. He was almost asleep, Blair's warm weight in his arms making his thoughts wander sweetly. Have to go to work in the morning and he has classes starting again. 

He sighed. It had been nice having his love around more with school out for the holidays. 

"Blair,” he whispered. 

"Hmm...” The low murmur of contentment did nothing to encourage Jim to move. 

“We need to get clean, love." 

"Shower in the morning...” A mumble, a sigh, and Blair snuggled deeper into his embrace, the crack of his ass cradling Jim's soft cock. 

Sliding a leg over both of the younger man's, Jim sighed and smiled, tilting his head to nuzzle into the sweaty hair. The smell of almonds filled the room. It would be added to the olfactory record of their lives. 

Layers and layers. Scents and tastes and feelings and experiences...all of them building up, one atop another. Perhaps someday he wouldn't be able to sort through them to pick out the separate ones, but he would always know what they meant. 

“Love you, Jim.” The whispered words. “Agapemou..." 

Catching the unknown word, Jim filed it away to ask about later and stirred himself enough to reach one hand to pull the covers around him. The heat automatically turned down during the night and he didn't want Blair getting cold. 

"Goodnight, my love,” he said softly, knowing Blair was already asleep, not caring. 

He'll hear it in his dreams. The thought floated lazily through his almost-sleeping mind. We're together there too. 

 

Thursday, January 22, 1998 

"Hey, we're still on for dinner, right?" coming out of the bathroom, Blair was hurrying to get dressed. There was a visiting professor coming to the school today and he'd been assigned the job of showing the man around before the lecture tonight.

"Of course. Wouldn't do to miss Michelle's birthday."

“And all that free pie.” His younger lover teased, dropping a kiss to his bald spot as he passed the table, where Jim was calmly and casually drinking his coffee and reading his paper.

"That is so not fair." Blair complained from upstairs. They'd finally got most of his clothes moved up there. “You should have just as much trouble getting up as I do, after last night."

"Experience, love." Jim called up, ignoring the opportunity to pun badly. "I've learned to pace myself."

Bounding back down the stairs fully dressed, in slacks and a collarless button-down shirt and his Peruvian patchwork vest, Blair was pulling back his hair.

“Yeah, right,” he snickered. Jim looked affronted. "Coming twice in one night and then basically passing out does not qualify as pacing yourself, sweetheart."

Failing to maintain the indignity, Jim smiled.

"Come here, let me fix that,” he turned in his chair. Blair dropped to his knees in front of him, one hand offering a leather strap over his shoulder.

"Nothing weird,” he said unnecessarily.

"Mmm, nothing weird here.” Gathering the soft damp curls in one hand Jim leaned and kissed the back of Blair's neck gently. "Or here,” he moved to just behind his ear, making the younger man shiver. "Or here...” Tilting Blair's face, he kissed both eyelids.

"Jim.” A tiny whisper of sound, Sentinel-soft.

"Mm, or here."

Leaning further, Jim delicately pried open Blair's mouth with his tongue and kissed him deeply. Blair's tongue wrapped around his and sucked it in and the older man moaned quietly and then, finally, released him.

“You are too good to me, man." Blair sighed and settled all the way down on his knees, bowing his head forward.

“Well, I love you,” Jim said it with a duh intonation. Blair's heart beat double-time briefly, as he'd known it would. 

Jim spent the next ten minutes combing through the long curls with his hands and separating them to suit him, then he quickly braided it tightly, the leather strap wrapped around the base of the braid, braided through it, and then used to tie the bottom off.

"I like it like that,” he said, hands on Blair's shoulders to turn him.

Looking up at him, his wide blue eyes warm and shining, Blair rested his hands on Jim's thighs.

"I love you too." 

“And you better get going."

"Have fun with the DA." Blair teased, rising from the floor in a single graceful movement. He kissed Jim's bald spot again,  
getting an irritated glance, and bounced out the door.

 

"Mr. Sandburg. I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it.” 

Spoken dryly, the words were both warning and affection by his department head, Dr. Hoffman, standing on the steps of Hargrove Hall, waiting for him. They were going to drive to the airport to pick up the professor together.

"I, um, was a little late getting out of the house this morning,” he said, grinning bashfully.

"I can imagine. You tell your partner that he did an excellent job on the Tanda case. That man was a menace and needed to be taken off the streets.” 

She headed for her car and he opened her door for her with a flourish.

"Jim worked hard to make sure he stays off, ma'am.” The elderly woman eyed him speculatively, starting the engine of the late-model Fiat.

"I haven't forgotten, you know."

“What?” He blinked.

"I still owe the two of you a gift. I just haven't found quite the right thing yet."

“You don't have to do that, ma'am...,” he protested weakly, wondering just what she would consider an appropriate gift.

"I do it for all of my friends when they find the right person. And make no mistake, young Sandburg, although I'm never going to be entirely comfortable with men who love men, that man is the right person for you."

"I know.” His smile widened and his eyes became dreamy. "I've known it since I met him."

"It makes me wonder about your thesis, though...whether you have enough time to dedicate to your subject."

Blair blinked and stared at her. But she was just driving, watching the road.  
Smiling, just a little bit.

"I'm not behind on my project,” he said quietly.

"I know that,” her hand left the wheel to pat his leg in a motherly fashion. "Of course I know that. So, what can you tell me about Dr. Bailey?"

Eyes lighting up as he grinned - pop quiz! - Blair proceeded to drown her in a recitation of all of the anthropologist's findings and theories.


	12. Chapter 12

By the time they got back to the university, all of Blair's enthusiasm was gone. Drained away by the insistent presence of Dr. Lenny Bailey himself. 

The man was hitting on him. Discreetly, subtly, but insistently and continuously.

On meeting he'd held Blair's hand instead of shaking it, and that way longer than was polite. Walking through the airport he'd been close enough to brush arms the whole way. In the car he sat in the back seat with Blair when the younger man left the front for him.

"I get a touch of motion sickness,” he told Dr. Hoffman, who smiled in understanding and asked about the flight.

I thought people who get carsick sat in the front. Blair raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't want to offend the man, he could be seeing things that weren't there....and then Bailey scooted over until his leg touched Blair's. When Blair moved - the interior wasn't that large - the tall blond man followed him.

And then again, he could just be putting the moves on me.

Blair had never thought he'd find himself in this position. Sure, women still hit on him, all the time - the ones that didn't know him. But he hadn't ever attracted that much attention from males, although of course he'd got some. The hair and the earrings could lead them to the wrong conclusion.  
Well, not so wrong now. he grinned, thinking of Jim, and then frowned when Bailey seemed to take that as encouragement, scooting even closer, his leg pressing tightly to Blair's.

"Dr. Hoffman, Jim said to tell you thank you for getting Sylvester to cover my classes last week so I could testify,” he said, leaning forward slightly.

"Like I told you, Blair, that man of yours did a good thing, getting Tanda put away for good. Life without parole does mean that, doesn't it?"

“Absolutely, ma'am. He won't be getting out except in a body bag."

"Tell your Jim that I want to have the two of you over for dinner soon."

"He'll be thrilled." Blair grinned, sitting back. "He loves your house."

"So, who's Jim?" Bailey asked with restrained curiosity.

"My partner. I work with him part time as a consultant to the police department. He's a detective."

"Oh, so you're work partners."

"Partners in everything, man." Letting a blinding smile cover his face, Blair summoned an image of his lover - rising above him, chest heaving, skin slicked with sweat, eyes glowing as he reached for that pinnacle.... - "I've never been so in love."

Sneaking a quick glance at Bailey's face, Blair's heart sank. There was no disappointment there, just a calculating study of him.

"Been together long?"

“Why don't you tell me about that last paper you did, the one about the social structures in inner-city ethnic ghettos?" Blair changed the subject deliberately.

With a frown, Bailey did.

 

By lunchtime Blair was ready to strangle the man. Dr. Hoffman had begged off, saying that she needed a rest before the afternoon reception, leaving Blair to tote Bailey around by himself. They were in the fine arts museum, Bailey finding a way to touch Blair or stand too close to him in front of every exhibit. When Blair leaned over a glass case that held a remarkable collection of primitive stone knives, grimly imagining using one on the other man, his cellphone rang from inside his pack, startling the taller man who was practically breathing down his neck.

"I gotta get this,” he stepped away from the exhibit, and frowned when Bailey followed him. "Sandburg."

"Hey, love, how ya doing?"

"Jim! Oh, man. How's the office? Simon got you stuck doing paperwork or do we have a new case?"

"Just paperwork, baby. That's why I called. I need you to drop by and sign off on the Talleson report, so I can get it turned in today. Simon chewed my butt about it."

Bailey, clearly listening to the conversation, stepped closer. Blair was in an alcove, already close to the wall, and had nowhere else to move.

"I'm at the museum now. Give me thirty minutes, okay?"

"If it won't get you into trouble." Jim sounded apologetic.

"Nah, I think I really need to see you right now."

"Is everything okay? You sound anxious. And your heart rate is a little up."

“You'll understand when I get there,” Blair said softly. "I love you."

"I know.” The expected response brought a grin to Blair's face. "Did your hair stay up?"

“Yup. Except for those stupid curly bits at the side that you like so much..."

"Don't do this to me here, Chief." Jim warned, only half-serious.

“Well, you don't have a stakeout tonight...can I do it to you there?"

"I'll see you in thirty, Chief." Jim chuckled.

"Bye, lover.” Closing the phone, Blair glanced at Bailey.

The man was way too close. "Hey, I gotta go by the station and sign a couple of reports so Jim can turn them in. Why don't I drop you by the hotel and you can get settled, and I'll pick you up an hour or so?"

"Oh, no. I think this is fascinating, you working with the police department. It's close to what I do in places like Chinatown and Bunker Hill in Chicago. I would love to go with you, and meet 'your Jim'." When he said the name he bordered on mockery.

“Well, okay.” If you touch me he will rip your arms off. Blair thought with satisfaction. "He'd be glad to meet you too, I think."

 

Listening for Blair, as he always did, either subconsciously or deliberately, Jim heard the dull roar of the Volvo in the parking garage, and extended his hearing just a little more. He was curious about this man. Blair had talked quite a bit, in his excited way, about his work, the way he was applying the techniques of anthropological study to inner-city systems, and, Jim had to admit, it sounded interesting.

"Look, man, I don't know where you got this idea, but back off, okay? I'm in a relationship and I'm not looking for anything."

What? sitting up very straight in his chair, Jim didn't notice that he'd caught Rafe and Brown's attention.

"I'm only gonna say this once more." Blair sounded angry, and resentful. They were on the elevator now. "Get your hand off my ass before I break it."

"I bet you're pretty tough, hanging out with the cops and everything.” The vice was smooth and rich. "I like that. I don't need to touch your ass to know that you want to fuck mine."

"Man, I so do not want to fuck you, it isn't even funny."

"Blair, we got to stick together. There aren't many of us in this field and you know I can help your career, get you in touch with the right people. Your cop would never have to know."

"He'll know the minute he sees you, man. Jim knows everything."

The elevator doors swished open and Jim looked at the door expectantly.

"Hairboy?" Brown called from across the room, asking Jim.

The big man nodded, then stood as Blair entered the room.

The man beside him - too close beside him - was tall, well-built, and had a full head of softly curling blond hair and emerald-chip eyes. He wore a good suit.

And he had one hand lightly pressed possessively to Blair's back.

"Jim." No-one else would have heard the plea in Blair's voice, but Jim saw that even Rafe and Brown were giving the stranger speculative looks, sitting up straighter.

"Hey, love.” Striding to meet them in the middle of the room, Jim gathered Blair into his arms for a hug and then, after checking to be sure that no-one who would be seriously offended was present, he kissed him.

One hand on the back of Blair's head, the braid twisted through his fingers, the other between his shoulder blades, pressing him close. Blair gave himself up to that kiss as only he could and Jim felt himself drowning in his mouth, the heat and sweetness of it.

In the back of his mind he heard Blair's soft moan and then Brown and Rafe's voices together...

"Ready?” they said quietly. "One, two, three -"

The lovers were pelted with balls of crumpled paper, all of them hitting Jim in the back.

"Hey!" Blair objected when Jim turned around to glare at them.

“Well, we didn't have a hose." Rafe explained cheerfully.

“And it makes such a mess when the two of you set the sprinklers off."

Jim continued to glare, but Blair was laughing now, holding onto his lover and trying to catch his breath. The two other detectives beamed at him.

“Y'know, Hairboy, you've almost got him civilized." Brown said, drawing another glare from Jim.

"I'm really working on it.” Sobering, Blair turned back to Bailey, who was taking it all in with intelligent interest.

"Dr. Lenny Bailey, Detective Jim Ellison. Army Airborne, Cascade PD Cop of the Year. My partner."

Jim shook the man's hand stoically.

“We really have to find another way to describe our relationship, sweetheart." Blair whispered for Sentinel ears only. 

It only took forty-five minutes or so to finish up the paperwork, during which time Simon wandered in and met Bailey.

Blair had passed on several of the man's papers to the captain to read and he talked to him for a few minutes. The captain disagreed with some of his points, especially on racially sensitive issues, but restrained himself from bringing them up.

Blair reminded himself to thank him later with dinner. 

“All done?" leaning over the desk, his hands on either side of Blair's elbows while the younger man shuffled through the report one last time, Bailey pushed the limits of politeness.

"Look at him...hanging all over the kid with Jim right there..." Brown whispered.

"He's a dead man if he touches him." Rafe agreed. "Look at Ellison. See that muscle in his jaw? Man, I would not want to be this guy in about five seconds..."

It only took four. When Bailey raised a hand that seemed to be heading in the general direction of Blair's, Jim rose like a controlled whirlwind and literally yanked his partner from beneath the man's nose.

“We'll just go over these with Simon,” he said, short and sharp. Blair glanced at him, worry clear on his features, and allowed himself to be led into the office, where the blinds were down.

"Captain, can you give us a minute?” Taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly, as Blair had taught him to do. The younger man relaxed as he watched Jim calm himself.

“You're not going to do anything disgusting on my sofa, are you, Ellison?" with a half-grimace, half-grin, Simon stood and waved his coffee cup. "I needed to go down to forensics anyhow."

"Thank you, sir,” Jim said it earnestly.

As soon as the door closed behind the big man, he turned to his young love.

“What the hell is going on, Chief? That guy is really getting in your face."

“Well, he wants to get in my pants.” Slumping onto the couch, Blair held out his arms. "Man, he is such a sleaze. He started coming onto me the minute we picked him up. And I can't do anything about it, Jim, I can't hit him or complain...he's got great reputation and I'm just a student. If I make waves he might get scolded, but they'll never forget that I did it."

“You don't think he'll do more than pressure you, do you?” Dropping to his knees in front of the sofa, Jim rose on them until his face was even with Blair's. His hands rested lightly on the younger man's thighs. Blair's strong hands gently massaged his shoulders.

"Nah. He's just going to harass me until he leaves or I do,” he sighed and lowered his head until the top of it touched Jim's broad chest. "I was so excited about meeting him and he's such an ass. I'd skip the damn reception if I could."

“Well, you can't, but I can take the rest of the day off and come with you.” Standing, Jim pulled Blair up into his arms.

“You don't have to do that, man." 

"Look, Sandburg. I know you can handle this guy. I know you're a perfectly capable adult. But I want to have a part in this, okay?"

“Will it make you feel better?" Blair asked, watching him through lowered lashes.

"Ever-so-much.” Cracking a grin, Jim stared down at him, catching his breath.

"Me, too." Rising to tiptoes, Blair pressed his body to Jim's, feeling the stirring of an incipient hard-on, and his body responded.

“We promised Simon we'd be good,” he said, grinning, pulling away.

"No we didn't. I never answered him.” Grin spreading, Jim pulled him back again, one hand in Blair's hair, messing up the braid, and the other firmly grasping his ass.

The door opened and they both heard the resigned groan as Simon peeked in and then shut it again.

“What are they doing?” Stepping close to the captain, Brown nudged him with a shoulder.

"I don't even want to think about it, much less describe it.” Simon pulled out his cigar holder.

"Hey, where's the john?" Bailey asked. He'd taken Jim's chair and was idly flipping through one of Blair's books. There was a small stack of them against the wall behind the desk.

"I'll show you." Rafe hopped up and gestured to Brown. His partner smiled and joined him. When they reached the bathroom door they exchanged glances behind Bailey's back and nodded.

"Hey. You're a big shot anthropologist, right?" Rafe said conversationally when the man was washing his hands. 

"I don't know about being a big shot, but I have had several papers published, won a couple of awards and grants, that sort of thing,” he turned and leaned back on the sink. “Why? Are you interested in the work? Having Blair here probably makes it all more interesting for you."

"Sandburg is an interesting guy." Brown said agreeably. 

“Way smart, and the best thing that ever happened to Jim Ellison." Rafe chimed in. 

"He was a real mess before the kid got hold of him."

“We'd hate to see him go back to his old ways."

"Blair is a grown man and has the right to see someone else if he wants to." Bailey's voice might have shaken just a teeny bit.

"Puhleease." Rafe snorted, stopping just to his right.

“As if." Brown smirked, on the left.

"Jim Ellison walks on water in Sandburg's eyes."

“Anyone who's not blind can see how much Hairboy loves Jim."

“We like it that way."

“We'd do just about anything to keep it that way."

“Are you threatening me?" indignant and beginning to become angry, Bailey stood straight. "I don't put up with harassment, I will file a complaint."

"So will Sandburg."

“We'll back him up."

"So maybe you should keep your hands to yourself."

“And be sure you don't do anything to make him look bad at the U."

Looking distinctly miffed, the tall blond man spread his hands before him.

"Hey - Blair's gorgeous. You can't blame a guy for trying."

"Nah." Rafe grinned in victory.

"But we can blame ya if ya don't quit." Brown finished. 

The two of them left the bathroom, coming out to find Jim shutting down his computer and Blair gathering his things.

Passing close to the younger man, Brown leaned over and whispered, with a small smile.

"I don't think he's going to be bugging you anymore." 

Blair's startled glance quickly became an appreciative grin. Brown missed the look Jim threw him.

When Bailey came out of the bathroom some ten minutes later, he kept a polite distance between himself and Blair, and spoke only of matters related to the school.

It helped that Jim kept Blair tucked beneath his arm and tight to his side the whole time. He insisted they take his truck to the hotel, Blair in the middle close to him.

 

“You know, Mr. Sandburg, I don't think I like that young man."

"Excuse me, Dr. Hoffman?” Handing the department head - sitting in an armchair out of respect for her age - a glass of punch he had fetched for her, Blair looked at her questioningly. He'd seldom heard her speak ill of anyone.

Her dark eyes twinkled at him.

"Dr. Bailey. Don't you dare be surprised. I'm not exactly blind you know, and I pride myself on being particularly good at reading people. You'll be as good at it someday if you keep practicing."

Mildly embarrassed, Blair looked away, his eyes settling on Jim, who was over against the far wall talking shop with Suzanne. Sensing it, the big man turned his head, and smiled.

That smile.

Blair literally felt his knees weaken and had to put a hand on the back of Dr. Hoffman's chair.

“Yes, I felt that way about my first husband,” her voice helped him reassemble himself.

"I didn't know you were married before.” Turning his attention back to her, he focused fully, in that way that encouraged people to talk to him.

“Well, I was very young. He was a pilot in Korea. I missed him so much and then he was shot down...I thought I wouldn't survive."

"I don't know what to say." Leaning closer, Blair made a sympathetic sound.

"This is why I take care of the people I know who are in love. Sometimes it doesn't last as long as you need it to."

"Jim and I will last,” he said it with such glowing confidence that she couldn't help smiling.

"I believe so."

Bailey worked the room, talking cheerfully to the fifty or so important people from the board, the dean, other professors from the anthro department. Biding his time, he waited until Dr. Hoffman sent Blair back to the small catered buffet before cornering him.

"I know he loves you, but surely one night wouldn't hurt. I'm willing to bet my career that that stiff has never let you fuck him. Have you ever been inside a man, Blair? So deep inside him that you're suddenly completely a part of him?"

"My sex life is way none of your business, man.” Turning away, Blair searched the room for Jim, and spotted him headed toward them. "Don't cause anymore trouble, okay? Just get it through your head. I don't want you. I am not even remotely interested in you. After today I'm not even interested in your work, now that I know the mind it comes from."

"Chief? Everything okay?"

"Everything's cool, sweetheart. Just getting some food for Doc Hoffman,” he beamed at his protective lover.

"Think we'll be ready to leave soon?" Jim slung a casual arm over his shoulders as they returned to the director's chair. “We still have to go by the Pumpkin Patch and make excuses not to sing to Michelle."

“You can make excuses, I'll be singing." Blair teased.

"That's why I'll be making excuses." Jim shot back. "So, we can go soon?"

“Yeah, it's winding down. I think I can make an exit."

"Good. Because I'm ready to go home, cuddle up, and say goodnight, love."

"I can't wait." 

 

No matter what a jerk Bailey is, he was right about one thing. I've never let Blair penetrate me. Not even close. Heck, I get uncomfortable if he does it with his fingers.

Steering the truck through the quiet evening streets, Jim kept his thoughts to himself. Beside him Blair hummed along with the radio, his clever hands slow-dancing with the warm air that blew from the heater vent.

They had only spent a few minutes at the Pumpkin party, Jim wanting badly to get Blair home and hold him, naked and close.

Michelle had taken one look at his face as he started making awkward goodbyes, trying to think of an excuse to get them out of there quicker, and burst into laughter.

“You don't fool me a bit, Jim Ellison. You want to take that man home and have your wicked way with him."

Blushing, Jim hadn't denied it.

"I understand. Go on, get out of here. I'll save you some pie, come by for lunch tomorrow."

Now Jim told himself I've been foolish., suddenly certain of that. Nothing I do with or to or for Blair can make me less of a man, anymore than what we've already done has made him so.

"Jim?” Slightly worried, a hand on his leg, warm, the sweet scent of Blair's musk rising around him as the younger man leaned closer.

"Hm? Just thinking, love,” he smiled over at the shining face.

"Just checkin'.” Snuggling his head to Jim's shoulder, Blair closed his eyes and sighed happily, staying that way until they parked near the loft.

Up the stairs, inside, and up the stairs again. Undressing in quiet companionship, anticipation beginning to sing in the air between them.  
Jim was nude first, as he generally wore less clothes. He lay back on the bed, on his elbows, legs slightly parted, watching as Blair gathered his dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper, earning a quick smile from the big man.

"I can't get over how perfect you are,” Jim said quietly.

Blair moved to light the three candles that sat on his dresser.

“You're not really small, you know. But you're put together so smoothly...  
everything fits into place so precisely...you're just beautiful."

"Gods, Jim.” Sighing, Blair paused at the foot of the bed, hands on his hips. His cock stood tall and proud from its nest of curly dark hair. “You say these things and I'm blown away. Just blown away. Everything laid bare, everything stripped clean,” he paused, and began crawling up the bed between Jim's legs. “All that's left is how much I love you."

"That's good." Jim sighed, reaching down and hooking his hands under Blair's arms to pull him all the way up. "Because that's all I ever have." 

The first kiss was warm and sweet, as were the second and third. By the fourth Jim was making hungry noises and his hands were slipping down to grasp Blair's ass, sweat making the smooth tan skin slippery.

"Mmm, yes." pushing his ass back, Blair let his legs fall apart, outside Jim's, and moaned into his mouth. "Just like this, Jim. I want to feel you shoving against me, feel your cock on mine...your fingers in me."

Jim groaned. With an effort he rolled them to their sides. Blair wrapped his legs around Jim, one hand gripping the back of Jim's head, the other digging into his back as he pushed his cock against the bigger man. The friction of sensitive flesh rubbing more sensitive flesh made both men pant and groan.

Fumbling under the pillow with one hand, Jim retrieved the tube of lubricant, his actions slowing the movement as his attention was divided. Blair slowed until he was just barely thrusting, waiting for Jim to squeeze a dollop of the cool gel onto his fingers, his ass tensing in anticipation of the deep touch he had come to crave.

"Give me your hand." Jim whispered roughly.

“What?" eyes closed, caught up in the sensations even his small movements sent rushing through him, Blair panted his answer.

"Give me your hand." 

Opening those gemstone-blue eyes, Blair looked down at him. He freed the hand from behind Jim's back and offered it, making a quiet sound of need when Jim gelled it heavily.

"I've decided...” It was hard for Jim to talk just now, but he had to explain it, at least a little bit. "I don't want to always be the one on top. I want to give you the same pleasure you've given me, the same love and trust and beauty."

"Jim..." Blair just stared at him, wide-eyed, those eyes more black than blue. “You want me to make love to you?"

“We always make love." Jim reiterated his position on that. "I want you inside me, though. Not tonight, but soon...when we're both ready."

"Oh, man. Jim, sweetheart." Leaning to kiss him deeply, Blair made it a bonding.

"Get me ready,” Jim said quietly. "Do to me the things I did to you. The things you did to yourself."

"How did you find out about that?” Startled, Blair pulled back slightly.

"Um, I walked in on you in the shower one night. You were busy, so I didn't interrupt you."

“Well, that's embarrassing.” Ducking his head, Blair nuzzled at a tight brown nipple.

"I love you, Blair."

"I love you, Jim."

He raised his head again.

"Let's make love, okay, Jim?"

"That's the best idea I've heard tonight." Jim grinned.

Then they were kissing again, hungrily, needily. Jim's hands returned to Blair's ass, one gently gripping one cheek, the other brushing lightly over his opening. With an eager moan Blair pushed back into it, and two strong fingers slipped inside him.

"Oh, yeah, man. I love that." Blair pulled his head away long enough to moan, tongue pressed to his bottom lip. “You will too, man. Just give it a chance."

"Show me." Jim panted up at him, mouth reaching for Blair's again, hungry for his taste, for the texture of those full, lush lips, so warm. "Teach me."

Slowly, Blair's hand sought out Jim's center, the private entrance to his body. Although he had touched him there before, this held more weight, more meaning, as now it was a preparation for something more.

When he pushed one finger in Jim groaned and shuddered slightly. Blair soothed him with lips and tongue and his free hand. Matching the rhythm of their bodies with the fingers in each of them, they fucked each other slowly, gently. Soon Blair was thrusting back harder, asking for more from Jim, and the older man gave it to him, searching deeper inside his lover for the small gland that would make him scream. Then he jumped and moaned as Blair added a second finger and went on a search of his own.

"GOD!" The shout bounced off the walls as Jim froze. “Was that -?!"

“Yeah, great, isn't it?" Writhing against him, Blair gasped the words. "Now me...oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, man...just like that..."

Rubbing delicately over the small gland in his lover's body, Jim was barely able to concentrate as the pleasure spike through his body again and again, becoming unbearable.

He could feel how close Blair was, smell it, taste it in his sweat, hear it in the desperate half-audible whispered pleas that fell from that beautiful mouth into his own.

"That's it,” he got an inch of breathing space between them. He was shuddering with restrained pleasure as he fought his orgasm. "Come for me, baby. Come for me."

“You...come for - me first." with a particularly eager thrust Blair took control of the rhythm. He added a third finger, sinking all of them in deeper, and Jim arched and spasmed helplessly, his body caught in the throes of the most powerful orgasm he'd ever felt.

Trying to shout Blair's name, all he could do was moan feebly and lay here, twitching, as Blair finished above him, moaning his love.

“Ahhh...love you, Jim, love you so much..."

Heavy gasping, and then panting gradually gave way to normal breathing. Slow and steady, they pulled air into lungs that inhabited chests swelled by love and trust.

"I think," Jim managed words at last, "that I'm going to like that as much as you do."

"Told ya." Blair pulled his fingers free, his hand was cramping, and winced when Jim did the same. "That's the part I hate."

"I don't hate any of it." Jim sighed, feeling so completely happy that he thought he might burst. It was a silly, juvenile sentiment, but it felt so real.

"Even this?" with a teasing grin Blair got the container of baby wipes from the nightstand and rolled to his back to clean up, handing one to Jim.

"Not any of it." Jim repeated.

Within minutes they were clean, tucked up tight and warm, Blair spooned securely around Jim, one arm and one leg thrown over the bigger man's relaxed body. Blair soft cock nestled into the crack of Jim's ass.

"Not any of it, Jim." Blair mumbled sleepily, agreeing now.

"Nope. I love you too much for regrets."

"Just a big ole softie..."

“And you're the only one who knows it." Jim waited a minute, for a reply. When he go none he covered the hand on his chest with his own and sighed, letting it all wash over him. He was a bit tender in that delicate place, but he knew that would pass, and it would remind him on this all day long tomorrow.

He liked that, too.

"G’night, Jim..."

"Goodnight, love." 

 

Thursday, February 5, 1998 

Hearing the phone ring downstairs, Jim groaned when Blair slid from the bed and padded down to get it.

This was the third morning in a row they'd been woken early - before six - by a call. And all of them, Jim checked quickly, from the same person. The same kid.

"Hey...Alex. Good morning." Yawning and stretching, Jim could hear the creaks and pops, Blair carried the cordless back upstairs. Silently he lifted the blankets and his love slid in next to him, shivering slightly in the pre-dawn chill. Gathering him close Jim offered body heat and moral support.

Alex - who still called himself Rat - had developed quite a crush on the young professor. This had been a setback to their plans for the support group. The board that ran the Greenhouse was only barely tolerant of them in the first place, any hint of scandal would have the program shut down before it began and they might even rethink their position on providing  
services to homosexual teens as well.

So Blair had to be very careful how he handled this. It didn't help that Alex was the most unpredictable, and probably the most badly damaged, of the boys in their group.

Meanwhile Jim had his own cross to bear. Little Tommy Huang had latched onto him like the savior come again. He was far more subtle than Alex, but found excuses to touch Jim, to cling to him, to talk to him.....

Yes, Jim was the first adult male to pay positive attention to the kid, but that didn't mean it was love. All of these boys needed to learn the difference between attention and attraction. That was something Jim and Blair were trying to teach them.

“Alex...take a deep breath, man, calm down. If you know these guys are going to be waiting for you, then tell Kelly. She'll get a couple of the big guys to walk with you. No, they won't give you a hard time, she'll ask somebody nice."

The most recent excuse for Alex to call seemed to be that he was being harassed at school. Careful not to listen to the other end of the conversation, Jim cuddled Blair closer and kissed his neck softly. Glancing down, Blair made a face and Jim gave him a naughty look. Then he lowered his head to lick delicately around the nipple ring.

"Jim!" With a hissed warning, too low for normal ears, Blair wriggled and glared, still uh-huhing Alex. Sighing, the bigger man lay back, one hand playing idly with the curls that reached for his face, and closed his eyes, managing to doze off again.

Sometime later he felt fingertips skim his ribs and startled awake too quickly, his big hands grabbing for the potential tormentors. Catching them, he rolled to put Blair beneath him and held his hands down to the bed, looming over the smaller man.

"Just waking me up, Chief?” He made his voice low and threatening.

"Of course, man. The alarm will be going off in..." with a glance at the clock that gave him away, Blair finished the statement, "...um, forty-six minutes?” He offered the words hopefully, grinning up at Jim.

"In forty-six minutes you'll be a pile of quivering goo,” Jim said it like a promise.

“Aw, Jim, don't...please, it makes me crazy, man...” Already squirming even though Jim hadn't actually done anything yet, Blair's body broke into a sweat. His breathing picked up until he was panting slightly.

Just from the thought. It made Jim grin. Perhaps a little bit evilly.

Holding both wrists in one hand, the bigger man pulled off Blair's tight boxer briefs and caressed his rising erection thoughtfully.

“Ahhh...see, Jim, we can just fool around. You don't have to do anything else..." panting, Blair twisted in his grip, trying to increase the stimulation.

"Maybe." Musing, Jim ran a single finger down the back of Blair's leg. With a moan Blair squirmed away. That made Jim grin wider and settle his weight on Blair's lower legs, running his fingers over and around the knee and the soft inner thigh.

The first giggles bubbled reluctantly from Blair's panting mouth and he moaned again.

"Oh, Jim, man, please, don't..."

"But I love it when you wiggle and get silly,” Jim said, repeating the path, making Blair giggle again. “You look so damn cute...and I did get woke up way before I had to get up..."

“You're already up..." Nodding in the direction of Ellison's erect cock, Blair licked his full lips invitingly. "Come on up here and let me do something with that."

"In a few minutes." Jim watched the movement of that tongue with heavy-lidded eyes and Blair thought that he'd won - but then the tickling hand began to get serious.

Closing his eyes to avoid the devilish grin on Jim's face, Blair twisted and begged to no avail.

“Ah, Jim....gasp, pant, giggle....no, please, no, not that!...ahhhhhhh...!" 

Soon laughing too hard to fight back, Blair just twitched and gasped and wriggled mightily. Holding him with some effort, Jim continued the torment until a hitch developed in Blair's breathing and the begging noises grew desperate. Then he stopped, and lowered his body to cover the smaller one, his mouth opening to cover Blair's hungrily.

"I bet Alex couldn't do this to you,” he teased as Blair drew in gulps of air, still giggling helplessly.

"O-only you, m-man...” Thrusting, his cock hard against Jim's stomach, Blair twisted and moaned. 

“You're the only person I've ever met who gets turned on by tickling.” Still holding him down, his larger body pressing Blair deep into the bed, Jim nibbled randomly at the sweaty chest, nuzzling into the short curly hair that tasted so much of his love.

“What, did you do a survey?" retorting, Blair changed tactics, pulling his legs from beneath Jim with an effort and wrapping them around his lover's waist so that he had leverage and pressure. Grinding his cock into Jim, he arched back, hair spread across the pillow, eyes closing, hands till held in Jim's above his head.

There was an expression of ecstasy on his face that made Jim catch his breath and stare.

This was the closest they had come to playing in bed.

Usually their lovemaking was more...serious. Although Jim had tickled Blair once before - and discovered this particular peculiar kink - even then they had both been thinking too hard about what they were doing.

Rising on his knees, wrapping his arms around Blair's shoulders and pulling the smaller man to straddle him, Jim sat back and held him close, mouth taking Blair's. Both tongues dove into the others' mouth and they moaned in unison as Jim caught the rhythm and they thrust against each other.

"Jim - Jim - Jim - I love you..." panting, Blair murmured the words between kisses and gasps for air. Jim responded by running one hand down the sweat-slick back to mold and squeeze his rounded ass, pressing Blair tighter to him.

Feeling the tightening in Blair's balls, the tiny spasms that began in his lower abdomen, Jim gripped the back of his head tightly, fingers tangling in the tousled curls, and tipped it back, forcing Blair's mouth open wider so Jim could devour him.

With a muffled groan Blair surrendered to him, giving him control of the situation, and Jim fell to the side, his own legs going around Blair.

They were tangled together as tight as any knot ever tied by a Boy Scout. Jim held Blair fiercely as the younger man shuddered with orgasm, moaning frantically into Jim's mouth, the older man swallowing it down and answering it with a shout as his body joined Blair's.

They lay quiet, shivering with aftershocks, both sticky and sweaty and sated.

Tenderly Jim placed little kisses along Blair's hairline as he gentled his grip at last. Instead of pulling away the younger man clung tighter.

“Love?" a concerned whisper into the ear where silver dangled.

A shake of Blair's head, his nose pressed to Jim's neck, the nostrils still flaring rhythmically as he sought to calm his breathing.

Petting him, stroking and soothing, Jim rocked slightly. he didn't know what had upset his love, but he was willing to lie here and hold him as long as he needed to.

The alarm went off. Loosing one arm Jim reached across the bed and swatted it brusquely. Then he rolled to his back. Blair let his legs release their grip and sprawled over Jim's warm body, still snuggled tight.

“What's wrong?" Allowing just a touch of worry into his voice, Jim resumed petting, kissing the top of Blair's head.

"It's...it's just so much sometimes, y'know?" nuzzling closer, Blair kissed Jim's neck, then licked, tiny touches of his tongue, tasting the sweat that ran slowly down past Jim's ear. 

"But it's wonderful." putting as much reassurance into his voice as he could, Jim tugged gently, wanting to look into Blair's eyes. He resisted briefly, and then let himself be moved.

But his eyes didn't meet Jim's and the bigger man had to tip his face up with a hand grasping his chin.

“What?" 

"I dunno.” A shrug of curl-brushed shoulders. The dark blue sapphire eyes were troubled. 

Wrapping a long curl around a finger, Jim smiled gently. "I love you."

Blair's heart did that double-thump and roll those words always elicited.

"I'm sorry."

Those weren't the words Jim was expecting. He half-sat, pushing Blair slightly away, putting some space between them.

“What do you mean by that?" A touch of anger, a hint of shock.

"I don't mean to make such a big deal out of things, man. I'm sorry I'm not, you know, more casual about this. That I can't seem to relax about it."

"Blair, sweetheart, I've got no complaints.” Smiling broadly, Jim climbed from the bed, tugging Blair after him. They walked down the stairs holding hands, and then to the bathroom, where Jim started the water.

"Sometimes it feels like you want to, to play, I guess, and I can't let go enough to enjoy it.” The younger man was still trying to explain.

"Blair, love, I know it feels like we've been together forever.” Stepping under the spray Jim pulled Blair to him, back-to-chest, and began washing the smaller body tenderly. With a sigh of appreciation Blair leaned his head back and closed his eyes, spreading his legs slightly for balance.

"That's because it's the right thing. It's meant to be.” A smile graced the angled face.

“Yes.” A kiss to his forehead rewarded those words. "But we're still really new. A new relationship, a new life, a new way of looking at ourselves. It's not going to be really comfortable all the time."

"I see the movies and I watch TV and people are always just falling in love and falling into bed and everything works perfectly...." Blair sighed and then made a purring sound as Jim's hands massaged thick lather through his curls.

"But this is real life, love." Jim reminded, teasing.

“And it's way better." Blair agreed.

Both feeling like some corner had been turned, some decision made, they finished bathing and continued with their morning rituals.

"Okay. I've got that discussion group I'm running for Tatiana tonight, she told me it usually goes late. We'll probably go out for pizza afterwards.” 

Over scrambled eggs Blair sipped his coffee and checked his schedule to Jim's.

"I've got a deposition that will take all day." Making a face, Jim shoveled in the last forkful of eggs and topped it off with a piece of the turkey sausage Blair insisted on buying. It was good, but he would never admit it.

Blair's eyes twinkled at him over the table. He knew.

“And tonight?"

“Well, you're busy...I thought I might hang out with Simon and the guys. If they aren't doing anything."

“Yeah. It's important that you don't neglect Simon, man. He was your friend long before I showed up."

"He gave me a chance when I really needed one." Jim agreed. He looked over at Blair's plate. “You going to finish that?"

“Yes." With a laugh the younger man scooted his plate over a couple of inches and forked up the last of his sausage and eggs. After he chewed and swallowed he spoke again. Jim was finishing his coffee.

“You going to be out late?"

“You going to be home before dawn?"

"It's just a discussion group, man." Blair protested mildly.

"I know how you scientific types get. You'll start discussing one thing and the next thing you know you're drawing up a plan for world peace."

"Hey! If the UN would just listen to us, we'd all be better off." 

The mock-argument was halted when Jim rose and leaned over the table, hands framing Blair's face.

Blair stared, eyes wide, smiling.

Slowly Jim leaned over and kissed his love, probing deeply into his willing mouth.

The coffee, eggs, sausage and spices, toothpaste...and Blair. The underlying, addictive flavor.

He didn't pull away until Blair was panting and squirming slightly in his seat.

“Wow." Blue eyes glazed with love shined up at him.

"Just in case I miss you going to bed tonight,” Jim said quietly, running a hand through the loose curls. "Goodnight, love."

"If I beat you home will you tell me again?"

“As many times as you want." Jim smiled and Blair slumped in his chair.

"I'm never going to make it to class as an amoeba,” he scolded.

“Well, you've still got an hour to recover." Jim grinned, then carried his dishes to the sink. "But I'm going to be late if I don't leave right now."  
With another quick kiss he left.

Blair sat and sipped his coffee, grinning stupidly at nothing.

Love. What a concept.

 

February 10, 1998 

"Mr. Sandburg?"

Pausing in his slow trek up the stairs, Blair swung around and headed for Dr. Hoffman's office. The door was half open, he often stopped here on his way to and from the Anthro 2001 class discussion group he taught on Monday afternoons. But today he'd taken a long lunch with Jim and was running late again.

"Hey." With only the soft word of greeting he stopped in front of her large desk, idly passing his backpack strap from hand to hand before him. 

"I see you've taken up weight lifting.” She smiled, eyeing the bulging bag. To keep up with your policeman?"

"Hm? Oh, no." Managing a small grin, he set it down in the chair next to him.

"Distracted today?"

"Just late.” A glance over his shoulder out the door.

"Mr. Sandburg. I'm speaking to you now, Young man, sit yourself down and pay attention to an old lady."

Startled by the no-nonsense tone, he did, hands clasped between his knees, leaning forward.

"I'm sorry, ma'am,” he said, giving her a wide-eyed look of innocence.

“As you should be,” her grin told him that she knew exactly what he was doing, and she thought it was cute. Well, most every female did. "So what has you all worked up?"

"It's kind of personal,” he shrugged. "Not really a big deal or anything. Nothing you need to worry about."

"Don't give me that. I like to think we're friends, Mr. Sandburg. And I know - don't you argue about this - as many people as you know, as many people as you help, you don't have many friends."

Not surprised at this insight, Blair gave a tiny shrug, a small half smile curving his lips.

"I know you're my friend, Ma'am." 

"Does this have anything to do with that unpleasant young man? Did your Jim react badly to his attentions?"

"Nah, that's long past,” he chewed his lip for a minute, deciding if this was something he wanted to talk to her about. "It's just - Jim tried to get me put on his insurance. It's a lot better than what I can get here as a student. They made a lot of noise and fussed, but today they told him no."

"Because you aren't related.” She nodded. “An old friend of mine ran into that problem with the woman she lived with."

“What did they do?"

"Nothing. They were together for almost twenty years, everyone who knew them considered them to be married."

“We can't get married.” He wasn't telling her what she obviously knew, just sadly reminding himself of the facts.

“You can register as domestic partners."

"Cascade hasn't approved that for same-sex couples yet." hands twining and untangling, forming abstract patterns, he watched them and not her.

"Don't want to be the test case, do you.” Sympathetic, she reached across the desk, her fingers pushing a small box toward him. "I stopped you to give you this."

Eyeing it, he glanced at her, with a hesitant grin. “What is it?"

“Your gift. For you and Jim.” She continued speaking while he picked it up and shook it. It was just a simple little cardboard box, colored a bright silver. "It took me longer than usual, but I finally found exactly the right thing for the two of you." 

Blair shook the box, held it to his ear, and then sniffed it.

"You are such an anthropologist. Just open it, dear."

"I shouldn't wait for Jim?"

"This is only part one. Part two will involve your Jim."

He stared at the words 'part one', and then lifted the lid off.

Inside, on a bed of cotton, lay a business card. Two silver rings, too small for a man's finger, lay on top of it. He lifted one, held it up, studied it.

“What is it?"

"Go there, any evening after six, and you'll find out.” She smiled. "Now go before your class decides you've walked them."

"They know better than that. We got a new shipment of artifacts in from that Mexican site, we're supposed to uncrate and start cleaning them today,” he spoke absently as he tucked the ring back into the box and the box into the only empty zipper pocket on the backpack, the smallest one. Standing, he went around the desk and kissed her cheek. “You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. Now get out of here." 

Her smile sped him up the stairs, dark mood beginning to lift.

 

"Ellison.” Simon stopped in front of Jim's desk. The younger man was sorting through data files, trying to come up with a connection between their suspect in the string of grocery-store holdups and anything. "How's it going?"

"This guy doesn't exist.” The frustrated man sighed. "No social security number, no prints on files, no birth certificate, nothing."

“Are you sure the name he gave you is good?" 

"If he's lying I'll turn in my Sentinel badge."

"Now there's a thought.” Simon snorted. Then he planted both hands on the desk and leaned over it, pinning Jim with a look.

“What's with this vacation request I found in my box for this weekend?"

Leaning back in his chair, Jim just looked up at him steadily.

"It's Valentine's Day, Captain, in case you'd forgotten."

"Not only have I not forgotten, I just happen to have a date.” The captain answered. “You going out of town or something?"

"I'd planned on it."

"Made the reservations yet?"

With his jaw jutting forward slightly, beginning to get that mulish look Simon and Blair hated, Jim eyed him.

"No."

"Good. Because Rafe and Brown asked for this weekend off over a month ago. So you aren't going to get it."

"Simon!" Rising from his chair, Jim protested. 

"I'm sorry, Jim, but that's the way it works. The ones who ask for it first get it off. Just because you haven't been needing to take time off to date doesn't mean you get special privileges now that you're in a relationship."

"Shit." Jim muttered, sitting heavily. "I wish we could just get the same ones everyone else does,” he dropped his face to his hands momentarily.

“What?” His friend asked when the younger man looked back up.

"The insurance company said no. No way, no how, not in this lifetime."

"Jim, I'm sorry."

"I wanted to make this weekend special for him, to kind of make up for that." Jim shrugged.

"If I could give you the time off I would."

"It's okay. I can do something here."

“You know, Jim, I don't think Sandburg's ever had anyone romance him. There's no reason you can't pull out all the stops without leaving town."

“We go dancing every couple of weeks. We go to dinner once or twice a week. I wanted to do something different." Jim explained.

"Maybe I can help.” The captain straightened, smiling as an idea occurred to him. "Let me call in a favor or two. I bet I can come up with something appropriately romantic. You don't have any preferences?"

"I'll do anything." Jim grinned his thanks. "Long as it makes Blair happy."


	13. Chapter 13

"Next right...yeah, I think that's it...” Directing Jim from the passenger side of the truck, Blair was leaning out the window, cold air blowing his hair back and reddening his cheeks.

His lover just watched him, smiling a little sternly. He didn't need the directions, and he knew Blair knew that. The younger man was just nervous about this mystery gift and was using words to ease that feeling, as he often did. The more nervous he got, the more he talked. It was something Jim had at last learned to listen to. Just a couple of nights ago, last Sunday, he had looked up from the book he was reading to realize that Blair hadn't spoken in over an hour.

Sitting on the couch, typing away, Blair had looked up at the sudden scrutiny and grinned at him sweetly. Jim returned the smile, added a leer to make Blair laugh, and went back to his book with the realization sinking into his brain.

When Blair is happy...when he's really comfortable...when he feels safe...he doesn't need to talk so much. It amazed Jim that it had taken him so long to figure this out. 

Of course, it had taken them years of friendship and months as lovers for Blair to feel that safe and secure. 

"That's it!" a shout that made Jim wince, and then he parked as Blair made a sympathetic noise and leaned to kiss him in apology. If he'd meant it to be a peck Jim foiled that idea, wrapping a hand in his curls, the wind-blown look irresistible, and plundered him like a sacked town.

"Oh, man." pulling away when Jim let him go, the smaller man sighed and licked his lips. "I love the way you do that."

"Then let's get this over with and go home and I'll do it some more." 

“You'd better." Bouncing from the vehicle, Blair waited until Jim came around the truck before entering the small, dimly-lit tattoo parlor. "I can't imagine why Dr. Hoffman would send us here,” he said as they waited at the counter in the front. There were a couple of battered chairs and a small television that was turned off. "I can't imagine Dr. Hoffman knowing where this is!"

"My grans knows everything.” A young voice, cheerful, preceded the young man that followed it. He came around the counter and offered up a hand that was covered with a well-worn black leather glove, the fingers cut off. “You must be Sandburg. Grans likes you."

The smile on his face was genuine. Blair shook the hand, feeling the strength in it, and glanced at the rest of him.

From the waist up he was perfectly normal, heavily muscled chest and shoulders revealed by a tight tank shirt, but his legs looked wasted even in the jeans and sneakers he wore.

Beside Blair, Jim sniffed and then sneezed.

"Jim?"

"I'm okay. Something in the air,” he said too quickly, and watched the sideways look with dread. Blair knew it was more than that. But he let it drop for the moment.

"I'm Bryan. Bryan Myers. This is my shop."

"Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison. Glad to meet you."

Jim shook his hand as well, covering another sneeze.

"Follow me back here and I'll show you what grans had in mind for you.” 

Turning with a quick wheelie, he led them to the back room.

It was large and well-lit, with two barber-type chairs. High countertops lined the walls, which were covered with examples of tattoos and artwork.

Jim was pleased to see an autoclave and sterile supplies on the farthest counter.

"Have a seat - whichever of you wants to go first." Bryan went to a small display on the left and picked up something.

"I'm not getting a tattoo, Chief,” Jim said slowly. The younger man just grinned at him. 

"I don't think that's the plan here, lover."

"Nah, a tattoo is almost never a good idea for romance.” The man in the wheelchair agreed as he came back over. "This is kindof a new-old thing, getting popular again,” he held up his hand, two heavy silver ropes dangling from it.

“Ankle chains?" Blair was speculative. Hoisting himself into a chair, he grinned at Jim. “Well, it's different."

"It's jewelry, Sandburg." More bothered by this than he wanted to admit, Jim took one of the chains. Running it through hid fingers, he noted something. "There's no clasp."

"They're welded on." Bryan said. "It's a commitment thing."

Looking worried, Blair reached and touched Jim's arm. “We don't have to. I'm sure she was just trying to think of something unusual for us." 

Hearing the softness of Blair's voice, in it Jim felt the longing he knew the younger man was susceptible to. Blair wanted them to stand on the roof of the PD with a bullhorn, announcing their love to the world. He would tell every person they met and kiss Jim in front of the mayor, if Jim would let him. 

A wedding ring would have made Jim uncomfortable, because of the questions and ridicule it would bring. But this - only their closest friends would see this.

"No, it's a good idea, love,” he covered the hand with his own, the chain cool against their skin. "But what are the rings for?"

“You put them on the chain. They're small, they don't tend to catch on things. Kind of a wedding ring, but more.... discreet."

The artist had dark brown eyes set wide apart. It made him look younger than the thirty-plus years Jim had him pegged at.

Those eyes were very expressive as well. From them Jim read deep sadness and resolute determination as well as a real happiness to meet them. 

This exchange only took a few seconds. When Bryan looked away Jim leaned and pressed a kiss to the corner of Blair's mouth. 

"This is a great gift."

“You really want to do this?" Blair sounded doubtful.

Composing and discarding several replies that involved Blair and chains, Jim finally just nodded and said quietly: “Yeah. I think we should do this."

"Cool.” The single expletive said far more than any one word should.

Bryan was quick and efficient. He wrapped a length of the chain - sterling silver, heavy and expensive and durable - around Blair's right ankle, over a band of half-inch thick felt.

"That's to protect your skin while I'm fastening it. It pulls right out,” he explained. "The ring just slides around."

“What if I get fat?" Blair joked.

"Come back and I'll replace the chain. But I don't think you're gonna be lacking for exercise." Bryan glanced meaningfully at Jim, who, to his surprise, blushed faintly, and Blair chortled with amusement.

"He does keep me busy. Chasing bad guys, y'know, that kind of thing."

"I'm sure." Bryan winked at Jim and the older man wondered if they'd found another one of their kind. Maybe that was why Dr. Hoffman accepted Blair so easily.

But Bryan wore a wedding ring, an intricate gold band on the third finger of his left hand.

“What does your wife do?” He asked casually, watching closely while he welded the ends of the chain together and cooled it with warm water before tugging out the felt.

"Stacy's a teacher. Special education. We're going to have a baby in May."

"Congratulations! This will be how many grandchildren for Dr. Hoffman?" Blair was honestly enthusiastic.

“Actually, I'm a great-grandchild, and this will be the first great-great,” he grinned as Blair fingered the chain for a minute before hopping down. “We've promised to name it after her."

“You're kidding." Blair's eyes widened.

“Well, not her first name. Her middle name." Bryan chuckled, gesturing to Jim.

He turned down his sense of touch all the way, not wanting to slip up and let himself be burnt by the soldering iron. Blair reached for his hand and he held it lightly, giving it a squeeze as Bryan slipped the ring on.

“What is her first name? I've never known,” he said.

“Agatha,” Blair said, rolling his eyes. "I'm all for old-fashioned names and their value to a culture, but there are some things you just don't do to a kid."

"Like giving them weird middle names they can't hide from their partners?”   
Teasing, Jim grinned. He'd had to search, but he'd finally discovered Blair's.

"Or making them juniors." Blair retorted without heat. "So, what will the baby be called?"

"Grans middle name is Daisy, and we like that. If it's a boy, then it's easy. Frederick."

"Old-fashioned, but not stuffy,” Blair said agreeably.

Finishing with Jim, Bryan tidied things up and motioned them to the door.

"I hope you guys are happy with these. They should last just about forever. Clean them with silver polish every six months or so to keep the shine."

He led them back to the front.

“Are you on your way out?" Blair asked, looking at Jim. The bigger man slipped an arm around his waist and pulled him close.

"I don't usually stay this late...my car's in the back." Bryan wrestled into a coat.

“We'll walk you,” Jim said, in his not-to-be-refused voice.

"Sure. It's not the best neighborhood." 

They waited while he got the place locked up, and then accompanied him around the building. He crunched through the gravel with effort, the muscles in his arms bulging. His car was an old Ford four-door.

"I've had it since high school,” he said cheerfully. “Work on it myself. Fell into the engine once and had to wait for Stacy to get home from school to pull me out,” he laughed at the memory. "I wasn't three feet away from the damn cellphone, it was in the chair, but it might as well have been across the Grand canyon. Now I keep it in my pocket all the time." 

Blair laughed with him, but the story made Jim uncomfortable.

Opening the front door, Bryan took the sides off the chair and stowed them on the passenger side, then lifted himself over.

Turning at the waist, he leaned out and folded the chair, then began lifting it.

"Let me get that for you.” Unable to resist, Jim took it out of his hands. It occurred to him that he might be being rude, but it bothered him to watch the guy work so hard just to get in his damn car.

"Thanks. It's been a long day." Bryan accepted it gracefully. "Just stick it in the back there. My dad we cut away the seat to make room for it when we got the car."

"Not meaning to pry, but why don't you have an adapted van or something?" Blair spoke up.

"Those things are expensive, and my medical bills are high. Had to have surgery last year, we're still paying that off. I'm not on Stacy's insurance, they won't cover me under the pre-existing condition clause...Grans wants to buy me a fancy van, but I told her no. She gave us the down payment for our house as a wedding present, that's more than she gave any of the other kids in the family."

"She's a terrific lady." Blair grinned.

“Yeah." Bryan grinned widely. "Hey, maybe you guys should come to dinner   
sometime. You and I could discuss the history of tattoos. You know, there's a big demand for African tribal work now and I've done a lot of research into it, but maybe you could show me some more?"

"That would be great." Blair was enthusiastic. "I have this book about the Mombari, I spent six months with them one year -" his words were cut off by Jim's hand covering his mouth gently. 

"Let the man go home, Chief. You can call him tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. It was great meeting you, Bryan."

Sticking his hand out the car window, he shook first Blair's hand and then Jim's.

“You guys are a cute couple,” he said, then started up and drove away while Blair laughed and Jim glared.

"Cute."

 

"This is nice." 

Cuddled close to Jim on the sofa, watching something about King Tut on the History channel - apparently archaeologists now believed he had been murdered - Blair sighed and kissed Jim's neck. 

Jim's fingers played with the chain around Blair's ankle, the younger man's legs were tucked up beneath his compact body.

"I was never much of a cuddler." Jim confessed. "It always felt like I was supposed to be doing something, like I had to steer things is some specific direction. I couldn't cuddle just to cuddle."

“And now?" nuzzling at the strong neck, Blair pursed his lips and blew warm air over Jim's Adam's apple. The bigger man shivered.

"Now I know that there are no expectations, that it's okay to just sit here and hold you and smell you and love you quietly."

"Mmmm, that's very nice." Blair sighed. "Sentiments like that should be rewarded."

“You think so? Do I get to choose my reward?" watching with darkening eyes, Jim waited as Blair swung himself over Jim's lap, settling to press against his chest, arms going around his shoulders.

They had showered after dinner, and were both wearing robes with nothing beneath them. Blair was wearing the heavy dark blue velour one Jim had given him for Christmas, and he looked as soft and sexy in it as Jim had imagined he would. Insinuating his hands through the tied front, Jim ran them to Blair's back, and then began caressing it warmly. 

“Absolutely.” His young lover breathed into his ear before rimming it.

"Then I want to carry you upstairs, lay you on our bed, and eat you alive."

"That sounds more like a reward for me." Blair purred, sucking the lobe of Jim's ear into his mouth. The bigger man was finding it harder to breathe.

"Nooo...touching you, tasting you, that's the best thing in the world. Of course, I'm going to let you return the favor."

"That's fair of you." Biting gently at Jim's neck, Blair moved his mouth down to suckle on the Adam's apple. Jim moaned softly. “And then what will we do?"

“We'll curl up tight together - after we clean up - and I'll hold you tight. And then, just before you fall asleep. I'll whisper those three little words you love to hear."

Pulling back slightly, Blair smiled at him.

“What words would those be?"

"Goodnight, love." 

"That's two words, Jim." Blair protested as Jim scooped him into his arms and cradled him close. The younger man leaned into his chest and enjoyed the strength Jim demonstrated.

“You'll be so far gone by then you won't be able to count."

 

Saturday, February 4, 1998

"Mmm." 

Shifting slightly in response to Blair's small noise, Jim smiled. The younger man missed it, snuggled as he was with his face mashed to Jim's chest, half-asleep, eyes closed. 

"Comfy?” The bigger man queried, one hand stroking through the soft hair, still damp from their shower. 

"Mpmh.” A soft grumble from Blair as his pillow moved, then the soothing rhythm of his breathing, deep and even, echoed by his heartbeat. Jim listened until his heart was keeping time and then pulled back, not wanting to zone. The desire to be a part of Blair, always with him, connected to him, was strong enough that sometimes he feared he would do that one day. Just zone and never come out. Scary, but manageable. 

The rewards were worth it. 

It was almost noon. Blair had dozed off around ten-thirty, after getting home very late and getting up this morning to prepare a Valentine breakfast for the two of them. Pancakes topped with strawberries and real whipped cream, and as much turkey sausage as Jim wanted to eat. 

He'd eaten enough to be mildly embarrassed by it. Enough to know there was no way he would ever be able to get away with teasing Blair about that stuff again. 

Then they had retired to the couch for what Jim hoped would become a Valentine's Day tradition; snuggling. 

Idly channel-surfing, he watched Bob Villa help some yuppie couple spend about five times what he'd paid for the loft to remodel their Cape Cod home. No kids, no other family living with them - what did they need with four bedrooms and three baths? 

As Blair dozed off, sinking deeper into his arms, Jim looked around his home. 

It was truly their home now. From the dream-catcher on the hallway wall to the tribal mask that sat in the corner, a dream- doll on the bookshelf and assorted little fetishes scattered on the mantle, Blair had made his mark. The new afghan on the couch, the basket of fire-starters... 

We have a home together. I never want to give this place up. 

He remembered his promise to Blair, that they would consider children after a year or two. 

I'll be what, forty-four? Forty-five before we're allowed to adopt or go through the mess of a surrogate? Almost sixty by the time the kid finishes high school. If I don't get killed in the line of duty first. And what will Blair do when he finishes his dissertation? He won't be able to teach full-time and be my partner. Where do we fit a child into that? 

His thoughts made him uncomfortable. Their future was still informed, undecided, and he didn't really like that. 

But that's the way it is for most people. Especially the ones who are settled, who have wives and kids and lives outside The Job. 

There was a support group at the station that met regularly, twice a week, run by the station shrink to give people a chance to talk about life management. That's what it was called, 'Life Management Classes'. Maybe if he went once or twice he could get an idea what the others did. How they balanced things. If he and Blair could work children into this life. 

I promised we'd talk about it, and we will. I don't need to worry about it now. 

Resolutely turning his thoughts away from their nebulous future, Jim decided instead to let himself enjoy this moment of peace. 

They hadn't had much chance to summon that peace lately. Busy, busy, busy, as Jim's mom would have said long ago. The feeling was still there, but with so few chances to feed and nurture it, sometimes it slipped and he had to actually search for it. 

That was what today was all about. If the gods were willing and no emergencies came up that he had to take care of, the two of them could spend the entire day just reaffirming their connection. Maybe the whole weekend. 

Simon better come through for me. he thought, stretching. 

He had one leg bent, leaned against the back of the couch, the other one straight, propped on the other arm of the sofa. Blair lay between his legs and his weight was putting the bent leg to sleep. 

Tilting his head, Jim nuzzled at Blair's neck as he eased his leg down and lifted the smaller man to rest on top of both legs. Then he paused and looked up at the door. 

It took a minute to wriggle from beneath Blair, who grumbled in his sleep and clutched at Jim's body, but he managed to do it and get to the door before Simon had a chance to knock. Tying his robe, which had been loosened in the process, Jim opened it and made a 'shhh' gesture. 

"Sandburg's sleeping,” he said quietly, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. 

"I just dropped by to give you this.” His captain, dressed casually in jeans and a sweater, had a cigar clamped between his teeth as he smiled. "I had an idea and it worked out. I think you're going to thank me." 

Accepting the business card, Jim read it. 

"Bert Beckett Studio?" 

"I went to college with him. He's a great guy and a brilliant photographer. He does this thing with couples...Joan and I had it done for our tenth anniversary. I thought...you and Sandburg might like it." 

"Pictures?" Jim wasn't enthusiastic. 

"They're special, Ellison.” Simon said sternly. "Trust me on this. He's giving you a discount and getting you in today, just for me. And I got you a reservation at the Magic Time Machine." 

"How many strings did you pull, sir?" Jim blinked. The theme-hotel was so popular for Valentines that a room had to be booked a year in advance. Jim hadn't even dreamed of taking Blair there. 

"I called in a ton of favors, Ellison. And it will be worth it, because you're going to owe me for the rest of your life.” The smug grin faded and the older man shrugged, slightly embarrassed. 

"Besides. I like to see the kid happy. And you're a better cop when he's around." 

"This is amazing, Simon. I don't know what to say." 

"Say you won't ask for any time off in the next six months and promise to keep up your conviction rate.” Simon grinned widely again. 

"Done." Jim grinned back. The expression made him look years younger and much softer. 

"Don't be late to the studio. Bert's doing me a favor doing this today." 

“We won't." 

 

"Got your bag packed?" Jim glanced into the bathroom, where Blair was fussing with his hair yet again. 

"Jim, are you sure you want to do this?” Stepping out, the younger man laid a hand on the older's arm, caressing gently. 

"Get our pictures taken? Yes, definitely,” he said it with more certainty than he felt. It didn't seen quite romantic, to take Blair and get pictures taken with him, for Valentine’s Day. But the hotel and meal they would have there should make up for that, as well as what Jim had planned for after dinner. 

"It just doesn't seem like something you'd think of on your own," Blair said, going to pick up his small bag. It contained his gift to Jim as well as a change of clothes, his robe, and the new pair of silk pajamas he'd bought just for today. "I love the idea, don't get me wrong, but I never thought of you as the 'portrait studio' type." 

“Actually, Simon suggested it." Locking the door behind them, Jim nodded politely at Mrs. Feller's. She nodded back and smiled nervously at Blair, who grinned at her and slipped an arm around Jim's waist. Copying the gesture, Jim hugged him close. 

"I hope Henry gave you something nice today,” Blair said cheerfully. 

"Oh, uh," she was flustered, but recovered. “Yes, he gave me a can of that Almond Roca candy. It's been my favorite for years." 

"That's nice. Jim got us an appointment to have our pictures taken." 

"Together?” Her eyes widened. 

“Well, that's kindof the idea...” Feeling the tension in Jim's big body, Blair nodded at her. "Have a nice evening, Mrs. Fellers." 

"Um, you too, boys,” her head bobbed, and then Jim led Blair down the stairs. 

"She wants to be nice, Jim, she just doesn't know how." 

"Once she figured out we weren't child-stealing rapists she didn't have a way to stereotype us." Jim agreed. 

Blair punched him in the arm gently. 

 

The studio was large, taking up half of a converted warehouse. The only door they saw had a light over it and a small sign. Jim rang the buzzer and the big steel door slid open, revealing a tall man, about Jim's age, with dark hair and eyes and vaguely oriental features. 

"Hey. Jim and Blair. Simon told me all about you. You're right on time."   
He gestured them in. His voice was mellow, with a trace of an accent. Some sort of ocean or island-sound to it. 

"I was just adjusting the lighting. Take a look around. There are some examples of my work on the wall over there -" he pointed to the other side of the room, "- look them over and see if you see anything you like." 

“Yeah. Okay,” Blair said. Jim would have said something as well, but the photographer turned his back on them and went back to the table that held a selection of cameras and attachments. He worked silently while they looked over the space. 

A true artist's room, it was divided by empty spaces between areas set up with individual lighting and sets. There was a bed, antique white-washed iron, on a rag rug, set into a mock-up of a farm room, the walls made of wood grey with age and worn. dressed in cream and white the bed was marvelously romantic-looking. 

A thick white rug before a fireplace, with an actual fire burning brightly. A claw-foot tub set on marble next to a wall with a window that held a moonlit scene of trees. 

A chaise lounge upholstered in red, in front of a wall covered with a red silk drape. 

A plain corner, large, hung with white cloth, the floor covered as well.   
There were ten different sets, and, at the back of the room, past all of them, Jim could see stacks of furniture and props. 

“Wow,” Blair said softly. "I hope you can afford this." 

"Simon said we're getting a discount." Jim shrugged. His glance wandered back to the white fur before the fire. He loved to see Blair in firelight...maybe a picture of it would help Blair understand why. 

The wall of pictures was divided into subjects. Families, children, lovers, and then a small section of nudes, bit individuals and couples. 

"Very tasteful." Jim commented when Blair stood looking at them for a while. 

“You don't want to..." Blair's beautiful eyes were dark and round when he glanced up at Jim. 

"Not really." 

"Me either.” The younger man sounded relieved. 

"Okay, whenever you guys are ready." Bert called from the other side.   
When they joined him in the small sitting area, which contained a computer and accessories, he sat them on the loveseat and studied them.   
“You two look great together. I can get some great shots,” he smiled for the first time. It made him look younger. “As you've probably noticed, I usually do casual shots. Not too posed, not dressed-up. Real people stuff." 

"It looks really great," Blair said. 

"I tell people to dress the way they normally do, and I keep around some extra stuff in case they want to wear something different in some of the pictures. 

“We're heading out for the night, so we have a change of clothes." Blair added. 

“We may use them. So, after looking around, did you have any ideas? Did any of the sets make you want to try something?" 

They looked at each other. After a minute Blair spoke first. "I kindof, um, I like that big tub." 

Jim stared, and then shook his head. 

"But we don't want to do anything revealing," Blair told Bert quickly. 

"I can run a bath, fill it with bubbles, you can wear trunks if you like.” The man smiled again, encouraging. “Anything for you, Jim?" 

"This is Blair's gift. Whatever he wants.” The vision of Blair sprawled on the fur rug danced in Jim's eyes. 

“You have to choose some too, man." Blair complained. 

“Why don't we start with a few casual shots." Bert said. 

"Let's sit you on the chaise and see what happens." 

He led them to the area and got them settled to his satisfaction. Pulling a remote control out of his pocket, he turned on music that crooned from speakers hung overhead around the room. 

"Michael Bolton?" Blair winced. 

“Love songs." Bert grinned suddenly. "It's required. Even if you don't like them you'll react." 

Leaning back, Jim cradled Blair between his legs, Blair's back to his chest, one foot on the floor, the other leg stretched out. 

"No, that's not going to work here," Bert said suddenly, as they posed uncomfortably. "This would be better in the big chair." 

Moving to the next scene, where a huge overstuffed armchair sat in a replica of an English study, he got them into the same position, only now Jim's feet were firm on the floor and Blair was wedged more tightly between his legs. 

“Yes, that's it. Blair, it's okay to touch him." 

Blair looped an arm up around Jim's neck and sighed, leaning his head back, closing his eyes. He heard the camera begin whirring. Jim's hands closed over his stomach and he dropped one to cover them both. 

That got them started. Bert gave direction sparingly, occasionally coming over to tilt a head or set a hand just so. They worked from the chair to the lounge, where Blair kicked off his shoes and pulled his legs up, curling between Jim's, cradled to the bigger man's chest. Bert talked Jim out of his shoes as well. When he saw the matching chains and he crossed their legs together so that Blair's lay above Jim's, the chains side-by- side, making sure the rings dangled between them, and got several shots of that. 

Soon they were making their way to the filling tub. Bert handed them tight swimsuits and pointed out the changing room, a curtained-off section near the door, and they changed. 

In the tub they sat facing each other and then with Jim holding Blair again. 

“You fit together so perfectly, I can't get over it,” he enthused. 

Blair started a bubble fight, blowing great handfuls into the air and watching them drift down around them. 

Under the covers on the big white bed, in their underwear, Jim wrapped around Blair, then Jim sprawled, at first awkwardly, over Blair's chest while Blair held him. Bert adjusted the sheets and comforter many times, getting it just so for all the positions he had them try. 

 

Then two hours had passed. Jim was relaxing but Blair was beginning to get antsy, being still too long. 

"I think we have time for one more." Bert said as they got up and walked about a bit to stretch. "I promised to babysit for my son and his wife tonight and I'm not going to be late, they have reservations." 

"How many kids do they have?" 

"Twin boys, three-and-a-half. Holy terrors, they drive their mom nuts,” he grinned again as he said it. "Jacob and Julian, but I call them Jakes and Jules. Drives them nuts,” he winked at them. "The only revenge I can get, since I promised not to give them drum sets or toy cars with sirens." 

Blair laughed and Jim smiled at that. 

“You two look so good together, I would really like to try something a bit more risqué.” The photographer stopped in front of them, camera re-loaded and ready to go. "I noticed you looking at the fireplace several times, Jim, is that something you'd like to try?" 

Blair looked at the floor. Jim noticed and stepped closer, raising his chin with a finger. 

“You want to try a nude, love? We can, if you want." 

"Not if it would make you uncomfortable." Blair shook his head. "I know it's not really your style." 

“Actually, I was thinking that I'd really like to see you spread out on that rug over there..." Jim's whispered words made Blair blush faintly. 

"Jimmm..,” he protested, curling one foot on top of the other. "Really?” Glancing up sideways, he looked hopeful. 

"I think I can do this." Jim looked back up at Bert. "Nothing graphic, right?" 

"I don't do hardcore stuff.” The man assured them. "Just something nice and romantic and beautiful. I know you two are beautiful together." 

They decided to just undress there, in front of the fire. 

Bert laid out a selection of accessories just outside the area; scarves, blankets, pillows, small fur throws, ribbons. 

Lying down on the fur, Jim shivered. It felt far too soft. 

"This reminds me of that bed at the cabin." Blair whispered as he lay down beside him. Jim gathered him into his arms almost hesitantly, trying to ignore Bert as the man circled them, the camera snapping eagerly. 

“Yeah, me too." Pulling Blair close, Jim wrapped himself around the younger man. Their cocks came together and he bit back a moan as the first spike of arousal of the evening drove through him. They had been concentrating so hard on posing that neither of them had gotten turned on earlier. 

"Not much longer." Blair's voice was soft and teasing. “We'll get to that." 

"Not here," Jim scolded. 

They both looked up at the loud noise - Bert was dragging a very tall ladder across the floor and positioning it to the side of them. They watched as he climbed it and hung out over the top, legs wrapped around the rungs to hold him, camera pointed straight down at them. 

"Go back to what you were doing,” he encouraged. "This is a terrific shot."   
Blair giggled nervously. Jim grinned and pinched his naked bottom, making him yelp. 

"Hey!" 

"Just helping you relax, love." 

“With that kind of help...” The smaller man trailed off and then sighed and snuggled deeper into his embrace, trying not to listen to the camera. 

Instead he let himself focus on the music that was playing. The Cd player had apparently been loaded with love songs...now Lionel Richie's warm tenor sang to them. 

Obeying Bert's quiet suggestions, Jim maneuvered them several times. Each position was dignified and discreet, with only a hint of their cocks showing in any of them. Blair's ass, with Jim's hands resting on it possessively, was the most revealing. 

Blair just let him do what he wanted, listening to the music and letting himself just go with the flow. 

Then Jim pulled away, rolling to the side. Blair's eyes followed him, suddenly worried. 

"Jim?" 

"Just lie there, love. Let me look at you. When we're both so old we look like prunes, I want to be able to remember you like this." 

Taking his cue, Bert continued snapping shots of Blair. 

"Lay your hand on his chest,” he suggested to Jim, who did it. "Now his head. Get your fingers into his hair...that's really good." 

"Lie back, Blair. Like you're waiting for me to come to you." Jim whispered. 

Slowly Blair relaxed again. He spread himself wantonly, arching slightly, head back, one hand flung wide, legs parted slightly, eyes closed, his hair tossed around his face and shoulders. 

“You're beautiful." Jim whispered, rising over him momentarily to drape a lock of hair over his eye artfully. 

"Only to you." Blair whispered back, feeling the stirring in his groin. Although he wasn't embarrassed by it, he still didn't think this was the time or place, so he focused back in on the music as Jim played with his hair and the camera clicked, the sound soothing now. 

The song was pleasingly prophetic. 

One look in your eyes  
And there I see  
Just what you mean to me  
Here in my heart  
I believe  
Your love is all I ever need   
Holding you close through the night  
I need you...  
Yeah...   
I look in your eyes  
And there I see  
What happiness really means  
The love that we share  
Makes life so sweet  
Together we'll always be  
This pledge of love feels so right  
And ooh...I need you...   
Here and now  
I promise to love faithfully  
You're all I need  
Here and now  
I vow to be one with thee  
Your love is all I need   
When I look in your eyes  
There I see  
What all that a love should really be  
And I need you  
More and more each day  
Nothing can take your love away  
More than ah just a dream  
I need you   
Here and now  
I promise to love faithfully  
You're all I need  
Here and now  
I vow to be one with thee  
Your love is all I need   
Starting here  
Ooh...I'm starting now  
I believe  
Starting here - I believe -  
I'm starting here  
Starting now..Right now  
I believe in your love  
So I'm glad to take the vow   
Here and now  
I promise to love faithfully  
You're all I need  
Here and now  
I vow to be one with thee  
Your love is all I need 

Although he had made that commitment months ago and the chain he wore was the physical representation of it, Blair felt it again, that soul-deep certainty, that this was where he was supposed to be and who he was supposed to be with. 

He felt Jim's lips touch his ankle warmly, just above the chain, and heard the camera whir one final time just as the song finished. Bert clicked off the music and smiled at them before going back to his worktable. 

When they were dressed again they all sat once more. 

"I usually choose the shots I like best after developing the thumbnails.” The photographer said. “Will you guys trust me to pick the best ones or do you want to choose them?" 

“What happens to the others?" Blair asked nervously. 

"I keep the negatives on file on disk. They're well- protected by the pretty good security program, you don't have to worry about them falling into the wrong hands. Some of these are going to be very good, I may ask you later this year if I can include them in the collection I'll be publishing this year,” he raised his hands as they both opened their mouths. "I'm not asking now, so you can't answer now." Wait until you see them and then think about it for a few months, okay?" 

"Okay,” Jim said with relief. 

"These will be ready next week. I'll have them sent to you by courier." Bert stood. "Thank you for coming. This was one of the best sessions I've had in months." 

"No, thank you. You made it easy, man." Blair shook his hand. He was   
surprised to find that he wasn't even embarrassed knowing that this man had seen him naked. 

Exiting the warehouse, Blair was startled to realize that dusk had fallen. It was cold, with a chilly wind that promised rain, maybe snow. 

"C'mon, love." Jim wrapped an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close. “We have a reservation tonight too." 

“You still haven't told me where we're going." 

"It's a surprise." 

"Man, Jim.” The younger man sighed as they climbed into the truck and Jim started it up, turning the heater up high. “What I got you is never gonna compare to this." 

"This wasn't your present, love, and where we're going tonight isn't either. Both of these were for both of us. I have your present safely stashed in my bag, the same place you stashed mine." 

"Does that mean I'll be paying for half of those pictures?" Blair teased. 

"Only the beautiful half." 

They teased and joked as Jim drove to the outskirts of town. smiled as he took Jim's credit card. “You'll have the tower room tonight. It was the only thing we had open on such short notice - there was a last-minute cancellation. Howard will take your bags and show you the way." 

Check-in took less than five minutes, and then they were being led up the long spiral staircase. Made of stone, it was the central feature of the 'tower' wing of the hotel. Built of stone in a castle style, it was set apart from the rest of the hotel by an actual moat and a small bridge that crossed it. 

He showed them their room - the top one - and told them that dinner would be there shortly, then left them to stare, a healthy tip in his hand. 

"Jim?" Blair spoke almost hesitantly from the spot he'd stopped, just inside the door. 

“What, love?” Setting their bags on the ledge under the window-slit, the bigger man looked back at him. 

"Did you know it was going to be like this?” The younger man gestured about the room, taking it all in. 

It was round, and huge. An enormous fireplace took up nearly a quarter of the wall-space. 

There was a single antique wardrobe, a small table and two chairs. The stone floor was cold. The toilet facilities were hidden by a small carved wooden screen. 

And the bed was fully eight feet wide and ten feet long, a massive covered canopied affair, set so high off the floor that it had steps to get to it...and heavy silk damask drapes to draw around it. 

Soft music floated through the air. Harpsichord, sweet and light. 

A knock on the door startled Blair from his study. A man in a white uniform brought in platters of food and a bottle of champagne. 

Jim sat at the table and Blair finally moved, joining him. “Are you okay?" 

"I think I'm in shock." 

Lifting the lid off his plate, Jim sighed with pleasure. Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, crusty bread, roasted vegetables and potatoes, a boat of rich brown gravy, and raisin- studded bread pudding with brandy sauce to pour over the top of it. 

"I'm in heaven,” he smiled at Blair. “And you're here with me. Of course." 

"Man-oh-man." Blair watched while Jim began to eat, then picked up a fork and joined him. The food was every good as the room and between them they devoured every morsel, with most of the champagne. 

Getting up from his chair, Jim went to his bag and pulled out a small box. Instead of sitting back down, he knelt beside Blair's chair and handed it to him. 

"Happy Valentine's Day,” he said the words softly, like he'd never meant them before. 

“What is it?" Blair looked wary. 

"Open it and see." 

The long slender fingers trembled. Somehow Blair knew that this was something important, something big. Jim was so happy, so relaxed and calm... 

Inside the red paper was a box. 

Inside the box were a stack of checks, from the bank they both used. 

And on the checks were both their names, Blair's first, and their identification information. 

"Jim?!" Blair blurted the name. “What-?!" 

"I opened a joint account for us. We're together now, there's no reason not to be together in everything." 

"Jim, I, man, what, I can't..." 

The words were cut off by a hand over his mouth. Jim's eyes, level with his as the man rose on his knees, met Blair's and held them. 

“We're going to be together forever, love. This is a part of that commitment. Everything I have is ours now." 

The dark blue eyes were filling with tears, and Jim removed his hand to kiss them away as they fell. 

"I'm sorry." Blair lurched out of the chair and into Jim's welcoming arms. "I don't mean to cry. I never expected anything like this..." 

"I love you,” Jim said, just to hear Blair's heart react to the words. "I love you, I love you, I love you, Blair Sandburg." 

The heart pressed to his chest bounded and thumped and rolled with every repetition. 

Finally pulling away, Blair wiped his eyes roughly with one hand. 

"Man, this makes my gift look pathetic." 

"I still want it." Jim teased, patting his bottom and giving him a little push toward the bags. He got up and followed the younger man, sitting on the edge of the giant bed. 

Blair sat beside him and offered a smaller box than the one Jim had given him. 

"No sniffing,” he scolded when Jim lifted it to his face. "Sentinel senses are cheating." 

"Think of it as a test." 

"Think of it as cheating." Blair insisted. 

Jim opened the box with far less anxiety that Blair had shown. 

"I didn't have a lot of money, but I've been working on this for a while now and I was hoping you'd want to go..." 

Pulling out the piece of paper, which had been well-handled and folded many times, Jim unfolded it and read it over quickly. "Blair! Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I wanted it to be a surprise.” The younger man shrugged. 

"It is! This is great.” Setting box and paper on the low table by the bed, Jim pulled Blair into his arms and lay them both back, sinking into the heavy softness of the mattress. “When do we go?" 

"Next fall. Two months in the Peruvian Andes, studying the indigenous peoples. Dr. Statler says you are most welcome to come along, we may need another translator. Can you get the time from Simon?" 

"I'll figure something out. You're never going away without me." 

"There's also a huge box of Godiva chocolates in the fridge at home." Blair grinned. 

"I know, I was smelling them all night." Jim grinned back. "I'm afraid you'll find two caramel creams missing." 

"Jim. You stole your own Valentine's candy?" 

"It was chocolate, Chief." rolling to his back Jim began unbuttoning Blair's overshirt. “And I have one more present for you tonight." 

“You've given me too much already, man." Blair squirmed, his cock hard against Jim's thigh. 

"This is something we're going to give each other." Jim beamed up at him before he took a hard brown nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, making Blair moan. 

The subject was dropped as they got each other naked. The room was cool, the shutters on the windows didn't keep out all the cold. Blair got up and drew the curtains while Jim lit the candles he found on the headboard.   
Crawling back in, Blair found the bed had become a magical cave, glowing with candlelight and smelling heavily of their love and desire. 

“Wow. I think I want one of these." 

"I don't think the loft is big enough, love." Jim arranged them to his satisfaction, Blair beneath him, holding him tightly. They kissed for a very long time, both growing light-headed. 

"Did we bring everything we need?" Jim asked when they broke to breath.   
"Mm, yeah." Blair was soft and dreamy and pliant beneath him. “Why? Do you want me tonight? This is a special occasion.” His smile was sweet and agreeable. "I want to give you whatever you want, Jim." 

"Good,” Jim said, ducking out for a few seconds to grab the tube from Blair's bag and curl up next to him again. "Because tonight I want you to take me." 

Blair sat up and stared down at him. Jim offered the tube. Blair took it without a word. 

Bringing his legs to his chest, Jim lay on his side and breathed slowly, evenly. He was ready for this. He'd been working on it since the episode with that obnoxious visiting professor, stretching himself in the shower they way Blair had. It had felt awkward and he would have been embarrassed if Blair had caught him doing it the way he'd caught Blair, but the younger man had been too busy for that to happen. 

Preparing him with gentle fingers, Blair was surprisingly quiet. He kissed Jim's shoulders and petted his chest, but didn't speak. 

There was something sacred to the moment and Jim felt himself being drawn into it. 

The draped bed became a sanctuary, the light the only one in the world. 

When he was aching and ready Blair paused, then leaned over his shoulder to kiss his face. 

"I love you, Jim,” he said the words matter-of-factly, and then began to push himself in. 

Breathing deeply, forcing himself to relax, thinking of parachute jumps and rappelling and the dozen other things he'd done where you had to be relaxed even at your most alert, Jim kept the pain at bay with stern mental discipline. It took a while because Blair was going slow and careful, but at last he was all the way in. 

He panted, slinging to Jim's back, a knee shoved between Jim's longer legs, both hands petting and stroking and exciting the older man. 

"Is it okay?” He asked, the first thing he had said in what seemed like ages. 

"It's wonderful, love." Jim panted. His erection had faltered for a bit, but now Blair's clever hands were renewing it. "Just wonderful." 

"Doesn't hurt too bad?" Blair sounded worried. 

"Not too bad. A little, but it's fading." 

"Okay. Tell me when you're ready, sweetheart." 

Feeling Blair's tongue licking the sweat from his back with tiny little flicks, Jim shuddered. 

“Anytime you are.” He wiggled his butt and felt Blair's gasp and the surge of the cock within him. 

"I'm going to keep it slow, okay?" 

"Probably a good - idea!." Jim grunted in surprise as his young lover pulled almost all the way out and slid back in. "Do that again!" 

“You like that?" Blair did, and Jim shivered, the delicious sensation flowing over him like a cold breeze. 

"Oh yes." Jim pushed back again as Blair pushed forward and they found a rhythm. Slow and easy, it built the fires within them to an inferno. 

All too soon Jim found that he was gasping and trying to hold back the orgasm that was rising in him. His balls drew up, his cock stiffened and he thought he should warn Blair, but then the hand that was stroking him tightened and colors flashed behind his eyes. 

"Oh, oh, ohhhhhh,” he groaned as he pulsed, feeling it over his entire body. "Oh, god." 

“Yeah, give it to me, yeah, come for me, oh, Jim, oh, Jim, oh, lover..." Blair panted desperate words as he held off, wanting to feel it all, and finally he came with a shudder and a low scream torn from his soul. 

The candle burned down, the golden light fading until it was just barely a yellow shine. 

 

"So, we're, like, married now, huh." 

The words brought Jim from the doze he'd slipped into. With Blair's cock still inside him, still halfway hard, and Blair's arms around him, Blair's legs tangled with his, he'd never felt so complete. 

"That's how I feel about it,” he mumbled. 

Moving slightly, as if testing to see if Jim would object, Blair wriggled his hips, moving his cock inside Jim's body. 

"So, are you going to take my name or shall I take yours?" 

"I was thinking we'd just keep our own." Jim grinned and wriggled back. 

"I dunno. I kinda like the sound of Ellison-Sandburg." 

“What about Sandburg-Ellison?" 

"Then people will just keep calling you Ellison." 

There was definite note of teasing in the voice now, and Blair's body was clearly ready to go again. Jim found that he was, too. 

"Okay, then. I'll be Sandburg-Ellison and you can be Ellison-Sandburg."   
moving with more purpose now Jim heard Blair catch his breath on a soft moan. 

"Oh, yeah, man...” Then Blair laid a hand on his hip and pulled out, rolling to his back and tugging on Jim's shoulder. 

"Hey, kid, I was enjoying that." Jim objected quietly. 

"Man, so was I. But it's your turn now.” Spreading his legs wide, Blair looked up at him as Jim slid between them and rose on his knees. 

“Are you sure?" cautiously testing him with a finger, Jim was pleased to find him already loose. 

“Absolutely." Blair grunted and pushed down a little on the finger. The sight made Jim flush with hunger for him. 

"Really sure?” He teased, reaching for the discarded tube at the foot of the bed. 

"Positively." Blair grunted at the second finger and moved down on them again. "Jim, please. I want you." 

"Not as much as I want you." Jim groaned and then pulled Blair's butt onto his bent knees. They'd both read the books, but he told him what to do anyhow. "Put your legs around my waist." 

Blair did, and was rewarded with Jim's cock pressing against him. 

Stroking Blair's cock almost roughly, letting his control slip, Jim pushed in as gently as he could. Having learned his lesson the last time, Blair let him do the work, not forcing it, and it didn't hurt nearly as bad this time.   
When Jim's balls rested against Blair's ass the younger man sighed and then arched. His back came off the bed and the movement forced Jim in deeper than he'd gone before. 

“Wow!" Blair shouted at the height of the arch. "Jim, come on, MOVE!" 

Thrilled with Blair's enthusiasm Jim did a quick check for evidence of pain. Not finding any, he began sliding in and out slowly, but was soon going faster as Blair twisted and met each stroke by arching up, making Jim's cock bump his prostate each time. 

"This is so good, this is so hot, inside me, filling me, man, Jim, oh god, I can't hold out..." 

Increasing the speed of his hand on Blair's cock, Jim took a moment just to look at his love; 

Arched, head back, hair tangled, hands clenching the covers, twisting great handfuls of them, body dripping with sweat...Jim's own cock sliding smoothly in and out of his body, the legs around his waist clenching tighter with every thrust. Blair writhed and panted and mumbled, lost in some pre-orgasmic rush where all that mattered was Jim and what Jim was doing to him. 

Releasing his grip on Blair's hip, Jim reached up and, with his last conscious thought, tugged at the nipple ring. 

Blair fell wailing into orgasm, his body clenching and spamming around Jim's cock, the contractions of his ass echoed in his legs around Jim's waist. 

Falling forward, Jim barely caught himself before he suffocated Blair, getting half his upper body to the side, contorting himself to lay his head on the pillow beside Blair's and still keep his cock in place as long as he could. 

Blair's eyes opened and met his, less than an inch away. "Forever..,” he panted and then swallowed, and tried again. "Forever never meant anything to me before, Jim. But now I know what it means." 

"It means you and me." Jim sighed, kissing him softly, one hand carding through the tangled sweaty curls. 

“And the rest of our lives." 

“And the next one." nuzzling over the fine face, Jim smiled. "I never really believed that before, y'know." 

"Neither did I." Blair yawned suddenly, hugely, then giggled, sounding sleepy. “Well, that was romantic." 

"Time to sleep." Jim rolled away reluctantly. They hadn't brought the baby wipes and he didn't want to get up to go to the bathroom, so he pulled the case off one of the many pillows and used it to wipe them off. Then he blew out the candle, leaving only the dying fire to light the room. 

Blair got the covers down and wiggled under them, then held them up for Jim. 

They snuggled together in what was becoming a favorite going-to-sleep position, Blair curled over Jim's chest and Jim holding him tightly, the blankets drawn to Blair's shoulders. The younger man rubbed his ankle against Jim's, making the chains chink together. 

"Can you hear that?” He said softly, eyes closed, breathing evenly. 

“Yes. And I can hear your heart and your breathing and the rain falling outside..." Jim spoke for a few minutes, describing what he could hear to his increasingly sleepy lover. When he thought Blair was about gone he nuzzled into his hair, nibbling at stray strands, tasting the salt and sweat and musk in it. 

"I must taste pretty good." Blair giggled again. That sleepy sweet sound was rapidly becoming one of Jim's favorites. He'd only begun hearing it about a month ago. To him it meant that Blair was becoming comfortable with being with him. 

"The best. You're addictive." 

A deep sigh. 

"I love you, Jim." 

"I know you do." 

"This was the best night of my life." 

"There will be more." reaching down, Jim tilted Blair's head up and kissed him tenderly. "Now go to sleep." 

"G’night, Jim.” Obediently the younger man sighed and snuggled minutely closer. 

The fire still lit the room with a low red glow. Rain fell musically on the walls around them. 

The harpsichord played brightly on. 

"Goodnight, love." 

Closing his eyes, James Sandburg-Ellison joined his love in sleep. 

~~~ end ~~~


End file.
